


Forge and Weld

by babyblueglasses



Series: Simmer and Boil [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: A+ parenting and family drama all around, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Coping, Developing Relationship, Domestic, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Recovery, Sex Toys, Slice of Life, Smut, slight blood injury, un-romanticised mental illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-06-01 10:46:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 126,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6515077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyblueglasses/pseuds/babyblueglasses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has the one thing in life that he always believed he'd be denied---a stable (enough) relationship with a person that he can admit he's absolutely in love with. Yet just when it seems like things are about to finally get comfortable, he finds himself at odds with Loki's parents, plus occasionally the indecipherable man himself. And it's not like Tony's own demons are about to call it quits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of Simmer and Boil from Tony's POV instead, and is better read after the first.

Tony didn’t think he could ever be jealous of a baby, but he was. Oh, he was. He could swear on Tesla’s grave that she was smirking at him over Loki’s shoulder, even though he knew that those big brown eyes of hers couldn’t see farther than eighteen inches. “Loki,” Tony said again from the doorway. Loki rocked on his feet, patting Azalea’s back and murmuring something to the almost two month old. “Steve and Sam are going to be there in fifteen minutes. We’ve got to go.” 

Loki sighed, reluctantly taking a step towards the doorway. At the same time, Tony heard Jane approach from the hall behind him. He stepped aside to make room for Jane to go in and take the baby. Tony clenched his jaw as Loki found a dozen very slow, very doting things to do with Azalea before placing her in Jane’s arms. 

It’d kind of be sweet if they didn’t have somewhere to be.

Loki affectionately set his finger in Azalea’s tiny hand and started to give Jane a run down on every little thing that had happened in her parents’ two hour absence. “Thor’s waiting in the car,” Tony said. 

“You should go,” Jane said. She smiled with closed lips, taking a step back and casting Tony a knowing look. “Thanks for watching her, Loki.” 

Before Loki could start on something else, Tony grabbed his hand. “Thanks Jane, we’ll see you later,” Tony said, tugging Loki towards the door. Loki tried to yank his hand back, but Tony didn’t let go until they were a few steps into the front hall. Only then did Tony look back to see his irked boyfriend, and Jane walking behind them with an amused look on her face. And Azalea. 

Well, alright. Maybe he wasn’t jealous of Azalea, but of the time that Loki was spending with her. Tony liked her a hell of a lot more when Loki wasn’t coddling her. She was adorable, he’d give her that. It _was_ kind of hard to hate that pudgy face. 

She had brown eyes and brown hair like her mom. Her build took after Thor completely. Tony did not envy Jane pushing that baby out. Not at all. 

“Tony,” Loki said. 

Tony let go, realizing that he’d grabbed Loki’s hand and was dragging him along again. “Come on,” Tony said, jogging down the path to the car. He hopped into his car. Thor was grinning to himself in the passenger seat. “I had to drag him out,” Tony said quickly, before Loki could get the back seat’s car door open. 

“I know,” Thor said. Okay, and now he was grinning like he was about to laugh and this was all so amusing, the bastard. 

Loki slid into the backseat and pulled the door shut. “Buckled up?” Tony brightly asked the rearview mirror. Loki clicked the seatbelt in reply. 

Tony was a little heavy on the gas as they pulled out. 

“It’s not going to kill Steve and Sam if we’re there five minutes late,” Loki said. 

“We’re the only ones that have the keys to the place,” Tony reminded him. “And they’re helping _you_ move.” 

“He has a point, Loki,” Thor said before Loki answer. 

Loki’s haughty gaze turned towards the window, his arms crossing over his chest. “As if this will be the first time that we’re late.” 

Tony bit back hard on a retort. Thor interceded, asking about how Azalea did. That got Loki talking. Tony sighed, sinking back into his seat as he turned onto another street. He just wanted to get Loki moved. He’d feel so much better after that. 

 

Loki had attempted to move in right after that night on the balcony. Well, Loki would say that he did move in. His clothes were all there. But they were all mixed in with Tony’s stuff, and Loki was sleeping in Tony’s bed at night, so Tony didn’t know which room Loki had taken. If he’d taken one. Maybe they were nixing the room thing and just mixing their stuff together then? 

A couple days later, a bunch of Loki’s kitchen tools showed up when Tony was at work. Loki rearranged the kitchen like he’d promised. Tony thought the rest of his shit would start showing up, but almost a week passed and it didn’t.

He waited until Loki had the lazy afterglow of sex on his features to ask. “Why haven’t you moved the rest of your stuff?” 

“I haven’t had time yet,” Loki yawned, rolling onto his stomach. He hid his face in the pillow. 

Tony strained to resist the urge to card his fingers into Loki’s hair. It was so tempting like that. “Do you want help? I can get everyone together this weekend.” 

Loki shook his head, ruffling his hair further. “No,” he mumbled. “I can handle it.” 

Tony set his hand on Loki’s bare back, just between his shoulder blades. Loki flinched. The muscle tightened beneath Tony’s calloused hand. “Lokes,” Tony said, rubbing his hand in a circle. It was like kneading a rock. “I’m starting to get the feeling that you’re avoiding me.” Tony tried to sound playful. He failed. It thunked out of his mouth with a painful, flat note. 

Loki took a deep, hissy breath. Tony kept his hand in place, but now he felt like he was trying to hold on to fire. Loki turned his head to the other side. He was quiet for a few moments, leaving Tony to watch the back of his head and wonder. Tony held his breath. He’d finally learned that if he asked and gave Loki enough time, he’d talk. “I don’t want to stay in the room that you took all of your one night stands to.” 

Tony’s mind skipped like an engine. “That I—” He blinked. That was unexpected. 

Well, now that he considered it, he probably had taken a lot of them there with the balcony and all, but he’d never really thought about it like that. It’s not like it had a stash of walk of shame grab bags in there or something. Though it was a shame he’d never considered making those before. The press would’ve loved it. Especially that one reporter from channel five. 

Loki rolled over onto his back, crossing his arms. His eyes were dark and flinty. Tony smiled reflexively. He set his hand on Loki’s stomach with small, innocent strokes. The big nerd. “I—you’re not a one night stand though,” Tony said. 

Loki’s eyes got harder. “I don’t like the idea of staying in a room thats sole purpose was for you to sleep with other people.” 

Tony resisted an eye roll. He withdrew his hand and slid it under his own chest. “So take one of the other bedrooms,” Tony said. “I said you could have any of them.” He bit back on mentioning that there were zero guarantees on him not having slept with someone in those. Especially the one closest to the front door. It didn’t seem like it’d help his case, and he really had no idea why Loki was making something out of it. Loki had never given a shit before. 

Loki rolled away, onto his side. 

“I thought you’d want the one that was closest to mine,” Tony said. 

He heard Loki suck in a breath. “I—do,” he said quietly. 

“So then take it.” Tony paused, considering his luck, before extending his hand to Loki’s shoulder. He kneaded the tense muscle with his thumb. “What’s the problem?” _The real problem,_ he thought. 

This time, Loki rolled towards him, dislodging Tony’s hand. His eyes were deeper, almost pleading. That look got Tony’s stomach in knots every time. “I’ll think about it,” Loki said. He closed his eyes. 

Tony wondered what to do with his hand. Place it back on Loki’s shoulder or give up and go to bed? 

Tony licked his lips. No, not going to bed. “You slept with other people in the bed in your apartment and I never had a problem with it. ” He refrained from placing his hand back on Loki. 

Loki shifted in the bed, but didn’t open his eyes. “That’s different.” 

“How?” 

Loki’s eyes flickered open, deeply conflicted. “I was there,” he said matter of factly. 

“It’s just a room, Loki. Don’t be weird about it.” Hell, he’d burn the bed in there and repaint the walls if it meant that they could move on. It seemed like such a dumb thing for Loki to get hung up on. Tony didn’t think it was the case. 

“A lot happened in my apartment,” Loki said. He pressed his palm to his forehead. His eyebrows drew down in a pointy, jagged line. Tony wondered if Loki knew that he did that often, or if it happened so often that he’d become unaware of it. “Mostly I remember you in it.” 

“But we have memories in that other room too,” Tony said. “Like the balcony that still has wax all over it?” 

Loki smiled unhappily to the side. His eyes slowly found their way to Tony, and held his gaze for a moment. Loki rubbed his forehead. “I know. But my apartment’s different, Tony.” He closed his eyes. “It’s just different,” he muttered. 

Different. Right. Like that screeching bird and the smell of rotting garbage coming from the corner. 

Loki’s tired voice broke Tony away from his memory of talking to the upstairs neighbor. “I didn’t stay up talking with my one night stands in my kitchen,” Loki said, as if that explained it. He grinned a little. “None of them fixed the lighting.” 

Wait. “Are you—” Tony almost couldn’t speak, his grin was so big. “Getting sentimental?” Loki’s eyes flew open. “You are!” Tony exclaimed. He playfully shoved at Loki’s stomach, and the vice grip that came around his wrist in response couldn’t choke his laughter. 

A balloon had burst. All this time he thought that Loki didn’t want to move in, when really he was just a sentimental bastard that couldn’t let go. 

“I am not,” Loki insisted, voice cutting and broken at the same time. Busted. 

“You act like hot shit, but you are so, so sentimental—”

“Tony,” Loki said in warning. 

“God, that’s—” Tony’s sides hurt. He got up and kissed Loki’s pinched face, smattering him with a few kisses and enjoying the way he flustered indignantly. “God,” Tony said, cupping Loki’s head in his hands. He was tight and unmoving. 

“If you keep making fun of me, I’m going to rip your—”

“I’m not making fun of you,” Tony interrupted. He kissed Loki’s cheek again, taken by the soft skin beneath his lips. “Fuck Lokes, I thought you didn’t want to move in.” 

Loki stared down at the mattress, his cheeks flushed. Tony withdrew his hands, flopping back down on the bed. “Why don’t we take pictures?” Loki gave him an odd look, but said nothing. “You know, of your apartment. And maybe us in it?” Loki seemed to be considering it. “It’ll give you something to hang on to when you move.” 

Pictures of things were a strategy his therapist had given him to help get rid of some of his parents’ things when they died, but Loki didn’t need to know that. It had worked, and that was all that mattered. 

Loki pressed his lips together, then nodded his head. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s a good idea.” 

“Of course it is,” Tony said, reaching out to pull Loki into him. “I came up with it.” 

“Shut up,” Loki said, not quite elbowing him or moving enough to really break away. Tony buried his face in Loki’s neck, hiding his grin. Loki was sentimental over time spent with him there. Ha. It felt so good. 

They went to Loki’s apartment the next day. The photos were honestly some of the most enjoyable ones that Tony had ever taken. Fuck well lit press release shots and photoshop. These weren’t particularly well captured, but the expressions in them were honest. And now that Tony thought of it, they didn’t have that many photos together. He set one as his phone background and had them all printed immediately. Loki made plans to start moving the rest of his things the next day. 

But the next day Thor and Jane had their baby. And somewhere in the midst of that Loki warned Tony that he hadn’t told his parents yet about moving in together or the business, and from the way Loki admitted it, Tony couldn’t bring himself to get upset. He just promised that they’d come back to it later. 

And after that day in the delivery room, it was all Tony could do to stay on dull pleasantries and not tear the Odinsons a new one. 

He didn’t want Loki to fall apart trying to start up a business, move, and contend with his family.

All he wanted was for Loki to officially, one hundred percent, be living with him. 

They could deal with the rest later. 

When he pulled up outside of Loki’s apartment, Tony was fucking ready to be done with that place. 

Clint was already there with the truck he’d snagged from work. He was sitting on the bumper, talking with Sam and Steve. Tony parked next to them. “Let’s get this party started,” he said, stepping out. 

“Hey!” Clint said, standing up. “About time you showed.”

“We’ve only been here a couple minutes,” Sam said, shaking his head at Clint. Clint pretended not to notice. 

“Somebody was trying to get an achievement award in babysitting,” Tony said. 

“I heard that,” Loki said, appearing beside him. Tony slipped his hands into his pockets. 

“I bet that you’re excited to move,” Steve said. 

Loki shrugged a smile, then dug for his keys. “It’s all in boxes, so hopefully it won’t take too long. I appreciate you coming,” he said cordially. Tony held in a sigh. Loki still wasn’t entirely natural around his friends. 

But he forgot about that as Loki unlocked the apartment and boxes started filing out. Tony was beyond relieved to be in the final stretch. He’d spent so much time over the whirlwind last few weeks thinking about this that it was almost hard to believe that it was actually happening. 

It all went well until the couch. “I thought you were leaving it here,” Tony said. 

“No,” Loki answered. “I already said that I’m taking everything. Grab that end.” 

Tony stared at the ratty thing. “But I thought you were going to donate it or leave it for the next renter.” It was thread barren in places. Loki could get a new one from this decade if it was that important to have another couch. 

“It’s coming with me,” Loki said. He grabbed the end expectantly. 

“But—”

“You don’t have to help me carry it,” Loki said. He let go of the armrest. “I’ll ask Thor to take the end if you don’t want to carry it.” 

Tony was glad that everyone was outside in the parking lot at that moment. “That’s not the point I’m making,” Tony said. 

Loki’s eyes locked on his. “Then what point are you making?” 

“It’s old,” Tony said. Wasn’t it obvious? Loki raised his eyebrows in mock surprise, baiting him. “Don’t you—I mean, you don’t need one?” God, Loki was confusing sometimes. There were like twenty couches in his house. They didn’t need another.

“I like _this_ one,” Loki said. 

“Is it—your grandmother’s or something?” Tony tried. Fuck. Maybe that was it? 

He caught a flicker of a smile on Loki’s lips, but that was the moment that Thor chose to appear in the doorframe. “Would you get that end?” Loki asked his brother. Before Tony could say anything, they were carrying the thing out the door. 

Tony stared down at the other boxes. Well. At least there were only a couple of other things to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a small start to where I want to go with this, and we will be getting deeper into Tony's psyche and POV. Be patient. ;) I'd love to hear what you're looking forward to with Tony, or what you think is going on in Loki's head at times since we've been in his POV before. What's going on in Loki's head can only be directly confirmed by him telling Tony in this story, so I'm very curious what you think. :) I'm really looking forward to seeing Tony's characterization in Civil War, and working from his perspective in general.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved hearing all the ideas about what's going on in Loki's head! I can't confirm or deny without maybe spoiling some things, so you'll have to find out along with Tony, but please keep sharing! :D

  


Loki’s hair fell over his shoulder as he tugged the couch up the stairs. “Tony,” he said with a tired sigh. “I’m already walking backwards. You’ve at least got to hold up your end.” 

“I am,” Tony insisted. They went up another couple of steps, barely avoiding a collision with the wall. His arms ached from holding the damn thing. He should’ve asked Thor and Steve to carry the couch upstairs yesterday instead of treating everyone to celebratory beers. “My back’s killing me,” he complained. “I think I broke it.” 

“Oh dear,” Loki said, mockingly sweet. “I guess I won’t be able to do anything but let you lay back as I give you blow jobs this week then—Tony!” He barked, his eyes widening. 

Tony suddenly focused and caught the couch. He gripped the coarse fabric extra tight. “Sorry,” he said. “My hands slipped.” 

Loki’s lips slid to the side as he shook his head. “You’re too easy,” he said, his foot finding the top landing. Tony concentrated on getting the couch up the rest of the way without saying anything. 

It smacked into the doorframe a couple of times as they carried it into Loki’s new room, but they had it safely set down in no time. Loki’s shoulders rose and fell in a breath as he looked the couch over. He set his hands on his hips, thinking. “Were you serious about that though?” Tony asked, now that he could trust himself not to drop the couch. 

“Is your back broken?” 

“No.” 

Loki smirked. “Then no.” 

Tony pretended to be put out, overacting just for the gratification of Loki’s amusement. It was there on Loki’s lips as he assessed the couch, finally deciding to push it towards the wall. It hit with a dull thud. 

Even with the couch against the wall, the room felt cramped. They’d already moved out most of the furniture from before downstairs, but Tony dreaded the thought of bringing the bed from Loki’s apartment up here. The room already had his shelf and desk and now the couch and the coffee table was out on the balcony just because there were a million boxes. “Lokes,” Tony said. “Doesn’t this feel a little cramped to you?” 

“It’s full of boxes,” Loki said from the couch. He’d slung his arm over the back, and was staring over the room with a thoughtful look on his face. 

“Well yeah,” Tony said. “But still.” It’s not like the boxes were full of air. 

Loki pressed his lips together, avoiding Tony’s eyes. Tony rubbed his nose. “Are you going to bring the bed up here?” He asked. Loki didn’t immediately answer, so Tony’s next thought slipped out. It needed to. “Because I kinda—what are we doing with where we sleep? I thought we were sharing my bed, but if yours is in here then it’s weird because I don’t know where to go and we have the same work schedule now so it’s not like we’re going to wake each other up.” Tony breathed in through his nose. “Are we playing musical beds? Because I have to warn you, I’m pretty good at it,” he added. 

“It’s fine,” Loki said, his steady gaze holding Tony’s now. Tony didn’t think he’d ever get over how powerful a hold that gaze could have on him, even when nothing was really happening like now. Loki was just so intense, naturally. “We can share your bed. I just—think that having my own space in the house, I need that.” He rubbed his nose, looking away. “Besides, all of my things need a place.” 

“No, I’m a hundred percent on board with that, Loki.” Tony wasn’t throwing him out, shit. There was no need for that wounded expression. “I just want you in my, our room, that’s all.” 

Loki curled one set of fingers over the other, slowly dragging his hand through. “I know it’s your house, Tony. I just—don’t want to feel like an accessory.” 

“What?”

“I need my own space,” Loki said quietly. “Like you have the lab.” He bit his lip. “I don’t want to feel like a guest.” 

Oh. Was this a boundary thing? Again? It probably was. They were supposed to talk about those. “Well, how about this,” Tony said. “Maybe you haven’t noticed, but my bedroom’s not exactly overflowing with my shit. I want you there with me, the two bedrooms thing makes me feel weird. The lab is where I am most of the time, and it’s more important to me anyway. And you can still come down there like you do, I don’t mind that. But what if we made this room your room for whatever you want, and my bedroom our bedroom, and then the lab’s mine? And you can have the kitchen most of the time, I already figured on that. The rest of the house, I don’t care. It’s just a house. And this room’s kind of cramped, so why don’t we keep your bed in one of the rooms downstairs? Does that—does it work?” God he hoped it worked. 

“Yeah,” Loki said, smiling a little. Ha. Tony always felt like he’d won something from a fucking crane game when he saw that smile. Loki tapped his fingers against his knee. “But if I wanted to decorate the living room in pure gold, what would you do?” 

“Make fun of you for it,” Tony said. He stuck his hands in his pockets. “But I—” He shrugged. God he hoped Loki wasn't serious about that. “I mean, you could.” 

“Okay.”

Wow, that made Loki happy. Tony had no idea why, but he wasn’t going to question it. “So are we good?” Tony asked. 

“Yes,” Loki said, rising from the couch. He walked a few feet before kneeling down and prying open a cardboard box. Tony watched him pull a few books from it and stack them in his arms before it occurred to him that he could help. 

“Do you want me to unpack some of these?” 

“Sure,” Loki said. “If you want, you can get these books on the shelf.” 

That was simple enough. It took Tony five minutes. 

Now that he was really looking at it, there wasn’t that much to unpack. And every time Loki kicked a box in and crushed it down with practiced ease, the pile got smaller. Loki focused on specifics and gave Tony things like the books that were simple and straight forward to unpack. Tony had to make a few trips downstairs to put things away that should’ve been in the kitchen. He found a banana slicer and went downstairs without even asking. 

Loki was in the bathroom when he came back up. There were only a few boxes left, so Tony went for the one closest to him. He pulled it open and recognized a small gift box immediately. Tony’s stomach churned. 

There was a thin line of blue stitching along the leather box, with the jeweler’s initials embossed in the middle. It was heavier than it looked.

Tony pried the box open to see the cufflinks Loki’s mother had given him. 

He clenched his jaw. It wasn’t in with Loki’s other clothes, so at least he hadn’t been wearing them. 

But how often did he see Loki in a suit? 

Tony heard the bathroom door open and dropped the gift box back in. Loki said nothing as he walked past, so Tony simply picked the closest thing off the top and tried to find a place for the strange scarf. With tiny pink flowers printed on it. “Uh, Lokes?” 

“Hmm?” Loki turned towards him, then spotted the scarf. He rolled his eyes. “A souvenir that Jane gave me from a holiday she went on years ago. It was handcrafted, or some bullshit.” 

“Jane thought this—you’d like it?” Tony questioned. If they were black roses or something he could see it, but the delicate, semi transparent material was a bizarre choice. 

“She’d only met me once before,” Loki said. “It was when she first started dating Thor.” He frowned. “I can’t remember,” he dismissed it. “It was very particular to the place and special or something.” 

Tony wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with it. “I’ll take it,” Loki said, walking over to him. He glanced down at the box and then picked it up. “You want to take the boxes down to recycling?” 

Tony glanced at the few remaining. “Unless you want them for something in the lab,” Loki suggested. Tony shook his head. He piled the flattened boxes together and started downstairs. Maybe the last few boxes that Loki was unpacking were full of sex toys that they hadn’t gotten to try out yet. That would be nice. 

It was better than thinking that they were full of more gifts from his mother. 

It took him a few trips to get everything into recycling, and by then Loki was done. When Tony came back upstairs, the room was clear. It wasn’t perfectly organized, but everything was out of its box. Loki had already stuck his posters on the walls. It sort of felt like Loki’s old apartment in a way, but so much better.

The sunlight from the balcony hit Loki as he bent over the desk, arranging a picture frame. When he stepped back, Tony saw that it was one of the pictures they’d taken together. 

And it hit him. 

Loki was moved in. 

He was really, completely, one hundred percent living with Tony now. 

Holy shit. 

Tony couldn’t move. It was great, it was amazing, it was fucking insane, it was impossible, holy shit, it was really fucking happening. Nobody had ever lived with him before, it was so exciting it was—

 _“You stay with me for the money, Maria. Don’t pretend you don’t.”_ Tony rubbed his face. Where the fuck had that come from? His brain was an asshole. Tony hurried to shove it away. 

Suddenly he realized that Loki was staring at him. “Did you fit them all in the recycling?” Loki gently asked. 

“Yeah,” Tony said, shrugging him off. “That’s, uh, I think I’m hungry. We’ve been at this a couple hours.” Loki hummed in agreement, taking a few steps towards him. 

“I can get a soup started, or we can reheat pizza from last night if you don’t want to wait,” Loki said, starting for the door. Tony followed him towards the stairs, glancing back over his shoulder at the room as he did. 

Loki wasn’t like that. 

He knew that, logically. They’d been over that. 

And what if he said something and screwed it up? What if Loki left? After how far they’d come? 

The thought was horrifying. 

Tony felt nauseous. 

“Soup’s good,” he said. “Can you make the one with the really thick noodles and the egg in it?” Loki didn’t answer. Tony knew he’d have to remind him. “You know, the one I didn’t want to try because I saw you put a gallon of soy sauce in it and there were too many green onions?” 

“The one that you then asked me for seconds on after expanding your pitiable palate,” Loki said. “That one?” 

“That one,” Tony said cheerfully, ignoring Loki’s snark. “And my palate has lots of range. Like sugar, and liquor, and—”

“Alright,” Loki said, waving him off. Tony settled onto a barstool to watch him cook when they got to the kitchen, suddenly clenching onto the anchor of normalcy. Often he’d work in his lab and let Loki do his thing cooking until he called. Tonight he just wanted to be here. Like somehow, maybe, that would ease the shrieking vulnerability in his chest. Loki was here. He was staying. Tony might actually, really have a home where—“Do you want to chop the green onions?” Loki asked, placing the cutting board in front of him. 

“If you don’t give me shit about making them nonuniform,” Tony said. 

“I’ll consider it,” Loki said, leaving him with the knife and long, green stalks.

Tony stared at Loki’s back for a moment, at the loose cotton shirt’s fold dipping in the center of Loki’s shoulder blades. Tony didn’t know what it was about it, but it was nice. So nice. “Do you need me to show you?” Loki asked, interrupting his thoughts. 

“I got it,” Tony said, realizing he’d probably been sitting there staring for a while. Diligently, he sliced each green onion. He liked that Loki entrusted him with tasks, as silly as that was. 

He’d always been made fun of for not being able to cook. Clint said he couldn’t cook an egg to save his life. Bruce said he could burn ramen.

But Loki didn’t really seem to mind. Of all people, Tony thought that Loki would be the one to criticize him hardest, but instead Loki patiently showed him what to do. Most of the time. He kept the harder tasks for himself, but Tony appreciated it all the same. 

He only let Loki do the simple tasks for him when they were in the lab. He understood. 

Still, the trust from Loki was endearing all the same. It made him feel closer in a way that no one else had. 

 

“I know that we have to tell them,” Loki said abruptly, in the middle of dinner. 

Tony almost choked on the hot soup. His eyes watered as he coughed, watching Loki stare at his bowl as though it had personally offended him. The handle of his spoon balanced precariously in his hand. “ _I_ have to tell them,” Loki corrected himself. 

Tony wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I can go with you,” Tony said, leaning in a bit.

“No.” Loki combed his fingers back through his hair. “It would be better if I told Mother alone and let Father find out through her. I’ll set up lunch with her this week.” He hurried to take a spoonful of soup. 

Tony drew in a breath, barely stopping himself from shooting an unamused glare at Loki. Start with an easier question, he decided. “Are you going to tell her that we’re living together or that you started a business or both?” 

Loki’s lips parted, but he didn’t speak right away. “Both,” he decided quietly. 

“Then I’m coming,” Tony said. Loki’s face drew together with worry, then buried that under a terse facade. 

“You don’t need to sit through that,” Loki said. 

“Loki,” Tony said. “I think I can handle it.” Seriously. He could handle the Odinsons. They weren’t even his fifth most hated business acquaintance. Well, or at least they hadn’t been before he'd met Loki. They hadn’t even been close. 

“You shouldn’t have to.” 

Loki tapped his bowl with his spoon and avoided looking at him, hurrying to eat instead. 

Like hell. Like fucking hell was Tony going to let Loki go into that alone. Who knew what the fuck was going to be wormed into Loki’s head when he was at that lunch. 

Tony restrained his reaction easily enough, concealing it beneath a neutral expression he’d mastered from years in boardrooms. “I think that I should be there,” he said. He slung his arm over the back of his chair, waiting for the moment that Loki would look up. “We’re both living together. Wouldn’t your mother want to meet the person that her son is living with?” 

“She’s already met you,” Loki pointed out unkindly. 

“Yeah. Point is,” Tony said. “I don’t think it’d be weird for me to be there. And anyway, if you’re telling her about your company and I’m sitting there, someone that her company does business with, don’t you think that she’d be a little more careful about what she says?” 

Loki made a hissy sigh, but he was considering it. “I’m just saying,” Tony said. “It might help you to have me there.” 

“My mum’s not a villain, Tony.” 

“I know,” Tony said quickly. “I’m not saying she is. Just—be honest, Lokes. We both know she’s not exactly going to give you a big, warm hug of approval on this. So let me be there, okay?” 

Loki’s entire body stilled, aside from his lips. They twisted unhappily to the side. “Please,” Tony said. Fuck, he was begging. Come on Loki. “Let me go with you.” 

Loki took one deep, long breath. His hands vanished beneath the table, presumably to clench against his knees. “Okay,” he decided. 

“See?” Tony said, a bit breathless at Loki agreeing for once. “Not that hard. Besides, it’ll give me an excuse to see you in that collared shirt I like.” 

“Which one?” Loki asked. “You like all of them.” 

Tony laughed. “I guess you’ll have to wear them all again for me until I figure it out.” 

Loki smirked and looked back down. Tony knew that Loki wasn’t quite settled yet, but for now he would be alright. Tony didn’t try to stop him from steering the conversation towards something else. 

 

They ended up watching TV in his bed, their bed. Ha, their bed, that was great. They were watching TV, but somehow they’d managed to curl in together, and Tony was pretty fucking pleased with that. He wouldn’t call it cuddling, but the difference between this and that was indistinguishable. Tony couldn’t get over the idea that this was his new normal—laying in bed with Loki watching TV, feeling fucking content. 

Things like this just didn’t happen to him. 

The closest he’d come to it with other people before was—well, no. He didn’t want to think about it. None of those answers lead to pleasant memories past the few minutes they’d lasted. 

He just really couldn’t fucking believe that this was going to be his normal now. Every day, content with Loki like this. 

No rushing back and forth between their places, no awkwardly arranging their schedules to fit, no wondering what was going through Loki’s head when his things disappeared and reappeared in the house. Just Loki. Here. At home with him. 

He was barely paying attention to the TV when Loki spoke. “Are you sure you want to come?” His question drifted into the dim room, over the constant mumble of the TV. 

Tony knew what he was referring to. He was a smart ass anyway. “I _always_ want to come. What did you have in mind? My back is pretty sore, you know.” 

Loki shoved the flat of his palm against Tony’s chest, glaring. Tony couldn’t help it. He started to laugh. “Asshole,” Loki muttered. 

“Fine. To answer your question, yes.” Tony grinned, sneaking his fingers into Loki’s hair. “I said I did, right?” 

Loki sighed, dropping back down to the mattress with his eyes on the TV as before. “Loki,” Tony said. He was being ignored now, but Tony was in a good mood. He kissed Loki’s forehead. “Don’t be mad.” 

“I know no other state of being,” Loki answered. 

Good. If he was being snarky, he wasn’t actually mad. Tony pressed an obnoxious kiss to the side of Loki’s face. “Are you sure? I think there’s a horny Loki in there. I’ve met him before.” 

“Were you hoping to meet him now?” Loki asked. 

Tony was never totally sure how to read Loki’s tone sometimes, but he actively enjoyed the risk. Tony crawled over Loki, resting his forearms on either side of Loki’s head. He was either about to get shoved off or given that sneaking grin he was so fond of. “Is he home?” 

“I guess you could find out,” Loki answered, his fingers slipping up under the back of Tony’s shirt. 

“Good,” Tony groaned, slowly grinding his hips against Loki’s as lips met his neck. 

Loki peeled his shirt off, and Tony was only too happy to oblige, tossing it to the side and quickly ridding Loki of his own. He held tight to Loki’s shoulders as Loki’s demanding tongue slipped past Tony’s lips to devour him. His breath was warm. Loki’s fingernails dug into his scalp, maneuvering Tony however he wanted. Fuck, he loved that touch of possessiveness. Tony moaned, his cheeks flushed when he finally gasped for air. 

“I think that’s a yes,” Tony said, voice breaking breathlessly. 

Loki grinned up at him. His green eyes were sharp, alive. So alive. 

And the way his cheeks flushed now, it was so different from before. 

Tony marveled down at the face beneath him, enraptured and amazed at how the glow of health could turn his glorious, gorgeous boyfriend into an even greater work of art. Maybe he was getting carried away. Loki was fucking hot, he always had been. 

But he looked especially hot now that he wasn’t working those stupid jobs. 

“Mm, Tony, wha—” Loki gasped as Tony tugged his pants and boxers down in one swift motion. “I thought you wanted me to—” He sucked in a breath, his hands clasping the sheets as he leaned up impulsively when Tony’s tongue licked a slow stripe along his cock. 

Tony rested his cheek against Loki’s thigh, grinning past the erection he desperately wanted to suck to the startled, somewhat suspicious face of his boyfriend. 

Tony curled a finger through the dark, trimmed hair, tracing up to the faint happy trail that laid claim to Loki’s otherwise bare chest. Loki’s eyes narrowed, just perceptibly. “Loki,” Tony said, grinning. Loki raised an eyebrow. It didn’t look nearly as dangerous as it could have when Loki’s cheeks were ruddy and flushed. “I want to,” Tony said. He’d felt like he wanted to say something else too, but he wasn’t sure what it was. 

He just felt stupid happy, and he wanted Loki, so he was going to go with that. 

Tony sat up briefly, just to rid himself of the rest of his clothes. He ignored his own warm, heavy cock against him as he got back down. 

“I must be having a dream right now,” Loki said sarcastically. “Don’t wake me up.” 

Tony pulled back from the musky, vaguely soap scented warm skin with a pop. “Shut up.” 

“Make me.” 

Tony laughed. God, he’d missed having this fucker in a good mood. He pinched Loki, lightly, just to be a dick. The scowl he got in response was worth it. His hand was kinder when it returned to Loki’s firm length. Tony moaned as his tongue teased Loki’s slit, heady again with the smell of him and the sound of a sharp breath from Loki’s lips. His cock was warm and smooth in Tony’s hand. Tony traced one prominent vein with his tongue, torn between the desire to swallow him whole and draw it out with teasing breaths of cool air and flicks of his tongue. 

The later won out when Loki spread his legs wider, moaning his name. 

Tony’s hands became greedy, playing with Loki’s balls in a way that only made his legs spread further. Fuck, he loved the sounds coming from Loki’s mouth. Sometimes it wasn’t until moments like this that the bullshit dropped away and he knew, absolutely, that Loki wanted him. There wasn’t room for doubt when Loki was panting, struggling to keep himself from thrusting into Tony’s eager mouth and muttering filthy, whispered praises. 

Tony hummed, his eyes falling shut. Loki was heavy and hot on his tongue. God, he loved that. Fingers combed into Tony’s hair, not painful. Pleading, almost. Fuck, what Tony would give to make Loki feel like this too in those moments outside their bed when his brow faltered and that flimsy mask slipped over. 

As it was, he’d have to settle for exercising that small power here. 

“To—” Loki started. Tony was about to change positions when he tasted warm, thick come. It slid down the back of his throat, slightly sweet but bitter as he swallowed. Tony stretched his neck as he got up, staring down at Loki with no small sense of pride. 

He was fucking gorgeous like that, cock spent between his spread legs and fingers still clenched in the sheets, his hazy eyes slowly finding Tony. 

Tony wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. 

He crawled over Loki, wincing a bit as his own dick complained. He kissed and nipped at the soft spot beneath Loki’s jaw. Loki turned his head to the side, further exposing himself and allowing Tony to do as he pleased. Tony’s chest felt warm. “Ton—” Tony grabbed Loki’s wrist, leading Loki’s hand to his own desperate erection. 

“Talk to me,” Tony muttered in his ear. “Tell me something, Lo.” 

Tony arched his back in with a groan as Loki’s skilled hand curled around him. At first Loki muttered the same filthy shit that always got Tony off, but somewhere between Tony’s thoughts easing and him sucking on Loki’s neck, it changed tone. “ _And I like the way your hair flattens to one side when you sleep so that I can tease it from your hair in the morning. I’m going to take you slowly,_ until you’re begging me for release, and then—” Loki seemed to catch himself. 

“Loki,” Tony said, cutting him off. With a hard tug, Tony came in the same moment, shout muffling against Loki’s skin. 

He laid there with his head on Loki’s chest for a minute, until Loki’s hand began to knead against the small of his back. He was so warm beneath Tony’s burning cheek. “Hmm?” Loki prompted him. 

“Nothing,” Tony said. “Just—” He wasn’t going to get hard again right away, and he still wasn’t satisfied. He needed something more. He kissed the corner of Loki’s lips. Loki must’ve gotten it, because then he was fervently kissing Tony back. Tony didn’t know how long it went on, just that he didn’t want it to stop. He desperately needed it. 

Fuck, he needed it. 

 

It was a long while after that when Loki was pushing at him and complaining that he was taking up the whole bed. “I’d shove you but my hand’s still sore,” Loki bullshitted. Tony sighed dramatically. 

“You should be grateful I can still talk with how sore my jaw is.” Tony pulled the covers further over himself. He _was_ in the center of the bed. 

“I will rip those covers off you if you don’t move over right now,” Loki threatened. 

Tony rolled over onto his side instead, facing Loki. He lifted the covers up invitingly. “Now or never, asshole.” 

He huffed out in surprise when Loki shoved in against him, effectively, sort of wedging him more onto his half of the bed. Loki’s longer limbs won out as they enveloped Tony, preventing him from his half-hearted flailing resistance. Loki chuckled, low and deep as he tucked his chin over Tony’s head. 

He knew what he was doing, damn it. 

He knew that Tony knew that he knew that Tony was remembering that he was the shorter one in this moment. And he was laughing about it. And if Tony said anything about it, he’d just be admitting to it, like the first time he’d complained about it. They shook as Loki laughed to himself again. “Good night, asshole,” Tony said. 

“I love you,” Loki said, half sincere and half patronizing. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony answered. 

He still found himself grinning as he tried to fall asleep. If this was what living with Loki was going to be like, he was the luckiest bastard on Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still finding my footing on this one, any input is appreciated. :)


	3. Chapter 3

Another slide appeared on the wall, this time showing a few quarterly reports. “We are anticipating a two percent growth this quarter,” Ms. Rushman said. Tony’s eyes drifted over the graph she brought up. Good. Alright, fine, next. 

Tony went to tap a note in on his Stark Pad when he noticed the time at the top corner. Shit. 11:55. 

They were meeting Loki’s mother at 12:30. He couldn't be late, he couldn’t let her get there first. Or Loki. Shit, there were easily another twenty minutes to this meeting. Tony frowned, glaring at the graph. 

“Our expansion into home appliances has been less profitable than anticipated after the initial peak,” Ms. Rushman said, with just the slightest hint of discomfort to her voice. “Our initial research suggests that we may have fallen short in our marketing campaign.” 

“How so?” The head of the marketing department asked. 

They began a back and forth about the necessity of increasing the advertising and threw around the idea of marketing it from a different angle. 

As much as he wanted to, Tony couldn’t just ditch this meeting. 

He couldn’t miss these. That’s how he’d gotten into trouble with Obadiah. He needed to be here. He couldn’t leave. 

His mind flashed back to Loki sitting at the lunch table, shoulders hunched as his mother lectured him. 

Not an option. 

There wasn’t anyone he could ask to stand in his place here, or make suggestions. He couldn’t trust anyone with his company. Not an option. 

But. 

“Why don’t we give the marketing department until Friday to come up with a new ad campaign?” Tony asked. “Use your research to give them a list of the areas that they fell short in so that they know what to target. I expect accounting to come up with a reasonable, revised advertising budget to work with, and for it to be given to me Friday morning for review. Then we can meet again Friday afternoon to revisit this.” 

There were friendly nods of acceptance around the table. “I don’t think we can schedule everyone, like the photographers and stuff, before Friday,” a nervous voice said. It belonged to one of the assistant managers. 

“Not a problem,” Tony said. “I’m not expecting you to have the ads made by Friday. Just mock up some ideas that we can work with for a new campaign. We’ll toss around ideas and pick a new direction at the meeting. Does that work?” The assistant manager nodded enthusiastically. “We can come back to the rest of this on Friday, unless anything needs to be addressed now?” No one spoke up. They seemed to be relieved to be getting out of a meeting, if Tony had to guess. It was almost lunch anyway, they were probably ready to go. “Go enjoy lunch,” Tony said. 

Tony was set on getting right out the door, but a woman from the accounting department stepped into his path. “Mr. Stark,” she said. “I’ve already completed the project you set me on, is there anything else you’d like me to get started with? I get can that revised budget going.” 

“You’re done with Oroborus Foods already?” Tony asked. It came out more incredulously than he’d meant. She seemed to take it as a complement, though. 

“Yes,” she said brightly. “I know you said he lacked experience, but Mr. Odinson is very adept. He’s learned everything I’ve taught him already. I’ll keep looking over it as long as you need me to, but I don’t think he’ll need me for more than technical questions and taxes.” Tony realized that his mouth was sort of slack and open. He closed it, but the surprise only went up to his eyebrows then. “He’s not—” She started, keenly bright eyed. “Related to _the_ Odinsons, is he? Either it’s a family talent or something about that name,” she mused, smiling. 

Tony swallowed. “Overseeing the new ad campaign budget is fine, Nadine. Thank you.” He cleared his throat. “I have a meeting with a client that I have to get to. Send me your report when it’s done.” 

“Okay.” 

He headed out the door and down to his garage as quickly as his feet could take him, careful to avoid any more employees that might have questions. 

 

He was early. 

Loki had texted that he was on his way. Tony hoped that it was soon. He didn’t want to be alone with Mrs. Odinson. 

Not that he would say anything important, but Tony was pretty sure that Loki was supposed to be there with him when they told her anyway. That’s how it was in movies, right? The couple sits together as they share big news. 

He didn’t know if Loki had told her that he’d be there. They hadn’t talked about it. 

Tony bit his lip. Was he supposed to bring a gift with him or something, like flowers? She might be a pain in the ass, but he wasn’t going to fuck up his side of things. Maybe he should’ve asked someone. 

The waitress came by and refilled his water glass. “Still waiting,” he told her pointlessly. She smiled and nodded before disappearing. 

It was good that they’d finally be getting this out in the open, though. 

Oh, Loki. Tony managed a smile as he stared at his water glass. He was good at things. Of course he’d take off managing his company. If he’d already gotten the financial side of things down, it would probably all be easy for him. 

Well, as easy as business could be.

His phone buzzed. _Running a little late. Be there in five._

Tony took a deep breath. Okay, okay. They still had ten minutes. 

At least they were finally meeting to tell Mrs. Odinson about the company, and them living together. He was more anxious about the later. But everyone got nervous about approval, right? Did they even have to ask? He didn’t think so, but he also didn’t know. It wasn't something people talked about. 

This was normal, right? He would’ve asked Bruce, but Bruce avoided serious relationships as if he were some sort of monster. And Clint would just get stuck on Natasha, and he wouldn’t know anything about meeting the parents anyway. And Steve was a definite no. The cocky grin he got whenever Tony talked about Loki made him feel like he was five. Sam maybe, but Sam was a lot closer to Steve than to Tony, and Tony had never gone to him for advice. Thor would have been the ideal person to consult, but Tony had avoided doing so for obvious reasons. 

It would be fine. Fine, fine, fine. 

“Hey,” Loki said, sliding in beside him. Relief washed through Tony. He moved in closer to feel his thigh press against Loki’s. He would’ve wedged his side against him too if they weren’t in the middle of a fucking restaurant. The touch immediately took some of the pressure off his chest. “Traffic was shit.” Loki rubbed his nose.

“You’re wearing the shirt I like,” Tony smiled. 

Loki instantly grinned, but avoided his gaze. “Be serious.” 

“I am.” Tony sat back in the seat. Loki was nervous, he knew that. “Did you tell her I’m coming?” 

“Yes.” 

Tony pressed his lips together. Okay. He glanced at his phone. 12:28. 

At least they were way at the back of the place if things got heated. 

But the whole point of being in the restaurant was that they wouldn’t, Loki had told him. Being in public was how he and his mother kept certain things civil. It was a strategy that could work in both their favors. 

Tony understood the concept. It was just that something about it made him uncomfortable. 

But maybe that’s how things were with other families. It’s not like Howard ever made an effort to sit him down for a heart to heart. Or his mom. 

“Remember, just let me lead,” Loki said. His fingers reached to comb through his hair, but faltered as he realized that it was slicked back into a pony tail. They sank into his lap as he looked expectantly at Tony, somewhere between threatening and insecure. Tony desperately wanted to touch his cheek for some reason. 

“It’s your show, I get it,” Tony said lightly. He grinned, laying one arm back over the back of the booth. 

Loki’s eyebrows bowed in sympathy. “If she brings up something my father’s said, don’t listen to her.” 

“Got it.” Tony really hoped she didn’t. Odin knew things about him that Tony wished he didn’t. Tony hadn’t forgiven the man for telling Loki about his overdose once he realized that Loki hadn’t already known. 

“And don’t give her direct answers about my company,” Loki said. “I don’t want my father to know too much.” 

Tony set his hand on Loki’s knee. He didn’t know what it felt like to Loki, his boyfriend stayed perfectly still, but he hoped that it was comforting. “I’ve got it,” Tony said. “We went over it.” 

“I know,” Loki said. He combed his hand back towards his hair, missing again. “I—hello Mother!” He said, forgetting whatever he was about to say. 

Tony compulsively glanced down at his phone. 12:35. 

Loki rose from the table to accept his mother’s hug. “It’s so good to see you,” she said. “I’ve missed you.” 

“Mum, Tony is joining us today.” 

“I know, Loki,” his mother said softly, as if reassuring a child after an unnecessary reminder. She pushed her sunglasses further back on her head as she acknowledged Tony. “Hello, Tony.” 

“Hello, Mrs. Odinson.” 

He didn’t move to make contact and neither did she. 

She sat down at the table, carefully rearranging her purse beside her. Her lips pulled into a prim smile. The shimmering pink lipstick she’d chosen stood out slightly. “Did you get here alright?” Loki asked. 

“Of course, dear. We’ve been here lots of times.” 

“The traffic was terrible,” Loki said. 

She smiled at him. “You look so well and handsome,” she said. “Is that a new shirt?” 

“Yeah—” Loki started, only to be interrupted by the waitress appearing. Mrs. Odinson ordered a glass of wine while Loki and Tony both kept to water. It was unplanned, but Tony couldn’t help but feel it was a smart decision. “I,” Loki started again, voice youthful and bright. “Got it a couple of weeks ago. You look wonderful as well, Mother.” 

Tony couldn’t tell if Loki was buttering her up or being sincere. 

She easily took the compliment before turning her attention onto Tony. “How have you been?” She asked him. 

Tony was a bit startled by the simple question, honestly. “Fine,” he said, slipping into business mode with ease. He’d known the Odinsons way before he met Loki. He just had to keep that in mind. “Things have been going well.” He debated for a split second before deciding to mirror Loki’s tactic. “It seems they’ve been going well for you too. I saw your stock leapt up this week.” 

“It’s been a good quarter,” she answered. 

Tony glanced over at Loki, but his eyes were on his mother. Fuck. Should he keep it going or let Loki take the lead like he’d promised? “It has,” Tony said, when Loki didn’t leap to fill the silence. 

Fortunately the waitress reappeared and spared them. She set Mrs. Odinson’s wine down and took their food orders. Tony hoped the kitchens were fast. 

“Loki’s always been so good with numbers,” Mrs. Odinson said. Loki had never said that about himself—shit. Tony knew where this was going. “I’ve all but begged him to join our accounting department. I’m sure our quarter would’ve been even better with him.” 

“About that,” Loki said, his voice a little stiff. His mother perked up with cool, restrained interest. “Mother, I’m—” Loki smiled, stilling himself in composure. His warm, articulate eyes set on his mother. “I’ve started a business.” 

“You have?” 

If Tony weren’t stressed, he might’ve found her confused expression priceless. Instead he shifted uncomfortably. Loki’s thigh wasn’t anywhere close to his own anymore. 

“It’s a culinary business—” Loki said happily. But Mrs. Odinson’s eyes were setting heavily on Tony. Loki didn’t seem to notice at first. “I’m producing and packaging foods—” His voice faltered when he saw her look. “It’s doing well,” Loki said. “We’re already getting ready to distribute to our first grocery chain.” 

Her gaze snapped back to her son. “Loki,” she said. “Dear. Where are you getting the capital for this?” The tone was almost pleasant, but Tony knew better. 

He couldn’t believe the light tone that Loki answered in, like he had no idea of her displeasure. “That’s—” Loki smiled at Tony. It was a genuine smile, the kind of smile that made Tony want to bury himself in Loki but also made his stomach drop at the same time. “Something that Tony’s helped me out with.” 

“Really.” 

“It was his idea,” Loki said. Any other time the fond compliment would’ve swelled Tony’s perfectly inflated ego. But now. 

Tony spoke quickly. “Loki’s been working to get a product off the ground, I just gave him a leg up. It’s all his baby.” 

Mrs. Odinson set one hand on the table. It twitched, tapping once. She leaned back indifferently into her chair. “I had no idea that you were doing this, sweetheart. Why didn’t you tell your father and I? We could have helped you.” 

“I am telling you,” Loki said. He didn’t mean anything by it, Tony knew that. He knew Loki. But it was the wrong thing to say to his mother. 

“Is it already incorporated?” She asked. She seemed sweet about it, Tony would give her that. 

“Yes.” Loki reached for his hair and stopped halfway, settling on his water glass instead. “I brought samples of one of our products, would you like to try?” He reached into his jacket pocket before she could answer. 

Tony saw a familiar tub set on the table. It had Loki’s serpentine logo on the lid, done in an art style that reminded Tony of Loki, honestly. She carefully pried back the plastic. “Oh Loki,” she said, features softening as she looked over the small assortment of candies inside. “I’m going to ruin my lunch,” she said, taking one. 

Loki seemed proud as he watched her. 

“These are wonderful,” she said. “You’re so talented at cooking, I’ve always told you that.” She slipped the container into her purse. “I’ve always thought that you had a special talent for sweets.” 

“Thank—”

“I wish you had told your father and I about this.” 

Loki looked down at the table. Then he came back with his best impression at cheerful, but it was edgy and feral. “I thought it would be a surprise.” Tony opened his mouth to speak but felt Loki’s fingers at his thigh in the same instant, quieting him. 

“Does this mean you’ve left your other jobs?” 

“Yes.” 

Mrs. Odinson was a hard read. Tony wasn’t sure what she was thinking about that disclosure, just that she was definitely thinking hard about it. Suddenly a server appeared with their food. 

Tony was grateful to have something to be doing. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so quiet at a lunch with other people. But he couldn’t overstep Loki on this one. Loki had been dead set on doing it his way, and Tony knew that he needed to allow Loki that. 

Mrs. Odinson was starting to turn her attention on Tony as she cut her meat, and Tony caught Loki’s eye just in time to feel a nudge to say something. “Loki’s doing really well at his business already,” Tony blurted out. He didn’t know what to say. Was he supposed to say something about it or talk about something else? Mrs. Odinson raised her eyebrows for him to continue as she chewed. “One of my emp—I mean, I heard that he’s been doing well. A new company getting a product on the market this fast is impressive.” 

“Mum, I think you and Dad will like my business,” Loki said. “It won’t compete with yours. Maybe we could even open accounts with you.” 

Bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit. Loki had better be fucking lying or Tony was going to throw a fit. 

He had accounts with the Odinsons, but there was no way that Tony was going to let Loki open one. 

“I think your father and I would rather be investors,” she answered. She took a sip of her wine. “You should have someone with your best interests at heart supporting you.” Tony missed the food he was chewing and painfully bit his cheek instead. He tasted blood. 

“I think you’ve done enough for me,” Loki said softly. Tony chugged down some water as subtly as he could manage.

“Thor’s never wanted to open a business,” she answered. Loki breathed in beside him. “This is new territory for us. I will have to discuss this with your father, but we may be able to do something.” 

“I don’t need anything,” Loki said kindly. Wow, could he lay it on thick when he wanted to. Little charmer. “I just wanted you and Dad to know what I’d started.” He took a bite of his food. “Okay, Mum?” 

She glanced at Tony before answering. There was definitely judgment there. He didn’t move a muscle. “Of course, dear.” She sawed at a piece of her meat. “Tony, moving into the culinary market is new for you, isn’t it?” 

“I’m not really moving into it,” Tony said. “This is Loki’s business. Stark Industries isn’t a part of it.” 

She smiled at him, lips closed. “But you’re an investor.” 

“On a personal level.” Tony pointedly took a bite of his food, hoping that would be that. 

“Mum,” Loki said. 

“Yes darling?” 

Tony was scowling down at his plate so he didn’t see Loki’s face at what came next. “I am really happy with Tony.” What? Wow. It was true, Tony had known that, but hearing it out loud was something else. He glanced up towards Loki with nothing short of affection to see that Loki was building himself up to say something else. His features were getting that coiled, hair trigger look to them. 

Mrs. Odinson smiled. It seemed genuine, and Tony was still basking it what Loki had said a little too much to pay her close enough attention to catch any subtle disparities. 

“And I don’t think that’s going to change,” Loki said. 

Mrs. Odinson frowned, but it was in a way that made her expression soft, sympathetic. Tony realized that he was holding his breath. 

“Tony and I moved in together,” Loki said. 

And suddenly her expression changed. 

The smile slipped off her face like paint.

 To shock, annoyance, maybe fear, all dizzyingly fast. 

Then she was neutral again. 

“I’m not at my apartment anymore,” Loki said. “And I’m not changing my mind.” She moved to talk, morphing into motherly sympathy. “I’m happy,” Loki repeated. 

Her eyes reluctantly released their focus on him and darted to Tony for a moment before going back to her son. “Loki, I had no idea things were so serious between you two.” Maybe it was friendly. Maybe it wasn’t. Tony just didn’t like it. 

“It is,” Loki said, fussing with his fork and knife. 

Tony decided to jump in. “I’m happy too. I like having Loki around.” Loki had balled in on himself a bit, but now he relaxed back towards the booth. “It’s been going really well.” 

She just sort of stared at him. 

“Tony let me rearrange the kitchen,” Loki said. The way he said it almost sounded like he was teasing. “I’ve been using it to test out some of my products.” Fuck, okay. Loki sounded happy on that one for sure. It had to be obvious that he was happy to his mom, right? 

“Where do you live now?” She asked, voice slightly strained. 

“At Tony’s house,” Loki said. Mrs. Odinson took a deep breath. 

“That’s not a strain on you, is it dear?” She was asking Tony. He balked. 

“Why would it be?” Seriously confusing, that one. And offensive. 

She pinched her lips together for a split second, the same way Loki did sometimes. 

“I never imagined that my son and you would hit it off so well,” she said, suddenly acting nostalgic. “You were such a bright young boy in school, Thor always said you'd run your father’s company with flying colors.” Tony winced at the mention of his father’s company. Obadiah. “And now with your newer company, and the tablet you released. It’s really amazing, Tony.” 

“Thanks.” 

The waitress set a check presenter on the table with the insistence that there was no rush to pay. “Don’t even think about it,” Mrs. Odinson told them sharply, taking out her credit card and slipping it in.“It’s my treat for you two boys.” She held it out to the waitress as she passed back the other way. “I don’t see you nearly enough,” she directed at Loki. 

“I’ve been busy,” Loki said. 

“Clearly.” It didn’t seem unkind, but. Well. 

“Tony and I moved in all of my furniture,” Loki said. He was relaxed now. Maybe if he thought the danger had passed, it had. Tony found himself letting his guard down a notch. “It was a hassle to move all of my things into the kitchen, but Tony barely uses that room anyway.” He grinned at Tony. 

“All I need is the coffee pot,” Tony said warmly. 

“It’s really comfortable,” Loki said. “And you don’t have to worry about me anymore,” Loki told his mother. “Tony’s house has more security than any place I’ve ever been in.” 

“It would be embarrassing if it didn’t,” Tony chimed in. “The press would have a field day if I didn’t have the latest.” 

“It is weird not to have my old keys anymore though,” Loki told him. Tony nodded his head to the side. Yeah, that probably was weird. Come to think of it, he didn’t have Loki’s old apartment key anymore either. He kind of missed it in his back pocket. But not that much. 

“I don’t miss the upstairs neighbor,” Tony said. 

“Oh,” Loki said, rolling his eyes. “They were harmless.” 

“Loud is what they were.” 

Loki nodded his head amiably to the side, allowing him that one. 

Tony chose that moment to glance over at Mrs. Odinson and just catch the faint edge of displeasure on her face before it disappeared. She was signing the check. Tony didn’t know what to make of that.

“It is nice sleeping in,” Loki said. 

“Yeah,” Tony agreed.

“Oh, Mum, do you want to see pictures of the place I’m working at?” Loki asked. He reached for his phone. “This is my office.” 

She diligently followed along with the photos. “It reminds me of Thor’s first office,” she said. “His had a beautiful tree outside the window.” 

Loki slipped his phone into his pocket. “My goal is to have a custom test kitchen built in the future. Right now I’ve been focused on getting products right and finding ways to manufacture and distribute them.” 

“I definitely think you’ve got the product part down,” Tony complimented him. 

“Have you seen Azalea?” Mrs. Odinson asked Tony abruptly. 

Tony had to pull himself out of the pleasant back and forth with Loki. “Yeah. She’s adorable. Loki’s been watching her like crazy.” 

“She is my niece,” Loki said. 

“Right,” Tony said. “But do you have a brother that I don’t know about? Because you’re definitely trying for the favorite uncle position.” 

“I’m just trying to show you up,” Loki answered. 

Tony laughed. “I’m only an honorable one,” he said. “Hey, tell your mom about the baby food you made.” Loki turned to his mother with a hint of excitement. 

“She’s too young for baby food,” Mrs. Odinson told him. 

“I know,” Loki said. “But I thought that later down the line, maybe if it’s a good fit, I could expand into that—” Mrs. Odinson snapped her purse shut. “I might have to do it under a different label, but it could work. What do you think, Tony?” 

“It’s worth a shot,” Tony said. “You’d have to research it, but I think you could look into it. Hey, is that why you have all those bananas on the counter?” 

“I was going to make banana bread.” 

“Oh.” Oh fuck yeah. That shit was good. “I think I’ve gained like five pounds since living with Loki,” Tony told Mrs. Odinson. “He’s great at cooking.” 

“I know,” she answered. She rose, smiling at Loki. “Dear, I’ve got to go. It was wonderful seeing you for lunch. We’ll have to do this again.” Tony followed Loki’s lead, hurrying to stand up. As she stepped out of the booth, Loki moved to hug her. She held him close for a moment. “We will be talking again,” she said quietly. 

But Tony caught it. 

And even if he hadn’t, he saw the way Loki’s body stiffened. “It was good seeing you Mother,” he said cordially. She smiled, then went to clasp Tony’s hands in hers. He didn’t fucking like it. 

“Take good care of my son,” she said. 

Tony shrugged his hands back. “Oh, I think he’ll manage. He doesn’t need me to baby him.” 

“I merely mean that I expect him to be well. Loki is my youngest,” she told him, voice hinting at a threat. “He will always be my baby.” 

Tony didn’t know what it was. He had just sort of had enough of it, and Loki must’ve known, because he spoke up. “Thanks for lunch, Mum. We’ll see you again. I have to be getting back to work.” 

“I will tell your father tonight,” she answered. 

“Okay,” Loki said. 

Tony reached for Loki’s hand. “This was lovely Mrs. Odinson, but we’ve got to be going. Thank you so much for lunch. Loki’s really happy with his new business, and just so you know—” Fuck. He couldn’t help it. It was coming out. “I love your son.” It was a warning. Cold determination set in. He was going to make this super fucking evident. “His happiness is important to me.” 

“I am pleased to hear it,” she answered. 

Tony didn’t stick around to keep playing the fucking game. He tugged Loki towards the door, who could only follow with stumbling, shocked steps. “Tony—” Tony shoved the door open. “Tony—what was that about?” 

“Your mom’s a jerk,” Tony said. 

“What?” Loki looked at him incredulously. “Tony, that went really well. She approved.” He almost sneered before he smiled instead, as if Tony was just crazy. 

“Yeah? Then what was that bit about your dad at the end about?” Tony tugged at his collar. It was too hot outside. 

Loki rolled his eyes. “It just means that she’ll tell him. He can throw his temper tantrum to her and get over it.” 

Ugh. Fuck. Now he was getting pissed. “Loki, didn’t you notice her talk over you about Thor and Azalea when you were trying to bring things up about you?” 

Loki dimmed a bit, then came back with force. “I wanted to talk about Azalea.” 

“And did you want to be reminded about Thor’s office?” 

“She’s just relating,” Loki asserted.

“Relating my ass.” 

They couldn’t stand here and argue in the parking lot. She’d be coming this way to leave anyway. Tony set his hands on Loki’s biceps. “Lokes,” he said as calmly as he could. “Let’s talk about this when we get home, okay?” 

“What is there to talk about?” Loki asked. He was getting pissy, but Tony didn’t care. 

“Later.” He leaned in and kissed Loki on the cheek, slightly surprised that Loki let him. “Okay?” 

“Fine,” Loki relented. 

Tony patted his arm before turning to go back towards his car. “I love you. See you tonight.” 

“I love you,” Loki answered, glancing towards the door. He hastened towards his own car. Tony saw Mrs. Odinson exit just as Loki got in. Oh that car, it was going to be the next thing to go. That car needed to be put out of its misery. Tony was going to get Loki into something sleek and sexy. It would be Tony’s birthday gift to himself or something. 

Tony dialed Bruce in the car on his way back to the office. “Hey,” he said. “I need to hear your two cents on how something went.”


	4. Chapter 4

“I get what you’re saying,” Bruce’s ever tolerant voice said. “But you can’t just force Loki into seeing—what, years of this?” Tony drummed his fingers along the steering wheel. He’d been parked in the garage for a while, unwilling to go inside Stark Industries until he was finished working this out. “He loves his mom. Don’t go into talking about it like you’re attacking her.” 

Tony clenched the steering wheel. He was getting it, Bruce was making sense, but he still didn’t like it. “I just—I don’t want him to—I want him to get it, you know?” 

“I know.” 

Tony slumped back against the seat. “She just wants to have a share in the company so that they have some sense of control over him, Bruce.” It was making him crazy. “They want him to be dependent.” 

“You don’t know that,” Bruce said, not unkindly. 

“I—” Well, maybe not, but… “You weren’t there, Bruce.” 

“Tony,” Bruce said, in his this-conversation-is-almost-over voice, “I think you have several legitimate reasons to be upset with Loki’s parents. I also think that it’s nothing that needs to be solved overnight. From what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like there are any immediate problems. You have time to think about it. You and Loki have time to think about it.” Tony accidentally hit his funny bone against the car window. The pain rocketed up his arm. “Tony?” 

“Yeah?” He rubbed the spot, wincing.   “Take it easy,” Bruce said. “You and Loki just started living together. Ease into it, don’t make a fight out of this thing with his mom when you’re still getting used to things.” 

“I don’t know if I should’ve—fuck. Do you think Loki’s pissed that I told his mom to back off?” Tony pressed a hand to his forehead. He hadn’t planned it. It had just happened. He wanted to say it, so he did. Shit. Loki was going to be so goddamn pissed. 

“Tony,” Bruce said carefully. “Do you remember what you said when you were drunk?” 

“You’re going to have to be more specific there, Brucie.” 

There was a loud sigh on the line. “Loki’s the one person that you feel like can keep up with you.” Tony stared down at the dashboard. He didn’t remember saying it, but that was true. “And as much as you love that, it also terrifies you.” 

“You can keep up with me,” Tony reminded him. 

“I’m also your friend and a good few years older than you,” Bruce said. “It’s different. Loki is special for you. And I’m not saying that you’d never be able to find someone else again. I’m saying that, well—I mean, you didn’t have that melt down because you wanted to break up with the guy. You were afraid of taking the next step, and being that close with someone is intimidating for anybody. Point is, you care, Tony. You can shrug it off all you want, but you do.” 

“I’m just a tender loving sweetheart,” Tony said. “It’s a wonder I haven’t been on the cover of every homemaking magazine.” 

“I’m trying to make a point,” Bruce said, ignoring him. “Don’t freak out now, okay? You’re in a good place, Tony. You have made so much progress. Don’t—” Bruce took a sharp breath. “Don’t do the self-sabotage thing, okay?” 

Tony could practically hear the implied _like always_ in there. “I’m not,” he said. He wasn’t. He really freaking wasn’t. “I’m not anywhere close to there, bud. I’m just trying to figure out what the hell’s going on with Loki’s family. And keep it from blowing up.” 

“I know,” Bruce said. “Just don’t blow it out of proportion. I don’t know Tony…” His voice wandered off, worried. 

Bruce had been through so much with Tony. He’d practically held his hand through some of the worst years of Tony’s life. It seemed reasonable for him to be weary of Tony’s old self-sabotaging habits, but Tony was past that now. He knew he didn’t want to fuck this thing with Loki up and he’d already been through that phase with him. 

“I—that’s why I’m trying to get this right.” It was a struggle to admit it, but Bruce was his closest friend. He could do it. “I can’t just ignore the situation with his parents.” 

“Okay,” Bruce said. “But you have time.” 

“Thanks,” Tony said. He did…feel a bit more settled now. Less likely to tear off one of his engineer’s heads for something petty. “I’ve held you way past your lunch break. I should let you go.” 

“It’s alright,” Bruce said. “I was answering e-mails while you talked.” 

Tony snorted out a laugh. “That’s why you’re the best.” 

“Don’t forget it,” Bruce said. “Bye.”

Tony got out of the car, ready to think about work again. By the end of the day, he was already ahead of schedule on two projects. 

 

Tony dropped heavy bags of Chinese food on the kitchen counter as he came in. Loki looked back over his shoulder from the fridge, slightly wide eyed. He stiffly turned back around. 

“I got dinner,” Tony said. He smiled at Loki’s back, loosening his tie. “I thought we could watch a movie or something in the living room.” 

“Okay.” Loki’s hand slipped down the refrigerator door, clasping at the bottom and slowly shutting it.

“I’m going to change out of my suit,” Tony said. Loki was already in jeans and a t-shirt, but Tony didn’t think he’d beaten him home by much. “You wanna go pick something to watch?” 

Loki’s eyes flickered to the Chinese food and lingered there for a moment. “Sure.” He turned back towards the cabinets and started taking out plates. Tony’s hands slipped down into his pockets. He let out a sigh and headed for the stairs. 

 

When he came back down, Loki already had the Chinese food set out and a movie queued on the TV. “What’re we watching?” Tony asked, sitting down beside him. The cushion sank comfortably beneath him. 

“Black Books.” 

“Never heard of it,” Tony said, grabbing a plate and dumping a heap of noodles onto it. 

“It’s a TV show.” Loki took a drink from his soda can. When Tony didn’t leap to comment on that, Loki pressed play. 

Tony laughed at the jokes, but it only seemed to be getting small smirks from Loki. He was just picking at his food with his chopsticks. “Aren’t you hungry?” 

“Yeah.” 

There were like five pieces of orange chicken on Loki’s plate and a pile of fried rice. He hadn’t even touched the crab rangoon. Now that Tony was watching, Loki shoved the smallest piece into his mouth. “I thought you liked that Chinese place? I’ve always ordered from there.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay.” Whatever. Maybe Loki wasn’t hungry then. Tony tore open a crab rangoon. If Loki wasn’t going to eat them, then he might as well. Tony set his eyes back on the TV and didn’t mind the next episode coming on. He’d rather watch TV together than talk if Loki was in a mood. Tony just sort of slid down and relaxed on the couch. He eyed Loki for a moment, wondering what his chances were of getting any sort of contact in, but with the tight, controlled way that Loki was picking at his plate, Tony decided it was best not to. 

A while later, Loki wordlessly took their plates into the kitchen. It took him a few minutes to come back, or maybe Tony was just really into the show so it seemed longer. Loki bent down to pack up the food containers. “Leave it, Lo. I can get it,” Tony said. 

“It’s fine,” Loki answered, already done. Magician, right there. He stood up straight to head back into the kitchen. 

Maybe Loki was pissed about what Tony had done. But Loki was talking to him at least, and Tony didn’t want to start something. Bruce was right. He needed to chill. Maybe if he just let this one go, Loki would cool down and in the morning everything would be fine. Five minutes went by. Tony looked back over the couch, hoping to see Loki in the doorway. 

There was nothing in the doorway but empty space. The realization set off unease. “Lo?” He called. 

“Just getting a drink,” Loki said, walking back in. Tony didn’t think that Loki had finished his last drink. Loki opened the new one and set it on the table, leaning away from Tony and into the corner of the couch. 

Okay. Well. Shit. What did that mean? Tony smiled glibly, but he couldn’t manage it with anything but closed lips. “How’d work go today?”

“Fine.” Loki ignored Tony, pointedly setting his gaze on the TV. Tony’s attention drifted down to the tattoo on Loki’s forearm. 

“I got a ton of shit done. We looked over our quarterly reports and we’re going to do this new marketing thing and I started up on some design specs that I’ve been meaning to get to.” Loki set one hand against the side of his head, resting his elbow against the arm of the couch. “Y’know, I thought I’d get ahead on some things if you’re watching Azalea this weekend because I’ve sort of gotten behind not being in the lab all the time now.” Loki crossed one long leg over the other, glaring at the TV. “But I also sort of want to play around with the sound system in my car because the bass seems a little off. Or I could work on some programming stuff, I’m not sure yet. I haven’t asked everyone if we’re getting together this weekend. I think Steve said something, but I can’t remember. Now that it’s nice out, we’ll probably have a barbecue soon.” 

“Are you going to get to the point?” Loki snapped. 

Tony flinched. “I—” He felt the slightest blush on his face. Maybe he had been rambling, but Loki didn’t usually get pissed off about it. Loki sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. 

“Sorry,” Loki mumbled. He started to stand. 

“Lokes. Wait.” Tony grabbed Loki’s pant leg. He let go when he saw Loki’s expression. “I won’t talk during your show.” 

“It’s not that.” Loki rubbed his forehead, then dropped his hand to his mouth, brow furrowed. He dropped his hand down to his side. “My mother,” he said. “You said we’d talk about it when we got home.” 

Tony stared down at the couch. Yeah. He had said that. 

“Lunch was fine, Tony. That is how lunch with my mother goes,” Loki said firmly. “You didn’t have to antagonize her. Now—now she’ll feel slighted by you. Do you have any idea how difficult that makes things?” 

Tony bit his lips. 

Bruce had good advice. He just needed to keep it calm, not let this thing blow out of proportion. But they were already talking about it, weren’t they? And, ugh, fuck no to letting Loki’s mom have a free pass anyway. How could Loki say that and not see the problem in it?

Tony’s heart strained in his chest.

“Did something happen outside of lunch?” Loki asked. His eyes flashed dangerously, but there was something soft and vulnerable in them too. 

Tony stared up at him from his slouched position on the couch. “No.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, Lokes. Nothing happened outside of lunch.” 

“Would you tell me if it did?” 

“Yeah. Sure.” Tony scratched the side of his neck. Maybe. If it wasn’t something he could take care of right away. He wouldn’t tell Loki if it meant giving Loki’s parents another chance to fuck with him. 

Loki took a deep, noisy breath. He looped his thumbs into his belt hooks. “Then what’s the problem?” 

Okay. So they were having the conversation apparently. Sorry Bruce. “It’s the way she talks to you, Lo. She should be excited for you, not telling you that they wanted to be investors and saying you should’ve asked your dad.” 

“That’s her way of showing support,” Loki said. “I did slight them by not offering them the opportunity.” 

_What?_ Tony went from zero to sixty. “Loki,” Tony said. “Don’t. Don’t seriously fucking tell me that you would have accepted an offer from _your parents_ to invest in _your company_.” 

Loki walked past him into the open space of the living room, glancing loftily at the ceiling lights. “No,” he said finally. “I wouldn’t have.” 

“Because,” Tony prompted him. Loki rolled his eyes. “Loki, if you could’ve trusted them with an investment, you would’ve started a company with them ages ago or whatever the fuck it was that you wanted to do. You know damn well that you don’t trust them.” 

“Okay. Fine,” Loki said brusquely, shrugging. He paced leisurely, casting snide glances anywhere but Tony. “I wouldn’t have. But why does that mean that you have to antagonize her?” Loki took a step towards him, set on an answer. “Why’d you have to do that, Tony? You know I don’t trust them. As soon as my father hears what you’ve said he’ll be livid.” He took a deep breath, then freed his hands to cast them out in exasperation. “After all the warnings I’ve given you, why’d you have to go and give her a declaration like that? Why’d you have to shove that in her face? It wasn’t necessary.” 

“Because,” Tony said. Why'd Loki have to be such a dense nerd sometimes? His dense nerd, but still. “I couldn’t fucking sit there while she talked to you like that.” 

Loki barely restrained an eye roll. “She talked to me just fine.” He started pacing again. “You’re overreacting just because she wasn’t only talking about me.” 

“Only—Loki, this whole lunch was about you! Us!” Tony scratched and ruffled his hair. “She didn’t even congratulate you or say she was happy for you about moving in with me!” Loki quickly dismissed that with an eye roll. “She didn’t congratulate you on your business, and she brought up Thor’s office when you were talking about yours.” 

“She congratulated me.” 

“Yeah? When?” Tony set his arm over the back of the couch. Loki’s eyes darted back and forth as he thought. 

“She said I was good at cooking,” Loki said. “She loved the samples I gave her.” 

“Complementing your cooking is not the same thing,” Tony said. Come on, Loki. See it. 

Loki’s face was impassive. “She said you were smart, Tony. She complemented you on your company. She bought us lunch. There was nothing wrong with it.” 

“Why’d she ask if you moving in with me was a strain?” Tony demanded. 

Loki faltered for a split second, then recovered with a gently said, “She was being polite. It’s—a politeness thing. My family’s like that. That’s how they express it. Maybe it’s not a very American way of saying it.” He mused at the end. 

“No,” Tony said. “Don’t give me that. It’s a crap excuse. She was implying that it’s hard for me to live with you, not being polite. She said she couldn’t believe we were hitting it off, like there’s something weird about that. She didn’t say she was happy about it.” 

“Tony…” Loki smoothed his hand over his hair. “It was fine.” 

Tony resisted the urge to scream in frustration. He’d have to do this another way. Okay. He could do that. Tony laced his fingers together and rested them on his head a moment, leaning back. “Do you remember when you told me that you get upset when she talks over you and dismisses you? And you were afraid to upset her because you were dependent on her?” Loki frowned, thinking back. “That day I came to your apartment after your lunch with her and we talked about stuff?” 

Tony recognized the moment realization struck Loki. He continued. “And remember how you told me that they think I’m using you and paying for all your shit? That probably doesn’t look great when you’re living with me.” Something akin to fear crossed over Loki’s rigid features. “I’m—I know that’s not what’s happening,” Tony said. “But they don’t know that. And remember the night I went to dinner with you at their house? And I talked to you afterwards about how they were assholes?” 

“Tony.” 

“And we talked about how your mom was manipulative?” Loki crossed his arms over his chest as Tony spoke. “You know there are problems there. You knew there were when we talked about it.” 

Loki rested his weight into his hip on one side. “What do you want me to do about it?” 

Tony really wished that Loki was in reach right now. He just wanted to pull him in and take some of that tension out. “Just understand why I get pissed with your mom.” Loki looked away. “It’s not just your dad, Loki.” Loki took a step towards the kitchen. “Loki, I’m not trying to make a fight out of this, I just—” 

“No, I know,” Loki said. “We’ve been through this before.” He took another step towards the kitchen. Tony got up. 

“Loki,” Tony started. 

“I wish you hadn’t said that to her,” Loki said, half heartbroken, half furious. He let Tony cross the room to him, and didn’t stop Tony’s hand when it set on his hip. 

“I—” Tony leaned his head to the side, fighting with himself. He firmly set his gaze upwards on Loki. “I’m sorry. I—when we, it wasn’t planned. I just got upset and it came out.” 

Loki was quiet for a moment. Then he rubbed his fingers against his forehead, covering his face for a moment. He answered with eyes closed as he took in a breath. “I’ve done the same.” He smiled for a split second. “I suppose it’s a talent of theirs to bring that out in people.” He winced. “Not that snapping isn’t a problem of mine.” 

“Yeah, well,” Tony said, feeling guilty at the guilt on Loki’s face. “Everyone’s got their limits.” 

“I’m sorry.” Loki rubbed his nose, staring downward. 

“No, I’m sorry too.” Tony smiled, relieved. “I just, I guess we’ve been tense over this.” 

Loki nodded his head. After a moment he glanced to the side before saying, “She’s been texting me questions.” 

“About?” Tony asked, tension back at full force. 

“When I started, what I do everyday, what my plans are.” Loki shook his head slightly. He licked his lips. “I’ve been giving her clipped answers. I think she means well, Tony. I don’t think she can help that they are the way they are.” His hands sunk into his pockets. “I think she’ll present it to my father in a positive light.” 

Tony didn’t buy the last bit at all. He thought about it for a moment before asking, “You don’t think that she’ll feel slighted by not being an investor and finding out late?” 

The faintest flicker of surprise lit Loki’s face before he reluctantly answered, “She may feel that way.” Loki frowned, avoiding Tony’s gaze entirely. “In truth, I think it simply frustrates them to no end that we’re together.” 

Tony didn’t want to ask, but he had to know. “Why?” 

Loki shrugged. “I don’t know,” he admitted. 

Tony frowned, slightly heartbroken at the weary, quietly pleading expression in Loki’s eyes. “Y’know, Lokes. I’m going to be here with you no matter what they do. I won’t drop you over your folks.” Loki needed the reminder, Tony knew he did. 

Loki smiled to the side, still staring downward. 

Fuck. Tony didn’t know why, he just felt a surge of affection for Loki just then. Maybe he just wanted Loki to understand that he’d meant what he’d said, maybe it was just a reaction to the tension, or maybe it was just because it was Loki. “Hey,” Tony said. He set his hands on Loki’s waist, pulling him in a little. Loki gave him a patient assessment, just waiting. “Can you maybe bend your giraffe body down here for a couple seconds? I want to kiss you and there aren’t any apple crates lying around.” 

Loki grinned. “Maybe I’ll just pick you up bridal style instead.” 

Loki’s hands were coming for him faster than Tony could move. “Do it and all you’re going to get is my foot in your shin—” Loki’s laugh broke out over his protest, his hands settling at the hem of Tony’s shirt. He gripped it as he captured Tony’s lips, and Tony just sort of melted, slumping with a satisfied moan. Ha. Hmm. Yes. He wanted all of Loki right now. 

But Loki pulled back, oblivious to the lust spiraling right through Tony’s logic systems. “It’s been a long day and I’ve got a lot going on tomorrow. Let’s just call it a night.” It was an offering, a quiet bid to let things go. 

Tony pressed up against Loki, pulling him in close and sucking at what he could get of his neck. “Or we could do something else?” 

Loki’s hand slowly ran down Tony’s back, causing a slight shudder. He kneaded his fingers against a tight spot in Tony’s lower back before letting go. “Not tonight.” He said, apologetic. 

“It’s been a long day,” Tony echoed. He wondered if Loki wasn’t still just a tiny bit mad at him. 

“Yeah.” 

Loki didn’t seem angry when he untangled from Tony though. He seemed wrung out and tired, and Tony couldn’t really blame him for that. “You wanna finish the episode?” 

Loki rubbed his eye. “Sure.” 

When they settled back on the couch, Loki still sat on the opposite end. He started the episode, seemingly unaware of the way that Tony was trying to figure out if he could sneak his way over into that corner. Tony let the show run for a couple minutes before slowly easing one leg in Loki’s direction. There was no reaction. 

So Tony waited a little longer before nudging that foot against Loki’s thigh, pretending that he was innocently stretching out. Again, Loki’s focus remained unperturbed on the TV. 

Tony always felt a little better, a little more grounded with Loki’s touch. He especially wanted it now, when he was speared between an unacknowledged ache for affection and the need for reassurance that Loki still cared about him. 

Tony waited longer before placing both feet against Loki’s thigh. This time it was obviously intentional, and Tony was deeply satisfied when Loki allowed it without comment. He laid there, a tiny smile on his lips, content. 

Then Loki’s hand reached down and squeezed the toes on one foot. It wasn’t hard, just a simple acknowledgement. Loki didn’t even say something. 

Tony wiggled his toes, laying down further so that his feet could reach into Loki’s lap. 

That broke the silence. “I hope you’re not expecting me to rub your feet.” 

“They’re cold,” Tony said. 

“You have socks on.” 

“So? Still cold.” 

Loki rolled his eyes, fighting off a smirk. He pointedly ignored the feet with striped socks in his lap. Then, just as Tony thought that maybe they were going to lay like this for a while, Loki pinched one of his toes, taking him by surprise. Tony retracted his feet immediately. “Hey!” 

Loki laughed to himself, eyes bright. 

“I’ve probably got nerve damage,” Tony said, grabbing his foot and tenderly rubbing his toes even though he couldn’t tell which one had been pinched. 

“I think you’ll live,” Loki answered. 

Tony didn’t dare to put his feet back towards Loki, like he was avoiding a crab hiding in the sand on a beach. “Jury’s out on that one.”

“Juries don’t decide your medical condition, Tony.” 

“Don’t be a smart ass.” Tony got up, stretching. The episode was ending. “I’m going to bed.” 

Loki turned off the TV. “I’ll get the lights down here.” 

Tony was beyond relieved when Loki followed him upstairs to bed. He felt lucky, relieved, grateful just to be taking off his jeans and crawling into bed knowing that Loki was doing the same. Contentment washed through him as he felt the bed sink with Loki’s weight on the other side, and the sheets pull slightly in Loki’s direction. 

It hadn’t been a huge, irreparable fight. Loki hadn’t stormed out or lectured him on his impulsivity or even yelled at him. They’d made it through telling Loki’s mother and the inevitable argument there. Somehow they’d gotten through this one and come out alright. 

Tony closed his eyes. 

Maybe he’d just been too anxious. Maybe they were getting the hang of this. Maybe, despite the things he thought of himself, _he_ was getting the hang of this.


	5. Chapter 5

Tony was halfway through his first cup of coffee, sipping from his favorite mug with the black cat on it and replying to work e-mails. Loki was lying beside him on the bed, reading an honest to god _printed_ magazine. It was folded in half, the gloss taunting Tony’s eye every time the morning light from the window caught it. 

But Tony was beyond content. He liked lying in bed, doing the same lazy wakeup he used to do, just this time with Loki. He liked that Loki hadn’t made a single effort to hide his bedhead around him this morning, leaving the hopelessly frizzed curls and twisted waves in haphazard peace. He liked how natural it all was, how they'd both wandered downstairs for coffee and back up to bed without planning, allowing a quiet companionship between them. Tony had never experienced anything like it in his life. 

He was getting used to it, had been. But now that Loki was really living with him, there weren’t breaks in between, or the same sorts of doubts. The magic hadn’t worn off yet, and Tony quietly hoped that it wouldn’t. 

He’d always thought about asking Steve and Bruce and Thor and Clint and everybody to move in with him. But it had always seemed like a dream that was too good for him, a reality that could never be his. So all the empty bedrooms he’d planned into the house when he’d designed it remained empty. 

He just told himself he’d been in a fragile state when he’d started the house and let the architect upsell him without a fight. 

Tony finished off the last of his e-mails, then pulled up a few designs to work on. 

Loki turned a page, then frowned at the recipe printed on the next page. He flexed one foot, then settled down again. 

Tony caught a mistake in his math, corrected it, and altered the design slightly. He felt the bed dip but was too engrossed in his work to bother looking up. Warm fingers set on his knee. 

Tony grinned. Loki had abandoned his magazine on his bedside table and was grinning back in a way Tony knew all too well. Loki set his hand on the corner of Tony’s Stark Pad. Not taking it, not applying pressure, just quietly asking permission to interrupt with a look. “Just design work,” Tony explained. “Pretty dull.” It wasn’t, but Tony was more than happy to drop his tablet on his bedside table. 

Loki slid into his lap without a word, grinning as Tony’s hands set on his hips. He leaned forward, body warm against Tony’s chest as he wrapped his arms around Tony’s shoulders. Tony had to drop his weight back against the headboard to accommodate them, his head bending forward slightly. Loki’s tongue traced a slow, hot line along the rim of Tony’s ear and Tony held his breath, waiting for Loki to say something filthy like always. 

Instead a chill lingered on the trail left behind by that tongue, and those warm lips turned sharp and teasing as tiny nips replaced the gentle tracing. Something snarky came to mind but slipped as Loki’s fingers traded places, massaging slow circles on the soft skin behind Tony’s ears. Loki’s lips met his, familiar and comforting as a breathless moan slid from Tony’s mouth. 

“My reading was dull as well,” Loki half-whispered, eagerly taking Tony’s mouth again. 

Tony held onto Loki’s shoulder blades instead, ignoring the awkward pain in his neck from the headboard, wishing that Loki would pin him to it. “This is better,” Tony muttered when he got a chance. He eased his hands up under Loki’s shirt, letting the warm fabric brush against his fingers as he gripped onto bare skin instead. Loki’s shoulder blades were narrow and sharp, lending themselves easily to a feeling of danger and wildness. Tony loved it, like he could never hold onto Loki quite enough but could easily lose himself in the thrill of trying. 

“Down on the bed, Tony,” Loki demanded, words broken by shortness of breath. Tony groaned. 

“Tease me longer,” he complained. Loki’s breathless, flushing face turned into a playful, mischievous grin and Tony instantly regretted his choice of words. “I mean—”

“Oh, I think I know exactly what you mean,” Loki said, curling his fingers under Tony’s jaw. He pressed one slow, chaste kiss to the spot where Tony’s jawbone met his neck. Then, just to be a dick, he sucked ever so slowly before blowing cold air across it. “Am I right?” 

Tony turned his head to the side, hopefully presenting his neck but grinning reluctantly all the same, as if Loki’s teasing was simply too much to bear. 

Loki gently kissed the fragile bone in the center of his neck. “Am I right?” Loki asked coyly. 

“Actually, fast sounds great,” Tony managed. Loki pulled back, clearly studying him for a moment, before that coy look was back on his face. Shit, Tony was lying, if he said fast Loki would—no sooner did the thought cross his mind than he felt Loki’s hands roughly grab his boxers. “I’m kidding!” Tony exclaimed. 

There was a time for fast and dirty, but this morning wasn’t it. He grabbed Loki’s head and pulled him into a kiss, tongue devotional and pleading. 

Tony loved when Loki initiated sex. With other people, Tony always felt safer initiating, always felt like it gave him the control, made it easy to detach from afterwards. With Loki, Tony didn’t need that protection. 

When Loki initiated, Tony just felt wanted and loved. 

And as Loki’s body relaxed against Tony and his fingers slowly kneaded Tony’s shoulders, Tony wasn’t willing to let that feeling go. 

Loki slowly worked his way down Tony’s neck, sucking and flooding Tony’s mind with desire and making the most wonderful sounds of protest when Tony’s shirt impeded his progress downward. 

Instead of granting Loki’s request, Tony shoved his weight forward, pushing Loki out of Tony’s lap to land with his back against the mattress and Tony straddling over him. Loki glared up at him from a tangled mess of black hair. “Aww, don’t look so put out, Lo. Think of how easily you can touch my ass now.” 

Loki started to laugh. 

God, Tony loved when they laughed in the middle of it. 

Tony licked and sucked at Loki’s neck as it shook with laughter, impatiently working his shirt off of him. “Tony,” Loki said. “I thought you wanted to be teased.” 

“I did,” Tony said proudly. “And now it’s my turn.” 

Loki rolled his eyes, looking away with a smirk on the corner of his mouth. Tony was sure to quickly claim that with his lips before moving down Loki’s chest. Loki’s nipples were hard beneath his tongue, and Tony loved the breathless squirm he always got from Loki in that first moment of contact. There were clenched warning fingers in his hair, and Tony laughed. “My turn, remember?” 

“You always—” Loki took a breath. “Go for that.” 

“Should I skip it?” No answer. Tony grinned and kissed Loki’s sternum before returning to his nipple. There was a nice, throaty groan from Loki in reply. 

Tony was sort of jealous that Loki was so sensitive there when his own nerve damage and scar tissue made his chest a rather moot point, but at the same time he loved it because of the reactions he could get from Loki. 

“Lo,” Tony muttered. He didn’t know what it was, he just got overwhelmed sometimes. Loki’s fingers scratched soothingly against his scalp as Tony’s lips stilled. Tony shuffled back over him, needing to look at him. Loki patiently smiled back with a certain softness to his eyes, like they had all the time in the world. Bending down, Tony buried his nose against Loki’s neck and closed his eyes. 

Loki’s firm hands set on his biceps, thumbs massaging slow lines back and forth. “I’m not bottoming again,” Loki said dully, teasing him. Tony grinned. 

It was never a real argument, not really. Tony sat up, ignoring the heat that rushed through his pelvis as he did. “That was last night, this is a new day,” Tony said. “Only seems fair to start over.” 

“I did the last three times,” Loki reminded him. 

“You asked to.” 

“And?” 

Tony was smirking involuntarily. “Maybe if you ask very, very nicely.” 

Tony was using his best seductive voice and Loki was ignoring it completely, the bastard. “You’ll do what? Finally take your damn pants off?” 

Instead of dignifying that with a response, Tony yanked at Loki’s, only to find himself in a tussle of limbs that left him breathless and naked, pinned against the bed. “Not fair,” Tony breathed out. He’d managed to get Loki’s clothes off too, but he couldn’t help feeling that Loki had sort of let him. “Let me up.” 

“Maybe if you ask very, very nicely,” Loki said. 

Tony smacked his ass, just hard enough to get a sound from it. Loki jerked towards him before he could help himself. His grip on Tony’s captured wrist firmed, but Tony was distracted by the lewd flush crawling down Loki’s cheeks and chest. “Let me up enough to grab shit, I’m prepping myself.” 

“But I want to—”

“No, you tease too much.” At the slightly wounded expression that flickered across Loki’s face, Tony quickly admitted, “And I like making you watch.” 

“You like attention,” Loki said, getting off of him. 

“Pot, kettle,” Tony answered, yanking open one of their nightstand drawers. 

A few seconds in and Tony was feeling impatient, and the lusty haze that was settling back over Loki’s expression as he watched wasn’t helping that impatience at all. “I changed my mind,” Tony said. “Just, you do it, I need—” Loki, right. His boyfriend assumed the role easily, and Tony got the contact he desperately needed. He didn’t think he was going to last long at all. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, grabbing a pillow and burying his face in it. Minutes dragged until he was truly ready, and then Loki’s fingers traced down his ribs and sides, the nails ghosting along skin before digging into firm cheeks and spreading them apart. Tony groaned. Whimpered, if he’d allow himself to admit that. “Today,” Tony said. 

Loki barely entered before slamming in, forcing the deepest groan out of Tony’s throat that sounded filthy to his own ears. He receded slowly, driving Tony crazy. “Hard,” Tony demanded. He felt Loki’s lips at his shoulder, making his spine curl, stretching his rim past the cock head in him so that it slipped free and made him curse. 

“Loki,” Tony complained. 

Loki’s lips met his neck. He ran his nails down Tony’s back, sending hundreds of scattering shivers down his spine. “Tony,” he whispered, kissing behind his ear. “Let me.” 

“Okay,” Tony breathed out, slumping as he did. Yes, fine, that sounded great, wonderful, anything, just start already. 

Tony dug his hands into the pillow, squeezing the soft batting between his fingers, moaning from his core as Loki entered him again. Tony bit the pillow, desperate for something to do other than thrust himself back onto Loki. Loki’s lips were at his neck again, smattering the hot skin there with slow, assuring kisses. Tony let out a shaky sigh into damp fabric. 

A thick groan leaked from Loki’s throat. Tony knew from the way that Loki’s fingers shook and clasped at him that Loki was struggling to hold himself back and go slow. Tony turned his head to the side, releasing the pillow with a lazy grin. He thought about sparing Loki and demanding that he go fast and hard, but Tony couldn’t. He felt good. They didn’t do it this way often enough. A bead of sweat dripped down his forehead and fell onto the pillow. 

Loki pulled back, and as Tony felt an empty ache take place, he set his forehead to the pillow and released a short sigh. He needed this. Loki sunk back in slowly, stretching him back open, the sensation urging Tony to bite down again. Loki’s lips pressed to his neck. 

Fuck, Loki could make it so good. Tony felt like he was at Loki’s whim, but that gave him nothing but a sense of contentment in the moment, a sense of perfect faith that Loki would come through for him. 

Tony groaned, voice muffled. Every time Loki bottomed out, Tony’s world stopped around it. 

“Tony,” Loki whispered at his ear, softly kissing the outer shell. 

“Lo—,” Tony got out, the request vanishing from his mind the moment that Loki moved. Mmm. Yes. 

“You feel so good.” 

Tony preened. He couldn’t help it. It was the way that Loki said it. So fucking honest. 

Tony clenched the pillow harder so that he actually noticed the pain that had been there, his fingers demanding a rest. He ignored it. He was anticipating Loki switching abruptly, setting a pace that would make him scream and come apart. He was floating, lost in it. Any second. 

He stretched his neck back as he felt Loki’s lips there again. A breathy tongue teased its way up, Loki’s weight holding him in place as he focused there instead. 

Tony let out a broken cry, panting. He didn’t ask, didn’t move. It was so much at once. He just, he needed, he wanted, Loki pulled back slowly. Tony’s voice cracked. 

Tony didn’t care how it went, he just wanted Loki. 

There were lips on the ridges of bone peaking out from his spine, hands winding down his sides, holding him at the hips and keeping his world from falling apart. Tony shook at the next shallow thrust, toes curling. 

The tight pressure building in his swollen cock ached on the edge of painful. Loki’s rhythm didn’t skip or change, it was an easily predicted tide. Tony arched back, seeking any contact that he could get, and let out a moan when he felt teeth at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. He whined, words beyond his reach. 

But Loki lapped at the spot instead, and Tony’s stomach clenched as his cock smeared more pre come against it. He heard nothing but shallow breaths, and he didn’t know if they belonged to Loki or him. 

Not that it mattered. Tony would happily melt into Loki in this moment. Loki was the best place in the world to be. Loki was the one place where Tony was secure, wanted, loved. 

Loki thrust hard suddenly, jolting Tony forward just enough that the friction was unbearable. Tony groaned, entertaining the idea of holding out for a split second before he was coming, an involuntary cry ripping from his lungs. He barely registered it as his own voice until Loki’s voice came from behind him, just as broken and raw. The thick cock inside him shoved forward twice more before Loki collapsed. 

The weight holding him down was reassuring. Tony closed his eyes, sated. 

They laid there a couple of minutes until Loki mumbled, “I should get up.” 

“Yeah, you’re literally a pain in my ass.” 

Loki swatted the back of his thigh in response as he sat up, and Tony cringed at the sensation of cold air on lube slicked skin. He rolled over in the sheets for a warmer spot. There wasn't one. Loki got up and came back, lying down and pulling Tony towards him. There was a little smile on his face that Tony didn’t think he was even aware of. Tony grinned. 

He curled in facing Loki, tangling their legs together as he reached out to run a hand through Loki’s tangled hair. “Y’know,” Tony said. “Pancakes for breakfast would be really nice.” 

“Oh?” Loki asked, arching an eyebrow. “Are you making them?” 

Tony’s mouth dropped open. “Lo,” he said. “I’m so tired. I can’t move.”

“Neither can I,” Loki answered, closing his eyes. 

“Really?” Tony asked, suddenly uncertain. 

“Let me take a nap and I’ll think about it.” 

Oh, okay. He’d gotten the tone that time. Loki was happy. Tony stared at him for a moment, admiring the faint grin that was fading from Loki’s lips and the relaxing of his ever worried brow. Tony brushed his thumb against the side of Loki’s face. He still couldn’t believe that he’d gotten to a point where he could do this with someone and not feel like it was just for one night. 

An emerald green eye popped open. Tony withdrew his hand. 

Loki tipped his chin up and settled back into the bed, acting as though he was going to sleep again. Tony really wanted suck on the hollow spot of his neck. It was exaggerated now, taunting him. He nodded his head downwards to avoid the distraction. 

Tony pulled the covers up onto his shoulders. He really didn’t care about getting out of bed or getting cleaned up, he just wanted to lay here. 

He just wanted to lay here and bask in feeling affectionate. Loki’s breathing was getting slower. He was probably actually falling asleep, imagine that. Tony pressed in closer to steal his body heat. 

Then he carefully nosed his way forward and tucked himself in under Loki’s chin. Fuck, he loved the way Loki smelled, the ever lingering hints of whatever he’d baked or cooked, the spent note of citrus from a body wash of Tony’s. Tony knew he wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep. 

He wanted the mug on the nightstand, even if the coffee left in it was cold, but he didn’t want to move. Loki shifted closer, some of his weight dropping against Tony. There was a soft sound from his lips, and somehow, Tony just knew he was asleep. He smiled to himself. 

He was definitely getting those pancakes in twenty minutes.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember how I wanted to write more smut with these two? sorry plot.


	6. Chapter 6

Tony pulled his sixth switch plate of the day off the wall. The routine was becoming automatic, but Tony was kicking himself for not doing it sooner.

It was just one of those things where it already worked and he had far more interesting things to play with, so why spend a weekend replacing all of the outdated light switches in the house with automatic sensors?

Because he was tired of watching Loki stress himself out fussing over turning lights off, that was why. 

Tony sighed, thinking about the additional sensors he’d have to install in the rooms. Maybe someday he’d turn the task of home lighting over to Jarvis. At least when the programming was completed on more complex things and where he wanted it to be. That could take years. 

He didn’t have the time right now, especially since powering the house with an arc reactor was next on his agenda, because hello, he should’ve done that ages ago. Again, one of those things that didn’t have to be done and wasn’t nearly as interesting as other things. 

But he was doing it now so that he could tell Loki that the house was powered by the reactor and Loki would stop tinkering with the damn heating and scurrying across a room to turn a light out when he left, as if letting the damn thing run by itself for five minutes was going to send the electricity bill flying through the roof. 

That was something that Tony had never thought about before Loki. And sure, he’d had to adjust to the rules about the lights and heating at Loki’s apartment, but he’d thought that behavior would stop when Loki moved into his house. 

It hadn’t. Instead, Loki had thrown a fit over getting to pay his half of the bill, and that was something that Tony hadn’t expected. Honestly, the bill was something that was deducted automatically and Tony hadn’t looked at it in months. Until Loki insisted on paying half of utilities, and then Tony lost half an afternoon arguing that most of it went to powering the lab so it wasn’t fair for Loki to pay half.

Tony could’ve been thankful that Loki was so damn adamant about paying his own way, but really Tony would’ve been happy to keep paying the utilities and avoid that argument all together. Which was strange of him, Tony had to admit, but he was just going to get the arc reactor installed and move on from thinking about this. 

Loki had kind of won the argument anyway, and Tony didn’t like losing. 

Moving on. 

At least he could get this finished before he met up with Loki at Sam’s house that evening. Loki was spending the afternoon with Thor and Azalea, and Loki had said something about taking her to the mall. 

All Tony could think about was how he’d be hearing every last minor detail of the trip. At least Thor would be happy about brother bonding. And Loki would be in a good mood, so Tony couldn’t really complain. 

 

“Hey,” Tony said, sauntering up behind Loki and wrapping his arms around his waist. Naturally, Tony had found him in the kitchen. 

“Tony,” Loki answered. Tony couldn’t see his face, but he sounded happy enough that Tony guessed he’d get away with latching onto him. A certain sense of relief took over when he had Loki against him like this. He peered over Loki’s shoulder towards Sam. 

“I thought everyone would be outside,” Tony said. 

“We were, but it started to rain,” Sam said. “Wasn’t it raining when you got here?” 

“A little,” Tony shrugged. Okay, a lot. Whatever. 

“Loki’s helping me make burgers in here,” Sam said. 

“Would you like to help?” Loki asked. Tony slumped. “I can’t work with a Tony scarf on my back.” 

“Really?” Tony asked. “What about that time—”

“—I think Thor got locked out of his phone. Why don’t you go help him?” Loki cut in. Tony barely held in his laughter. Instead of going back into the living room with everyone, he took a seat at Sam’s kitchen table. Loki immediately set a cutting board with onions in front of him. Sam started to laugh. 

“You really put him to work, don’t you?” 

Loki grinned. “As much as I can.” 

Sam nodded with an approving smile, then handed Loki the spice jar he’d been holding. 

In that moment, Tony realized that Sam and Loki were actually sort of becoming friends. He’d expected to find Loki with Thor when he walked in, but Thor had been having a pingpong match with Clint. This was a pleasant surprise. And come to think of it, Tony had only seen Sam cook a couple of times before Loki started coming around. After a second of jealousy, Tony decided that Sam had simply taken Loki under his wing, and damn if that didn’t put Sam at the top of his favorites list.

Tony started on the onions, and okay, maybe he was a tiny bit jealous as he watched Loki show Sam how to do things. But he was content to be sitting in the kitchen with them, and watching Loki cook was something he genuinely liked to do. 

Tony pushed the cutting board away from him. He was finished with that task. His gaze wandered towards the laptop that Sam had left on the table. 

And stuck there for a moment. 

Until Loki came over and took the onions, setting a beer for Tony in their place without a word. “I love you,” Tony declared, taking the bottle. 

“You love the beer,” Loki answered. 

“Hey Sam?” Clint called into the kitchen. “Where’s your toilet paper?” 

“In the bathroom like a normal person,” Sam said in his regular voice, disgruntled. “I’d better go help him,” Sam said, shaking his head. “I’ll show you,” he called back to Clint, going to him. 

There was nothing but the sound of Loki’s hands as he shaped burgers from the meat. Tony was just about to ask how the mall was when Loki spoke up. “My father told Thor that he has zero interest in investing in my company.” A burger hit a plate with a rather wet plop. “Which is good news in my book, as spiteful as he wanted it to be.” 

Tony almost dropped his beer. He’d been certain that they were going to push to be investors. Loki brushed his forearm against his forehead, staring wearily down at his work. “He hasn’t told you himself?” Tony asked. 

“He meant for Thor to deliver it, I’m sure,” Loki said. He dug his hands back down into the bowl. “So it’s nothing to worry about anymore.” 

Tony didn’t believe him, but he knew that Loki considered it done. Sam’s voice rang out over Clint’s laughter in the living room. Tony glanced towards the doorway, wondering if they shouldn’t be out there. “Did Thor say anything else about it?” 

“They’re pissed,” Loki said dismissively. “They think I’m a rebel without a cause, I’m tearing apart the family, what else is new.” 

“Lo,” Tony said, starting to get up. 

Loki smiled at him, but it was more combative than reassuring. “I’m fine.” He went to the sink to wash his hands. “This works out to my advantage. I just wanted you to know so that you wouldn’t worry about it.” 

Tony didn’t say anything as the water drummed against the sink. 

“I leave him for five minutes and he’s trying to TP my god damn couch for fun,” Sam said, walking back in. “I’m going to have to hire him a babysitter.” 

Loki dried his hands off on a towel. “Tony can babysit him.” 

“I can’t babysit! Ask Steve.” 

“Steve?” Sam laughed. “That contrarian? I’m not asking him to do shit. He was watching the whole thing with that amused look he gets on his face. You know the one,” he said, imitating it. That got a laugh out of them both. 

Sam went back to working with Loki, and in between their light banter and discussing how to cook, Tony had time to feel pissed at Loki’s father. Telling Thor instead of telling Loki directly. Ass. And Tony didn’t really believe they were disinterested anyway. How could they be? This was some stupid ploy to get Loki to ask them or feel bad about it. 

Tony really, truly wanted to tell the man off, but he knew that Loki would freak out. Honestly, Tony knew he had the upper hand on Odin if anything ever happened, so it wasn’t the business end that he was worried about. 

He didn’t understand how Loki could be so calm and resigned about it. Okay, well Loki wasn’t really that calm or resigned about it when they really got down to it, but at least he could act like it. Tony’s attention drifted to the knife inked on Loki’s forearm. 

He wished he’d had the balls to do something like that against Howard. 

Instead he’d spent his whole life trying to live up to expectations and please the man. Stupidly thinking that something would come of it. What would it have felt like to really, truly stand up the way Loki had? To just drop out of MIT on his second masters and do what he wanted to do instead? 

“Tony?” He looked up. Shit, he hoped his face hadn’t been too obvious. “You don’t have to sit in here if you want to be out with everyone in the living room,” Loki said kindly. “We’ve only got a few more minutes and these’ll be ready.” 

“I’m good,” Tony said. “I don't want to pass up the chance to stare at your ass while you’re distracted.” 

Loki rolled his eyes, but there was a smirk on his lips. 

Tony watched him for a moment, until he was certain that Loki was paying attention to Sam and the burgers again. 

Then his gaze drifted over to the laptop. Sam was in some super secret branch of the military, wasn’t he? 

He probably had some sort of setup that gave him access to files. 

And if Tony could get in fast enough, he might find documents. He might find something out about that night. 

Fuck, it was tempting. 

“Toooony!” Clint called from the living room. Sam and Loki exchanged an amused look as Clint’s head popped into the kitchen. “Tony! Come play pingpong with me!” 

“I thought you were TPing the couch?” Tony asked. 

“Somebody won’t let me,” Clint said, crossing his arms. “I have to stick to _normal people things_.” With one last glance at the laptop, Tony got up, grabbing his beer. 

“Fine,” Tony said. “But only because I don’t want to be cleaning up after you later.” 

Clint kept him occupied until they were all eating, and then Tony actually had to tell Clint to move so that he could sit next to Loki. Clint made fun of him for a solid ten minutes after that. 

It was their usual crap and Tony was enjoying himself, but it wasn’t enough of a distraction to forget about Sam’s laptop on the kitchen table. 

Loki got up and walked into the kitchen. Tony watched him through the doorway as he opened the refrigerator, bending down to take a beer from the pack he’d brought. His t-shirt stretched over his ribs in the motion, wrinkles folding over his waist. The shirt was one of Tony’s favorites on him. 

What would Loki say if Tony told him? 

Tony wanted to tell him. For months now, he’d wanted to tell Loki the thought that he’d held onto for years. 

Something had been wrong about that night. Tony knew he couldn’t remember it accurately. Everything from that period of his life was garbled with missing pieces and extreme emotions, but Tony knew he wasn’t crazy. He’d always felt like his parents’ car accident had been intentional. 

There was just something about it, something about the weeks leading up to it. It didn’t make sense. Tony had looked, he had, but he’d never found anything. 

So he’d kept it to himself because he didn’t need to give people one more reason to cast pitying looks his way. 

Until he’d miraculously felt safe and wanted enough that he could open up and voice the thought that had tormented him for years. He’d told Steve. 

And Steve had gone silent. And suggested the next day that he needed to file a report with Shield on Tony’s mental state, tried to tell him that he was suffering from delusions and holding on. He needed help. Steve was worried about him, blah blah blah. So Tony had used the only option he’d felt he had and taken back everything he’d said. 

Loki came back into the room, smiling softly when he saw that Tony’s contemplative gaze was set on him. 

Would Loki do the same thing? 

Tony didn’t think he could manage if Loki looked at him with cold eyes and told him in a preachy, analytical voice that he was making it up. Delusional. Holding on. Or worse, if Loki recoiled with pity and tried to change the subject. Tony just didn’t think he could stomach the risk. 

But he wanted to. 

He thought about it, whenever he started thinking about his parents and Loki. 

He wished that they could have met Loki. His mom would have loved him. Tony was sure of it. 

Loki sat down next to him, briefly setting his hand on Tony’s knee in a hello. Sometimes, those tiny gestures made Tony feel like he could fall apart. 

“Hey Lo,” Tony said. His chest swelled with quiet affection as he stared at Loki, soaking in everything from the slight shift of green in the pattern on his irises, to the easy way he sat back in his chair with his legs out in front of him, to the small motion his wrist was making as he twirled the beer in its bottle, condensation slipping down the neck and onto his pale fingers. 

“You alright?” Loki asked. 

“Yeah,” Tony answered. He grinned, just to make the point and reassure Loki. “Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a small in between chapter. As always, I love hearing what you think about them and am curious to hear any hopes/things you'd like to see. :)


	7. Chapter 7

Clint drifted by Tony on a massive flamingo pool float. “Hey,” Tony called after him. The wing of the flamingo had knocked Tony in the arm, letting out a plastic-y squeak. Clint must have heard him. “Hey, bird brain!” 

“What?” Clint asked, not bothering to look back. 

Tony flipped up his sunglasses, cold water lapping over his stomach as he sat up on his shallow raft. “I didn’t say you could bring that in the pool.” 

“You also didn’t say that I couldn’t,” Clint informed him. 

Clint was obviously pleased with himself. Sticking out one leg into the water, Clint maneuvered the float back towards Tony. He knew even before it happened that Clint was going to ram into him. “Don’t you dare—Clint—not the—” They collided, Tony’s raft bowing in the middle and sending him underwater. 

When he surfaced Clint was outright laughing. “Hey!” Tony squawked. His sunglasses forgotten on the pool floor, he scrambled up onto Clint’s flamingo, only to have Clint drag him under when Tony succeeded in knocking him off. 

After a lot of kicking and flailing, they both wound back up on the flamingo. Between the two of them, the flamingo sunk down until only its neck, head, and wings were above the water. 

“Kids,” Sam called out to them. “If you keep that up I’m going to take away your dessert.” 

Tony stuck his tongue out. Clint took that opportunity to shove Tony off.

In retaliation, Tony kicked off from the bottom of the flamingo, jostling Clint from his seat. 

This time when Tony surfaced, he chose to come up on the side of the pool that Steve was standing by. Steve smiled down at him, tossing another dive ring into the pool. “Want to go against me?” He asked over Clint’s indignant yelling.

Tony pulled himself up out of the pool. “You sure you can win, old man?” 

Steve dropped the last one in. The grin on his face was answer enough. “Whoever can collect the most rings in one dive wins.” 

“You first,” Tony said. 

Naturally, Steve dove down into the pool like he was a damn olympic swimmer. His toned body swooped up four of the six rings before Steve came up for air. Tony was thinking too hard about the layout of the rings to trash talk him. 

Steve tossed the rings back in without a word. Tony watched as they sank, working out the route in his mind. 

He dove in feet first, then oriented himself, grabbing the first ring. The next two were easy, but his lungs demanded air as the fourth loomed in front of him.

Tony could handle it. 

He could show Steve. 

He pushed off the concrete bottom for a boost, grasping for the fourth. Fuck, fuck. Okay, got it. Fuck. Burning lungs. No, he could make the fifth. He wouldn’t tie Steve. He could handle this little tiny ring. 

And he did. Tony gasped as his head broke free of the water. He threw the rings over the side, heaving for a breath, then wiped the chlorinated water out of his eyes. “Looks like you lost, gramps.” Tony’s tone was cheeky, and he felt pretty satisfied with himself when he saw that Steve appeared begrudgingly impressed.

“Not bad,” Steve said. 

Of course, then Clint smacked into him with the flamingo and that all started again, but things were pretty good. 

 

Tony couldn’t talk the guys into staying past pizza for dinner, so he wandered down to the lab, wondering when Loki would be home. Loki was working on Saturday to get a few extra things ready for a client on Monday. Loki had seemed pretty happy about it, and Loki seemed pretty driven about his business in general, so Tony was happy for him.

But he still wished that Loki had been here today. 

He’d gotten used to having Loki here, and now the house seemed empty when he wasn’t. 

Tony glanced at the clock. It seemed a bit late, but Loki always could’ve stopped at Thor and Jane’s on the way home. Tony pulled up Jarvis. At least that would keep him busy for a while. 

 

He didn’t hear the lab door open. Luckily he caught the sound of Loki’s footsteps. 

Loki strode towards him, a soft smile on his lips. “Hey, Lo.” He was wearing a light jacket, but that wasn’t what caught Tony’s attention. 

It was the brand new pair of black leather pants. 

“What’re you working on?” Loki asked, smirking slightly but ignoring the obvious distraction on Tony’s face. He came up and leaned over Tony’s chair, placing his hands on the back of it and staring at one of the computer screens. 

“Jarvis,” Tony answered. Loki’s long hair brushed against the side of Tony’s face when Loki leaned in towards a screen. “I’m making it so that he can sort of monitor a room, know who’s in it, and take some simple commands. That sort of stuff. I’ve programmed him to handle a lot of the lab already, but that’s more of technical stuff for me. I’m thinking about expanding him into one of the rooms upstairs as a trial.” 

“What would he do differently upstairs?” Loki asked, genuinely curious. Tony loved that. Loki asked questions and actively remembered what he was working on. Normally, Tony felt like he was babbling like an idiot outside of the engineering department. People just wanted their shit to work, they didn’t care past that. 

“Adjust the temperature based on your own, so if you were getting too hot he could lower it before you asked, things like that. And place orders for carryout, or make other sorts of phone calls based on what you ask him for. Tell you who’s at the front door. Things like that.” 

“That is really cool, Tony.” 

Shrugging his shoulders, Tony quickly added, “And you know, turn the lights out and stuff for you or put them on timers or whatever you want, instead of just the sensors. Because sometimes if you don’t move, the sensors think you’re out of the room when you’re not, but Jarvis wouldn’t have that problem.” Loki hadn’t said much about the lights after Tony had changed them out, and Tony couldn’t tell from his expression that day whether he’d had a positive or a negative reaction to it. “Now that the reactor’s hooked up to the house, I kind of thought I should start expanding Jarvis.” 

Loki fingers kneaded lightly against his shoulders, but Tony could see in Loki’s reflection on the screen that his eyes were set on the coding. Tony’s shoulders relaxed in his hands. 

“I’m having trouble getting some of his speech drive to process idiomatic expressions,” Tony said. “But I want people to be able to talk to him naturally, so…it’s going to take some work.” 

The fingers at his shoulders felt really good, Tony had to admit. “And I guess I might add some sort of safety monitoring thing later on, but that’d be a while. And I want to move him into the kitchen for you, so you don’t have to use your hands to adjust the temperature on the oven or something when like your hands are covered in batter or something.” Loki hummed, almost sounding amused. “You’re home late,” Tony said, turning back to look at Loki over his shoulder. “I thought you’d be home around dinner.” 

Loki’s gaze drifted down towards him, calm and easy. The way the lab’s lighting looked on his face, and that black hair of his…it was great. Tony would have to make a note to keep it set like this. “I went shopping afterwards.” 

Tony lit up. It was an in to talk about the pants. He twisted around in the chair, swiveling until the side of his thigh rested against Loki. “Is that where you got these?” Tony asked, setting one appreciative hand on Loki’s ass. 

Loki smirked with pride before answering indifferently. “I got these a week ago.” 

“And you waited this long to wear them?!” Tony used his free hand to clutch at his chest, “Loki, that’s a crime.” 

“I wanted to wash them first and I didn’t have a full load yet,” Loki answered with all the logic and rationale of the world. 

“What does that matter?” Tony grabbed for Loki’s hips, trying to pull him in a little closer. “And I have to say, I’m offended that you didn’t take me shopping with you. I want to watch you try on things.” 

“Exactly,” Loki said. “I’d never get anywhere.” He casually carded his fingers through Tony’s hair, saying, “I have a few things I need to write down and finish from work today before I forget about them. I’m going to go upstairs.” 

“Loki,” Tony pouted. 

“You know you’re a little sunburnt along your nose?” It was teasing, as were the fingers now deliberately messing up his hair. “I do need to write down a few things tonight, and I’d rather get them done now.” Tony let out a long, sad sigh. “Poor thing,” Loki said. His hand left Tony’s hair. 

Loki seemed as if he was about to leave when he paused, remembering something. “Do you know why there was a brown and gold robe lying on the floor upstairs? I almost tripped over it when I was coming in. Did someone leave it from swimming?” 

“It’s mine,” Tony said. He let go of Loki and ran his fingers through his hair, dropping back into the chair. 

“Oh,” Loki said. “I just thought it didn’t look like something of yours.” 

“It was my dad’s,” Tony explained. “I was going to wear it out to the pool but I left it inside.” He scratched at his beard. He’d forgotten the desire to tell Loki about his parents again, but he’d also found himself thinking about them more often. “Figured I’d be fine and wouldn’t get burnt. How long do you think before you’re done?” 

Loki pressed his lips together. “You wanted to wear something of your dad’s?” Tony knew that Loki was trying his best to be delicate about it, but suspicion burned in his eyes. 

“I guess,” Tony said. 

Loki rubbed his hands together, expression illegible. “Okay,” Loki said. He wavered for a moment, avoiding Tony’s gaze. “You can come lay on the couch in my room while I finish up if you want to.” 

Any other night Tony would’ve taken him up on the offer. Hell, tonight he really wanted to take Loki up on the offer. 

But he felt ashamed about the thing with his dad. 

Not because Loki had asked, but because Tony had been through all of his hangups about his dad in therapy. He was supposed to be done with that. He knew his dad wasn’t great with him, but recently he’d found himself…well, as crummy as it was meeting Loki’s parents, and as much of a shit show as it would have been for Loki to meet his dad, he wanted, well…

And Tony had been so certain that he’d never get to this point in life with anyone, but it looked like Loki was really going to be sticking around now, at least for a while, and Tony… before Loki changed his mind and left… maybe he wished that…

“You can come up if you change your mind,” Loki said, starting for the door. 

“Okay,” Tony mumbled. He turned back around to work on Jarvis. 

Tony’s hands hovered over his keyboard. After a moment, he went to work. And for a while, it was fine. 

But he really would rather be upstairs. 

And being down here alone, he could think about things that he didn’t really want to think about. 

Tony grabbed his tablet and headed upstairs, somewhat apprehensively. Yet when he got to the top of the stairs, Loki’s door was open. He was sitting at his desk, typing something into that ancient laptop that Tony took as a personal affront to technological progress. 

Tony sunk down onto the old couch, feeling a bit at home as he did so. Until he found the lump and let out a little groan. 

Then he settled back in and turned an appreciative eye towards Loki working at his desk. His lamp was on, casting a yellow light over his shoulder as he turned pages back and forth in a binder. 

He was naturally good at managing things, Tony had to hand that to him. He wasn’t as much as a natural with the staff unless he was in charming mode, but he was a good manager. He didn’t get caught up in trying to please people, and he certainly didn’t hesitate to make a correction. Tony knew he was going to be fine. 

Loki’s phone started to ring. He took one look at the caller I.D. before dropping it on the desk. 

“Who was that?” 

“My mother,” Loki said, typing. “Trying to make lunch plans, I’m sure.” 

The comfort that Tony had been slipping into fizzled out. He started to sit up. “When?” 

“It doesn’t matter because I’m not going anyway,” Loki said. He flipped a page over, intent on staying with whatever task he was doing. “I’ve decided that I need some distance from her for a while.” 

Tony didn’t know how he was supposed to react. On one hand, great. On the other, he knew that Loki loved his mom. It couldn’t be an easy choice for him. “Is it—like a serious thing?” 

“No,” Loki said easily. “It’s just a boundary that I need right now.” 

Tony wasn’t sure that he’d heard right. “Did something happen?” 

“No.” Loki typed something in hurriedly before turning back towards Tony. “I’ve just been thinking about some of the things you’ve been saying, and what I think about things, and this is simply something that I need right now. She doesn’t need me dropping everything to attend a lunch with her, and I need some space.”

“That’s—” What should Tony say? Praise him? Not make a big deal out it? He was sort of in shock that Loki had made that decision at all. “Great, Lo.” 

Loki closed his eyes for a moment, dismissing it with shrugged shoulders. “I’m sure I’ll hear about what an ungrateful miscreant I am at the next family gathering.” 

“When’s that?” 

“Thor’s birthday,” Loki said, turning back around. “Which isn’t for a few weeks.” Shit, right, Tony needed to get him a gift for that. “And one would hope that they have the sense not to start anything then.” Loki typed something else in. “I sincerely don’t think that they will.” 

Tony didn’t know what to say about Loki’s family. “Hey, do you want to go in on Thor’s gift together?” 

“Sure.” 

That had been remarkably easy. 

Fuck, Loki was full of surprises tonight. Maybe this wasn’t really Loki. Maybe it was some body double that was only pretending to be Loki while the real one was somewhere else. 

“You’ve got to be better at picking out things for him than me,” Tony said. 

“I could give him a macaroni noodle frame and he’d love it,” Loki answered dryly. Tony caught himself smiling. 

Yeah, Loki probably could get away with a macaroni noodle frame. 

Tony flopped back down against the couch. “How much longer until you’re done?”

“Ask me again and it’s going to go from five minutes to fifteen.” 

Tony grinned. As much as he wanted to make a smart ass remark, he had no doubts that Loki would stick to his promise. 

And those ten extra Loki-less minutes weren’t worth it.


	8. Chapter 8

Loki had him pinned against the refrigerator, his fingers down the waistband of Tony’s jeans and desperately digging in against overheated skin as he practically sucked the air from Tony’s lungs. In short, perfect. 

Tony knew they’d wind up on a surface that was definitely out of Loki’s pristine, coveted kitchen before it got much further, but Tony loved how Loki was domineering by default if Tony could get him going in the kitchen. One hand grabbed Tony’s face, angling his mouth to accommodate a demanding tongue, and Tony gave in without protest so that he could sneak one hand onto the free fridge door. 

He cracked it open. Loki stilled, wet lips pulling back. He rested his forehead against Tony’s before quietly, almost in a threat asking, “What are you doing?” 

There was so much power and demand in those words, it went straight to Tony’s groin. “Nothing,” Tony said, blindly feeling around for the pastry bag he’d spotted at breakfast. “Just thought I’d have a little fun.” 

Grasping it, Tony brought the cold metal tip to his lips, squeezing out a slow ribbon of white paste in a way that purposefully missed its target. In the most debauched way he could manage, Tony licked his lips, heavy eyes set on Loki. 

Loki’s eyes darkened, his hips subconsciously leaning into Tony, but then he stepped back. And almost laughed, but it sounded a bit like despair. Loki snatched the bag out of his hands. “Tony,” he said, his body woefully out of easy reach now, “do you know how long it took me to make this buttercream for work?” 

“Ten minutes?” Tony honestly guessed. He’d watched Loki make stuff like that before. It couldn’t be that long. 

“I made the extract,” Loki said. 

“Okay?” He had cream on the corner of his mouth, he knew he did. He had to look absolutely fuckable right now, why was Loki staring at him like he couldn’t decide whether to be pissed or laugh? 

“It took over a month.” 

“Oh.” 

“And now it’s got your spit,” Loki said, dropping it on the counter. Fuuuck. Not fair. How the fuck was Tony supposed to know that? And extra not fair because he could see how hard Loki was, and his lips were swollen, and Tony wanted to run his fingers through that hair _now_. 

Tony dropped his weight against the refrigerator, cringing at how tight his pants were. “I didn’t know,” he whined. “Lo,” he said, trying his very best bedroom eyes. Loki’s arms were already crossed over his chest, and Tony was woefully out of his depth. “I didn’t know. I thought you were just making cream puffs.” 

Loki watched him intently, thinking. Then he tapped a finger against his lips, eyes flickering to the cream still on Tony’s mouth. “I suppose we could get whipped cream from the store,” he said, almost gaging on the words. “Or I could make chocolate body paint.” 

“Yep, I like the second option,” Tony said. Why wasn’t Loki moving? There was way too much talking. But then, just because Tony couldn’t not say it, “Like you’d let some lowly aerosol whipped cream touch you,” he teased. 

Loki rolled his eyes. “I have eaten plenty of junk food in my life, Tony. Especially now that I live with you, oh captain of cereal and maple syrup.” 

“Hey! Sugar’s good for you. And this is way too much talking. Could we, can we just get back to sex?” 

Loki smiled, in that real way that Tony wanted to catch and hold on to. Loki was moving in on him again with just a hint of fondness when Tony’s phone began to buzz. “What now?” Tony groaned, yanking it out of his back pocket. 

_Security update. A motion sensor was repeatedly tripped on a third floor window, setting off an alarm. It was traced back to a squirrel building a nest in a nearby tree. The alarm has been reset._

Tony read the message one more time. 

Yeah, he was going to have to take this on. He’d never had a squirrel set off an alarm before. It was suspicious. The last thing he needed was a rival company committing corporate espionage and covering it up, or an employee after their own interests. “I need to go check the security on the building.” 

“What happened?” Loki asked, letting go of his hips. 

“A squirrel tripped the alarm. I need to go in and make sure that nothing’s amiss.” He shoved the phone down into his pocket while straightening his shirt. 

“Tony,” Loki said, obviously displeased. “You have a twenty-four hour security team there. Surely they can handle one squirrel.” 

“Yeah, but Happy’s not there today, and I need to make sure that no one’s attempted something. I just, I need to look.” He pushed out of Loki’s grasp. Loki had no right to act like he was being ridiculous. He didn’t know what it was like. “Anyway, I can stop at the store for whipped cream on the way back then.”

A strained smile appeared on Loki’s face, followed by a softer, kinder voice. “Tony. You don’t _need_ to go. I’m sure they can manage on their own. You have a good team.” 

Tony shook his head. “I’ll see you when I get back.” 

“Fine,” Loki said, walking away and picking the piping bag up off the counter. 

Tony brushed a fist against his mouth, wiping off what was left of the cream. So much for that. And now there was probably someone rummaging through his things in his office. And nothing was a better boner killer than the thought of his company getting fucked over again. 

Tony saw Loki watching him from the corner of his eye as he left. He was probably pissed. 

Tony just hoped that he’d be over it by the time that he got back. 

 

The security team flew out of their seats when they saw Tony. There was an unfinished card game on the table and opened bags of chips. “I didn’t get invited for blackjack?” Tony asked. “I’m offended.” He stuck his hands in his pockets and waited. 

“We’re watching the cameras,” his head security officer said in one breath. “There hasn’t been a suspicious thing all day.” 

“There are a lot of people depending on this company,” Tony said. “Did anybody check the building or did you just wave at Rocky, throw him some acorns, and call it a day?” 

Everyone looked at each other across the table, holding their breath. 

“We didn’t investigate past seeing the squirrel, but we’ll go run rounds now.” The room scattered like roaches in sunlight. 

Tony sighed. If it hadn’t been Happy’s day off, this never would’ve happened. Happy got it. He took things seriously. 

Tony went up to his office. He checked everything himself, from the servers to the log of keycard entries. 

It was fine. 

Of course, now he’d lost a couple of hours to this crap. He just wanted to go home. 

When Tony pulled into the garage he realized that he hadn’t gone to the store, and he’d kind of meant to. At least then it would’ve looked like a valid excuse. He shuffled into the house, kicking off his shoes and dropping his keys on the hook. Loki was at the kitchen counter, drawing. 

“Did you vanquish the horrific squirrel?” Loki asked, not looking up. 

Tony ignored the teasing in Loki’s voice. “Yeah.” Haha, he was an idiot. He was going down to the lab. 

Loki turned around, setting his arm on the back of the barstool. Tony caught a glimpse of a packaging design over his shoulder. Loki was actually starting to draw somewhat convincingly. “Was there anything there?” Loki asked. Tony tried to stay distracted with the drawing. It looked like something that would be on a craft beer. Loki’s leg moved as if he were about to get down. 

“No,” Tony said. “But I’ve got to take care of a couple of things. I’ll be in the lab.” He walked out before Loki could say anything else. 

Once Tony was there, he sank down into his chair. 

Maybe he should work on getting Jarvis to control the company building instead. 

But he didn’t really want to work on that right now. 

There were a few prototypes of different products lying around the lab. He could work on one of those. Tony stared out over the room. 

He slumped back. None of them appealed. 

Then his vision landed on his father’s robe on the couch. He shouldn’t have brought it in here. He should’ve left it in the boxes with the other crap. 

But it was in here, because he couldn’t keep his shit together as usual. 

He hated himself for wanting his father’s approval, even now. He knew his father wouldn’t like Loki, he knew it. His father wouldn’t have liked anyone. And it was such a dumb thing to be thinking about. They were gone. 

He’d just been thinking about his parents more now that Loki lived with him. He wasn’t sure why. 

Tony drummed his fingers against his knee. 

It didn't help that he’d been thinking about the accident again. It was something he needed to let go of. His father had probably been drinking, as usual. And the worst happened. That’s all it was. He knew that. 

He just didn’t know why he couldn’t let that be that and accept it. Was he just trying to hold on to a rosier image of his father? Still? 

But Obadiah had told him that he’d always hated his father. And Tony knew he’d just been messing with his head at the trial, he had. Tony set his head in his hands and slouched against the desk. 

Maybe he’d watch a movie instead. 

“Tony?” Loki’s head popped in the door. “Come on. Let’s go eat dinner.” 

Tony squinted. Loki didn’t look pissed. He didn’t sound pissed either. “Come on,” Loki prompted him, nodding his head towards the hallway. “We can eat out by the pool.” He disappeared, softly shutting the door. 

Tony stood up. Okay. So Loki wasn't pissed. That was good. 

When he got to the doorway, Loki was a few paces ahead of him, on his way to the kitchen. Tony followed, then walked past him to get a drink from the fridge. 

There was a glass jar of chocolate and a different piping bag in the center of the fridge. Warmth crawled into Tony’s chest. He grinned as he pulled a beer from the back. “You were busy,” Tony said. 

A sly expression crossed Loki’s face as he grabbed a plate from the counter. “That’s for later.” Loki took a swig from the soda bottle in his hand, watching him. Then he started towards the pool. 

Tony hurried to catch up, grabbing the other plate and following at Loki’s heels. 

“Y’know, we haven’t done that whole pool boy thing yet,” Tony said. He tilted his plate to the side, careful not to let the grilled sandwich slide off as they rounded a corner. 

“And here I thought that you were hoping I’d forget.” 

“What? No way.” 

Loki pushed the door open, then held it with his shoulder for Tony to pass. It was just past sunset, and the sky was a darkened blue color. The pool lights shone across the water in long, rippled lines. Setting his plate down on a table, Loki sat down in one of the wire chairs beside the pool. Tony took the matching seat. 

“Maybe on a day when it’s not so hot though,” Tony said. It was a nice temperature now, but it had rained earlier in the day. “Or maybe on an evening, since the guys have been over every weekend.” Loki took a bite from his sandwich, staring out across the pool. “I can’t believe Clint left his damn flamingo here.” 

“I was wondering who brought that,” Loki said. 

Tony tore a huge bite from his sandwich. He was starving, now that he thought about it. A flicker of contentment lit Loki’s face. 

Tony was pretty sure that Loki had a thing for watching him eat, but he wasn’t entirely certain. 

“Clint had an alligator last year, I don’t know where it went. I wanted to get a giant donut float ring,” Tony said, rushing to swallow. “That’s way better.” 

Loki didn’t have an answer for that. His attention was either cast down towards his food, or quietly set on Tony. “They sell watermelons and ice cream bar ones. I thought about getting an inflatable beer pong one, but that just screamed liability.” Loki smiled a little at that. “What I really should do is get a shark and mess with Clint.” 

“Is there going to be any room left in the pool for the water?” 

“We’ll see.” Tony wolfed down the rest of his sandwich, then started on the chips. “One year I got a bunch of LED lights and turned them into an octopus along the bottom of the pool. Not to mess with anyone, just because it was something to do. I had a birthday party in here one year, that was a mistake. They tore the place up. That was when I first got the house though, and luckily I’d had the sense to lock most of the rooms. I didn’t even get to have that much fun. I don’t remember all of it anyway.” He took a drink. “I had to invent a little thing to rescue the frogs out of there, it’s sad when they drown.” 

Loki scratched at the back of his head, frowning. He was staring at the pool again. Maybe he wanted to get in. “We can go swimming afterwards if you want,” Tony said. 

“I just thought it would be nice to be outside.” 

“Okay,” Tony said, grabbing his beer. Loki had finished eating while Tony had been talking. Tony swallowed the beer down and grabbed another chip. 

Loki set his hands in his lap. He traced the design on one of his fingers. 

Tony thought about going inside for another beer. He was about to finish this one. 

“Tony,” Loki said. It was heavy. Tony instantly stilled, the beer on his tongue going stale. “Are you upset with me about something?” 

Tony rushed to swallow. “Wha—no. Why? I thought you were pissed with me about taking your icing thing.” 

“It would have been nice if you’d thought about asking since you know that I keep some of my work samples in there, or apologized, but I fixed it. I’m not pissed.” Loki combed his fingers through his hair, staring at the table as he said it.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said. It hadn’t occurred to him to apologize. “I wanted to surprise you.” 

“Oh, you did,” Loki said. He laughed a little, so Tony did too. Good. At least that was okay. “But Tony,” Loki said, eyes set on him now. “You’ve been acting off lately. I think that something is bothering you.” 

It was Tony’s turn to stare at the table. Fuck. Shit. How could Loki tell?

“And if you want to start going to therapy together again,” Loki said. “That’s fine. I’ll go with you.” 

“No.” Tony tugged at his shirt, twisting the hem between his fingers for a moment. “It’s not you,” Tony said. “And we, we had our last session and I do feel like we’re at the point where we can handle things on our own. I don’t want to go back for a refresher so soon.” Tony tried to relax back into the chair and look natural. “I think I’ll keep with my monthly sessions for me for a while. If I’m being more anxious…” It killed him to say that, it really did. 

“That’s not what I meant.” Loki leaned in. “I don’t think you’re being more anxious, I think that something is bothering you. You’re distracted.” The directness of it was soothing in a way, because it didn’t leave gaps for Tony to worry about. It was frustrating in the way that Loki had to go and notice everything. “And you know that if you want me to go with you to a session, not as a couple, but just as support, that’s always an option.” 

Fuck. That was such a nice thing for Loki to offer, it almost hurt. “Uhh,” Tony started. Loki was getting good at talking about things too. He rubbed the back of his neck. He wished he could go back to when they fucked and avoided everything. 

No he didn’t. 

“I guess,” Tony said. He rubbed his hands across his face, taking a deep breath. “Lately I’ve—” This was so stupid, he shouldn’t be bringing it up. “Been thinking about my parents a lot. And I—” He glanced up at Loki. “Wish they could’ve met you.” 

Loki was quiet for a moment. A sympathetic smile appeared on his lips. “I wish I could have met them too.” 

Tony’s face was burning. “I’m sorry. I’m being dumb. I don’t know why I’m thinking about it. I guess just because you moved in, and I, we have all this stuff with your parents, and I know it’s hard and mine would’ve been too, doing holidays and stuff, but I just. I don’t know. It’d be nice to have that option.” 

Loki reached across the table, sliding his fingers up Tony’s wrist and slipping his hand into Tony’s palm, drawing it back from his face. Loki laced his fingers in, and Tony wanted to laugh because it was so tender and not punk rock of him, but it also made him want to come apart. 

“I don’t think that’s dumb,” Loki said. 

There was a soft, protective ferocity to it that made Tony’s chest feel like it had been cracked open. Okay, so maybe not dumb. But not flattering. 

Tony opened his mouth, but he didn’t know what to say. 

“Is there something else?” Loki quietly asked. 

God, the way that hand was holding his. 

How could something so plain fuck him up like this? 

It felt silly, like Tony Stark who had gone straight to one night stands and threesomes as a seventeen year old kid at MIT was now living out the schmaltzy, love sick teen years he’d never gotten to have. 

Tony cleared his throat. Overthinking it. Loki brushed his thumb against Tony’s wrist, and Tony wanted to just drop it and fall apart and tell him. He did, he really, really did. 

“No.” Tony licked his lips. “That’s it.” 

For a moment Loki said nothing, and Tony was already kicking himself for it. Fuck, he wanted to tell. He did. But he didn’t want Loki to think that he was delusional. They were finally getting to be normal. He didn’t need to drag all of his shit into things. 

“Do you want to sit with me?”

“What?” 

“Can I hold you?” Loki grinned, self-deprecatingly, maybe. “I’m stealing a move from you here.” 

“You are?” 

“Yeah,” Loki said. He ignored Tony’s obvious confusion, letting go of his hand. “Just come sit here.” Tony stood awkwardly, not entirely sure where Loki was going with this, but not about to shrug off any affection that Loki was going to hand out. He took a step towards Loki’s chair and Loki grabbed his waist, directing Tony to turn around and face the pool as he pulled Tony into his lap. 

It wasn’t the best fit in the chair, but Loki’s legs spread out and compensated for the reduced room, bracing them as he sunk down into his chair. Tony let some of his weight drop and relax. 

At this angle, Loki could speak perfectly against his ear or neck. His arms were wrapped around Tony’s waist, like a bar holding him in on a ride. It was reassuring, to say the least. 

“So that jar in the fridge, that’s body paint, right?” 

“Yes,” Loki answered, giving no indication of anything further. 

Somewhere nearby, a particularly loud insect was chirping over the usual night chatter. Tony watched the lights flicker on the pool. “I should put a fountain in the pool.” 

“If you want,” Loki said indifferently. 

Tony wanted to squirm and fidget, but he also wanted to let go and enjoy this. 

Loki’s warm breath passed over his neck with each exhalation. It was comfortable and quiet and nice and they didn’t get to do that all the time. 

“What are we getting Thor for his birthday?” 

Sighing, Loki answered, “We can go shopping next week.” 

“But I don’t know what to get,” Tony said. 

“Neither do I.” Loki brushed a hand over his chest, holding it over his heart for a moment before dropping it back down around where he held Tony. It was probably a plea to be quiet. 

Tony started searching for ways to update the pool again. It was a nice night, with a gentle breeze and the soothing motion of the water’s surface, but it was immensely intimate if Tony let himself feel it. 

“What were those drawings for?” 

Loki’s nose set against his neck. There was a mumbled reply into his shoulder. “Not sure. Just trying things out.” 

“Oh. You’re actually getting kinda good at drawing now, you know? It’s nothing at all like that robot you did.” 

“Thank you.” 

Tony rested his arms over Loki’s, because it was getting kind of uncomfortable otherwise. And Loki was so warm behind him, the way that Loki’s chest rose and fell with his own was so reassuring, and the stupid picturesque pool was there. “I think we should get you a new car.” 

“Don’t,” Loki snapped, hard and finite. Tony’s body tensed. “Don’t even go there,” Loki warned, a bit easier this time. 

“Okay,” Tony said. “It’s sentimental or something, right?” He joked, wondering if Loki could feel the spike in his heart rate.

“It was my grandmother’s.” 

It took him a moment to realize that Loki was fucking with him. And just as he started to move to give Loki crap about it, Loki pulled him in tighter. “Tony,” he said firmly. “Just sit here for a moment.” 

But that was so hard to do. Loki had no idea. 

Tony tried, but as the tranquility of the pool lulled him in again, he started thinking. Maybe something had happened at the building today and he hadn’t caught it. Maybe he should check again, just to be safe. They were getting ready to seriously develop a few new products, who would’ve been interested in them? What were they going to get for Thor’s birthday? Should he wear the black suit or the navy suit over there or was that too much? The way Loki was holding him was making him sleepy. Were they doing anything tomorrow? 

Tony’s thoughts droned on for what felt like ages, until he was back to redesigning the pool. He’d relaxed though, at least in body. He’d allowed all of his weight to slump against Loki. 

“You’re sure there’s nothing else?” Loki asked. 

Getting a second chance hadn’t been expected. Tony was sure that his tensed body gave him away, but he tried all the same. “I’m fine, Lokes.” 

“Alright.” Loki rested his chin over Tony’s shoulder. They sat like that a few more minutes, and Tony strongly suspected that it was Loki giving him more time to change his mind. “Okay, get up, you’re killing my circulation.” 

Tony whined, just to be a dick about it, before Loki shoved him upwards. “Okay, okay.” Tony stretched, yawning as he did so. “We’re getting soft in our old age, you know? If we’re not careful, we’re going to start going to bed at seven and qualify for social security.” 

“I can throw a fit about you messing with my work and make you sleep on the couch if that makes you feel better.” 

“Nah. I’m good.” 

Loki bent down and grabbed their plates, then walked towards the door. Tony left his empty bottle on the table. “Lo,” he said, following him inside. “Do you think we should get him like a watch?” 

“Thor?” Loki asked. His ponytail was loose in the back and hung crookedly to the side. 

“Yeah.” 

Loki adjusted the plates in his hands to rest against his elbow instead, but didn’t turn around. “He’s been getting into woodworking. He wants to make a rocking horse for Azalea when she’s older.” Loki paused as they turned a corner. “He’s also been gardening.” 

“So some fancy power tools?” 

He thought that he heard Loki sigh, but he wasn’t sure. “We can figure it out next week.” 

“Your family’s thing is before, right? Then we’re all going over to Jane and Thor’s house to meet up with everybody, right? Which party do we give him the gift at? I mean, if it’s going to be really amazing we should give it at the second one, definitely, that way Sam or Clint can’t give us shit about not bringing something.” 

Loki set the plates into the dishwasher, then took several slow, long steps back to where Tony was standing. He set his hand on Tony’s shoulder, then let it wander up his neck for a moment before letting go. “It’ll be fine, Tony.” 

“I know,” Tony said. When did he say it wouldn’t be? Loki didn’t answer him. He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead as if he were tired, then wandered into the living room and laid down on the couch. Tony sat down by his hips. “Do you think that Jane’s going to order from that bakery they had last time? Because that was amazing.” 

Loki reached over and set his hand on Tony’s knee. “I don’t know, Tony.”


	9. Chapter 9

Tony fussed with his cufflink, debating whether he should switch it for the most conservative design that he had. Not that these rectangular ones were particularly flashy or anything, but he did have a simple oval pair. And there was probably nothing too conservative for Mr. Odinson. 

“Tony,” Loki said, walking up behind him. In the mirror, Loki wore a familiar black band t-shirt with a worn through collar. “You don’t have to get dressed up,” Loki said. 

Tony abandoned Loki’s reflection to stare at his own. 

Tony Stark. Medium brown hair, styled with product but not too much. Freshly shaved face with a perfectly trimmed beard. Suit and tie that were both ahead of the runway and priced like it. Sunglasses tucked inside a front pocket like a bullet proof vest. He heard Loki sigh behind him. “Tony.” 

Tony glanced back over his shoulder. Maybe Loki’s casual look was a new fuck you to his father. The short sleeves showed off his toned arms though, and Tony couldn’t complain about that. And his hair was perfectly slicked back into a ponytail, so Loki couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t made an effort. “You ready?” Tony asked, reaching for the tie at his own throat. 

“I am, but you’re not.” 

The tie was just a little too tight. He adjusted it. “I’m completely ready,” Tony said. “Just finishing up.” 

Tony ignored the Loki in the mirror that was crossing and uncrossing his arms. “Lose the suit,” Loki said. 

It was a shame that those words were being said under these circumstances. Tony turned around towards Loki, setting his hands on the vanity behind him. “I don’t think my boxers are dress appropriate, Lo.” 

“Smartass,” Loki said, reaching for his tie. “Casual is fine,” he said, fingers swiftly untying the knot with precise, firm motions. “I guarantee you that Thor and Jane will not show up in their Sunday best.” 

The silk fabric slid around Tony’s neck, curling in against him as Loki yanked it clear with a mechanical tug of his wrist. “We don’t have to appease or impress anyone.” 

“Loki,” Tony said. Those dark green eyes settled on him, bright but patient. Crisp mint lingered on Loki’s breath as he stood by Tony, folding the tie in his hand. “Do you think it’s okay to do things differently?” 

“Differently from what?” Loki asked, wrapping the tie around his fingers like boxing tape. Tony reached over and took it from him, setting it down on the vanity. 

“You always wear a dress shirt to lunch with your mother.” 

Loki set both hands on Tony’s shoulders. “It’ll be fine.” He patted Tony, then let go. “Just change, alright? I don’t want to be late because I was waiting on your ass.” 

Tony reached for his cufflink but didn’t do a thing past twisting it. He startled when Loki undid the top button of his suit. “Now,” Loki said, voice slipping down low. “Unless you want me to make a game of this, I suggest that you change into something else.” 

Tony swallowed with a rather dry throat, ignoring the heat crawling into him. Loki’s fingers lingered before flicking open the second button. Bastard. He could be a complete tease if he wanted to be. 

“Fine.” Tony turned back around, waiting for Loki to wander somewhere else so that he could fish out his sunglasses and find another place for them. Loki patted his shoulder before leaving him to it. 

 

Tony’s stomach was in a god damn knot by the time they arrived at the Odinson’s house. 

He hadn’t had the energy to fight Loki over whose car they were taking, and privately he thought that Loki got something out of leaving his beater in front of the house, parked way off the curb like an asshole. Tony had taken his meds but it wasn’t like they could really quash the fact of what he was doing. He tried not to obsess over the potentials of his anxiety as they walked up to the house. 

“Hello darling,” Mrs. Odinson answered the door, as chipper and motherly as ever. Loki accepted her hug with ease and Tony hung back, studying the new floral arrangement in the center of the hall. “And Tony,” she said. “Come here, it’s so good to see you.” She pulled him into a hug before he could process the request. 

His stiff body barely gave anything into the motion. He wanted to push away, but that wasn’t an option. “Nice to see you Mrs. Odinson,” he answered. He was a god damn CEO, he could do this. She beamed back at him, none the wiser. 

“I’m afraid we aren’t quite ready yet,” she said, addressing Loki. “We’re still getting the dining room set up.” 

“That’s fine,” Loki said. Tony felt like he’d missed something. “I wanted to show Tony around anyway. Come on, I’ll show you my old room.” He grabbed Tony’s hand, tugging him towards the stairs. 

They didn’t say anything until they reached the top. “What was that all about?” Tony asked, distracted halfway through by the ornate paintings lining the hall. It was like an art gallery had been raided. 

“Probably hoping that I’d offer to help get things ready,” Loki said. He’d let go of Tony’s hand, and Tony was left to follow after Loki’s swift, certain footsteps. All of the doors were shut. Loki pushed one open in the middle of the hallway. Tony squinted in the sunlight. 

It was a bedroom, somewhat small, loaded with posters and dusty knickknacks. A gust of air hit Tony as Loki quickly shut the door behind him. 

“Wow, Lo. Is this your old stuff?” Tony picked up a photograph of a much younger Loki with braces and short hair. “Oh my god.” 

Loki yanked it out of his hands. “Hey!” Tony exclaimed. Loki shoved it in a drawer. “I wanted to see that!” 

“Not if you value your life you don’t.” The threat flickered out as Loki’s gaze roamed over the room. He sank down on the bed. 

Tony reached for a loose trading card on the dresser. A colorful monster was depicted with shiny foil on the back. “I knew you were a huge nerd.” 

“Says the guy that had posters of molecules in his dorm room.” 

“Whatever,” Tony answered. Of course Natasha had to go and tell Loki that. He picked a neon colored bouncy ball off of Loki’s dresser and squeezed it. 

There were a few pictures of Loki and Thor tacked beside a mirror, but none of anyone else. Tony set the ball down as he leaned in towards the old photograph. A teenage Thor wore a letterman jacket with his arm slung around a young Loki clinging to a shoebox diorama. It looked like an elementary classroom behind them. Only _grade_ was legible behind them, cut from construction paper and taped to a chalkboard. Thor seemed proud. Loki looked uncertain but happy, as if the praise and affection of the moment in the photograph were worth the discomfort of whatever else was happening. 

It kind of hurt to look at, actually. 

“This is cozy,” Tony said. Loki was lying down on the bed, watching him with his hands folded over his stomach. “Very vintage.” 

Loki leaned up and snatched his wrist, pulling Tony towards him on the bed. Stumbling, Tony was forced to catch himself and crawl over Loki. Loki smiled like it was entertaining. He didn’t say anything before his fingers were sliding into Tony’s hair, ruining the look that Tony had poured over. Really, it bothered him, it really did because he needed to look right, but Loki didn’t even give him a chance to complain before soft lips were at his. 

And for a moment Tony sank into it because it felt so fucking good to be there like this, just like this, not worrying. 

“Lo,” Tony said, pushing back and away until he was sitting up. “What are we doing?” 

Loki turned his head to the side and stared at the wall. 

Nonchalantly he answered, “Killing time.” 

Tony sighed. He reached to smooth his hair, trying to ignore the pleasant, reassuring warmth of Loki beneath him. “Yeah. Gotta say, the idea of your parents walking in on this does not appeal.” 

“Tony—” Tony got up to look in the mirror. “Tony,” Loki grumbled, “They won’t. They’re downstairs. If we wait a few more minutes Thor and Jane should get here, and then we can go down.” 

Slicking down one dislodged lock of hair, Tony studied Loki in the mirror. He was entering into petulant mode, with pinched lips and a heavy wrinkle across his forehead, despite the try for casual indifference he had going sprawled across the bed. It was weird being like this in the fucking Odinson’s house.

Just then, a shrill scream filled the air, as perfectly audible upstairs as it had to be downstairs. Tony shut his eyes. 

“And it would seem that they have arrived,” Loki said dryly, not moving to get up. 

“You said it’ll be fine,” Tony said. 

“I did,” Loki agreed. 

Tony turned towards the door, rolling his eyes where Loki couldn’t see them. Azalea’s shrieking got louder, turning into hiccuping sobs. Tony pulled the door open. He heard the bed groan behind him, then felt Loki’s presence follow him out into the hall. Loki’s hand snuck in against his waist, and Tony wasn’t even sure why the gesture didn’t annoy him when everything else was. The gentle pressure at his side vanished the moment they were downstairs. 

Thor lit up as he saw them, but Jane and Azalea were nowhere to be found. Mrs. Odinson was wringing her hands together, yet smiled as she saw them. “Happy birthday, big guy!” Tony exclaimed, patting his arm. “How’s it feel to be a whole year older?” 

Thor laughed. “Much the same,” he said. He reached over and patted Loki’s shoulder, giving him a quick look of encouragement. “I haven’t spotted any gray hairs yet,” he told Tony. 

“Give it some time,” Tony reassured him. 

Thor laughed, taking a step in the direction of the dining room. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to make it out to your pool this summer. It sounds like everyone’s been having a good time.” 

“Yeah, Clint’s loading it up with shi—sinking dive toys,” Tony saved himself. Mrs. Odinson was walking right behind him, and it was this particular moment that his brain decided to replay the warning he’d given her. “Now I’ve got a big flamingo floating around in there. The pool cleaner’s going to complain.” 

“Maybe I can get over some weekend when Jane’s parents are watching Azalea,” Thor said. Tony’s legs froze for a moment when he entered the dining room and saw Mr. Odinson at the table, a glass of scotch set beside him. “They’re always begging to take her.” 

“Let me know, we can do barbecue or something,” Tony said. Loki was already cutting in front of him, taking the seat beside his father and subtly forcing Tony into the open seat next to himself. Thor took another seat, meaning that Jane would be next to Tony when she came in. He tried to catch a glance of Loki, but Thor distracted him. 

“That’d be great.” He took out his phone. “Here, I wanted to show you this. It’s been doing this weird thing with the folders.” He handed it to Tony. 

Loki muttered something to his father that was too low for Tony to make out. “Your settings are ridiculous,” Tony said, thumbs flying. He leaned back, trying to listen in on Loki and solve the phone problem like lightning. “Why’d you change all of this stuff?” 

“I left it open around Azalea.” Sure. Right. 

“—thank you—” Loki said. “—alright.” 

“Here,” Tony said, handing back the fixed phone. He turned to see what Loki and Mr. Odinson were doing, but they appeared perfectly normal. Jane came in, appearing somewhat harried with Azalea in her arms. 

“I fed her right before we came, I don’t understand why she’s so hungry,” Jane complained as she sat down. 

Thor took Azalea from her. “Maybe she’s having a growth spurt.” 

“I am not looking forward to that mouth filling with teeth,” Jane said, sinking back against the chair. “Hi Tony,” she said, pointedly shifting to a friendly tone. He didn’t get a chance to answer as Mrs. Odinson cut in. 

“Is everyone ready for lunch? I had a spinach, pear, and endive salad made.” The room immediately filled with the sound of clinking plates being passed. There was no pause by the group before they began eating, or awkward tries at a conversation.

Mrs. Odinson immediately became occupied with the baby, and the conversation there seemed to be mainly between her and Thor. Jane leaned over towards Tony. 

“Are you hanging in there alright?” She asked quietly. 

“Like a champ,” Tony answered, not really certain what he was answering about. Azalea was sitting in Mrs. Odinson’s lap now, and Loki’s father was actually paying attention to her. Jane’s eyes flickered over, then back to Tony. 

“You and Loki should come over for dinner with us sometime,” Jane said. 

“Sure. That’d be great.” Tony speared a pear on his fork. “I saw that paper you just put out on dimensional travel.” It was so much more complex than that, which Jane obviously knew. She nodded her head as she swallowed down her drink, setting it on the table. 

“You wouldn’t believe some of the responses I’ve gotten,” she said. 

“I might,” Tony said, thinking to his own arc reactor. 

As they fell into a conversation about the ugly side of science, Tony relaxed. He knew this territory. And Jane was genuinely great to talk with. Besides, Loki had managed to get Azalea now, and that side of the table seemed perfectly content to ooh and ahh over her, which was a relief. There was no stilted conversation with hidden agendas. Tony was perfectly content to stay in his science bubble with Jane. 

It didn’t burst until the meal was over and cake was being pushed on them. Loki’s foot snuck around his, hooking him at the ankle. When he looked over though, Loki’s expression was neutral. Loki smiled back. 

So maybe Loki was fine. 

Loki spoke to Azalea, adjusting her in his arms and keeping his eyes rapt on her as if she were about to answer him back. He seemed so soft and tender with her, nothing at all like the firecracker he could be. 

It wasn’t until Azalea started to fuss that Jane moved to take her back. Tony leaned into his chair, as out of the way as he could be when Azalea was passed between them. “We should get her home soon,” Jane said. “I want her to have a nap before everyone comes over.” 

Clearing his throat, Thor stood up, agreeing. Suddenly, Tony felt immensely jealous that they were leaving. “We should go too,” Loki said, starting to stand. 

“Wait a moment, will you dear?” Mrs. Odinson said. “I’ll walk Jane and Thor to the door to say goodbye. There’s something I wanted to ask you before you leave.” 

“Sure,” Loki said, sinking back down and taking Tony’s heart right with him. Subtly, Tony glared in his direction, but Loki just shrugged. He reached for his fork and set it neatly on his empty cake plate.

Mr. Odinson took a drink from his glass. “Azalea is growing quickly, isn't she?” He spoke at a distance, as if stating it to the air. 

“Yes,” Loki agreed. 

His father made a sound in the back of his throat, nodding his head slightly. “Thor wasn’t that fussy at her age.” 

“Wasn’t he?” Loki replied, snide and adversarial where his father had been plain. 

“What’re you drinking?” Tony asked. It was the first thing that had popped into his head but definitely not his first choice. Mr. Odinson didn’t seem bothered, however. 

“Chivas Regal,” he said. “It’s a twenty five year old Scotch.” 

“I like the chocolate orange in the taste that one has,” Tony said. Mr. Odinson seemed slightly, grudgingly impressed. Maybe. At the very least, he wasn’t displaying open disapproval. 

It was then that Mrs. Odinson returned. She set her hand on the back of Loki’s chair, smiling down at Tony as she did. A glint of light caught her wedding ring. “Loki,” she said. He twisted around in the chair to face her. “The last time that you were here, you made a tea blend from what I already had that was wonderful. Could you show me how to do that again before you leave?” 

The chair thudded as Loki got out of it. “Sure, Mum. I’ll write the amounts down for you.” He stepped towards the kitchen before pausing. “Tony,” he said. “Why don’t you come see the kitchen I grew up with?” 

“It’s a mess,” Mrs. Odinson said. “I’m sure he doesn’t want to see it.” 

“Nonsense,” Loki said, eyes on his mother but hand sneaking towards Tony’s shoulder in a command. Tony got up. He did not want to be stuck with Mr. Odinson. “A messy kitchen is something that he’s quite used to.” Tony tried not to laugh. “And you’ve decorated it so well, you really should give Tony the name of the designer.” 

“Are you thinking about redecorating?” She asked Tony, allowing them to head towards the kitchen now. 

“Uh—yeah,” he said. Fuck, Loki, why’d he have to drag him in on the lie? “The basement needs to be redone.” Nope. That sounded stupid but it was too late. 

“Hmm, I’m not sure if she’s done a basement before. She brought us these plates from Italy. They’re all handcrafted, and each is signed by the artist on the back. We had them use a custom glaze to match the kitchen colors.” 

“Wow,” Tony said, because what else was there to say? He thought he heard Loki snicker, but maybe not. Loki went past them and opened a cupboard above the stove. 

The kitchen was nice, truly. But it was also not at all how Tony would choose to have someone decorate something. 

“Would you like to take some of the cake home with you?” She asked Tony. “This is far more than we can finish by ourselves.” He looked to Loki for direction, but the slim bastard’s back was to him. “Please,” she said. 

“Okay. Thanks.” Tony scratched at his beard. Was that the right thing to say? She took out a container and began to carefully place each piece inside. Loki was scribbling away at something, oblivious to Tony’s discomfort. 

“I’m going to place this note beside the tea canister, alright Mum?” Loki clicked at a pen, then went over to a kitchen drawer to drop it inside. 

“Of course,” she said. She set the container in Tony’s hands. 

Loki caught his gaze and grinned, but it was strained and impatient somehow. “Thanks for lunch, Mum,” he said warmly. He graciously hugged her. “I’m afraid we have to be going.” 

“I’ll see you to the front,” she said. 

“Bye Dad,” Loki called towards the dining room as they passed. There was a brief goodbye in reply, and Tony didn’t know whether he was supposed to chime in and say something. It felt strange to call to a man he couldn’t even see though, so he didn’t. Loki’s mother moved to make another ordeal out of goodbyes at the door. 

Trying to avoid another hug, Tony put the container between himself and Mrs. Odinson. “Thanks for having me,” he told her, setting a hand on the door. 

“Anytime, Tony.” 

“If you want to come by and see the place you can,” Loki reminded her. Tony froze. What? And what the fuck? 

“I’d love to when I get a chance,” she answered. Tony knew by the tone that she had no intention of doing it, but Loki didn’t really seem to pick up on that. 

“Let me know in advance so that I can give you a tour,” Loki said. She simply nodded. Tony swallowed, staring to reel again. Now that he thought about it, of course it was a possibly for Loki’s parents to visit the house, but…but it was his house and he didn’t want…well it couldn't really just be his house now, could it? But he really fucking didn’t want— “Bye, Mum.” Loki’s hand was at his waist. “We’re going to be late,” Loki told him. 

It was enough to jog Tony out of it. As soon as the door swung shut behind them Tony said, “We’re not going to be late. Thor and Jane aren’t expecting us for another two hours.” He adjusted the container under his arm. “And your mom’s coming to our house?” That sounded pissed, he knew it did. 

Loki sighed, but it didn’t seem to be directed at him. “No. I’m not inviting her to the house,” Loki said. “The office.” Loki rubbed his nose. “I wanted to see if she’d take me up on a chance to tour it and the test kitchen.” 

“Oh.” 

The car beeped as Loki unlocked it. He swung himself into the driver seat as Tony set the container on top of the car to open the door. Once Tony was inside, Loki cranked the AC up all the way. His arm slipped behind Tony’s seat as he backed up a bit. He hit the gas as they drove. 

Tony wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about it, but he sort of did. He shifted the container in his lap, noticing the smear of chocolate frosting across the lid. “Why’d you want her to tour it?” 

Loki’s chest rose and fell in one large breath, his mouth twisted and thin. “I wanted her to be interested I guess.” His voice was tense, but what struck Tony more than what he’d said was the implication that Loki knew she wasn’t. 

“Do you—think they’re trying to make you want them to invest or something?” Tony tried. 

Loki shook his head slightly, frowning at the road. “No.” 

“Shouldn’t they be happy?” Tony asked. He was frustrated, and at least he sounded angry. He’d feel better if Loki felt angry about it, because he should. “I mean, you’re out living on your own with your own company. What more could she want from you?” 

“A female partner that could have grandchildren,” Loki said glibly. “A career job where I’m climbing the ranks in some _respectable_ field. My face in the right publications. A life she could brag to her friends about. Take your pick.” Tony huffed out for a moment, before something sick and heavy hit his stomach. 

“Do you—want a, somebody that could have a, kids?” Tony mumbled out. 

It was silent for a moment. Then Loki laughed. It was quick and sharp, but vanished the second that Tony tensed. Loki reached one hand over, setting it on Tony’s thigh. “I want you,” Loki said. He squeezed Tony’s thigh before letting go. “I don’t care that you’re lacking a womb, so don’t lose sleep over it.” He stole a glance when Tony didn’t immediately answer. “Tony,” he said. “Think of it this way. I’m really sticking it to my father by choosing dick. I’m sure it burns somewhere in that shriveled heart of his.” 

“You’re always babysitting Azalea.” 

This time, Loki’s hissy sigh was definitely directed at him. Loki waited a few seconds before answering. “I’m adopted,” he said, matter of factly. “Why can’t my kids be adopted too?” Tony stared at the dashboard. “Anyway, why are you worried about it?” 

“Because I—don’t want to disappoint you,” Tony said, blushing as he stared out the window. 

“Disappoint me how?” 

God, Tony wished they were closer to the house. “You know, maybe you want your own. Like Azalea.” 

Loki laughed, but it didn’t sound great. “Tony,” he said. “You can’t seriously think that this is an issue for me?” 

“You look really happy with Azalea,” Tony told the window. 

“She’s my niece,” Loki said, as if that solved everything. “Tony, really. It’s—” The car hummed in the silence. The engine didn’t sound perfect, and as usual, Tony heard all of the odd noises he wanted to fix and tinker with. “Not something I think about. I don’t know if I do or don’t want kids, but are we really fucking having a kids conversation?” 

“I guess we are.” Tony leaned just enough away from the window that he could see Loki in his peripheral vision. 

At least they were getting a little closer to the house. 

“What do you want?” Loki asked. 

Tony was startled. Was it a good or bad way of asking the question? “Like—”

“Like do you want kids?” Loki asked, enunciating each word. 

Tony squeezed the container. “I don’t—I don’t know.” 

“And neither do I,” Loki said. “So can you not fucking worry about it?” He seemed amused, but Tony wanted to shrivel up and disappear. “Because I am way too fucking young to be having this conversation.” 

“Loki, in a couple of years, we’ll both be in our thirties.” Fuck, Tony was going to be thirty in under a year. 

“Really Tony, I don’t know why you’re worrying about it.” Now the levity was gone. “Let’s master sharing the microwave before we try being responsible for another person for the rest of our lives.” Putting it that way, Tony felt a little better. “Yes, I love Azalea. But that doesn’t mean I necessarily want one of my own, alright? I haven’t decided. Stop worrying about it.” 

“Okay.” Not that it was that easy, but the rest of what Loki said made him feel a little better. He didn’t want to say anything else as they pulled down the road leading to the house. 

“Tony. That’s the last thing we need to think about.” 

“I know.” But he needed to think about it, because Loki looked at Azalea like she’d captured the sun in her hands, and if Loki was going to want to go off and find that with someone else, Tony needed to know. 

“Are you worried?” Loki asked. 

“No,” Tony lied. “I’m just—you know, thinking. Whatever.” They said nothing as Loki pulled into the garage. 

Tony was going to try and beat Loki into the house, but Loki was faster. He blocked the door, his eyes serious as he stared down at Tony from the step leading into the house. 

Loki leaned down and kissed him. And even though they’d done it a million times before, this time it hit Tony full force, knocking him offline for a moment. “I love you,” Loki murmured. “Even if you’re a fucker sometimes,” he said lightly. 

Tony stared at him, eyes hazy and lips parted for a few seconds before he sobered up. “Hey,” he said. “Take this stupid cake.” He shoved it into Loki’s arms. “And get out of the way, I want to change out of this dress shirt before we go over to Thor’s.” 

“You’re the one that insisted on wearing it,” Loki said. He pushed the door open to the house. Tony hurried upstairs, switching out the shirt for a casual cotton one. Then he paused, holding his fingers to his lips for a moment. 

Holy shit. He had asked Loki about kids. 

They were, that was a conversation that other people had. Normal people, serious people who had their shit together. Tony sat down on the edge of the bed. 

Maybe he and Loki were…well, okay, they definitely couldn’t be normal, but maybe they were kind of approaching it? Their own version of it? Tony flopped down on the bed. 

He’d never pictured making it this far. Just that Loki had lived with him a few months and they were still together was astounding. 

And now they were…talking about things like that. Holy shit. 

Tony hummed. Holy shit. And…he smiled to himself. Loki loved him. 

They’d said it before, but this time, Tony just, he felt really happy about this time. It felt good, not routine. Not that they said it often enough to be routine, but still. 

Eventually Tony wandered downstairs, but Loki and he did their own things until it was time to go to Thor’s birthday party. 

And it was all fun until Tony found himself counting the candles on Thor’s cake, uncomfortably reminded again of what a gap there was between him and his friends. The candle flames rocked back and forth before Thor blew and smoke filled the air. “You were a bit off key,” Loki said beside him. 

Tony snuck his arm around Loki. “Yeah?” He muttered, low enough that no one else could hear. “Blow me.” 

Loki pinched him in reply, smirking as he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of those chapters where the boys ended up going in a completely different direction than I had planned.  
> My RL has a lot going on right now and I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get the next update done, but please keep sending me nudges and comments! :)


	10. Chapter 10

Technically, Tony was _in lab_ at the moment, but he hadn’t done anything beyond watching youtube videos in the past twenty minutes. He supposed that he could pass off clips of Myth Busters as research, but he knew he was lying to himself. Tony sat back in his chair. He just wasn’t feeling it. 

He wandered upstairs. 

At first, Tony thought that Loki might be in bed, but he could hear the mixer from the stairs. He turned towards the kitchen instead. 

He found Loki standing beside the counter, watching the bowl with a detached gaze. Tony was pretty sure that Loki hadn’t heard him walk in. He took a moment to appreciate the open collar of Loki’s shirt beside his neck, and the tattoo sneaking up his arm and hiding safely beneath a folded sleeve before clearing his throat. Loki only glanced up, sharp green eyes on him. 

“Hey-ya,” Tony said, taking it as permission to come in. He climbed up onto a barstool and sat down. There was a fine dusting of flour over the countertop. “What’re you making?” 

“Cloud bread.” 

Tony tipped his nose in towards the bowl, trying to peak inside. “What’s that?” 

“An imitation of bread.” Loki pushed a loose strand that had slipped from his ponytail behind his ear. “I just want to see if I can make it,” he said critically. “One of my employees can’t have regular bread.” 

“Huh.” Tony considered putting his elbows on the counter, but thought better of it when he remembered getting told off for doing that before. Instead he settled for watching Loki.

Loki casually walked over to the stove. “Beef stock, before you ask,” Loki said. Tony grinned. Alright then. 

Loki toyed with a wooden spoon, oblivious to the softening, content look on Tony’s face. There was something about their companionship that made Tony feel at home, and it was so strange. Why’d Loki pick a screw up like him? “Have you ever had a pet?” Loki asked, interrupting his thoughts. 

Incredulity flashed across Tony’s face. Like his parents would’ve allowed a pet. “No. Why, were you thinking about an alligator for the pool?” 

“I was thinking of a boxer.” 

“Like the dog?” 

Loki shrugged, not turning from the stove. “Or a mutt. Something like that though.” 

“I don’t know,” Tony said. Clint had a dog, but it had gotten fur all over Tony’s suits more than once and he was always at the vet for hip problems. “I would’ve pegged you as more of a cat person.” 

Loki set the spoon down. “Both are alright.” 

“Yeah, let’s hold off on that.” Tony said, tugging at his shirt collar. Unless he was going to invent a pet hair eradicator, he wasn’t ready. “I think Sharon would kill us if she had to start cleaning up dog hair too.” 

“Just a thought,” Loki said. “Not right now, of course.” 

Tony nodded his head, hoping that that particular conversation was done. He rubbed at his nose, then set both hands on his knees. Loki returned to the mixture, gaze set contemplatively on the bowl again. And, not for the first time, Tony recognized the shift in his boyfriend. 

While working, Loki was focused, but not in the caged way he usually was. When he was cooking he was more meditative, thoughtful. Sometimes Tony caught that look directed towards himself too. But more importantly, Loki seemed content, in his own way. Happy even, maybe. It was so hard to get Loki to that happy place where his mind wasn’t somewhere else. “I’ll never understand why your parents can’t appreciate your cooking, Loki.” Tony said it softly, more on impulse than anything else. 

Then he hated himself for stepping on a sore subject. But Loki didn’t get mad. He pulled back the mixer head without much change in expression. “You’re an engineer like your dad was, right?” 

“Yeah.” It wasn’t something that Tony particularly liked to think about, unless he was feeling nostalgic towards the man and still hoping for some connection. 

“So he understood the path you were taking,” Loki said. He twisted off the mixer attachment, picking up a spatula. “He may have pressured you to do two master’s degrees in a year on his terms,” Loki explained, voice dipping a bit with compassion, “but he knew the path that you needed to take. It was familiar to him. That’s why he could be so opinionated about it.” 

“He just wanted to show me off,” Tony said. 

“Maybe,” Loki said. He began mixing another bowl in with what was from the mixer. “But he knew you would take over his company one day, and that you—” Loki glanced up at him. “Wanted to, didn’t you?” 

Tony had to think about it. “I—” He said, drawing out the word. “I guess I always assumed that it would happen, you know?” Tony wrinkled his brow as he frowned about that. “It’s not that I—” Tony took a breath. Loki quietly set a baking sheet onto the countertop. “Had to want it, I guess. I knew it was going to happen someday. I didn’t doubt it.” 

“Which was probably frustrating in its own ways,” Loki said. “If I had wanted to take on the family enterprises as my parents had hoped when they got me, I would’ve thought of nothing but when my opportunity to be CEO would come.” He began to spoon out the mixture into rounds on the baking sheet. “And, when I was younger, I thought that was what I wanted too. But I fell and became someone else.” 

The wound there made Tony quick to respond. “I don’t know if it was falling, babe—”

“It was,” Loki said. “Of a sort.” He spooned out each mixture so perfectly, it was almost machine-like. Tony couldn’t help but to stare at the process. “No loss, really. I discovered that I was something else. Something else that doesn’t fit the path they wanted for me.” 

Tony bit his lip, more out of anxious sympathy than anything else. 

“The point is, that scares them. What I’ve chosen to do—they can’t see its value because it doesn’t fit their idea.” Loki traced the edge of the baking sheet. “I had hoped that they would for a very long time, but I’ve had to resign myself to the fact that they won’t.” Loki pulled open the oven door with slightly more force than necessary. 

“Lo,” Tony said. He wasn’t sure what to say, just that he didn’t want Loki to ache over that. “Maybe when they see how well your company’s doing, they’ll get it.” 

“No,” Loki said. He wiped his hands off on a towel, eyes suddenly burning as he met Tony’s gentle gaze. “It will always be one step more. Always. That’s a game I’m not willing to play.” He hung the towel up, seemingly struggling with something for a moment. “You always—wanted your father to recognize what you’d done, right?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Tony,” Loki said, sympathy washing over him, “It would’ve been the same. No matter what you did, there would’ve always been that one step more. It never would’ve been enough.” 

“I know,” Tony snapped. 

The anger wasn’t meant for Loki, but it didn’t exactly feel great to hear it from him. 

Loki sighed, yanking at the apron strap behind his neck. “That’s the game they play.”

“But you said they’re scared,” Tony said. “Just because it’s not what they expected?” 

Loki collected the flour in his hands as he wiped it from the counter. “It’s more complex than that.” He dumped the excess flour and began wiping down the countertop. “My parents come from a very privileged position. Asgard Corp is, well, it’s elite. Let’s put it that way. You know that.” 

Of course Tony did. Sometimes he thought he understood it better than Loki did. 

“They know how to be in that position very well.” Loki fumbled with the mixer a bit before righting it, cleaning beneath. “It scares them to see me do something like this. It’s something that their friends shun. It won’t bring me wealth or status. It’s something that they’d never choose to do themselves.” Loki breathed in. “So it scares them.” 

Tony had never really thought about it like that before. It was like Loki had kicked open a door that he’d never noticed, and now the light was streaming in. “They can’t understand why I’d do it,” Loki said. “I guess—I feel sorry for them sometimes.” 

Tony blinked, wishing he could read more than just the side of Loki’s face for answers as he finished wiping the counter down. “How so?” 

Loki’s lips pulled down with what was maybe weariness, or melancholy. His hands had stopped moving. “Because they’ve never—let go like I have.” He went to put bowls in the sink, and Tony barely made out his next words over the clatter. “Even if I fell.” 

Loki came to stand beside the counter, across from Tony. “Letting go of the life they had planned—it hurt like hell, in someways. But—it was a good thing,” Loki said with a breath. “Now I can see that.” He pushed his ponytail back over his shoulder. 

Tony scratched at his beard. He knew rationally that Loki loved his parents. Obviously, he loved his mother. And his father too, if Tony thought about it. He was sure that somewhere Loki still wanted his father’s approval, just like he did. But feeling sorry for them…Tony had never expected that. Hating them, sure. But not pitying them. 

The confusion must’ve shown on his face because Loki began to elaborate. “Even if I haven’t been successful, until now,” he added, casting an anxious glance towards Tony, “I’ve been me.” Loki leaned back, that distant look in his eyes again. “Sometimes I feel as though—they’ve never been themselves. At least not outside of who they are in relation to other people. I wonder who they would be if they weren’t trying to be someone else.” 

There was hope there, for better parents and a love that would never be. Tony knew it too well from himself to miss it in anyone else, most of all Loki. 

Loki continued, “My father, he was born into Asgard Corp. He always knew that would be his path. But Mum—she doesn’t come from money in the same way that Dad does. I think that makes her more careful. She has to play the game harder because it’s possible for her to lose. My father’s powerful enough that he doesn’t have to care.” 

Loki grimaced, trying to warp it into a smile. “I just don’t think that they have the capacity to see why I’d choose this life. So it scares them.” Loki checked the oven timer. “I know Mum won’t be impressed with a visit to my business, but I’d like her to be. I just have to—live with that.” 

“Lo—” Tony started, but Loki smiled back at him. And Tony recognized that expression in a way that deserved respect. Tony returned a wry smile instead, backing off. Loki went to the stove. 

“I’ve—” Tony wanted Loki to know that he got it. He really did. “So much about what I think about my parents, it’s, it’s about how they’re not here. What I wanted to have been.” Tony couldn’t say how many times he’d rewritten his past into something better in his head. “But you saying that, I think about my Dad and I—I guess I can see why he’d push me so hard at MIT. He didn’t have the same opportunities to engineer that I did.” 

“I still think he was wrong, Tony.” Loki left no room for doubt in his tone. “He should’ve eased off of you that second year, instead of berating you for not achieving the superhuman feat of two masters in a year.” He turned around and came back to the counter. 

“But I could’ve done it,” Tony said. It wasn’t out of vanity, it really wasn’t. 

And Loki, divine being that he was, didn’t act like it was out of vanity. “Maybe so, but you were struggling with drinking and drugs and untreated anxiety and things I don’t think we’ve talked about. That was a lot. He shouldn’t have asked that of you. He should’ve helped instead of putting more pressure on you.” 

There was so much righteous anger in his voice. Tony’s insides warmed with an indecipherable heat. No one talked about those days like that. 

And Loki was right. 

He hadn’t told Loki everything about those days. Not in detail. 

He probably should. Fuck, Loki was really open tonight, and it felt right. “I started with that stuff because I—wanted to get out of my brain,” Tony said. “At first. And then, I was Tony Stark, you know? And I—couldn’t deal with that. People—they looked at me and just saw something they wanted to network with or fuck, a lot of the time both.” Tony put a hand on his cheek, turning away from the counter. “I went straight from having nannies take care of me to being alone at this school where I was—direct line to Stark Industries, step right up. And I thought it was supposed to be a party and I was supposed to do things. I mean—god, some of the stuff I fell into—I just, I didn’t get it. I didn’t know I didn’t have to. Nobody showed me.” Hell, he hadn’t even had a real friend before college. 

Loki’s warm hand set on his shoulder. “I mean, then it got like, if I was the one being the playboy and taking shots, I was the one in control, you know? I mean, at first, I just went along with things because it was college and I thought that’s what I was supposed to do, and then one day I woke up and I realized that I was my dad.” 

“You’re not your dad, Tony.” 

Tony looked over at him. There wasn’t a whisper of a lie anywhere on Loki, and yet he still couldn’t believe it. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes,” Loki answered. “I am.” 

“You never met him,” Tony said. 

“No,” Loki agreed. “But you are your own person.” The kitchen timer went off. Loki grabbed an oven mitt. As he pulled the baking sheet out of the oven he said, “I don’t think you’re like your father. Your father never tried to change, but you did. It’s like you said—he told you that your anxiety was nothing and to get over it. You chose not to live in denial.” Loki set down a tray of fluffy, round pastries. “And now you’re acknowledging and treating it. You’ve made different choices than him, Tony.” 

Tony needed a moment to really let that sink in.

Other people had said it before, but it meant something else coming from Loki. Loki was the one person that understood it in a way that no one else could. 

Loki dropped the oven mitt onto the counter. “Yes Tony, you had DWIs and an overdose, but you also worked your ass off to heal and not repeat those mistakes. You got better. Thor’s proud of you for it, you know.” Loki began setting the puffs onto a drying rack. “He really admires you.” 

Tony had no idea. 

“And as long as that stays your attitude, you’re not like your father,” Loki said simply. It took Tony a couple seconds, but then a wave of guilt struck him. He remembered Bruce’s, stumbling to a car, then Loki’s keys and a slamming door the next morning. He had slid backwards that time. It would happen again. 

“I do wonder what my dad would’ve been like if he’d tried to get sober,” Tony said. Loki pursed his lips to the side, tapping at one of the puffs. “Maybe I should have said something to him, gotten him into rehab.” 

“Tony, you were a child. It wasn’t your responsibility.” 

“Yeah, but I knew. When I was fourteen, I had pretty much figured it all out. Why the nanny wouldn’t let me go downstairs when they came home. And—Dad, he, the stuff in the liquor cabinet was always disappearing, you know? I thought they were drinking it when they had guests over, they did a lot—but it was just him.” 

“That must’ve been hard.” 

Tony set his hands together in his lap. “I don’t think I really got what all of it meant at the time.” He stared down at his jeans. He didn’t really like this pair as much as his favorites, he should've worn those instead. “It messed me up in ways I didn’t understand until years later.” 

“I think we both got parents that messed us up,” Loki said quietly. He reached for one of the puffs, then took a tentative bite out of it. “These taste like shit.” 

Tony snatched one. “They’re okay.” A little dull, but they were okay. He ate the rest of it, but Loki chucked his into the trash. “I think we did.” 

“Did what?” Loki asked, dumping the rest of the failed cloud bread into the bin. 

“Get parents that messed us up.” Tony scratched his head. “I mean, I don’t think other people talk about their parents as much as we do.” 

Loki nodded his head a bit, striding towards the stock pot. “We know that though,” Loki said, inspecting it. “We talked about that a lot in therapy.” Tony twirled the watch around his wrist, not even noticing the time. His feet brushed against the barstool as he shifted. “But if we hadn’t, I don’t think we’d be here right now.” 

Tony knew he was right. “It’s a shitty legacy. They left us all this stuff, but—we’ll probably be cleaning up after them for—I mean, who the fuck has to go to therapy for shit their parents did? Why can’t we be like—I don’t know, Clint and Natasha when they were dating? Why does it have to be this hard?” 

Loki didn’t answer right away, and Tony’s neck and shoulders were getting tight. It wasn’t fucking fair. It had never been. They should’ve just been a normal couple that met, fucked, fell in love, and went on with their lives. “I’ve never been told about Clint and Natasha,” Loki said. 

“Oh,” Tony said. He was starting to feel like he needed a beer or something. “The short hand version would be that they worked together, started dating, then that made working together hard, and they broke it off.” 

“But Clint’s still not over it.” 

“No.” 

“That can’t be all there is to it,” Loki said, returning to the spot across from him at the counter. He waited on Tony expectantly. 

“I guess—” Tony started, taking notice of the ceiling lights. “That Natasha—” He grimaced. Natasha wasn’t even in the house and he felt like she might hear him. She had that effect on people. “Had some—pretty awful stuff happen to her when she was young, and—Clint, he, I think he tried really hard but it was a lot for them both, too intimate I guess. Clint had a hard time growing up, he never really had a home. I think it came down to Natasha didn’t want to keep trying anymore and Clint, yeah. Still does. But they’re still friends.” Tony set a hand to his mouth. “Don’t tell them I told you.” 

“I wouldn’t,” Loki said. His attention hadn’t shifted, like he was still waiting for Tony to add something. 

Tony set his hand back onto the countertop. “But they were really happy when they were dating at first,” Tony said, trying to get back to the original point he’d been making. “Okay, maybe they weren’t a great example. But I know not everyone has the same shit we do.” He wanted to point out Thor and Jane, but Thor had the same parents as Loki, so that didn’t really prove his point. Why hadn’t they had to go to therapy like them? “It’s not fair,” Tony blurted. 

Loki didn’t say anything. He just fixed the hallway with a sour look like it’d done him a personal wrong. 

“Still, I—think about them sometimes,” Tony said. “My parents.” 

Loki reached behind himself to untie his apron. “Honestly, you don’t talk about them that much. Not as much as I’d think you would.” He pulled the apron over his head. “Aside from wishing that they were here, you haven’t said much.” Tony took a deep breath. 

“Sometimes when we talk, it’s just—I haven’t thought about my parents like that. Not like, the way you think through things, Loki. I never thought about my Dad getting engineering like that. And, I don’t know. It’s nice in a way, but it makes me think about things I wish I could ask them. And they’re gone. So I can’t.” Tony rubbed at a knot in the back of his neck. “I mean, a lot of the stuff I remember is my nannies and our butler. I just—” Tony grasped for an explanation, but it wasn’t coming. 

“They weren’t there,” Loki said, understanding. 

“Yeah.” 

Loki dropped his apron onto the counter, then came around and took the barstool beside Tony. 

“Can I tell you something, Lo?” 

Loki nodded, his expression somber. 

“Don’t get mad, but, y’know, sometimes I think that your parents are a bit—abusive.” It ached to say, but Tony had to. He didn’t even know why, he just, he wanted to. He needed to. 

“So were yours.” Loki set an elbow against the counter, voice a mixture of ire and resignation. 

“They,” Tony started. He frowned. Loki’s level eyes set on him. 

“Tony, they left a kid all by himself. Your father never acted as if anything you did or felt was significant. That’s why you—” It was rare to see Loki cut himself off, but not the faint, angry blush crawl into his cheeks. 

“Why I what?” Tony asked. Loki had to know that if he didn’t tell Tony, it would drive him crazy. 

“You—” Loki licked his lips. “Stop sometimes, when you’re telling me about something. I mean, you’ve gotten a lot better about it, but there are times that you just gloss over things. Like Jarvis. When I first met you, he was just a computer program. Now he’s an AI with a personality and challenges and a sense of humor that you’ve spent years working on.” 

Tony considered reaching out to set a hand on Loki, because he just needed the contact. He was boiling over with a sense of affection suddenly, but then Loki moved to speak again and Tony didn’t want him to stop. 

“And maybe, thinking back to what you said earlier tonight—there was no one to guide you. Maybe you wouldn’t have done those things or started those behaviors if your dad had been less of a dick.” Loki yanked his ponytail out. “Or mom,” he corrected himself. 

Tony was sure his therapist had said something like that, just in different words before. But he was hearing it more clearly now. 

Loki rubbed under his nose. “I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but when you talk about those college experiences, you—regret them, it sounds like. You’re not bragging about them.” 

Tony brushed away a speck of flour that had been missed from the countertop. “Yeah,” he said. “I—people just, they—”

“Took advantage of you.” 

“Yeah,” Tony said. Fuck, Loki got it. Tony couldn’t hold it in any longer. He reached out a hand for Loki, pulling him in and kissing him desperately before melting into the soft, teasing way that Loki had taught him. 

Loki’s lips were supple, slicked with a thin coat of balm that tasted slightly medicinal. But the pressure was comforting, and when Loki kissed him back, Tony didn’t need anything else. He cradled Loki’s head in his hand, clenching the soft strands of hair between his fingers in an easy way that brought no complaint. He'd never be able to convey just how much Loki meant to him. 

Loki combed his fingernails across Tony’s scalp, furrowing lines in his hair before pulling away. “Tony,” he murmured. “Let’s go up to our bedroom.” 

Tony’s hand slipped behind Loki’s back as they stood, the smooth white fabric warm with body heat where it had been pressed against the barstool, and cool where it hung from Loki’s limber body. Tony would never understand how Loki spent so much time with such wonderful food and still remained so slender. 

A small smirk crawled along Loki’s lips as they ascended the stairs, and when they reached the bedroom, Tony playfully tackled him into bed, making sure that he was on top. He pinned Loki’s shoulders, sitting straddled over his lap. Loki smiled up at him, in a relaxed way that actually showed his teeth for once instead of that flickering smirk. His eyes were bright, alive. 

What Tony wouldn’t give to see this side of Loki more often. Tony bent down and kissed him, warm, pliant lips pressing to his in an easy way. 

Tony sat back, staring at him. 

He didn’t know what to do with the feeling in his chest. It was so good it hurt, but if he thought about it, it didn’t make sense. Why did Loki look at him like that? How could Loki want him, knowing what he did? 

Loki’s hand closed around his wrist. His thumb brushed over Tony’s pulse. 

“Tony,” Loki said. It was a call, an invitation to return to him. His alluring voice yanked Tony back. 

“What’ll it be tonight, Lo?” Tony asked, grinning a bit awkwardly. “Because I have to say, I would be completely onboard with plowing you into the mattress.” 

Loki turned his head to the side, avoiding eye contact. The hand on Tony’s wrist stilled. “I—I’m not in the mood for the mess.” 

“That’s alright,” Tony soothed immediately, bending down and nosing himself into the crook of Loki’s neck. Loki was getting that unhappy look and Tony wasn’t going to have any of it. “We don't have to do it that way.” He didn’t blame Loki for not wanting the cold slick of lube up his ass. 

Tony rose and fell with the heavy breath in Loki’s chest. A hand snuck into Tony’s hair, ruffling through it. “You know what I’ve always wanted to do?” Tony mumbled against Loki’s shirt. 

“There’s something that hasn’t been done?” Loki asked skeptically, teasing him. 

Butter and stock filled Tony’s nose as he breathed in. He angled himself towards Loki’s hair, trying to catch citrusy shampoo instead. “Yeah,” Tony said. He closed his eyes. “Can I undress you? I just wanna—do it at my own pace.” Tony dared to pull back and glance at Loki, fully expecting to see snide amusement. 

But there wasn’t. Loki just stared at him, confused almost. Tony didn’t move, holding the stare, uncertain of what to say. He felt safe and assured though, with Loki beneath him. “What do you—want me to do?” Loki asked. 

“Nothing,” Tony said. Loki’s eyebrows pinched together. “Seriously. Nothing. Just let me do it, you know? I want to—” Tony didn’t know how to say it. He’d had fantasies of having Loki like that, though. “Don’t move, let me—you know? Unless you don’t like something.” Tony sat up, scratching nervously at his beard. 

“Do you want me to get the cuffs?” 

“No.” Tony stared down at Loki’s shirt collar, his whole face flushing. Embarrassment sunk down to his gut. “Just stay.” 

“Okay,” Loki said, before Tony could talk himself out of it. Tony was brimming with bright, joyful hope when he met Loki’s eyes. Loki seemed uncertain, his posture slightly stiff, but his expression was soft and willing. He tilted his head back, inviting Tony. 

Tony reached a finger out towards the first button on Loki’s shirt. 

He’d undressed Loki a hundred times, but more often than not it was a scramble to get undone. He’d never just…done it to do it. 

He set his hands on Loki’s collar, then pulled the top button, the shirt peeling in half like a chocolate orange coming undone. Tony unworked the buttons slowly, watching as the familiar soft pink of Loki’s chest came into view, pulling it open to two peaked nipples. Loki breathed in, staring at the ceiling. Tony set his hand over Loki’s heart. 

It was pounding. 

“It’s just me,” Tony said, bending down and kissing the side of Loki’s neck. A soft chuckle shook beneath his lips. 

“I know,” Loki said. 

Tony was afraid that if he kept Loki talking, he’d change his mind. So instead Tony sat back, moving so that he could run his fingers up the trail of dark hair leading down Loki’s stomach. The coarse black hairs bent back slowly, and as Tony pressed his finger in slightly, he heard a soft laugh from Loki. “Tony,” Loki said. Tony didn’t look up. “What’re you—?” Loki sighed. “I’m ticklish, you know.” 

Tony grinned, more out of relief than anything. He’d thought that Loki was going to tell him this was stupid and he needed to stop. “I know,” Tony said. But for once, he didn’t take advantage of it. He ran his fingers along the curve of Loki’s stomach to his side, then cupped his waist. Loki had seized up, expecting an onslaught, but slowly unwound when he realized it wasn’t coming. He was staring at Tony now, with inscrutable intensity. 

Tony kissed his sternum to avoid that gaze. 

He slid his fingers in beneath the shirt, reluctantly opening it past Loki’s shoulders and slipping it back around them. For a moment Tony considered leaving the shirt twisted behind Loki’s back, holding his arms in place, but he didn’t want it to feel like a game where he was limiting Loki’s mobility. Loki helped him by moving to free the shirt, a question clearly on the tip of his tongue. 

Tony set his hands on Loki’s arms and slowly ran them downwards, subtly urging him to lie back down. 

Tony heard his heartbeat in his ears. 

He’d never just…done this. Never had the freedom to linger with someone without the focus being getting off. 

Not that it was a problem, of course not, but the first time that someone had undressed Tony he’d been…afraid, if he really thought about it now. Not because he hadn’t wanted to have sex, but it had been new and he hadn’t known the person that had stripped his clothes off like the nuisance of a straw wrapper. 

There hadn’t been trust, and at the time, Tony hadn’t even considered that as an option or a factor. But Loki trusted him. Was lying pliantly beneath him, trusting Tony to do whatever it was, even if it confused him. 

That alone was…

Tony pulled in a shaky breath. 

Then he bent down and nipped and sucked at Loki’s neck, because if he didn’t that feeling was going to swallow him whole. Loki groaned, giving an appreciative thrust of his hips. His arms were coming up around Tony’s back, nails digging into Tony’s soft t-shirt and it wasn’t what he wanted, no, not right, “Loki,” Tony gasped. He sat up. 

An awkward silence threatened to fall, so Tony reached behind himself and grabbed Loki’s wrist. He turned Loki’s hand over in his palm, studying the long pale fingers and blunt nails. Loki had painted them black once, and Tony had given him a lot of shit for it but secretly loved it. They were warm and familiar, and for whatever reason, reminding Tony of how they’d combed through his hair one night when Tony’d been down. 

“Tony, if you wanted to play doctor, you should’ve just said so.” 

His head snapped up. Loki was watching him with that light in his eyes, amused. Maybe. Tony wasn’t really sure. Tony assumed an authoritative voice. “You need to roll over. On your stomach, right now.” Fuck, it was too hard with those green eyes watching him. 

Tony had to kneel to let Loki roll over beneath him, and then he figured he might as well take it a step further. Tony slipped a hand beneath Loki’s waistband, then felt around to the button and zipper. Loki gave him an alluring tilt of his hips, tempting him, but Tony settled for freeing his jeans. “Am I going to live, Doctor?” 

“Depends,” Tony said. He dropped the jeans to the floor. His focus settled on where Loki’s shoulder blades jutted out at different angles, skin dipping before rising to his spine. There was a mole just to the left side, subtle but stark in contrast to his pale back. 

“You’re not a very reassuring doctor,” Loki chastised him. He turned to watch Tony over his shoulder. 

Tony wished that he wouldn’t. It was too much. But it was also alright, like an anchor making it okay. “Hey. I’m the professional here,” Tony said. 

Loki hummed in disagreement. His eyes stayed set on Tony as the brunette pressed a kiss to his shoulder. Tony massaged his hands along Loki’s back, working out the tight little knots that he found. Loki closed his eyes, setting his chin over his folded arms, and faced the headboard. 

Tony lightly pressed the palms of his hands into Loki’s lower back, pushing them up towards his neck. He tried to imitate what he could remember of various massage therapists he’d had over the years. Tony had been at it for a while before Loki mumbled contentedly, “I’m going to have to come in for check ups more often.” 

Tony rolled his eyes. He’d never committed to the role-play to begin with. “Y’know, you could always bribe me to get this.” 

“You’re going to have to work a little harder if you want a bribe out of this,” Loki replied cooly. Tony’s mouth dropped open. He shut it with an insulted pout. 

Yet instead of retaliating in some creative way, Tony just shuffled down and slowly pulled back Loki’s dark gray briefs, enjoying the slow tension of alabaster skin peeking past them. Tony reached out and set his hand on the shallow curve of Loki’s ass, admiring the wakes his tan fingers left in the soft flesh. “Tony,” Loki whined, snapping with impatience. 

Tony rid him of the briefs completely, regretting the action before they even hit the ground. Loki rolled onto his back, intent on moving on. Tony breathed in through his nose. 

He’d fucked more than a few models in his life, and a handful of them had been blessed with objectively near perfect bodies. Big boobs, tiny waists, slender limbs. Tight asses, thick, taut abs that wrapped over narrow hips and toned legs. Hell, one guy hadn’t even had a fucking scar on him, in a way that had made Tony question just how much he’d been drinking that night because no one looked that good up close. 

But none of them had stirred the reaction that Tony got just _looking_ at Loki. And it wasn’t that Loki wasn’t attractive either, far from it, but objectively, well, Tony knew they both didn’t stack up against the models he’d snagged from runways and photoshoots. And still, Loki was better. 

There was just something different about looking at him. 

And out of all the people he’d been with through the years, Loki was one of the few people that had seemed truly interested in talking afterwards. Usually people had pretended to fall asleep as Tony was talking, or feigned interest to be polite. But Tony hadn’t cared, as long as it meant he got to get things off of his chest. He didn’t see his hookups again anyway. Yet Loki…had spoken back to him, about his own things. That had probably been what had interested Tony in hooking up again that second time, even though it was way outside his norm. He’d been curious. 

Tony stared at the trail of hair on Loki’s stomach that he’d run his fingers through, uncomfortably aware of just how hard he’d gotten doing this. The tight weight of his trapped cock screamed for a little friction, but Tony felt silly when he saw that Loki was still mostly soft. 

“Tony, are you okay?” 

Tony didn’t react fast enough. Loki was already sitting up by the time that Tony was trying to play it off as nothing. Loki folded his legs around Tony’s hips, setting one arm around Tony’s shoulders for balance and combing his fingers through Tony’s hair with his free hand. “What’s wrong?” 

Tony didn’t know what it was about that fucking question. He didn’t know where it was coming from, or why it started, but suddenly fat tears were slipping out and sliding down his face. Loki’s entire body went stiff. “Tony,” he said, a nervous waiver slipping in. 

“It’s nothing,” Tony said, wiping a hand against his face and smiling. “I don’t,” he swallowed. “Know what I’m doing.” 

Tony knew that if he looked at Loki he’d see unspoken panic, so he kept his focus glued to the mattress. “I’m sorry, Lo. I don’t know why I’m, I don’t know, this is so fucking unsexy—”

Tony shook. Loki seemed to unfreeze, tension dropping from his body as he held Tony tightly and set his chin over Tony’s shoulder. “It’s fine.” 

“No it’s not.” 

He could feel Loki’s chest expand against his own, the quiet, slow exhale that followed. “You want to tell me what happened?” 

Loki pulled back, and his eyes were unavoidable then, and Tony felt like a child as he met Loki with watery eyes and a ruddy face. And fuck, just looking at Loki, it was fucking intense. “I’m just—” Tony tried to put it into words. “So glad that it’s you.” 

Confusion flashed across Loki’s face. “What?” He asked, a defensive edge to his tone. 

Tony’s cock pressed for attention as he shifted against Loki’s hips, trying to pull back a little out of embarrassment. What the hell was his body’s problem? “Like I—Loki, I—” He tried to move back but Loki’s legs were stopping him, not to mention the arms still latched onto him. 

“Tell me.” 

Tony was going to get up, he was. This was fucking weird, he was being a weirdo, Loki was going to dump his ass now that he’d seen the crazy that lurked inside, he just needed to get up. “Tony, just tell me what’s going on.” 

Oh fuck, there were the tears again. And now he was pissing Loki off, fuck, he always fucked everything up. “I—” Fuck, he’d better say something, Loki was expecting him to, how did this all go south so fast? He’d been happy just a minute ago. 

He blinked, eyelashes clumped together and wet. “We were talking about the past and I don’t know,” Tony said. “I’m just—” His eyes bore into Loki, but he felt more vulnerable than he had in his entire life. “Don’t go anywhere, okay?” 

Loki’s lips twitched. “Where would I go?” 

“You know what I mean,” Tony said. Loki’s hand stroked his back, just to the side of his spine. Tony’s throat unclenched a bit. “Sorry, I—don’t know what happened.” He didn’t expect to feel Loki’s lips press against his neck. It was soft and quiet and reassuring. 

Tony stared at the bedpost, lips slack, shoulders drooping as Loki’s tongue played at the juncture of neck and shoulder. He really didn’t understand where all of this was coming from or why. Tony slumped, grateful that Loki was holding him. 

He didn’t expect Loki to lie down, pulling Tony with him, or to gently kiss away the wet spots on his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” Tony mumbled. 

“Don’t be.” 

“But I ruined this for no reason.” 

Loki ran his hands down the sides of Tony’s tense neck, then back up again, cradling his head. “It is what it is.” Tony didn’t think that was a good answer at all because he _had_ ruined it. He shifted, intending to get up, but Loki snuck one arm around his back to hold him in place. “I’m not upset.” 

“But I—”

“It’s fine,” Loki cut him off. His thumb circled behind Tony’s ear. “You’re just feeling anxious, it’s alright.” Tony glared, fuming suddenly. He opened his mouth to tell Loki that wasn’t it, he wasn’t being anxious at all—but maybe that was it. He pressed his lips together. Was that it? “We can do something else.” 

“No,” Tony said. He dropped his head against Loki’s shoulder. “Just give me a moment to get over it, then.” 

Loki relaxed against the bed, releasing his grip around Tony, and waited. “I just—” Tony started. All the words were going to come flying out now, he could feel it. “Have never gotten to this point with anyone before, you know? And we’re not like a normal couple and I keep screwing everything up and it’s just—no one’s ever been this good to me and I don’t know what to do with it.” 

Suddenly Loki was holding him again, firm and fierce. His voice came steadily. “You’re not screwing it up,” Loki said. “If anything—Tony, we’ve been getting our shit together a lot better lately.” He set a hand on Tony’s cheek, and Tony leaned into it. “I don’t know what’s made you think that—something is wrong right now, but we’re okay.” 

Tony sighed against Loki, closing his eyes. “I know,” he lied. Sort of. “Lo, I don’t know what to do.” 

“About what?” Loki asked with a patience that seemed to be reserved only for Tony. 

“I don’t know.” 

“Then there’s nothing to do,” Loki said gently. 

Tony tried to focus on Loki’s body warmth, trying to be right. “This is new for me,” Tony tried to explain. 

“It’s new for me too.” Tony smiled a little, but he didn’t really feel it. “I don’t think we’re not normal, Tony. Normal is subjective anyway.” Loki’s hand slipped from his cheek to set against his neck. “And if you’re looking for normal, you picked the wrong guy anyway.” 

This time Tony grinned for real. “Fuck normal, then.” 

He opened his eyes expecting to see Loki smirking at him, but there was only worry. It slipped away under Tony’s scrutiny to be hidden beneath a steady air. “I’m fine,” Tony said. “I’m, it’s over, I’m good.” Loki didn’t move. “I’m sorry,” Tony said. “My server must’ve been down, but I’m running again so let’s—” Loki’s lips twisted unhappily to the side. “What?” 

Loki only studied him for a moment. “Don’t brush it off like that.” 

“Lo, I ruined the lead up to what was some very promising sex. I don’t exactly want to linger on it,” Tony said seriously. 

“What you said mattered,” Loki said. “You’re doing it again. You’re brushing past something about you like it doesn’t matter.” 

“At least I share it,” Tony said. 

Loki seethed, but his words stayed firm with conviction. “I share. You know I’ve improved there.” He was right. “Don’t make this about me. Something bothered you.” Tony wanted to sit up, but he also didn’t want to move and worsen things. “And honestly Tony, it seems like something has been bothering you a lot recently. I just don’t know what it is.” 

A pressure pushed at Tony’s eyes, but he kept it in. He was steadier than before. “You know I have issues around people using me for money,” Tony said. “And I’ve kind of been getting at how they used me for sex, but I used them too, so it was okay. I liked it. A lot.” Tony’s words were spoken low, an unhappy admission. “I was good at it, and it was kind of like part of me felt like it was the only thing that people wanted me for.” Steve came to mind, but Tony didn’t voice it. There had been a lot of people it had felt good to sleep with because he’d been wanted. “But you’re not—with me for money.” Fuck, had Loki made that clear. Repeatedly. “And this turned into more than sex, and I don’t know—it’s like sometimes sex with you matters, you know?” 

“Yes.” 

“And that’s—not that like that’s a bad thing or something, I don’t know,” Tony said. “It’s just, it’s different with us sometimes.” He cared, that was what. “And you get me,” Tony said. “I’m not trying to sound dumb about it, Lo. But you really, this really, I feel lucky.” Tony couldn’t believe the words coming freely from his mouth. “And I know it’s been more than sex for quite a while now and I don’t know why I’m thinking about it now.” Tony swallowed. “I’m sorry, Lo, I’m, I should’ve, I don’t know. I made this lame.” 

Instead of answering him, Loki kissed the side of his face. He pressed several to Tony’s cheek, trailing down until Tony found himself eagerly parting his lips, allowing Loki in. 

He was pushed onto his back, Loki crawling over him, biting and nipping kisses to his neck. “Lo,” Tony muttered, the frailty from before threatening to return. In response he got a long, hot stripe of saliva down the center of his neck. Loki sucked at the hollow, not desperate but attentive. 

“It’s fine,” Loki murmured. “You’re fine.” He slowed, and Tony relaxed, sinking down. He closed his eyes, Loki working at what was certainly going to be a hickey before long. Tony curled his arms around Loki, not wanting him to stop. Tony found himself returning kisses sloppily, but Loki didn’t seem to mind. Tony sunk into the rhythm of it, until he was no longer obsessing over how he’d fucked things up. 

Tony relaxed, content to let Loki’s lips be the only thing on his mind. When Loki shifted Tony held on. “Don’t stop,” Tony whispered. He forgot the request as Loki complied, his body coming undone and at ease. 

It was only when he felt Loki’s hand tentatively undo his jeans that he woke from the moment, and fuck, he should’ve lost the jeans ages ago. “Okay?” Loki whispered breathily, and Tony answered with half-lidded eyes. 

“Yes. Fuck yes,” he whispered back. 

Loki’s hand snuck inside his jeans, into his boxers to curl around an erection that had never really flagged and was back in full force. As Loki’s fingers curled around the heavy length of him, Tony pressed himself closer to Loki, breathing in. Loki wasn’t shy about using pressure, and his teeth grazed Tony’s neck with the hint of a possessive bite on the first tug. Tony choked out a noise, trying for a name. 

“That’s it,” Loki whispered in his ear, pressing a kiss to his cheekbone as his thumb circled the slicked tip. “Just come for me Tony, you’re glorious when you do.” Tony turned his head to the side and Loki seized the opportunity to suck on an unmarked spot. He tugged with a grounding, overwhelming pressure and Tony came in two strokes, sobbing out a cry. He panted as Loki wiped his hand on Tony’s jeans, smirking slightly. Good thing he hadn’t worn his favorites, then. 

Tony got them off and dropped them over the side of the bed. He was just starting to turn to Loki when his boyfriend curled into him, smiling to himself as he pulled Tony in. “Lo,” Tony started. Loki hummed, tucking his head under Tony’s chin. Tony realized that Loki was happy, and that surprised him enough to make him forget his original question. “Why’re you—smiling?” 

“Because I love you too, you idiot.” 

Tony felt slightly dumbfounded, but it always felt good to be told he was loved. He let out a breath he hadn’t been aware of holding, comforted by the sensation of Loki’s smooth hair tucked beneath his chin and the fingertips closed around him. “What about you?” Tony asked, hand slipping between them. Loki groaned uncomfortably when Tony’s hand wrapped around him. The fingers at Tony’s back dug in a bit deeper. 

Tony wanted to watch Loki’s face, but Loki seemed intent on holding to him. “Lo,” Tony breathed. “I wanna see you.” Loki let Tony shift that time, eyes clenched shut and face flushed. Fuck, he was gorgeous. Tony didn’t tease him but enjoyed every last twitch that rattled through him, Loki’s hands squeezing his back. He came with a startled moan, lips parted, and Tony buried the image in his mind with a deep sense of contentment before kissing Loki’s forehead. “Don’t go anywhere,” Tony whispered. 

“Can’t without a shower and some clothes first,” Loki muttered. Tony found himself smiling as Loki buried himself beneath Tony’s chin again. 

“At least there’s that then,” he answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, I hope you signed up for discussions about feelings. (•̤̀▿ •̤́ )  
> Next chapter will be off in a different direction.  
>  ~~I may need a beta on this sometimes.~~


	11. Chapter 11

A metal briefcase bumped against Tony’s knee as he leaned forward to ring the doorbell. He rang it twice, absentmindedly noting the decorative wreath on Jane and Thor’s door, before realizing that he was probably being an asshole and waking the baby up. 

Tony flinched as the door opened. 

“Tony! Come in,” Thor said. He was mostly blocking the doorway, but he wasn’t whispering as Tony had imagined he would, so Tony took a nervous step inside. It was only then that he understood why Thor had been blocking the door. “Down,” Thor warned. 

A golden retriever puppy’s paws landed on Tony’s thighs, the puppy wagging her tail at a hundred miles per hour. “Down,” Thor said, removing her. “She’s excited to have guests.” Thor laughed, scratching behind her ears while holding her back. 

“I see that,” Tony said. The puppy’s pink tongue hung from her mouth, drool hitting the floor as she tried to reach Tony. 

A dog. Loki and his boxer. Now it made sense. That little…

Tony tried to pull the expression that was meant for Loki off of his face. “What’s her name?” 

“Asterion,” Thor said. He smiled, a cross between fond and apologetic. “After one of the dogs in Canes Venatici. I think Jane’s a little sad that her mother talked her out of naming Azalea after a constellation, so Asterion gets a constellation name instead.” The puppy barked, eagerly whining in Tony’s direction. 

“Speaking of Jane,” Tony said. “I brought over the equipment that she asked for. Is she—”

“Jaaaane!” Thor bellowed, facing the stairs. So much for worrying about waking the baby up, then. Thor smiled at Tony like yelling up the stairs was perfectly normal. “I am surprised not to see Loki with you.” 

“Yeah, he’s—shopping, I think,” Tony said. With a spark of unease, he realized that he wasn't entirely sure. “He said something about going to the restaurant supply store after work, I think.” Or did he? He hadn’t been paying attention. Tony scratched at the back of his head. Maybe he should text him.

While Tony thought about that, Jane appeared at the top of the stairs with a bubbly Azalea in her arms. She came down as quickly as she could, handing Azalea off to her eager father. “Oh,” Jane said excitedly. “You brought it, thank you so much, this is going to be great,” she said, lugging the case up and out of Tony’s hands. She carried it towards the kitchen, leaving them to follow. 

Jane cleared off a space between between plastic toys and coffee cups. “This is amazing,” Jane said. “I really needed this.” 

“Use it as long as you want,” Tony shrugged. Jane was getting that dreamy look, and Tony knew just as well as Thor that she’d be spending the next few hours waist deep in research. 

“Thank you,” Jane answered, already tearing open a well-loved notebook and sorting through scribbled notes. 

Thor caught Tony’s eye. “Would you like to sit with us outside?” He switched Azalea from one arm to the other, smiling at her as she clenched a tiny fist in his shirt. Tony fussed with his tie, thinking up an excuse. He was out of place here between Thor and Azalea. “I’ll show you what I’ve done with the garden.” 

Tony yanked at his tie before catching himself and dropping his hand to his side. “I should probably figure out where Loki is,” Tony said smoothly. “I don’t know if we had plans for tonight.” 

Thor set a hand on his shoulder. In spite of himself, Tony felt comforted. He relaxed a bit, dropping his shoulders. “I’m sure that Loki wouldn’t mind swinging by here on his way home if you’re still over.” 

Tony smiled in reply. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s true.” Loki would probably jump at the opportunity, in truth. 

“Come on,” Thor said, taking a step towards the hallway. 

Tony found himself following, happy almost. “I’m not going to be walking out into a bunch of topiaries or something, am I? Because I have to say, if there are a bunch of topiaries and none of them are styled after me, I’m going to be disappointed.” 

There was a low, polite laugh from Thor. “I can’t say that there are.” 

“That’s your next project then,” Tony said. Asterion rubbed against his leg as they walked. Tony extended an uncertain hand towards her, then found himself happily scratching her back when she left him, bounding towards the open door. 

The puppy shot out into the fenced in yard, barking at a squirrel. Thor headed towards a small, raised dirt bed. 

There was a long row of tomato plants, carefully caged by green wires. “I never would’ve pictured you as a gardener,” Tony said. 

“It’s a start,” Thor said. “I want to section off more of the yard, but Jane wants to leave space for Azalea to play.” 

“I think you have enough room, bud.” The backyard wasn’t huge, but it was definitely big enough for a few more garden beds. Thor sat down in a wire chair beneath the shade of a tree, letting Azalea down to crawl in the grass. After a moment, Tony sat down beside him. 

“I’ve got three different varieties growing,” Thor said. He started talking about them the way that he had about his old football days, detailing minor things that Tony just smiled and nodded along with. He watched the puppy rip a root free from the ground and carry it over proudly, dropping it before Thor. Thor tossed it off into the yard for her and Azalea squealed with delight. 

Tony played with his watch as Thor told him about the watering system he’d put in. 

Tony actually felt sort of content, in a way. Loki had told him that Thor was proud of him, hadn’t he? Tony had never thought that possible. He knew that he sort of got on Thor’s nerves, and Thor had chewed him out more than once over the years. Not in the way that Steve did it, or Bruce’s quieter disapproval. Thor was direct and quick, an anger that happened all at once and then was forgotten just as quickly. He’d always owed Thor for getting him off the legal hook, and that had sort of just devolved into Tony feeling a vague sense of guilt whenever they were together. 

Plus there was the whole dating his brother thing, and Tony secretly feared getting chewed out by the overprotective brother with godly biceps. 

Thor smiled at him, gesturing the size of his last overgrown tomato with his hands. 

That was not the face of someone that despised him. 

“I’ll give you some to take home with you,” Thor said. 

“Does Loki know you have these?” Tony asked. “I’m surprised he hasn’t been making things with them.” 

“I’ve sent Loki home with dozens,” Thor said lightly. “You’ve been eating them. He brought over some of the leftover quiche you had on Wednesday.” Tony’s mind flickered back to the quiche. He hadn’t really thought about the tomatoes in it. “He gave us a jar of tomato basil jam too.” 

Ordinarily, Tony would’ve wrinkled his nose at such a food, but now he felt left out because he hadn’t tried any of it. Loki did have a row of jars that Tony had never bothered with at the top of the refrigerator. Maybe when he got home he’d try it. 

Asterion appeared at his knee, nudging him with a stick. As Tony accepted it, he wondered if he’d ever wanted a dog growing up. It was one of those things that Howard would’ve shot down from the start. Maybe he had and he just didn’t remember. Tony tossed the stick. The puppy bounded back through the yard. Thor lifted Azalea up into his lap. 

“Thor,” Tony said suddenly. 

Fuck, asking Thor things had always been a little imposing. He was a great guy, maybe that was part of it. Tony didn’t want to disappoint him. “You, your parents, I—” Tony sat back. Get it together. “Do they like Loki’s business?” 

Thor’s gaze was serious and calculating suddenly, as if Tony were an opponent he was about to fight. Then it was gone just as quickly, Thor’s attention turning on the yard instead. “Loki likes his business, and that is what matters.” 

“Yeah, but—”

“Tony, I have not seen Loki talk at such length about something since he was a child,” Thor said. “When he has stayed for dinner with Jane and I, we almost have a hard time shutting him up,” Thor said, grinning. “I’m joking,” he told Tony. He set a hand on Tony’s stiff shoulder. “I am happy to see that side of him again.” 

Thor’s hand dropped from his shoulder. “What does he say?” Tony asked. 

Azalea laughed at something, but Tony saw no cause. “He talks about the things he is creating, his employees, his dreams for the future. When he was six or seven,” Thor said, “he got these trading cards with creatures on them. He knew everything about each different one. He loved talking about those,” Thor said. “He was like that with anything he got excited about. It wasn’t until he got older that he became sullen.” 

“It’s hard to think of him as someone that babbles,” Tony admitted. 

Thor smiled to the side, shrugging a bit. “He likes what he’s doing now, Tony.” Asterion sat down beside them. Tony petted her with rapt attention on Thor. “For a long time, I worried about him. He was stubborn and selfish and I thought I may end up taking care of him.” A slight, uncomfortable twinge seized Tony’s stomach. “But Loki has his own ways.” 

It was said kindly, as if to mean that Loki was okay now. Tony smoothed a hand over Asterion’s soft fur. He got what Thor meant. He hadn’t understood Loki when they first met either. “I just hate how—I wish they could see it.”

“Tony,” Thor said, gentle almost. “Loki is still a part of my family and my parents’ son. You have done a very kind thing by helping him to start his business. I wish I had thought of it.” Tony’s eyes widened a fraction. Thor had sounded jealous. That couldn’t be right. 

Tony stared at him, soft brown eyes adamant. That couldn’t be right.

“I will get your tomatoes,” Thor said. He got up. 

Tony didn’t know how to ask Thor if he was jealous. Or why. He could only stand up awkwardly, while the dog wagged her tail at him. “Let me bring Azalea inside first,” Thor said. Tony followed after him into the kitchen. Jane accepted Azalea without comment, securely putting the baby in her lap and continuing her typing right where she’d left off. Azalea smiled at the screen, gurgling about something. “I’ll be right back,” Thor said. The puppy followed after him. 

Tony reached for his phone, but his attention caught on Jane. He pressed his lips together. Then he glanced towards the hallway. 

“Hey Jane,” Tony said. 

She glanced up, but her typing didn’t cease. She smiled for him to start. 

“You, uh—is Thor jealous?” Tony blurted. “Of Loki, I mean—” He breathed in through his nose. Come on, Tony. “We were talking about Loki’s business and he said he wished he would’ve thought of investing in a business for Loki, and I—I don’t know. I got the feeling that he was jealous.” 

Jane’s arms curled in around Azalea. “Thor has wanted to get through to his brother for a long time,” she said slowly. “When you and Loki started dating, I think he’d given up.” She smiled at him, probably out of sympathy. “You’ve gotten through to Loki in a way that Thor couldn’t.” She paused. “So yes, he probably is jealous of you. Even if he doesn’t realize it.” 

Jane brushed her fingers through Azalea’s hair. “I wouldn’t worry about it though, Tony.” She curled a thin lock behind Azalea’s ear. “He has the little brother he’s missed back, in part because of you. Thor appreciates that.” 

Tony couldn’t take credit for that. He hadn’t done anything. Whatever had brought Thor and Loki closer was because of Loki, not him. Tony scratched his fingernails against his beard. “The Odinsons—” Tony wasn’t really sure what he was trying to say. Fuck. “How do you deal with it?” 

They both heard the back door shut, Asterion’s paws clicking against the wood floor. 

“You can always come and talk to me about it,” Jane said softly. “Just call me, alright?” 

Tony didn’t know why, but he felt like he wanted to cry. “Sure,” he said. 

“Tony, I mean it,” Jane said. 

Tony nodded his head just as Thor entered the room. He handed Tony a brown paper bag. “Don’t leave these in your car,” Thor said. 

“I wouldn’t!” Tony took the bag from him as Thor grinned. Tony could be responsible when he wanted to be, damn it. “Okay, I’m rolling out. Jane, you just let me know when you want me to pick that back up.” 

“I can always drop it off,” Jane told him. “I’ll let you know when I’m finished with it.” 

“Yeah, but what if you guys get another pet?” Tony asked. “How would I get to see it?” 

“One is enough for us right now,” Jane said. Tony was about to tell her that maybe he and Loki would be getting a dog too, but Azalea started crying. 

“I’ll let myself out,” Tony said as shrieking cries filled the room. 

“Bye Tony,” Jane said over the screaming. 

Thor was picking Azalea up as Tony slipped out of the room. Asterion followed him to the front door, slowly wagging her tail. Tony could’ve sworn that there was a question in those round eyes. “I’ve got to go,” Tony said. “No dogs in my car. Your hair will clog up the air conditioner.” 

Her tail started wagging faster. 

“That wasn’t an invitation,” Tony told her, grabbing the door knob. “You—be good. Sit or something.” To his amazement, she did. Tony paused, then patted her head. “Bye Asterion.” Tony frowned, watching her fluffy yellow tail whip back and forth with an odd sensation in his chest. He shook his head. 

Jane and Thor’s house was turning into a zoo.

Tony closed the door and walked out to his car, dragging his feet a bit as he did. 

When he got into the car, a beta version of Jarvis alerted him to a voicemail from Loki. His recorded voice filled the car as Tony turned out onto the road. 

“You’re not answering your phone, so you're dead or in the lab or both. Assuming that my boyfriend is still breathing, I thought we could go camping this weekend. If you can handle the lack of running water for a day. Tell me when you’re coming back. Bye.” 

Tony glared at Loki’s little dig, then stopped. He’d never been camping before. At least not in a tent or whatever the hell Loki was thinking of that meant no running water. “Call Loki,” Tony told Jarvis. “Tell him I’ve got a cabin on a lake like a normal person.” 

A small smile crept onto Tony’s face as the phone dialed. He’d never been on a real trip with Loki either.


	12. Chapter 12

“Of course you do,” Loki said after Tony told him that he had a cabin. Loki combed his fingers through his long hair, his lips pulled back in a thin line, but his posture was relaxed and purposeful. He was clearly thinking about something, though Tony wasn’t sure what. 

“It was my dad’s,” Tony said. “He went up there with my mom a lot. Sometimes they brought me and our butler would take me fishing. Doesn’t your dad have one?” 

Loki smiled, amused somehow. “No,” he answered lightly. “Though they have often talked about getting a home back in Europe again.” Loki leaned off the counter, speaking before Tony could ask more. “But the point isn’t staying in a different house for a weekend. We’re going to go camping.” 

Tony sat on a barstool, tossing his arm along the back. “Loki. We’re too old to play in the dirt or whatever it is you do when you’re camping. I need my wifi. Jarvis is going to get lonely without me.” 

Loki sighed, rolling his eyes. “Jarvis is going to be just fine without you.” 

“No,” Tony said. “He needs me. I need to keep him busy so he won’t be bored. I just taught him how to start my coffee. What is he going to do without me?” Loki’s hand patted his shoulder as Loki fought off a smile. Tony wasn’t sure what Loki found so damn amusing, but he didn’t really want to question it either. 

“If I could enjoy camping with Thor,” Loki said, ghosting his fingers up the side of Tony’s neck, “then you can learn to enjoy camping without your wifi, or playing with your phone every five seconds.” Loki set his forearms over Tony’s shoulders, leaning in and pressing their foreheads together in a way that flustered Tony. 

“When’d you and Thor go camping?” Tony asked, avoiding playful green eyes trying to work their magic on him. 

“As kids,” Loki said. His cool breath drifted against Tony’s skin with the soft chill of mint. “We are going to pack our things, stop at the store for beer and junk food, and drive out to your cabin,” he said as if it were already a fact. “Does it really not have wifi?” The afterthought was spoken quickly, as if Tony’d been playing a trick on him. 

Somewhat defensively Tony admitted, “It never got updated after it lost dial up.” He blushed for an entirely different reason. He, Tony Stark, tech icon, owned property in which there was no working wifi. “I was going to upgrade it to something decent but I can’t remember the last time I was out there. I used to use it for partying but now I just lend it out to Steve and Bucky and Sam sometimes. And Bruce, when he’s doing a meditation retreat or whatever.” Loki’s forehead left his and Tony immediately missed him. Tony closed his eyes. “Actually, I don’t need wifi in the cabin, I can access the internet any—”

“Or,” Loki said a bit sharply, “you can forget about that and we can stop at the store for a tent.” 

“Loki, I want plumbing,” Tony said. “And you need a real stove,” he added helpfully. That might convince him. 

Loki closed his eyes, drawing in a breath. “Fine,” he said, leaning off of Tony. “How far away is the cabin?” 

“An hour.” Loki nodded, and just like that, Tony felt his heart soar with excitement. 

“What should we bring?” Tony asked. His mind kicked into overdrive. “There’s a jacuzzi. We should probably bring our swimming suits. Do you think we need bug spray? Maybe we should get that too. Should I bring one of the game consoles? I don’t think the cabin has one.” 

Loki combed his fingers through Tony’s hair, restyling the scruff at the front. “I’ll help you pack,” he said. He started towards the stairs. “Come on, I want to get there before sundown.” 

Tony hurried after him. They were going on a trip, a real trip. He stumbled up the stairs behind Loki, not unlike Thor’s bounding puppy. “Are you going to bring your flannel pajama bottoms?” 

“Because you’d like to steal them if I’m not?” Loki rightfully guessed. 

“They’re soft,” Tony answered. “Besides, you don’t need them.” 

“They’re too long on you,” Loki said. “And I do need them, because I’m not going to freeze my ass off in the middle of the woods.” 

“The cabin has heating. And air conditioning. ” 

“You’re not taking them,” Loki said. “You can have my black ones if that makes you happy.” Tony frowned but decided to accept the deal, snagging them out of Loki’s drawer before he changed his mind. “Don’t overpack,” Loki said. “Just follow what I throw on the bed.” 

“I know how to pack,” Tony told him, tossing a pair of socks onto the bed. 

Loki stared at the socks for a moment before leaving him to it. 

 

They were packed relatively fast, with Loki’s pushing and insisting that Tony not try and take a game console with them. Tony wasn’t sure what there’d be to do at the cabin, but Loki didn’t seem to worry about that at all. More than once he reminded Tony that they were _camping_ , whatever that was supposed to imply. 

Visiting the grocery store was easier, mainly because Tony had mastered the art of keeping up with Loki a few months ago. It was really a matter of making sure he didn’t fall behind with the cart, or bump into Loki when he started to deliberate over something. Tony had run over his toes a couple of times before mastering that part. 

Tony was lucky he still had his own toes after those first couple of times, really. 

But Tony’s car was packed and on the road soon enough. For a while they talked, then that naturally drifted to listening to the radio. 

It had never occurred to him to take Loki out to the cabin. Maybe someday he’d take Loki out to Malibu too. He’d always wanted to buy property out there. 

Maybe once Stark Industries was ready to expand he could try it.

SI was doing well. He could just buy a place now. But that would be a long trip from the business, and he didn’t really know how often he’d be able to go. They needed him. He needed to make sure that everything went well. 

“Do you really think it’ll be alright if I can’t get on wifi when we’re gone?” Tony asked. “What if something happens at SI and I can’t get to it?” 

Loki was staring out at the passing fields and answered without urgency. “You go on trips all the time,” Loki said. “And SI doesn’t fall apart when you’re gone.” 

“I know,” Tony said. “But what if I have to get online and fix something?” 

“Then you can do it from your phone,” Loki answered. 

“I know,” Tony said. “I’m just thinking if the signal’s not great and the speed is slow it might take me longer to fix something.” 

“You’ve never had to fix anything from home before,” Loki said, tracing his finger along the lock on the car door. 

“I know, but if I have to then I should probably have a better connection. There were a few engineers staying this weekend to get things caught up.” Only for a couple of hours, but still. And the security team was there, what if they had a problem? “I need to make sure they can reach me.” 

“You have your phone,” Loki reminded him. 

“Yeah, but what if they can’t get through? And I can’t get online?” 

“Tony,” Loki said, in that impatient way like Bruce got when Tony’d been going on for too long. Immediately, Tony recoiled inwardly with shame. “I’m sure your company will be fine for a few hours without you. If anything happens, they’ll call. They’ll get through.” He set a hand on Tony’s arm, and after the initial flinch, some of that comfort seeped in. “Alright?” 

“Yeah.” Tony didn’t really feel settled, but he hated being spoken to that way. He knew he was fixating on it, but he wanted to keep talking about it until he felt calm. It wasn’t like the thought was going to go away. 

Loki laced his fingers together and set them in his lap. “Did you and your butler catch anything good when you were fishing?” 

It took Tony a few seconds to answer. “Yeah. Uh, Jarvis was good at it. He caught a few trout that I remember, but we always threw them back.” 

“Your butler’s name was Jarvis.” 

“Yeah.” Shit. He probably hadn’t told Loki that. He didn’t like to bring it up, really. And he didn’t want Loki thinking he was weird, naming his AI after his butler. Or think he was stuck up. 

Loki was quiet long enough that Tony noticed it past the memories zipping by in his head. “Where is he now?” Loki asked quietly. 

“He um, died. Right before my parents did, actually. He had a stroke.” 

Loki’s had set on his thigh. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Tony said. “Happened ages ago. And it’s a good thing he wasn’t there because he would not have approved of me using that cabin as party headquarters,” Tony said, because fuck, when had things gotten heavy? “I would’ve gotten an earful about it.” 

“We’re going to find beer bottles everywhere, aren’t we.” Loki said it with such dismal certainty that Tony thought he was disappointing him. The cabin would be cool and normal. It would. Loki would like it. It had huge sweeping windows that looked out over the lake where they could watch the morning fog roll in past the pine trees. Plus it was secluded, so no annoying neighbors or people, unlike the beach on Malibu. 

“What? No. I’ve had a service come out and take care of the place for years,” Tony said. He reached down and grabbed Loki’s hand, squeezing it before letting go and grabbing the steering wheel again. Loki’s hand retreated. “What’re we going to have for dinner?” 

“I was thinking about the frozen pizza we got.” 

“That sounds good.” 

Well that would be alright. He was hungry. “What else did you do while you visited the cabin?” Loki asked. 

“Jarvis took me with him to a bait shop one time, that was an experience. I don’t think he even liked the place, looking back on it. I’m not sure why he took me. But I loved looking at the different fishing poles they had up on the wall. I wanted to take them apart and tweak them, but Jarvis just wanted to buy a thing of worms. That was okay too.” 

Loki had a lot of questions, so they talked about the cabin until they pulled up outside. 

It was slightly smaller than Tony remembered. Loki got out, and there was a soft rock from the car as Loki pulled open the trunk and lugged their things out. “I can carry some of that,” Tony said, getting out. 

“You take the groceries,” Loki said, slinging their duffle bag over his shoulder. He handed Tony a freezer bag and some eco bags with his company logo on them. The heavy straps on the bags sunk into Tony’s hands as he started towards the cabin. 

The wood of the front porch steps groaned as he stepped up. 

Tony shuffled around between the bags and the keys before getting the door open, Loki’s presence just behind him. It was dark inside, and being just past sunset didn’t help. Tony fumbled for a light. 

The first thing he noticed was that there was a sheet draped over the couch. That seemed odd, but it wasn’t until he set the bags down on the table that he realized there was a layer of dust. Shit. 

“I guess no one’s been out to clean in a while,” Tony said, grabbing the bags and heading for the kitchen instead. He heard Loki flip a light switch on in the hallway, the floor creaking as he moved to open one of the bedroom doors. 

The appliances were still plugged in, but there was dust here too. Had he forgotten something? He grabbed his phone, searching for an e-mail from the cleaning company. There were several that he’d left unopened, rarely having paid them attention. 

“The cleaning company stopped coming a couple months ago,” Tony said. “I didn’t see the e-mail. They closed their business.” 

“Looks like you can get on the internet,” Loki pointed out helpfully, reminding Tony of a cat as he slunk past him, duffle bag missing. 

Fine. True. Whatever. “I’m going to flush the water, get that working,” Tony said. He rubbed his forehead. Fuck. He'd ruined this. Their first real trip together, and he’d fucking ruined it. 

“Which bedroom do you want to stay in?” Loki asked, as if this were perfectly normal. 

Tony pursed his lips, walking towards the hallway. “I guess, I mean, there’s the master bedroom upstairs.” He went back out into the main room, Loki following behind him and up a set of wooden stairs. A landing overlooked the main room and windows, where they’d see the lake when it wasn’t dark out. Tony went across to the bedroom door. 

The bedroom was also slightly smaller than he remembered. But it was still nice, and seemed alright past the recent neglect. He recognized the quilt slung over the back of a chair as the one that used to sit in his mother’s study. “Here’s okay,” he said. Loki turned and looked back over the main room, setting his hands on the balcony railing. Tony wished they’d made it before sunset so Loki would see how impressive the lake was. “Sorry it’s a mess,” Tony said. “We can go back home—”

“I love it,” Loki declared, eyes wandering over the covered furniture and dust with a satisfaction that Tony didn’t really understand. 

“What?” Loki had to be messing with him. 

Loki turned around, cupping Tony’s chin for a moment with a playful grin. “It’s perfect,” he said, roughly brushing his thumb across Tony’s beard before letting go and starting back down the stairs. 

“But it’s a mess.” 

“It’s not as bad as you think,” Loki called as he went down the stairs. Tony glanced back at the bedroom once before hurrying after him. 

“Loki, the place is a wreck. Look how much dust there is.” 

“You can make sure the water’s running correctly, right?” Loki asked, already setting off down the hallway. 

“Well yeah, but I have to do that before we go. I can’t leave it like this with no one up here checking on it.” 

“And the electricity seems to be working?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, like that was obvious. 

“And you’re going to fix the water situation,” Loki said. “Thank god for that engineering background. I think we’ll survive.” 

“Loki,” Tony said, just as he stopped beside a closet. 

Loki pulled the door open, then turned back to him with a smug grin. “Then I guess you’re going to learn how to clean today too.” He took out a duster, batting Tony with it. “Poor thing.” 

“I know how to clean,” Tony said indignantly. Loki hummed before running the duster beneath his chin. “Hey, that thing’s probably been here for forty years,” he said, moving to grab it. 

“It’s brand new,” Loki said matter of factly, doting Tony’s nose. “See?” He barely held in his laughter. Tony tried to grab it before Loki snatched it away behind his back. 

“I’m going to go screw around with the water,” Tony said. 

“You do that,” Loki said, swatting him in the thighs once he’d turned around. 

“Hey!” Tony squawked, but Loki had already started back down the hall. Tony grumbled to himself before heading the other way. 

 

In all, it didn’t take nearly as much time as Tony thought it would to make things right. Miraculously, nothing had happened that had called for a repair, and the place seemed to be in pretty decent shape once he got everything running. Loki had cleaned most of it by then anyway, though he’d had a good time watching Tony vacuum (because there was some specific pattern for how he was supposed to move it, apparently) and try to get the fitted sheet on the bed (the thing had elastic in it, give him a break already). 

Tony had expected them to be done for the night after that, but then Loki was dragging him outside. “What’re we doing?” 

“We’re making a campfire,” Loki said, turning a light on. Immediately, a host of moths and other small insects swarmed the dull bulb. 

Tony stuck his thumbs through his belt loops, expression unchanged. “Don’t tell me you’ve never made one before,” Loki said. 

Tony’s lips twitched before he answered. “Usually Sam or Steve does that.” Loki’s shoulders dropped. He didn’t look impressed in the least, but there was a slight fondness to his eyes anyway. “Hey, I provide the cabin and the booze. They’re the ones that know how to do all that stuff. Besides, how hard can it be?” He grabbed a stick off the ground just to prove that he wasn’t completely useless. 

“Start with something that’s not wet,” Loki said, snatching it from his hand and twirling it across his fingers before tossing it off into the woods. He grinned, then started out towards trees. 

“Loki, you need a flashlight,” Tony called after him. 

Loki held up his phone. Tony bristled at the dim light. That thing was way too outdated to pass for a flashlight, let alone a phone. “How’re you going to know what you’re looking at with that?” 

“I’ll manage.” Loki waved him off. Instead of following, Tony wandered towards the old fire pit. There was a ring of stones around it, and several padded outdoor chairs. A branch had fallen into the pit from the trees above. “We can use that,” Loki said, appearing behind and scaring the crap out of Tony. 

“How’d you sneak up like that?” Tony asked, pressing a hand to his heart. 

“You weren’t paying attention,” Loki answered, dropping a small bundle of twigs beside the pit. Tony took a deep breath as Loki crouched down. He arranged the sticks and bark into a pyramid like shape, then took a lighter from his pocket. “You should start it,” Loki said. “Then you can say you helped make it.” 

“But you got everything and arranged it all together.” 

“I’m going to make you dig through that woodpile over there for bigger logs in a few minutes anyway,” Loki told him. Tony almost laughed, shaking his head. Of course Loki already had a plan. 

“Fine,” Tony agreed. He went for the dry, curled bark like Loki directed him to. It caught fire, smoke spiraling up towards the sky. “Here,” Tony said, handing back the lighter. “I’m going to get the logs for you, precious.” 

“Yes you are,” Loki gloated. Tony swatted his ass, walking past him towards the pile. “Get a few,” Loki called after him. 

As Tony pulled back the tarp over the woodpile, a couple of roaches scurried away. His stomach turned over. He couldn’t very well freak out about it to Loki though. He picked the easiest, most accessible logs before hurrying back. “Just set them on the side,” Loki said. “Here.” He held out a pointed stick towards Tony. 

“What—I have metal ones inside,” Tony said. 

“It’s not going to hurt you,” Loki said. 

“I thought we were going to have pizza. Shouldn’t you be bitching that it’s subpar?” Tony asked. “Are you—I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat a microwaved hotdog before.” Loki nudged him with the stick, so Tony took it. 

“It’s not microwaved,” Loki informed him. 

“No, it’s pulverized meat in a tube that’s held over a flame in the middle of the woods.” 

“And it’s probably better than half of the things you eat, lover of syrup and fruit loops.” Tony made a face. He never should’ve let Loki see him eating that. It wasn’t even half as bad as some of the other things he’d come up with on his own. 

“Hey,” Tony said. “I’ve dined at some of the best, most elite restaurants in the world. I have taste too, you know.” 

“Charming, Tony.” 

Tony sat down with a huff, playing with the end of the stick in the flames. “I bet you just liked camping because you were the kid that stuck bugs down the back of other kids’ shirts.” 

“Maybe,” Loki said. It sounded suspiciously like a yes. 

Tony thought about going back inside for one of the metal sticks, because this was seriously pushing his sensibilities, but in the end he decided to follow Loki’s example. 

Actually, the hotdog was decent, but he’d also eaten cheese crackers and ketchup without shame one time because he didn’t want to come out of the lab. 

A log popped particularly loudly, sending several sparks up into the smoke. Loki plopped a marshmallow onto a stick, holding it by the flames with what appeared to be contentment. He made it look cool though, somehow. Tony felt like a kid, but Loki looked like he’d stepped off a rock band tour bus to roast marshmallows because it was just something to do. 

“I met Thor’s new dog,” Tony said. He leaned over Loki, snagging a marshmallow from the bag beside him. Loki smelled good with the smoke from the fire mixed into his usual scent. 

“You did?” 

“Yeah, I dropped off some equipment for Jane to use today.” Tony shoved two marshmallows on for the hell of it. “So,” he announced. “You want a boxer to keep up with big brother.” Tony kept his tone teasing, careful not to veer too far and accidentally upset Loki. 

A small, guilty smile tugged at Loki’s mouth. He kept his eyes trained on the fire. “I want one. They just happen to have a dog,” he said, withdrawing a perfectly golden marshmallow from the fire. 

“Uh-huh,” Tony said. “And you bringing it up had nothing to do with Thor’s new dog.” 

“That would be correct,” Loki replied, peeling back the soft cooked layer from the marshmallow and pushing it into his mouth. Tony tried not fixate on the strand of white fluff that stuck to his fingers from his lips or the way that Loki licked it off. 

Tony snorted out a disbelieving laugh that only made Loki look guiltier. “You’re busted,” Tony said. “So busted. You saw that Thor has a dog and now you want one too, just admit it.” 

“Your marshmallow is on fire,” Loki said loftily. 

So it was. “Fuck,” Tony said, sacrificing it in a smear across a log. He leaned across Loki for a new one, obnoxiously knocking his chest against Loki’s lap. Fingers slid along his back, and Tony was just starting to preen a little when they fisted into his shirt. 

“It’s not safe to play around in front of an open flame,” Loki said. 

“Like you’re some safety cadet,” Tony answered. He started to move up, but Loki held him down. It was arousing to be manhandled, not that Tony wanted to admit to it. “Lokes,” he said. 

“What?” Loki asked innocently, letting go. There was no way he missed the flush on Tony’s cheeks. Tony sighed, giving up, and stuck his next marshmallow over the fire after he sat up. “Try not to set that one on fire too.” 

“I’m just going to steal yours,” Tony answered. 

“No you’re not.” 

“Watch me.” 

He lunged for it, but Loki tossed it into the fire, more content to watch it burn and win out of spite than attempt keeping it. His laughter filled Tony’s ears. “You’re a real dick, you know that?” Tony pouted, not meaning it at all. 

“So I’ve been told,” Loki replied, humming as his laughter died out, still smiling to himself in the firelight. 

Tony snuck an arm around behind him, this time to get a marshmallow. He ended up grasping the end of the plastic bag and then just taking it outright. Tony speared a marshmallow. As he sailed the stick back and forth across the flames Loki asked, “You like it though, don’t you?” 

Tony glanced over at him. He’d sounded happy saying it, but not quite teasing enough to be gloating. It still sounded like a question. Tony decided to answer. “Yeah.” Tony pulled his stick back from the flames. “But I like dick, so I don’t see why that’s a surprise.” Tony shoved the whole marshmallow in his mouth, belatedly realizing that it was yeah, slightly too hot to do that. 

He chewed through the mouthful, only noticing then that Loki still had that grin on his face. “What?” He asked, muffled. 

Loki turned, extending one hand towards him. Tony flinched, but only because they’d been teasing each other and he assumed those long fingers were going to tickle or pinch him. Instead, they curled in around his jaw. Loki’s thumb dragged over his lips, smearing a sticky strand of marshmallow as they did. 

“Tony,” he said, voice whispery and low. “Are you finished?” 

Just barely, he swallowed. His throat had gone dry. He swept his tongue across his teeth, seeking extra bits of fluff before answering. “Yes?” 

For a moment he thought that Loki was going to say something, but then Loki moved over, sinking down into his lap. Tony caught Loki’s back with his hand holding the stick, eyes searching for Loki’s before he felt the familiar press of lips against his. Loki’s tongue teased open his lips, drawing a moan from Tony before he tilted his head just a bit more. It was quick, but deliberately teasing, and despite how many times they’d done it before, Tony felt his toes curl with anticipation. 

He shifted his hips, seeking a little more friction, but Loki pulled back. He held Tony’s shoulders in his hands. “We should put out the fire.” 

“What?” There was a slight, embarrassing rasp to his voice. 

Loki tilted his head to the side. Tony just wanted attention to be on his crotch. “I want to go inside,” Loki said. 

“Now?” Loki grinned, getting up. “We barely started,” Tony said, feeling way more put out than he should have. 

“Maybe I’d rather fuck you on a mattress?” Loki suggested. 

Tony just stared for a moment before his mouth caught up. “Yeah, I’d rather not have mosquitos be the one biting me on the ass.” 

“Who says _I_ want to?” Loki asked, already beginning to put the fire out. Tony moved to help him. 

“Don’t tell me you don’t look at my ass and not want to do something horribly depraved with it.” 

“Only when you’re good,” Loki replied, probably just to get a scowl out of him. It worked. 

Just knowing what was about to happen was making Tony hard. He followed Loki inside, crowding him a bit as they went up the stairs. He didn’t so much pull Loki into the bed as tumble with him, yanking off Loki’s shirt before Loki could take his mouth. His breath was hot as he panted into Tony’s mouth, rolling them over so that he had Tony fully pinned. 

Loki didn’t let their lips part, and Tony was wedged between keeping up with the unrelenting tongue in his mouth and the grinding of their hips. It was just the right level of demanding, driving Tony to lose himself as Loki’s moans drowned in his. 

Tony’s fingers wandered down the warm skin of Loki’s back, fingers slipping along the gentle indents between his ribs. “Tony,” Loki growled, shifting his hips suddenly in a way that Tony reflexively thrust towards. Tony’s eyes slipped open just enough to see Loki descend right before he nipped at Tony’s neck. 

Then that tongue was working at the same spot, Tony’s back arching upwards. 

Tony simply melted into the mattress. A warm flush shivered down his spine, making his head go lighter. He needed this. He dug his fingertips into Loki’s back, just to keep himself grounded. Loki’s tongue licked a hot stripe up his throat and Tony leaned to the side, baring himself further. Yes, whatever Loki wanted to do would be good. 

So long as it involved fucking him, of course. 

His legs were tangled up with Loki’s but he just wanted to have them around Loki’s waist, he wanted Loki’s breath in his ear, whispering dirty things just for him. 

Instead, cold air meet his skin and Loki was pulling away. Tony’s eyes fluttered open. “Babe—” Tony barely got the word out before it faded away. Loki wasn’t there, where was he—hands clasped around his ankles. Tony flinched, then barked a surprised laugh as he was dragged towards the end of the bed. 

“Sit up,” Loki said breathily. Tony wanted to stay plastered to the bed with Loki pinning him down, sinking into that wanted feeling, but he was always up for a game. 

Sloppily, Tony grinned at him. “What’s it going to be this—” He swallowed as Loki sunk down to the floor. “Time?” 

Loki’s fingers slipped between Tony’s knees, slowly spreading them apart. He rested one hand on Tony’s thigh as he leaned his cheek against the other, staring up at Tony. 

Fuck, he was gorgeous. It was sinful for anyone to look that fucking good, and that burning in his eyes, Tony didn’t know what it was but he knew it meant something. Loki’s hand brushed back and forth along his thigh, leaving flares in their wake. The jeans had to come off. Right. Now. 

Loki’s hand caught his wrist before he could even begin tugging. Without a word, he set Tony’s hand down on the bed. As he shuffled on his knees, Tony felt Loki’s hot breath drift in through the fabric of his jeans. His cock twitched, desperation rocketing through him. Loki’s finger trailed across the edge of Tony’s waistband, and before he could even think to demand that Loki go faster, his finger sunk in between skin and fabric. Tony held his breath. 

Loki slid the button free, then leaned in, sliding his fingers up beneath Tony’s shirt and peeling it back enough to kiss a fold on his stomach. Loki glanced up at him once, demand in his eyes, just enough for Tony to get it and take his shirt off. As it passed over his eyes he felt his zipper come undone. His cheeks were burning. He helped Loki free his jeans and boxers, but hated the way Loki dragged them down slowly. He got why Loki did it, he would’ve done the same, but Loki had to know he wanted him _now_? 

He noticed Loki carelessly undo his own jeans, probably just to free the straining erection there, but he forgot the moment Loki kissed the inside of his thigh. One hand, all power and demand, spread the other thigh further apart as Loki’s teeth grazed the soft, sensitive inside of his thigh. Tony’s spine tingled. Loki was so close to where he wanted him, but there was something oddly intimate about having him so close, ignoring his needy cock. 

There was no doubt those green eyes wanted him as they bore into him, Loki’s hand reaching up to trace along his shaft. It was light and teasing, drawing sounds of protest from the back of Tony’s throat. Loki kissed the tip as if to apologize, and then he was taking Tony in his mouth, swirling his tongue and it was all Tony could do to hold himself still and not thrust into him. 

“Lo,” Tony muttered, needing to do something. He pinched at one of his own nipples, not because it would give him much feeling, but to restrain himself from grabbing Loki and fucking his throat the way he wanted to. Loki’s tongue was in no rush, finding a pulsing vein and tracing it. Tony grasped for the sheets. “Lo, babe,” he muttered. He was so goddamn gorgeous in Tony’s lap, slicked lips stretched wide around Tony’s cock, eyes blazing with desire but never losing their playful edge. 

Tony stroked his fingers through Loki’s hair, drawing an appreciative hum. Loki sunk in closer, eyes falling shut, all tight, wet heat around Tony. He sucked hard as he pulled back, earning a slight keen. Every time he slid back and forth, blowing and then sucking with dizzying pressure, Tony thought he was going to come. 

Tony’s head fell back, lips parting open. He pulled in shallow breaths. His chest was flushed deep pink, and his eyes had fallen closed. He was so lost in sensation that he forgot how much he enjoyed watching Loki do this until Loki’s voice reminded him. It was a low, appreciative hum. He was moving faster, eagerness spurring him on. The hand that had been teasing his balls was now clenching his thigh in desperation. Tony forced himself to see. 

Loki’s eyes had fallen shut, eyebrows relaxed in sheer enjoyment, no longer calculating his movements. He moaned a bit helplessly as he pulled back, urgently spreading his swollen lips around Tony’s cock as he eased back in. Tony felt his balls tighten as Loki hollowed his cheeks, but Tony wanted to watch him longer. Tony strained to resist but came a few moments later, spilling down the back of Loki’s throat. 

Loki lapped at his cock, one hand massaging his balls and teasing his shaft, as if Tony had any more to give. 

Loki rested his head against Tony’s thigh, eyes slightly clouded by arousal and slick lips parted just enough that Tony saw a sliver of his come on Loki’s tongue. 

Tony took a deep breath, wanting nothing more than to curl into Loki and pass out. When he felt Loki’s lips rise up to his hip bones, pressing a small kiss against the ridge of bone, he snuck his hands beneath Loki’s armpits. “Here,” he murmured, urging Loki back up onto the bed. He reached down as Loki happily crawled over him, expecting to find a heavy, hard cock. But Loki was already spent. 

“You came,” Tony said. 

Loki chuckled. “I didn’t need _both_ hands.” 

Tony smiled warmly even though he had a smug bastard in his arms. Loki deserved to be pleased with himself. “You didn’t save anything for me,” he complained. 

Loki shifted in his arms, hair falling over his shoulders as he stared down at Tony. “You can always take a raincheck,” he said. 

“I’ll hold you to it,” Tony said. 

“I should hope so,” Loki said lewdly, burying his nose in Tony’s neck.

* * *

Tony had expected a full breakfast. It took just a little bit of prodding, okay, well, begging if you wanted to be scientific about it, but Tony got what he wanted. Pancakes and waffles with strawberries, eggs, and bacon. Curling his arms around behind Loki and cooing praises at him until he caved probably helped with the last part.

What he hadn’t expected was for Loki to insist that they go out onto the lake after cleaning up. 

“Babe,” Tony said. “The lake is for _scenic_ value. The jacuzzi is for swimming.” Half-assed swimming if you wanted to call it that, but still. 

Loki stretched his arm behind his head, his black t-shirt riding up past his stomach. Tony’s eyes flicked to the tempting trail of hair there out of habit. “What good is a lake if you're just going to stare at it?” Loki righted his shirt, scratching at his forearm. “I am not going to sit here all day and stare.” 

“You could stare at me,” Tony offered. 

Loki hummed in the back of his throat, making that tiny little gesture absolutely dismissive. “I am going out onto the lake,” Loki said. “You can watch me from the window or you can join me.” 

He started upstairs towards the bedroom without a glance back. Tony listened to the stairs creak under his feet. 

It was doubtful that the jacuzzi was in working state. But the last time he’d been out on the lake for more than skinny dipping and fucking around was when his father had bought that boat and taught him water skiing. 

Well, for a few minutes and probably at his mother’s insistence. The boat and the waterskiing was for his parents’ friends after that. Tony had sold the boat the moment he’d inherited it. 

Tony glanced up towards the ceiling. He was completely full, and sitting there with his coffee for another hour wasn’t unappealing. But as he looked out over the living room, he remembered why he avoided this place. 

He couldn’t really bring himself to sell it and get rid of it, but he didn’t feel a desire to be here often either. He’d only jumped on it this weekend because he’d been so excited by Loki’s idea. 

Loki’s footsteps sounded on the balcony leading to the stairs. Tony set his coffee down. He listened to Loki approach, debating with himself. “I’m going out,” Loki told him. 

“I’m going to join you,” Tony decided.

“I’ll meet you out there then,” Loki said casually. Tony stood up, the door to the cabin falling shut as he went upstairs to change. 

Loki’s duffle bag was neatly closed beside his on the floor. Tony’s was split open, a pair of socks hanging out. They were right beside the dresser, and before Tony could duck down, he noticed a photograph of his parents standing in front of the cabin. 

He set the face of it down against the dresser. 

His swim trunks were buried at the bottom of his bag. He changed slowly, sucking in his stomach when he was done. Loki had seen him a million times before, there was no need for the sudden self-consciousness. Tony took a deep breath. 

He held the handrail as he went down the stairs, then had to look around for sandals to wear outside. There was an old pair in the closet that he’d left behind years ago. 

Tony grabbed a towel before wandering outside, snapping twigs beneath his feet. Fallen pine needles and oak leaves brushed against his toes. It was a little rocky before the shore of the lake, but Tony managed to navigate his way down. The old dock was still there. 

Tony had expected for Loki to be sunning himself on it, but that had probably been wishful thinking. He spotted Loki a few yards out, the back of his head facing Tony. The dock creaked as Tony walked out onto it. He draped his towel over his shoulders, looking dubiously at the water as he stepped out of his sandals. 

“It’s better just to jump in,” Loki called over. 

“Is it cold?” Tony asked, not really wanting the answer. 

Loki swam to him, keeping just his head above the water. “No,” Loki said. “It’s a sultry ninety-five degrees.” Tony glared at him. Loki reached up to the dock. “Do I need to pull your ass in?” 

“No,” Tony said, not convincing in the least. 

Loki reached for his ankle, but Tony pulled it back. “Don’t.” He took another step back as Loki reached for the other. He had that mischievous contentment written all over him, and Tony knew better. He dropped his towel in the middle of the dock, hoping that it would stay dry. 

A few waves lapped against the dock piers. His back was to Loki. Tony took a long, deep breath. This would be so much easier if Loki had just been some girl he’d been trying to impress. Then he’d jump without a problem. He glanced at the water one last time before leaping off the dock. 

Cold. Fuck, it was cold. Tony’s head broke the surface and he gasped for air. “Fuck!” Tony wiped the water out of his eyes, kicking his legs to stay afloat. “You didn’t tell me it was freezing!” 

“If I told you it was as cold as balls, you wouldn’t have jumped in,” Loki said, deeply amused. 

“What is wrong with you?” Tony asked as Loki swam into view. “This is horrible. Loki I’m going to die, it’s freezing. How are you still alive?” 

“You’ll adjust,” Loki said assuredly. “It’s not that cold.” 

He was just out of range, so Tony kicked forward, wanting to steal some of Loki’s warmth. Loki let him get just close enough to guess what he was doing before kicking back. “Get moving, that will help,” Loki said, pretending to be helpful. 

“I’m going to get you,” Tony promised, surging forward.

Loki was too fast and all Tony got was the sensation of his ankle sliding past his palm before he got away. 

He chased Loki until he was tired and had to grab the dock ladder to rest. “Are you part fish or what?” Tony threw over at him, out of breath. 

“Or what,” Loki answered. He disappeared beneath the water, resurfacing a few feet away. His dark hair floated out from him on the surface, contrasting his pale face more than usual. His cheeks were flushed though, so Tony didn’t feel too bad about being winded. 

“Come on Tony,” Loki beckoned, though to what Tony wasn’t sure. Loki’s eyelids slipped half shut, looking positively sinful, but Tony wasn’t fooled. 

Tony curled both hands around a ladder rung. Something twitched against his foot. At first Tony glared suspiciously at him, but Loki was too far away. Then he felt it again. “I think something touched my foot,” Tony said, nervousness punctuating his words. 

“Ha-ha,” Loki said, kicking out farther. 

“No, seriously.” He felt it again. “It’s—” Tony most definitely did not squeak. He pushed off the dock out of pure instinct, trying to escape. “Loki—” Tony kicked towards him, trying to get closer. 

“Nice try, Tony.” Loki glided away from the spot that Tony was trying to reach. 

Then Tony lost his calm. “It’s—” Okay, he probably yelled that time. “Biting me!” 

Loki’s demeanor changed, the playfulness switching right into sharp alertness. “You probably just bumped into a fish,” he said soothingly, but Tony was starting to panic. He swam towards Loki, not really thinking about why. It was just instinct. 

“It’s biting me, oww, oww,” Tony yelped, swatting at his leg. Something slick. Holy shit, holy shit. He didn’t feel teeth or pain but there was something there, there was definitely something there. Holy shit. 

“The dock, Tony. Go towards the dock,” he heard, just before Loki bumped into him. Loki’s hand set on his shoulder, guiding him towards the ladder. Tony was starting to breathe a little too fast. The second he got to the ladder he heaved himself out of the water, clambering towards the center of the dock and sitting down. Then he looked back. 

First he saw the slimy, slick gray body against his skin. Then he saw Loki’s face, wearily trained on him. There were more. Fuck, there were more, writhing on his skin. “It’s okay,” Loki said, kneeling down beside him. Tony was lying down, staring at his legs. “It’s just a few leeches.” 

“A few!” Tony squawked. “There’re enough here to start their own state!” 

“Tony,” Loki said, almost amused. His hand reached Tony’s head, and just for a moment, Tony was alright. Loki’s nails raked through his hair before he turned towards the leeches. “Why don’t you close your eyes?” 

“Loki—”

“Or watch,” Loki said. “But I don’t think you’re going to like it.” Tony sat up a bit, uncertain of what to do. “It’ll be alright,” Loki said. “Close your eyes, Tony.” 

Loki was right. Seeing them was not helping him. After a moment he let his head fall against the dock, staring up at the blue sky instead. He felt Loki’s fingers at his skin, then a nail sliding against it. Pain shot out from the spot before he felt the leech pulled free and heard it hit the water. Loki moved his leg to the side, repeating the same motion. 

Tony’s heart was hammering in his chest. He breathed in through his nose, trying not to think about it. He felt a few more come loose, then felt good enough to look down. Loki was tense in concentration. It made Tony feel safe, somehow, at the same moment he felt like a baby overreacting. 

He dropped his head back against the dock. 

“There,” Loki said. “Don’t look down,” he quickly added. “Let’s just—get you in the house to wash off.” Tony rose to his feet, ignoring the lingering pain. 

“Sorry,” he said. 

“For what?” Loki asked. 

“Freaking out,” Tony said. The towel came around his shoulders, now warm from the sun. 

Loki’s hand set against his shoulder. “Tony, you know you don’t have to apologize for that.” 

They were quiet as they walked up to the house. Loki’s hand didn’t leave him, and for that Tony was grateful. 

Loki made him sit down on the edge of the bathtub and put his feet in when they got inside the house, and Tony understood why he hadn’t wanted Tony to look down. There was blood down his legs. It made him feel like _Carrie_. “Head up,” Loki said, probably reading his train of thought. 

The water turned on. “Why didn’t they go for you?” Tony asked.

“I’m not as sweet,” Loki said. Tony let Loki wash the wounds, but only because the adrenaline hadn’t worn off. If he’d banged himself up in the lab or doing an experiment, it wouldn’t have bothered him at all. 

“I’m not sweet,” Tony muttered. 

“I was only talking about your breakfast,” Loki teased him. It made the knot in Tony’s stomach loosen. 

Loki got up and started rummaging through the cabinet. Something slid down Tony’s leg. He hoped it was water, but when he glanced down there was blood again. He wanted to whine at the same time he thought he was overreacting. He’d had way, way worse. His chest was proof of that. 

It didn’t make him feel any better. 

Loki returned just then, carrying some bandages and a tube of antibiotic ointment. “You’re lucky this is only two months off from expiring.” 

“I’m not even sure how I have it in the first place,” Tony admitted. He wouldn’t have been the one to buy it. Maybe Sam or Steve had left it behind. Loki started bandaging up one of the bites, and then Tony felt ridiculous. “It’s okay. I can,” he offered, though it wasn’t sincere. 

“It’s fine,” Loki said, with just a hint of protectiveness. Tony was uncertain though, and just as he started to move Loki said, “Sit your ass down.” Okay. Maybe he’d let Loki have this one. It felt good to anyway. “They’re going to itch. After this we can look for some Benadryl or something for you to take to help. We might have to go to the store.”

“There might be some upstairs,” Tony said. Expired maybe, but possibly. Loki seemed to know what he was doing pretty well. “How do you know about leeches? Have you gotten them?” 

“A few times,” Loki said. “Thor and I went camping a lot one summer. Sometimes we’d go with his friends, and sometimes it was just us. The first time I got one I think Fandral did it, honestly. He always was a little shit. Put some pressure on this,” he said, directing Tony’s hand to a bandage on his calf. 

“That sucks,” Tony said. Loki shrugged. “I only felt the one.”

“Normally you don’t feel them at all,” Loki said, in a bewilderingly calm voice. 

“There was an army of them feasting on my leg,” Tony said. “I could’ve replaced my whole legal team right there.” 

“There were five,” Loki said. 

“It felt like a hundred.” 

Loki sighed, but he was smiling a bit. “The one’s still bleeding pretty well, keep some pressure on it. I’m going to go get you an icepack.” 

When he left, Tony stared down at his legs. They weren’t half as bad as he’d thought now that he was calming down. Quietly, a sense of immense gratitude towards Loki welled up. “Why don’t you come sit in the kitchen?” Loki asked, appearing in the doorway. Tony stood. “This will help,” Loki said, handing him a bag of ice wrapped in a paper towel. “I’m going to run upstairs and look for the Benadryl.” 

“It’ll probably be behind the bathroom mirror,” Tony said. 

“I’ll look.” Loki disappeared down the hall, dressed in swim trunks with his wet hair slicked down his back. There was a small trail of water down his spine and Tony felt guilty. 

He balled the towel up beneath him and sat down in one of the kitchen chairs. It was a lot smaller than their kitchen back at the house, but the large window overlooking the woods was nice. Loki came back in with a plastic bottle. “There are a couple of antihistamines left in there but if we need more we’ll have to stop at the store.” He set it down beside Tony, then got him a glass of water. 

“Thanks,” Tony said. He probably had Bruce to thank too, because he’d never left anything like that here. 

“Why don’t I make lunch?” Loki suggested. Tony knew he couldn’t possibly be hungry, and that it was probably just to have something to do. 

“That sounds great. I’m starving.” 

Loki nodded, pulling open the fridge for a couple of moments before letting it fall shut. “I’m going to run upstairs and change first,” he said. Tony didn’t move. He was fine sitting here in his swim trunks, holding the bandage and an icepack to his leg. 

It wasn’t as though Loki’s general demeanor screamed caring, but he was. He had patched Tony up without belittling him or dismissing him, just like he did during Tony’s panic attacks. Tony shifted the icepack against his leg. In his own quiet way, Loki was fiercely caring. Tony knew he was goddamn lucky. 

When Loki came back he was wearing sweatpants and a cotton shirt, not unlike his pajamas. His hair was pulled back. There was a small wet spot at the center of his shirt where his hair met the white fabric. Faintly, frizz was forming around his curling hair. 

Loki paced the kitchen, making preparations for whatever he was about to make. “Leeches aside,” Tony said, “This was a good idea. I’m having fun this weekend.” 

He could see Loki’s mood brighten a bit. “I got the idea out of nowhere,” Loki said. “I was in the middle of making something when I thought about it.” He set a bowl down on the table. “It’s convenient that you have this cabin. I was serious about the tent.” 

Tony really didn’t think he could’ve handled the tent. 

“Why haven’t you mentioned this place before?” Loki asked. There wasn’t any accusation in his voice, and maybe it was the shake up of the morning or that Tony was feeling so relieved and safe at the moment, but his brain to mouth filter failed. Shut off. 

“I guess I kind of avoid thinking about it since this is where my parents were headed the night they were murdered.” 

“What?” 

Tony’s face flushed immediately. He hadn’t meant to say it like this. He really, really hadn’t. Fuck.


	13. Chapter 13

“What?” Loki repeated himself. Tony went still in the chair, holding his breath as his muscles tightened. “You said they died in a car crash.” Loki’s voice was so, so loud in Tony’s ears, even though he was certain that it was spoken at Loki’s usual volume. 

A droplet of water fell from his hair onto his swim trunks. 

His face was too obvious to play dumb now, and Loki wouldn’t fall for it anyway. Damn his smart boyfriend. 

“Well yeah,” Tony said, unable to bring himself to look in Loki’s direction. “They did. I just never felt right about it, that’s all.” If he could just come up with something funny to say, come on brain, work. Work! 

Loki was leaning in towards him over the table, that much Tony could tell. Fuck. Work brain, work. “You just said they were murdered,” Loki said. It was an invitation to speak, but Tony rejected it. He clenched his jaw. “Why?” 

Tony startled when Loki’s hand brushed over his hair, knocking his knee against the table leg. Tony’s eyes darted to Loki as he tried to sit back down and seem normal. Loki didn’t appear accusatory, but he’d never exactly looked at Tony with…such sympathy, maybe? Pity? Whatever this was, it was too much and not cool. Tony didn’t need to be comforted like a baby. He shifted his stiff jaw back and forth. “Just—” Tony huffed out a breath. 

Loki withdrew his hand and wiped his wet fingers off on his pants. 

“I guess,” Tony said. Maybe if he explained himself, Loki would just nod his head and they could move on. “It didn’t add up. They were supposed to have these big arms deals going through in the weeks that followed, their contracts with some private companies and the government were ending and they were going to sign deals with new companies—and when they died some of those—didn’t happen.” 

Loki gripped the back of a kitchen chair, standing very still. “Do you think someone would’ve benefitted from that?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “I don’t know. A lot of stuff happened back then, I don’t remember it all that well, I—it’s nothing. I don’t know.” He couldn’t keep his stupid mouth shut, that’s what. 

“What do you remember?” 

Tony had never been asked that before. He tripped over that realization, getting stuck on that before he recovered. He’d been through the memories a hundred times. They’d never really left him alone. “A few days before, the house smelled like cigar smoke.” A sheer curtain drifted in the wind. His parents never left windows open. “I came back that night and no one was home. It felt like it had been—like someone had been inside. My bedroom window was open.” 

“Did you tell anyone?” 

“No,” Tony said. “I thought that maybe Jarvis opened the window to air out the room or something. Nothing was taken.” Chills had run down his spine that night, as illogical as it was. The smoke had been so thick, it had assaulted his tongue as he’d walked down the hall, but hadn’t his father smoked occasionally? Couldn’t that cigar have belonged to anyone? 

“Was there anything else?” 

Tony curled his hands together. “No.” It was just a stupid fleeting feeling, that was all. 

“Are you sure?” 

“No, I’m not sure!” Tony stubbornly looked to the side. “I mean, they could’ve left five minutes before I got home,” he mumbled. “Could’ve been my dad’s cigar.” Loki began to pace without the pretense of cooking. “Look. I was pretty messed up in the months that followed that. I don’t remember a lot of it. I’m—I was just—holding on. Having delusions.” 

Loki froze, his back to Tony. When he turned around, Tony wanted to crawl under the table. “Do you really think you’re being delusional?” He asked. Why did he sound angry? 

Fuck, he always did, okay not really, but whatever. “Do you?” Loki prompted him. 

“No.” Tony bit his cheek, keeping his head down. 

Loki sighed quietly. Then he started to pace again. “Have you ever thought about asking a private investigator to look into it?” 

“I looked,” Tony admitted. “The weeks after, I did, I looked into it myself, but there was nothing. Loki, I don’t know why I said it now, I’m just—” Tony let out a breath, then felt his bottom lip tremble. 

Loki’s back was to him. Tony pressed his lips together tightly, holding his breath. “Would you be open to it?” 

“Sure,” Tony pushed out. 

“I’m going to make a phone call,” Loki said. He left without a backwards glance, moving quickly and sharply. After a few moments, Tony heard him ascend the stairs to the bedroom. 

He waited until he heard Loki’s murmured voice, connecting to someone on the other line. Then he came apart. 

They were huge, ugly tears, the kind Tony denied himself too often. Maybe it was that he was already shaken up over the thing with the leeches, but it was probably that he’d been patching over this wound for years. And now it was splitting back open. 

He didn’t know. 

Maybe they were murdered. It hadn’t felt right. It had never felt right. 

But maybe he was just holding on. Maybe Steve had been right about it being wishful thinking, about holding onto their memory by giving Tony someone to blame other than his dad. At least if they’d been murdered, he hadn’t lost his parents because of his father’s drunk ass. 

At least he hadn’t told Loki about what Steve had said. Tony smiled at that, wiping his arm across his blotchy face. That would’ve set Loki off. 

Loki never said anything, but Tony could tell that he didn’t like Steve. He was always colder towards Steve than the others, and tended to cling to Tony whenever the blonde was around. Not that Tony minded that particular detail—he took advantage of it sometimes. But he wanted Loki to get along with all of his friends. He still cared about Steve, regardless of a couple of issues. Steve wasn’t a bad guy. Tony liked him. 

Tony tried breathing in through his nose, but it was filled with snot. He opened his mouth, but then he felt pathetic. 

Worrying that Loki would come back and see him like this, Tony got up to go to the bathroom. 

The mirror was a mistake. 

Fresh tears flopped down his face as he caught sight of himself. He was ruddier than he’d thought, with red rimmed eyes and a hollowness that made him look like he hadn’t slept in days. Tony turned the tap on. He splashed cold water in his face. 

It ran down his wrists and dripped down his chin. He closed his eyes. 

He was okay. He was Tony fucking Stark and he was going to be okay. 

Tony set his wet, cold hand against the back of his neck. Then he caught sight of his bandaged legs. He started to laugh. 

Fuck, he really did look like shit. 

Tony dug through the bathroom cabinet until he found a plastic comb. With choppy, determined motions, he restyled his hair into its signature dishevelment, then toweled off the rest of himself. The swim shorts were mostly dry now, but he took out an ancient hairdryer and dried them anyway. Loki was upstairs with his clothes, so Tony would just have to wait to change. 

He half expected Loki to be done with his phone call when he came out, but the kitchen was empty. Tony carefully walked into the main room and glanced up past the balcony. He could just begin to make out Loki’s voice, but not the words. It seemed as if he were pacing. 

Tony sat on the couch. 

Leaning down, he grabbed some old magazines off the bottom of the side table. The first two were over fifteen years old, and had undoubtedly belonged to his mother. A lump formed in his throat. Tony tried to breathe in slowly, but his nose was still full of snot. He put the magazine back. 

He was trying to work out what he should do with himself when he heard Loki’s footsteps down the stairs. “Who was that?” Tony asked over his shoulder. 

Loki’s gaze had been set doggedly ahead, body coiled and tense. His eyes widened a bit as they flickered towards Tony on the couch, as if he hadn’t expected Tony to be there. “Thor.” Oh. Well, that made sense. Loki didn’t call anyone else. “There’s a PI he trusts and has used often on special cases. He will start on Monday.” Loki stopped behind the couch. 

Tony nodded numbly. He wasn’t sure that he wanted an answer. 

But the other part of him cried out for revenge. 

The floor creaked beneath Loki’s feet, but Tony hadn’t noticed him move. His arms were crossed and he was watching Tony closely. “He will keep his investigation discreet, but if there’s enough evidence to file charges, I would expect for the news to become public.” Right. “You have a PR team that can handle that for you, Tony.” 

Wow, his throat was dry. “Yeah,” he croaked. Tony held a fist to his mouth, then tried to cough convincingly. 

Loki's words had sounded like a firm set of instructions more than anything else. Loki was still watching him. Assessing. After a moment, Tony realized that Loki was breathing a little heavier. Not loudly, just enough that Tony noticed. Tony stared up at him with soft, brown eyes.

“Are you mad?” Tony asked in the most casual voice he could muster, as if they were joking around. Loki’s eyes narrowed. Tony could hear a wild bird calling outside the window, and the air-conditioning kicking on, and the wind blowing against the house, but not his damn boyfriend’s voice. “What’ve you got to be mad about?” 

Loki drew his shoulders back, hands clenching. He held still for a few moments before speaking. “You never told anyone.” It was creepy, how calm his voice seemed. 

“I—” Did? Say that and start a Steve problem? No thank you. “Couldn’t.” He sat back. That would just have to be good enough. Loki drew in a loud, deep breath, then started to turn like he was going towards the kitchen. “Loki, what’ve you got to be mad about?” Tony asked. It was frustrating. Tony wanted to know. “Why’re you mad at me?” 

Loki rolled his eyes towards the ceiling, pressing his lips together until they turned white. “I’m not angry at you, I’m just—” 

Loki didn’t act quickly to finish his sentence, so Tony figured he was done. “Look, I didn’t tell you to make you mad. I just blurted it out, and I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about,” Loki said incredulously, eyes widening like he was looking at a mad man. 

Tony swiped a hand across his beard before shooting back, “Yeah? Then why’re you pissed?” 

“I’m not pissed at you—”

“Is it because I ruined the weekend?” Tony guessed, cutting him off. “Because I didn’t plan the leeches, and I didn’t plan to say this, I wanted to tell you but I—forget about it. Sorry I fucked things up.” 

“I’m not blaming you for those things,” Loki said, reflecting all of Tony’s frustration. “I didn’t say that you ruined the weekend. But—” The snap was obvious. Loki’s jaw jutted out for a moment before he came back with fire. “Sometimes, if I didn’t know you better, I could swear you wait just until things are going well to drop things like this.” Loki locked eyes with him for a moment before turning away. 

“Where’re you going?” Tony demanded, kneeling on the couch and setting his hands on the back of it to watch Loki. 

“I’m not going to argue with you, Tony.” Loki grabbed the front door handle. 

“Babe,” Tony said, starting to panic. He stumbled over himself as he got off the couch. “Don’t go home, I can fix—”

“I’m just getting some fresh air,” Loki gritted out. “Let me cool off. I’m not going to argue with you right now, Tony.” 

It was the second time he’d said that. Fine, Tony got it. He wasn’t leaving, he was just…getting some space. “Fine,” Tony said. He’d wanted to be graceful about it, he really had, but that was the best he could do. The door shut behind Loki with a firm thud. 

Tony waited for a moment before leaping up and walking over to the window. He put his back against the wall, peering out in a way that he thought Loki couldn’t see him. 

Loki didn’t pause once as he started in the direction of the lake. He disappeared past the bramble, into the woods. Tony rubbed his nose. 

He stood alone in the main room for a minute. 

Then he decided to try the view from the balcony. He hurried up the stairs. From this vantage point he could clearly make out the shore of the lake. 

Loki was sitting on the dock, his back to Tony. His feet seemed to be over the edge. Tony leaned against the railing, watching him. 

Loki wasn’t going to leave him. 

Really, the second Loki had started for the door, Tony had figured that somehow Loki had the car keys. 

For a while longer Tony just stood there, assuring himself that Loki was still there and he wasn’t being walked out on. 

Then he realized he was standing there in his swim trunks. 

Being a weirdo. 

Well, that had been embarrassing. He was going to forget about it and go change into something else. And actually, he was going to take a shower because he smelled like goddamn fish and sweat, now that he thought about it. 

Warm water poured down his shoulders. 

He closed his eyes, washing the silt and grease out of his hair. 

Thick globs of soap bubbles poured down his back as he rinsed. He grabbed his body wash. 

Maybe he’d been a little overemotional. 

Tony scrubbed himself down, being extra careful with the leech wounds. 

It was a lot to take in.

He shouldn’t have pushed Loki into an argument. 

Now Thor knew. 

He hoped that Thor didn’t think he was an idiot. Or want Loki to stop seeing him. 

Soap foam slid down his chest and legs. 

Loki was trying to help. 

Why the fuck hadn’t he hired a PI years ago? Why the fuck didn’t he think of that? Or do it? 

Because he was a genius, and he’d thought there was no one out there smarter than him that was going to figure it out. Why would he allow some idiot to handle it? 

Tony winced at the hot water hitting a particularly vulnerable bite. 

He moved his leg away from the shower stream and finished rinsing off. 

His towel smelled slightly stale. He dried off quickly and put on new bandages. Then he wandered out into the bedroom to dig through his messy duffle bag and find some clothes to put on. He chose his most comfortable clothes, opting for jeans and a band t-shirt. 

When he stepped out onto the landing, he was surprised to still see Loki sitting out on the dock. Tony sighed. He should probably go talk to him. 

His sandals were bloody, so he put on the pair of shoes that he’d come to the cabin in. It was much easier to navigate down to the shoreline this time. Loki had to hear him snapping twigs on his way, but he didn’t turn around. Tony stopped just before the dock. 

He took a deep breath. A warm wind blew through his wet hair. 

The dock shook slightly as he walked. Loki didn’t say anything when Tony came up behind him, or move to indicate that he knew Tony was there. He just sat there, slouching. Tony eased down beside him. A wave rushed beneath them, hitting the piers. 

For a couple minutes they just sat there, facing the lake without saying anything. A fish broke the surface, then disappeared again. 

“I’m sorry,” Tony said quietly. Loki moved slightly. Maybe it was a nod. Tony wasn’t watching him from his peripheral vision. 

Instead, Tony took a chance and leaned in against Loki. 

Loki relaxed at the touch, allowing Tony to sink against him. Tony rested his head against Loki’s shoulder. 

After a few moments, Loki’s arm snuck around him, his hand settling against Tony’s waist. 

Another wave rolled below.


	14. Chapter 14

Tony strapped the watch back onto his arm. He quickly tapped through the display screen for the defensive maneuver’s settings, then held his hand a little way out from his chest. Holding his breath, Tony flipped it on. 

A series of metal plates sprung out, quickly encasing his hand and forming a circular center. 

Tony turned his wrist, admiring the sleek red gauntlet. 

_It worked._

His heart started to pound. One more step. 

Tony held his hand up, aiming at a stack of papers on his desk. He fired. 

A cloud of white sheets soared into the air, flashing dizzying arrays of old charts and tables like fireworks. Tony grinned so hard it hurt. He took a deep, steadying breath. 

Power was pulsing through the gauntlet, spinning around his fingertips. 

The prototype had worked. He should be fine. If he lost a finger or two, well. Loki would probably miss those. 

His chest rose with one deep, long breath. He was ready to find out. 

With an adrenaline filled rush like his reckless younger days, Tony shifted his hand and fired. 

A beam of light burst from his hand at full power. 

The central circle dimmed. Tony watched the light fade, grinning. He let out a loud whoop. 

Fuck, he still had it. Tony waited for the gauntlet’s power reserves to kick in and generate another opportunity to aim the beam. Then he fired, falling gracefully into the swing of it as if the days on the firing range with his father had never left. “Tony?” 

Tony glanced up, quickly flipping a switch on his gauntlet and hiding his hand beneath the table. Loki was tugging on the locked door, glaring at the handle and not paying attention to him. “Let him in, Jarv.” Tony scratched at his beard with a slow smile, watching Loki’s eyebrows pinch with confusion as he made it past the door. 

“I thought I heard you yell,” Loki said. “Are you—why are there papers everywhere?” Loki stopped and stared blatantly at the floor. 

“Just having some fun with the new designs. This isn’t half as bad as the explosion I had with the microwave, remember?” Tony set the hand with the watch against his hip. “I’m fine, babe.” 

“Oh, well—” Loki tucked a lock of hair back behind his ear. “What are you—working on?” 

“Prototypes,” Tony said. “Look, some of the stuff can be temperamental. You know my lab can be dangerous and you don’t have safety equipment on.” No, he needed a better excuse. He didn’t want Loki to press for explanations again. He was barely getting away with the _I-need-time-to-invent-and-unwind-and-I-can’t-do-it-with-you-watching_ thing. “Wanna see the car system we’ve been working on? The blueprint’s here.” Tony projected it, pointing to a specific in the outdated design to elaborate on. 

The second Tony saw Loki’s eyes glaze over, he offered an out. “Did I bother you with the noise while you were working on stuff?” 

“No,” Loki said. He was looking at the design, studying it in a distant sort of way. He usually was interested in what Tony was doing, but Tony knew that Loki was distracted. He’d only come down here to _check_. “I was,” Loki said, crossing his arms, “just walking by and thought I heard something.” He frowned, eyeing one of the papers on the floor. “I should go back upstairs.” 

“Alright,” Tony said. Loki glanced around the lab once, then turned to leave. Tony waited until he was gone to pull the watch out from under the table. He tapped the emergency switch on the other side, triggering the gauntlet again. 

Tony held it out in front of him. 

It wouldn’t _kill_ , but it would stun. Disarm and disable. 

Tony was thinking about lethal methods, he was. He just wasn’t sure he wanted to go down that path yet. 

He’d shut down his father’s weapons division for a reason. 

Settled, Tony returned his gauntlet to its watch form. Knowing that it was there made him feel better. 

Tony wasn’t worried about someone coming after him. If they were going to do that, they would’ve made their move already. Although, maybe that was what Loki was worried about. Lately he’d been circling in Tony’s vicinity like a stray cat. Not coming too close, but clearly watching. Tony spent a lot of time wondering what Loki wanted. Was he hungry? Horny? Lonely? Needing to judge something? 

Tony couldn’t figure it out. 

He swiped his fingers over the watch face. He should probably go find Loki. “Jarv,” Tony said. “Lock up after me, will you?” 

“Of course, Sir.” 

The lab shut with a satisfying click. Tony started for the kitchen, but stopped when he found Loki sitting on the living room couch. His hair hung over his shoulder as he flipped back and forth through a binder. 

Tony laid down on the other couch. Loki didn’t say anything, so Tony turned the television on. 

Tony watched Loki from the corner of his eye. 

It had been two weeks since they’d been to the cabin. Almost two weeks since the private investigator had interviewed him, and a handful of questions since then. Tony hadn’t told anyone about it besides Loki, and though he knew that Thor knew, they hadn’t spoken. 

Opening up the case wasn’t as bad as Tony thought it would be. Aside from wondering if anything would be found, Tony didn’t fixate on it like he had feared. 

What bothered him was Loki’s behavior. 

Not that it had been strange, necessarily. They weren’t fighting. Loki was always home when Tony got back from work. Sex hadn’t gotten weird or clingy. But something was up with Loki. He could tell. 

He stretched, fighting back a yawn. 

He should probably talk to Loki about it.

Or he could lay here, and Loki would probably finish up his work soon and maybe Tony could charm him into a blow job before bed. That would be fun. 

And then Loki would be back to his new off-self in the morning. 

No, that wouldn’t work. Tony’s eyes slid towards him. He crossed his arms beneath his head. “Babe.” 

Loki hummed, not looking up from the binder. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

Loki finished reading something before he spoke. “I don’t know. Can you?” 

“Wow. Thanks, Mr. Odinson.” 

“You’re welcome,” came Loki’s chipper reply. 

Tony curled his toes back and forth. “Are you worried?” He asked, straining to make it as light and casual as he could. 

“About what?” Loki turned a page, gripping the other side of the binder pages rather tightly. 

“Lo, you know nothing’s going to happen to me, right?” Tony turned onto his side, setting the hand with his watch beside his face. “If they were going to do something they would’ve done it years ago. I was kind of an easy target back then anyways.” 

Loki lifted his head and just stared at Tony. 

“And I’m not screwing around with my company and playing around anymore,” Tony managed to fill in the silence, attempting to soothe that unnerving stare. “And I have security. Probably the best security in the world, when I’m here and at work. So you don’t have to worry, okay?” 

Loki blinked slowly, failing to move the rest of his body. 

“Okay?” Tony tried, a bit quieter. 

The binder fell shut with a heavy thud. Loki rose up off the couch. “I’m going to bed,” he announced. 

“Loki? Wait. Seriously?” Tony got up, but he could tell from Loki’s stride that rushing after him was a bad idea. “Are you okay?” He called after him. 

“I’m _fine_.” 

Tony took a few cautious steps after him. “Then why’re you acting weird?” He asked, starting to sound defensive. 

Loki went for the stairs, ignoring him. Tony balled his hands at his sides, debating. “Are you sure?” He called up the stairs. 

“I said I’m fucking fine!” Loki yelled back, slamming the door to the bedroom. 

With a tiny flicker of hope, Tony noted that it was _their_ bedroom he’d gone into, not Loki’s own room. 

“Okay,” Tony said to himself. After a moment he turned and wandered towards the living room. Watching TV again didn’t feel right, so he walked to the kitchen. Then he turned around and went back down through a few hallways, opening a few of the doors and glancing inside the vacant rooms. Finally, he backtracked to the lab. 

He thought about calling Bruce, but it would be kind of hard to talk about it without explaining about the PI. Tony didn’t really think the PI would find anything anyway. He slumped down at his desk. Maybe he should actually work on something that his company could use. 

Twenty minutes had passed when Tony’s phone rang. “Hey,” Clint said. “You’re coming to my house on Friday, right?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “Why, did you suddenly realize that you need someone to bring the beer?” 

“As if I don’t have a stocked fridge,” Clint said. “Besides, if I wanted to make sure the good stuff showed up, I’d call your boyfriend. He has _taste_.” 

“Hey!” Tony kicked his feet up onto his desk, leaning back in the chair. “Maybe I won’t come after all, if you can’t handle my sense of taste.” 

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Clint answered. He started telling Tony something about the party, but Tony wasn’t paying attention. Maybe he should mention something to Clint. Maybe Clint would have advice, or reassurance. 

But what could he say without giving it away? 

“We’ll be there,” Tony promised. Clint hardly acknowledged that before diving off into something else. “Hey, uh,” Tony said in the middle of Clint talking about work. “I don’t know if Loki’s coming on Friday.” 

There was a heavy pause on the other end. “Did something happen?” 

“I don’t know,” Tony admitted. “I—” He didn’t really bring stuff up like this with Clint, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t. “Think something’s wrong, but I don’t know what it is.” 

“Have you tried talking to him about it?” 

Tony rolled his eyes. “He says he’s fine.” 

“Give him some space then,” Clint said pragmatically. “He’ll tell you when he wants to.” A dog barked in the background. “Lucky wants to go outside. Oh man, you should’ve seen the way he acted when I bought him treats from the dog bakery. It’s one of those hipster places, you know, but I kept walking by it and decided one day what the hell. He fucking loves them.” 

Tony rubbed his nose. “Have you seen Thor’s new dog?” 

“Yeah, they asked me to bring Lucky over to help her socialize. Lucky’s pretty tolerant.” Clint’s voice was cut into by the wind. “It’s good for Lucky to have a friend.” 

Tony didn’t know what to say. This conversation wasn’t helping him the way he’d wanted. It was making him feel worse. “Hey, I’m going to let you go. I’ll see you on Friday, alright?” 

“Okay, Tony.” Tony envied the lightness in his voice. 

Tony got up and left the lab, trudging up the stairs. The bedroom light was off. Tony carefully cracked the door open, casting a slat of light over the bed. 

Loki was on his side, huddled up in the sheets. His breathing seemed shallow. Tony softly shut the door and took off his jeans. He crawled into bed, trying not to jostle the mattress. Without thinking about it, Tony rolled onto his side, facing Loki. 

Now that they were close, he could hear Loki’s slow breaths. He sounded slightly congested. Maybe he was cranky because he was getting sick? 

The soft heather gray shirt he wore begged Tony to bury his nose in it and pull Loki’s lean chest into him. Tony sighed. He pulled the covers up over his own shoulders, studying the black curls twisting along Loki’s white pillowcase. Maybe things were alright. Loki was probably fine. 

Tony fell asleep slowly, yearning the entire time to be closer, but denying himself. 

 

When Tony woke up to his alarm, Loki was already gone from the bed. Tony showered, running through the work agenda for the day. There was a quick meeting with creatives at noon, and then he was going to spend the rest of the day tweaking the design schedules and working on inventions. He got dressed, intending to grab a snack bar and some coffee. 

The salty, rich scent of bacon was heavy on the air as Tony came downstairs. Curious, he straightened his tie as he went towards the kitchen. 

Loki had already cooked a full breakfast. He was washing dishes, but there was a plate set off to the side on the counter. “That’s yours,” Loki said, scrubbing a towel against a frying pan. 

Tony’s mouth watered. “Did you eat?” Tony asked, standing beside the barstool. 

“Yes.” Loki opened a cabinet and took out a travel mug. After a moment, Tony sat down. It looked fucking delicious. 

Loki cooked in the morning sometimes, but since he’d really started working, it was never more than a few eggs or some oatmeal. 

Maybe he shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. 

Tony took a bite. It tasted fucking delicious too. 

Loki was adding cream to the travel mug. He’d set his apron back on the hook, and he was wearing his work uniform. “Are you doing anything special today?” Tony asked. 

“No.” Loki took a sip. “I plan to spend most of the day in the test kitchen.” He wiped his bottom lip with the edge of his thumb. “Don’t forget to take your lunch out of the fridge today.” 

Tony scooped up a forkful of scrambled egg. “I won’t.” 

“I’m leaving then,” Loki said. “See you tonight.” 

“See you tonight,” Tony answered. Without lingering or a backwards glance, Loki left towards the garage. Tony scraped at his eggs as he heard the door shut. Suddenly, the kitchen was painfully quiet. 

Maybe he was just being anxious. Loki hadn’t been upset this morning. He’d seemed normal. Maybe last night he’d just been crabby. The watch on his wrist clinked against the countertop as he reached for his mug. Loki was probably fine. 

Tony worked on finishing his breakfast.


	15. Chapter 15

Tony rolled over, hazily waking just enough to want to slide into the warmth on Loki’s side of the bed. He eased his cold legs forward, realizing as he did that it was strange. There was nothing there. Waking up, Tony squinted at Loki’s side. It was empty. 

Tony rolled onto his other side. Loki was probably in the bathroom. He closed his eyes, trying to drift off again. 

It was harder than he wanted it to be. 

He grabbed a pillow and scrunched it against his chest, trying to get comfortable. His back ached, so he tried his stomach instead, flopping the pillow away onto an empty space in the bed. That didn’t work either. He laid there, willing himself to fall asleep. He had design team meetings in the morning. 

Ten minutes passed, but Loki wasn’t back in bed and he hadn’t fallen asleep. Tony sat up. 

The room was dim at best, and he couldn’t see a light coming from the hallway. 

Fumbling for his phone on the nightstand, Tony squeezed his eyes shut when it lit up, temporarily blinding him. At least its flashlight was better than turning on the lights completely. He set his feet on the floor, a chill sweeping over him as he left the cozy heat of the bed behind. 

Wandering into the hall, he noted that the bathroom door was open. No one was inside. Sighing, Tony decided to try the kitchen. 

He’d figured that Loki had cooked breakfast as an apology for being pissy the other night, but when he’d woken to breakfast again this morning and an elaborate meal at dinner that he couldn’t come close to finishing, Tony got it. Something was going on.

Tony rubbed his eye. He rounded the corner, thinking up a cheap one liner to tease Loki with when he found him cooking. 

But the kitchen was empty. 

Tony flipped the light on, as if Loki would suddenly be there. 

There was nothing but the pristine countertops and the faint scent of dinner mixed in with cleaner. 

Fuck the kitchen felt lonely, empty in the middle of the night like this. Tony pressed his fingertips to his forehead. He ran them back to his hair, pressing a cowlick flat against his scalp. Maybe Loki was upstairs in his room. 

He wasn’t going to allow himself to consider worse possibilities. 

Tony trudged up the stairs, wondering if things were worse than he thought. But Loki had gone to bed with him, and nothing had seemed wrong. There was no reason for him to sleep on the couch. 

Holding his breath, Tony cracked the door open. 

The light wasn’t on. Loki’s papers were spread out across the coffee table, sample containers neatly arranged in the corner. Tony’s shoulders drooped. He was just about to close the door when he glanced towards the balcony, nearly missing Loki’s silhouette. He was backlit by the security lights on the perimeter of the house, sitting in one of the chairs facing the lawn. 

Tony used his phone to navigate Loki’s room, carefully avoiding the few boxes that were left on the floor. He slid the glass balcony door open. 

Loki’s head snapped towards him, eyes wide and startled. Slumping in on himself, Loki turned away, face obscured by his messy hair. Tony held the door open. “Come back to bed.” 

Loki rubbed the palm of his hand against his eye. “I can’t sleep.” 

Tony released the door. He walked up beside Loki’s chair and extended his hand. “Come on. I’ll help.” He spoke with a hint of suggestiveness, hoping that Loki would take the bait. 

Loki smiled sadly, not quite meeting Tony’s eyes. “Thanks, but no.” 

Tony yawned. Fuck, he had so much going on at work tomorrow. He wrapped his arms around himself, wishing he’d worn more to bed. Goosebumps prickled along his skin as he sighed, sitting down in the chair beside Loki. 

Tony curled his knees up to his chest, setting his arms against them. At least it was clear out, even if it was cool. He closed his eyes just a little, resting his chin on his arms. 

A light breeze slipped through. Tony watched clean edges of cut grass rock back and forth in front of one of the small lights out on the lawn. 

“I’m just stressed, Tony.” Loki’s voice was soft, gentle almost. Like he was trying not to come across wrong. “You can go back to bed. I’ll be fine. It’ll get better.” 

Tony’s chin brushed against his arm as he turned his head to the side, resting it against his arms as he gazed at Loki. “If you’re scared about me getting hurt, or someone coming after you, don’t. I have security. I promise.” 

“It’s not that.” 

“Then what is it, Lo?” God, he was tired of saying it. Tony squeezed his eyes shut without expecting an answer, wishing he were in bed. 

Loki had stretched his legs out far in front of him. It didn’t seem like it was possible for him to sink farther in the chair or spread out any more, but he did, tipping his head back as he spoke while he folded his hands together over his stomach. “It’s not something that’s okay to say.” 

Tony leaned off of his knees, setting his feet onto the ground. “We _are_ out on the balcony in the middle of the night because you can’t sleep.” He fought off a yawn. “Whatever it is, you might as well say it.” 

Loki pressed his lips together, tightening up. Whatever it was, he clearly didn’t want to say it. Tony’s first instinct was to ask and talk it out of him, but he’d learned in their sessions together that Loki would come to it in his own time if Tony gave it to him. He tried to relax in the chair, waiting. 

He shifted. Fuck, these metal chairs weren’t made for this. His ass needed more than a pair of boxers. He wondered if the bags under his eyes were as pronounced as Loki’s.

“What if the investigator finds out something about your parents’ deaths?” Loki asked, almost in a whisper. He clenched his fingers into the fleecy fabric of his pajama bottoms, squeezing and releasing. 

Tony shrugged. Loki had been watching, but turned away when he saw Tony’s reaction. It was subtle, but Tony was pretty sure that he was chewing on his lip. “That can’t be all, Loki.” 

“What if it’s—” Loki said immediately, glancing at Tony and away again. “Too much—what if you—”

Loki obviously didn’t want to say it out loud. The wall was coming back up, and Tony didn’t want to lose this chance. He reached out for Loki, grabbing what was closest to him. Wrapping his fingers over Loki’s forearm, he squeezed gently, waiting. “Relapse,” Loki whispered. 

Tony tensed. After a moment, his brain caught up. 

He released Loki’s forearm, leaning forward and setting his head in hands. “I—I wasn’t there last time,” Loki said, voice strained. “But I know it was—hard for you, and I’m scare—we’re so fucked up as it is,” he corrected himself breathlessly, “I don’t want to—”

“Relax,” Tony said. He turned his head to the side. One palm set over his chin. “I worry about that too.” 

The panic faltered on Loki’s face, his hand hovering indecisively beside Tony. Turning away Tony admitted, “I know that potential is always there.” He closed his eyes, taking sudden comfort in the cool breeze. “It’s always going to be that way.” 

He heard Loki’s chair move. “I don’t want to make this about me,” Loki said. He was sitting up straight, hands jerking with his speech. “You’re the one whose parents are being investigated. This isn’t about me. But I—I—” Loki dropped his hands into his lap, sullenly looking to the side. 

“What?” Tony asked. 

Loki’s eyebrows pinched together tightly, eyes sharp and focused towards the concrete. “I don’t know if I’ll—know what to do, and—I get angry…” 

“Lo,” Tony said quietly, chest aching. “I don’t want you to feel like it’s your job to take care of me. Please,” he begged. 

Loki rubbed his fist against his forehead. “That’s not what I’m trying to say,” Loki said. “I’m not good at—I—” He sighed in frustration. 

“Lo,” Tony said. “The chances of me relapsing at some point in my life are pretty good. That’s just the truth of it.” It didn’t bother Tony to talk about it as much as other things. He’d already accepted it. “You know I try to take care of myself, but it happens. Do you want to just agree to break up if it does?” He asked, trying to be as casual about it as he could, trying to give Loki an out despite the way his heart pounded as he asked. 

Surprise flashed across Loki’s expression, but he answered instantly and strongly. “No.” 

“Then you want us to work,” Tony said. “So do I. Maybe that’s not enough, but—I don’t think we’re fucked up, Loki. You say that, but we’re—I think we’re alright.” Tony grabbed Loki’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “I’m afraid of relapsing too.” Loki’s eyes softened. “All the time.” 

Loki squeezed his hand back. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t want you to think that I’m condemning you for it, Tony. You’re the strongest person I know,” he said, voice dipping down into a murmured confession. “But it’s not about how strong you are. It’s an illness.” 

“Thank you,” Tony said quickly, before Loki could continue. 

“For what?” 

“Getting that,” Tony said. He squeezed at the spaces where their fingers wove together, brushing his fingers along the back of Loki’s hand. 

“You shouldn’t have to thank me for that,” Loki said firmly. Tony nodded his head to the side, not disagreeing aloud. Loki had no idea how hard it was for people to get that. To not just condemn and dismiss him. “I just don’t want,” Loki said, “for you to think that I’d blame you for it. I just—don’t want you to suffer, Tony. I don’t want to watch you suffer.” Tony raised their clasped hands, bending forward and pressing a kiss to the back of Loki’s. 

“I don’t want you to have to sit by my hospital bed either,” Tony admitted quietly. It was bad enough that Steve and Thor and Bruce and Clint and Natasha had gone through his overdose with him. He didn’t want Loki to ever experience that. 

Loki’s eyes were getting that glossy look to them that Tony knew Loki would prefer he not notice. “I can’t promise you I won’t relapse,” Tony said. 

“I know.” Loki took a deep breath in, sniffling slightly. 

Tony didn’t know what else to say, so he squeezed Loki’s hand. Fuck, he hated himself for making Loki worry like this. Loki tried so fucking hard but it was usually in quiet ways and sometimes Tony forgot. It was easy to miss. 

He didn’t want to be this person, he didn’t want to make people worry about him, and Loki was right. It was an illness. It wasn’t his fault, but still. Tony still hated himself for it. 

Loki breathed in through his nose, his voice soft. “Sorry for keeping you awake.” 

“Nah,” Tony said. “Now I know what’s had you on edge lately. It makes me feel better to know.” He massaged the back of his neck, ignoring the desire to crawl into bed. “Thanks for telling me.” 

“I’m sorry,” Loki said. “I didn’t want to tell you. There’s nothing you can do about it, I know I should’ve kept myself together, I shouldn’t have gotten upset with you—”

“Forget about it.” Tony hated when Loki got into compulsive apologizing. It was so not Loki, and it just made Tony want to tear the Odinsons a new one. Tony swallowed. “I know I can be an ass sometimes. You don’t have to be a saint for me.” 

Loki’s lips twitched into a small, relieved smile. “I hope I’ve never given you the impression that I’m a saint,” Loki said, purring in that slight way that made Tony feel like things were right again in a way that nothing else could. 

“Your halo’s a little scuffed, that’s for sure,” Tony said. Loki smirked, stretching his neck back. “Do saints have halos? I have no idea.” Loki made a noncommittal hum. Then he rubbed under his nose, pulling his legs underneath his chair. “They definitely don’t have vibrators in their closets.” 

“Tony,” Loki scolded, voice breaking with a laugh. 

“What?” 

Finally, Loki’s posture relaxed, his voice brighter. “You act like there are only a couple of vibrators in the closet.” 

“I mean, technically, there are.” If five counted as a couple, but that wasn’t the point. “Most of the stuff is under the bed anyway.” 

“Exactly.” Loki combed his fingers through his hair, twisting it back into a knot that would fall out in a few minutes anyway. “I don’t know why Stark Industries hasn’t broken into the sex toy market.” 

“It’s a multi billion dollar industry,” Tony said. “There is some real competition there.” He’d thought about it. He’d definitely thought about it. 

“That’s never stopped you,” Loki said. He was quiet for a moment before slyly adding, “You don’t want the engineering department to make fun of you for it.” 

Tony blushed in spite of himself. “Yeah,” Tony said. The guys in engineering were always giving him a hard time, the last thing he needed to do was announce that he’d designed a vibrating dong. 

They fell quiet, watching the night sky for a couple of minutes before Loki’s hand slipped free from his. “Let’s go back to bed.” He stood, Tony following after him through the sliding door. Tony reached for his phone, uncertain of how to navigate the floor. “Here,” Loki said, grabbing his hand. He knew the room without the phone’s light, but Tony used it anyway. He dropped it on the nightstand when they made it back to their bed. 

Loki crawled onto his half, lying on his back and closing his eyes. He looked as tired as Tony felt, but Tony was awake now. He scooted over beside Loki, unable to lay down. “Loki?” 

His eyes flickered open, setting on Tony with easy expectation. “Lo,” Tony said. He bent down, crawling into Loki’s arms. The warm chest beneath him unwound the tension in his own. He pressed a sloppy, clumsy kiss to Loki’s cold cheek. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I know things are fucked up.” 

Loki’s hand brushed through his hair. “It’s alright.” Loki’s hand cupped the back of his neck. “They always are.” 

“I know,” Tony muttered. It was the best thing that Loki could have said. It made him feel like they were in the fuck ups together. He buried his nose beneath Loki’s jawbone, breathing in. Loki’s arms came up around him, holding him closer. Their lips drew in towards each other, meeting with a comfort that Tony couldn’t fully articulate. He just mirrored Loki’s leisurely, sleepy pace, floating on the solace it gave. 

It was only when he felt Loki stifling a yawn that he pulled back, slipping down against Loki’s side and curling in against him. Loki’s arms circled around him as he shifted against Tony. “I’m going to wake up with your hand in my face again,” he muttered. 

“Better than my cold feet,” Tony mumbled back. 

He started drifting off, dreading design meetings in the morning. At least he could look forward to Friday.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of reconciliation for our boys. Loki has had more than The Steve Issue on his mind, but it's definitely still in play. As soon as I finish up edits on my frostiron big bang, the next two chapters can get some attention. :) Feel free to throw analysis/thoughts my way in the meantime! :D


	16. Chapter 16

Tony hummed "Highway to Hell" as he wandered into the house, dropping his keys on the counter and going to grab a drink from the refrigerator. Work had been good. He’d spent the afternoon giving the engineering team as hard a time as they had given him. 

Tony popped the drink open, knocking the refrigerator door shut with his elbow. Loki’s car was there when he pulled in. If Loki wasn’t in the kitchen, he was probably up in his room working. 

Tony let out a satisfied sigh before setting the drink down. Stretching his arms, Tony decided to go find Loki and say hello.

“Oh,” Tony said as he walked into the living room, spotting Loki. “I thought you’d be upstairs.” 

Loki was sitting in the center of the couch, hands curled around a cellphone. The moment their eyes met Tony knew that something had happened. “Tony,” Loki said gently, standing. 

Suddenly, Tony’s legs didn’t work. When Loki took a step closer, his mouth caught up. “What is it, Lo?” Every muscle in his body was locking up. Loki’s gaze didn’t lose his as he approached. 

Loki set his hand on Tony’s shoulder. “Let’s sit down,” he said, prompting Tony towards the couch with a soft nudge. 

It took a moment, but his stiff legs obeyed. Tony wanted to tell him to just say it already, fuck, just get it over with. He also didn’t want Loki to say anything at all. He wanted Loki to smile and ask what he’d like for dinner. 

Angling to face him, Loki sat down next to him, allowing their knees to touch. He took in a long, tight breath. 

Ages ago, Tony would’ve missed the cracks in Loki’s mask, would’ve believed the gentle confidence staring at him. Now, Tony saw nothing but the brittle fault lines beneath Loki’s expression. Inside, Loki had to be in chaos. 

Loki set his hand on Tony’s thigh. 

Belatedly, Tony realized that the hand on him was shaking slightly. Loki leaned in a little, waiting to catch Tony’s weary gaze. Loki spoke slowly, “The PI delivered their findings today.” 

Tony grabbed Loki’s hand from his thigh, lacing his fingers through Loki’s and gripping tighter than he meant to. Loki’s eyes flickered to the action, slightly surprised, before he pressed his lips together and looked at Tony with slightly more determination than before. “I figured that you’d want to hear it from me first, but we can go to meet with the PI later if you’d like.” 

Tony nodded his head. Right. Better to find out with Loki than with an audience. 

“Tony,” Loki said, setting his free hand over their joined ones. “You should know first that this is only a suspicion. There wasn’t enough evidence to be conclusive, and it would never hold up in court.” Loki breathed deeply, eyes falling shut for a moment. “You should also know that even so, pursuing a trial would be difficult posthumously.” 

_Posthumously_. Tony stared at Loki, expecting the answer to come to him, but nothing came fast enough. He was drawing a blank. Loki’s eyebrows dipped together, his grip on Tony’s hands tinged with a cold sweat. “The PI suspects that Obadiah Stane had the means, motive, and opportunity.” 

Tony’s head spun. He wasn’t really focused on Loki’s face anymore, though his warm grip kept Tony grounded. Perhaps Loki waited before continuing in the same measured voice. “Their deaths brought him into power, and made it easy for him to manipulate you. It gave him a way to renegotiate and reject the contracts he didn’t like, and the year following their deaths, he legally took millions from the company that wouldn’t have otherwise gone to him.” Loki’s voice thinned. “The PI wasn’t certain how they—passed away,” Loki said delicately. “But suspects that Obadiah would have had access to their car and known their routines.” 

Tony squeezed Loki’s hand. His throat hurt. He couldn’t speak just yet. 

“That’s all there is,” Loki said softly. “I’m sorry.” 

Tony’s eyes started to water. He was fixated on a spot on the couch, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away. “I a-always thought t-that a slow death from cancer in a prison was a shitty way t-to go. I know he was denied better care.” Tony pulled up the words from deep in his chest, but they came out freely. “I k-know he didn’t have a good chance to make it. The staff was just waiting for him to die.” His throat clenched as tears rolled down his cheeks. “I thought he deserved it, but I still—” Tony’s voice broke. “Thought it was shitty. Even after he f—fucked me over, imaging him dying alone in prison w-with substandard care, it was—” Tony had to stop for a moment. 

Tony wiped his face with the back of his hand. “Awful.” Tony blinked away a fresh stream of tears, remembering the time he'd tried to send Obadiah a care package and been denied. 

“Now I don’t think it was bad enough,” he choked out with vitriol. 

All this time he’d still felt sorry for Obadiah, despite everything. He’d hated the man, sure. Definitely. But Tony had a heart. He still…hadn’t enjoyed realizing what a miserable way it would be for Obadiah to go. Even if he was a bastard, he’d been there for Tony more times than his own father had been. 

Of course, he’d realized that all of that had to have been fake, but even so. It had still hurt. Now it was even worse. 

While he’d been feeling sorry for Obadiah, pitying him, the whole time he’d just…been feeling sorry for his parents’ _murderer_. 

Suddenly he felt Loki pull him into his chest, a strong arm wrapping around his back. Loki tucked his face in against Tony’s neck, lips fervently pecking a few places before he rested his head beside Tony’s. Tony leaned his head against the warm weight, closing his eyes. 

“I should’ve known,” Tony said. 

Loki freed his hand from Tony’s limp one to hold Tony tightly with both arms. “You couldn’t have known,” he said firmly. 

“I—” Tony’s face was soaking wet but it wouldn’t stop. “I—every time—he just—was I that pathetic that I fell for all of it? How could I—my own parents—”

Loki’s voice came beside his ear, strong and certain. “He acted like a father to you, Tony. Suspecting him—would’ve seemed paranoid back then.” 

Tony choked on a sob, finally finding it in himself to grab on to Loki. He held tight, fingers pressed against Loki’s bony ribcage. “I _cared_ about him,” Tony whispered. 

Loki was quiet for a moment. Tony felt him tilt his head slightly, then relax. “How could you not?” Loki asked gently. “You said he came to your award shows and school events.” One hand rubbed in a small circle against Tony’s back. “He acted like a father, Tony. Of course you cared about him.” 

“I shouldn’t have.” 

Loki loosened his grip, not letting go of Tony, but leaning back to look him in the face, eyes searching and sympathetic. Tony felt pathetic, snot faced and flushed. It took him a moment to see that Loki’s own eyes were rimmed red, tears on the corners. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You can’t beat yourself up over that, Tony. You didn't know.” 

Tony swallowed, but the action hurt. “I’m a genius.” 

Loki pulled him back in, hooking his chin over Tony’s shoulder. “And you’re human.” 

“He didn’t care,” Tony said. “Why didn’t I notice, Loki? Why?” 

One hand rubbed between his shoulder blades, slow and soothing. “He was kind to you, and you needed someone.” Yeah. Maybe if he hadn’t been so fucking weak it wouldn’t have happened. “He took advantage of you Tony, and that is not your fault.” _Oh._ Loki squeezed him tightly. “It was not your fault,” he pushed. “Okay?” 

Tony slumped against him, warm, salty tears dripping off his chin and onto Loki’s shirt. After a moment, Tony tried, “But I investigated.” 

“There wasn’t enough evidence,” Loki said. He brushed his fingers through Tony’s hair, fingernails leaving small wakes. “Even if you’d suspected him, you might have found nothing. You tried, Tony.” 

“It wasn’t good enough.” The _I_ in that was unspoken, but Loki seemed to hear it anyway. 

He set his forehead against Tony’s. “Tony,” he said, massaging his hands at the base of Tony’s neck. “You were working on masters degrees from MIT. You were suddenly CEO of one of the largest companies in the world. You were grieving the loss of both your parents, Tony, unexpectedly. You were living with untreated anxiety. You were falling into addiction. You had a _lot_ on your plate, Tony. You’re a genius, yes, and you’re wonderful, but you’re not—” He smiled slightly. “A superhero. You can’t do it all.” 

Tony smiled back, even as the crying started up again. 

It had been hell. 

It had been absolute hell, and no one had gotten that. They’d only seen a billionaire playboy drinking and fucking around, just like his father. 

Tony clung to Loki, focusing on the hand massaging his back again and taking slow, deep breaths. 

“I guess,” Tony said. “Even if Obadiah were still in jail serving out his sentence now, he probably wouldn’t give a confession if he did do it.” Tony slumped into Loki, letting his boyfriend hold him. “I might still never know. But the thought of that bastard just sitting there, not being found guilty for it—” Tony closed his eyes. It would’ve eaten him alive. Embezzlement charges were a joke next to murder. “Were there any other suspects?” 

“No.” 

Tony took a deeper breath through his mouth, unable to breathe through his clogged nose. In the end, it might’ve still been a car accident.

Loki ruffled Tony’s hair between his fingers. “I’m sorry it doesn’t give you the closure that you needed.” 

“No,” Tony said. He clenched the soft t-shirt fabric clinging to Loki. “Thank you for believing me, Lo. At least now I know. I tried.” 

Loki hugged him tighter. 

“I loved them,” Tony whispered. 

“I know you did.” 

Tony curled his arms around Loki’s shoulders, drained. He began to cry again, but it was a different sort. It wasn’t for the fresh trauma, but letting go. It was over. He knew as much as he was ever going to know. Loki kissed his tears away, pulling them down against the couch. Tony didn’t know how long they laid there. He just knew that he felt like it was an eternity before he started to get up, rubbing his eyes. Loki grabbed his hand, eyes worried and pleading. 

“I’m okay,” Tony said. He squeezed Loki’s hand. 

Loki lowered one eyebrow suspiciously. It was subtle. He probably didn’t realize he was doing it. “Are you?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “I mean, it hurts, but.” Tony smiled a little at Loki. “I feel like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders. I—” He glanced away, throat tightening up again. “Wondered for a long time. Now I—know as good as I’m going to.” Loki was still holding onto his hand. “Just stick around me tonight, and I—think I’ll be fine.” 

The admission seemed to put Loki at ease. He let Tony get up from the couch. “Do you want me to make something for dinner?” He asked cautiously. “I’ll make whatever you’d like.” 

“Burgers?” 

Loki nodded, seeming unsurprised. A faint, mirthless smirk twitched at the corner of his mouth. “Sure.” 

Tony didn’t want to sit in the kitchen and watch Loki cook. He still felt a bit restless. “Babe? Is it alright if I call Bruce? I kind of want to tell him what happened.” 

Loki smiled in response. “Of course.” Rising from the couch, he pulled his t-shirt back down. “Dinner won’t be ready for forty-five minutes at least.”

Tony grabbed Loki’s hipbone when he went to take a step towards the kitchen. “Thanks,” Tony muttered, leaning up to plant a kiss on Loki’s lips. They were gentle and reassuring in response, tasting faintly of chapstick. Tension drained from Tony.

“There’s no need to,” Loki answered as the heels of Tony’s feet set back down on the floor. 

Tony didn’t let go of his hip just yet. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Tony smiled, running his thumb over Loki’s hipbone before letting go. He knew that, but it always felt good to hear it again. 

“Are you going to make fries?” Tony asked.

Loki smiled, rolling his eyes slightly. “Yes.” 

“Awesome.” 

They held each other’s gaze for a moment before breaking off and heading in separate directions. When Tony got to the lab, he sunk down into his computer chair and called Bruce through Jarvis. 

Bruce was surprisingly calm about the news. Not that Bruce wasn’t the pinnacle of calm on a regular day, but he didn’t seem horribly surprised. And he was supportive, asking again if Tony was alright and saying how much he was looking forward to seeing Tony at Clint’s party. 

Tony tried calling Thor too, but the line was busy. 

He checked the time, then decided to give Clint a call too. “I’m so sorry,” Clint said. It was one of the most serious voices he’d ever heard Clint use. “I had no idea that was going on. How’re you holding up?” 

“I’m okay,” Tony said. He was, he could feel it as he said so. “Loki’s here.” 

“Hey man, that’s great.” Tony could hear a tiny bit of pride come through on the line. “I really like you two together. He’s great.” 

“Thanks.” Tony preened a little. 

“Call me if you need anything, alright? I mean it. Middle of the night, I don't care. Just call, alright?” Tony agreed. “And don’t think this lets you off the hook for bringing the beer tomorrow.” 

Tony laughed. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll have your beer.” 

“Great.” 

When Tony ended the call, he stared down at his hands, feeling strangely content. He had the best friends, he really did. And a great boyfriend. He still wanted his parents back, but nothing was going to change that. Tony watched the repeating blue pattern on Jarvis’s projection screen. Things were pretty okay, if he thought about it. Good even. In a way. 

It still ached, but. Things would be alright. 

Tony considered calling Steve, but he wasn’t in the mood for it yet, and it was probably time for dinner. 

Honestly, Steve had probably completely forgotten what Tony had said all those years ago. Tony would tell him later. 

He wandered towards the kitchen for Loki. 

Loki wasn’t completely finished, but in an unusual act of tolerance he let Tony steal fries from the tray. “What’d you do at work today?” Tony asked, taking a seat at the counter. 

“Called the manufacturer to see if we can’t fix the packaging so that the tabs on the mint candies aren’t so shitty. Then I showed my sous chef how to make a soup they’ve been struggling with.” Loki began platting their food. “What’d Bruce say?” 

“I was surprised,” Tony said. Loki’s eyes darted towards him, then relaxed. “I thought he’d be shocked. I don’t know. I didn’t tell him about it going on because—” Loki walked towards him with their plates, nodding his head towards the table. Tony got up and moved. “I just didn’t want to bring it up until I had answers, you know?” 

“He wasn’t surprised?” Loki asked, sitting down. 

The food smelled great, and Tony found that he actually had an appetite. “No, I don’t think so. He was supportive. I told Clint too.” Tony watched Loki take a bite of his burger. “He was good about it. I—have good friends,” Tony said, acknowledging it with a bit of fondness. 

The chair groaned as Loki shifted. “I put some beer for Clint’s party in the fridge. I got a few cases as samples from a local brewery. I don’t know what they thought I’d do with it.” 

“Clint will like that. It’ll make him feel fancy,” Tony joked. 

Loki smirked, wiping the bottom of his lip with the side of his thumb. “I figured I’d just give him all the cases. He’ll like the sampler set.” 

Tony chowed down on his burger. He hadn’t thought that he was starving, but he was. Loki got up and brought back a tea for himself. “How was work for you?” He asked, sitting down. 

“I did troubleshooting with the engineering department,” Tony said between bites. “They’ve got a rubber duck that looks like me. Someone sharpied my beard onto it.” 

“Why a rubber duck?” Loki asked bluntly, almost seeming offended. 

Tony rushed to swallow down a mouthful of fries. “Use ‘em in programming sometimes.” He chugged his soda. “If you can’t figure out what’s wrong with a code you tell the duck about it, and a lot of the time as you’re talking you realize what the problem is and can fix it. For a couple of years engineering has had this game where they try and come up with a problem I can’t fix.” Tony smiled, chest lighter as he remembered. “They’ve had some good ones, but no one’s succeeded yet.” 

Loki hummed, thinking about that as a curl of steam floated up from his tea. It smelled like that herbal shit he liked for falling asleep. 

“I told them that if they can get one past me I’ll give them the afternoon off, paid.” Tony grinned. “It’ll never happen.” 

“You’d better be careful what you say,” Loki teased. 

Tony shrugged. “We’ll see.” He stole an uneaten fry from Loki’s plate. “Tomorrow we’re going to brainstorm new products,” Tony said. “I hope that someone tries to pitch a flying car again.” 

“It’s incredible that you manage to get anything done.” 

“I know,” Tony agreed. “Their floor looks like google, but they get things done. It’s the marketing department that needs to pick up the slack.” Tony pushed his empty plate forward. “Wanna go do something?” 

“Like what?” Loki asked, stacking their plates together but not leaving his chair. 

“I don’t know,” Tony said. He stretched his arm out over the back of his chair. “I just…” 

“Don’t want to sit still?” Loki guessed. 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “I’m fine, I just don’t want to—” He felt tears well up and swallowed it back down. “You know. Dwell.” 

Loki set his hand on Tony’s forearm. “Do you need to talk about it though?” He asked without judgment. 

“No,” Tony said, shaking his head. “I think I got out all I needed to say, I just, I think tomorrow being out and doing stuff I’ll be fine again. It’s just—a lot to take in, you know? Thanks, Lo. I’m sorry. Can we just—I don’t know, go out or something?” 

“The ice cream place on 27th is probably open,” Loki suggested. 

“Have I ever told you how brilliant you are?” 

“Not often enough,” Loki answered slyly. 

He got up, taking their plates with them as Tony rose from his chair. He went to go get his jacket, Loki following a minute later. They took Tony’s favorite sports car, and twenty minutes later Tony had a fudge brownie sundae in his hands. 

Loki sat down on the concrete curb, a few steps away from the window for ordering and on the opposite side of the car. After hesitating a moment, Tony sat down beside him. Loki didn’t really seem to care that his feet were in the middle of a parking spot. 

Tony took a huge spoonful, staring absently up past the street lights to the clear night sky. He chewed on a cold brownie chunk. 

Other than three preteens with their mother, the place was empty. They watched in silence as one of the kids gawked at the car until their mother shooed them off. 

Loki picked at his sundae with a long spoon, amused. 

Tony leaned to the side towards him, bumping his shoulder against Loki’s as he snuck his spoon towards Loki’s cup. “Don’t even think about it,” Loki said, batting away his hand. 

“But they gave you more hot fudge sauce,” Tony whined, trying again. 

“The girl behind the counter gave me more hot fudge sauce,” Loki said in a lowered voice. 

Tony turned to look back over his shoulder. The teenage girl made eye contact with him immediately, blushing dark red at having been caught, and spun back around to go pretend to do something with the soft serve machine. A couple of seconds later there was a sharp laugh, and then she was shoving what appeared to be her mocking friend back towards the counter. She moved away, and then Tony could see no one past the window. 

“I want to know how yours tastes,” Tony said. He pointed his spoon towards Loki again, just to have Loki hold his cup away to the side. 

“Fuck off. You’re going to steal all the good stuff out of the middle.” 

“Well yeah,” Tony said. “That’s the good stuff.” 

Loki took another bite, carefully keeping his cup away as Tony returned to his own ice cream. He looked back over his shoulder. The girl was staring at Loki again. She didn’t startle and turn back around this time, but she did pretend to be watching a car that had pulled up. Tony scowled. He turned and pressed a kiss to Loki’s cheek. 

“You’re getting ice cream on me,” Loki said, wiping a finger over the spot. He didn’t really seem upset about it though. Tony felt pretty confident that he was pleased, actually. 

“Well it’s just my ice cream getting on you,” Tony said. “Not yours. Because I don’t know what it tastes like.” 

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Loki said, digging a huge scoop out of his. He dumped it into Tony’s cup. “There.” 

Tony stared at it for a moment. Then he scooped out some of his own, holding the spoon up to Loki. “I am not eating off of that,” Loki said. 

“Come on, Lo. It’s romantic.” 

Loki laughed, loud. “Like you give a shit about that. You just want to see me—” Loki paused, something dawning on him. “The girl from the window is watching, isn’t she.” 

Tony looked back over his shoulder. “Not right now.” 

“You’re an asshole,” Loki said, still amused. 

“But you love me anyway.” 

“Yeah,” Loki agreed. He stole back the scoop he’d dropped into Tony’s cup faster than Tony could react. “I do.” He stuck the spoon in his mouth, fighting back a grin. 

Tony scooped out a brownie chunk. “Are you sure you don’t want this?” Tony asked, holding it towards Loki. Tony made it do a small circle like an airplane. 

“Positive,” Loki answered.


	17. Chapter 17

Tony was in his happy place. 

He had Loki wedged beside him on the narrow couch, dealing their hand for them because they’d been cheating and trading cards anyway. Natasha had told them they’d have to play as a team and everyone else had agreed. Not that it was helping, not with Sam getting all of the good cards. 

But that didn’t matter because Tony was pretty damn content. Loki tapped his finger against a card, eyeing Tony expectantly. Tony nodded. Loki tossed the card down onto the pile. 

Natasha stared at their card for a split second before glaring up at them, a smile threatening on the corner of her lips. “Explain yourselves.” 

Loki and Tony glanced at each other. “You go ahead,” Tony told Loki. He was the better storyteller. 

Loki sat up taller, but Tony knew the moment he saw Loki’s little smirk that it wasn’t going to be a long one. “Natasha,” he said charmingly, a slight hint of condescension in his tone. “Are you telling me that Emily Dickenson _wouldn’t_ spend all of her years sending Ruth Bader Ginsburg love poems and the occasional legal discourse? And that she wouldn’t write back?” His thigh pushed against Tony’s as he shifted. “It’d be the greatest written affair you’d ever read.” 

“Well it’s better than her hooking up with Sonic, I’ll give you that,” Natasha said. 

“She saw him speed by her window everyday!” Clint squawked. “It was love at first sight!” 

“Right,” Natasha said. She awarded Tony and Loki the win. Clint shot them a dirty look, and just to be an ass, Tony stuck his tongue out. It was hard not to laugh after that. 

Definitely his happy place. 

All things considered, Clint’s party was going extraordinarily well. 

He’d been a little hesitant when they’d shown up, holding Loki a bit too closely and hoping that his boyfriend didn’t notice the difference. He thought that he’d be spending an evening at the receiving end of pitying stares when they thought he wasn’t looking. He’d been wrong. No one seemed that surprised or different, now that word had gotten around about the PI. 

Clint’s party was, for the most part, just like any other night spent hanging out with his friends. Bruce had given him a pack of hot chocolates that he had “found while cleaning” and “reminded me of something you’d like” that Tony knew was Bruce for “bought after twenty minutes of deliberation.” He’d also gotten a few affectionate pats on the shoulder and kind words, but other than that, it was just like any other night. 

“I’m getting another beer, anyone want one?” Sam asked, getting up. Steve and Thor raised their hands. 

It was enough of a distraction for the card party game to come to an end after another round. Slowly, they spread out across the living room. Tony followed Loki into the kitchen, patting Clint’s dog as he followed. “This is a lot better than I thought it'd be,” Tony said. 

Loki took one of the sampler beers he’d brought from the fridge. “You have good friends,” Loki said. He used a bottle opener to pry the beer cap off. “Like you said.” 

“Yeah,” Tony said. He smiled a little, staring down at the floor. The dog wagged his tail at Tony before losing interest and going to lie down on his bed. 

Loki pressed a kiss to Tony’s cheek as he walked past. Tony glanced up at him, eyes soft and bright. 

“Are you going to beat Clint at air hockey tonight?” Loki asked. 

“Yep,” Tony said, hurrying to follow after him. “Clint won’t know what hit him.” 

The moment they came back into the living room, Tony challenged Clint to a game. A while later, Tony looked up from the air hockey paddle, realizing that Loki wasn’t watching anymore. A cursory glance showed him that Loki was outside on Clint’s balcony with Thor, pleasantly talking about something as he picked at his beer label. Tony turned back to the game a bit happier than before. 

Eventually, Tony found himself hanging out in the kitchen with Natasha and Clint. “Really, Tony, I think it’s great.” Natasha was showing him what she’d done with her Stark Pad. “I don’t know why you think you need to update the interface. I’ve never had any problems.” 

“You have kwazy cupcakes,” Clint said, reaching a hand out for the tablet. Natasha held it out of his reach. 

“I can’t leave it unchanged forever,” Tony told her. “You’re just going to have to learn the next update.” 

Natasha pretended to pout, holding the tablet to her chest. “But this one’s so easy to play with the coding. I have it just how I want.” 

“Don’t tell me that,” Tony said, shaking his head. One of these days he was going to bring Natasha in for some freelance work. 

There was an increase in the noise coming from the living room, but Tony ignored it at first, thinking nothing of it. “What’d you change on it anyway?” He asked. 

“Oh,” Natasha said. She leaned forward on the counter, the strings of her hoodie tapping against the tablet screen. “Not much. Just made it so that I have the weather on the home screen and my first set of messages instead of all my apps.”

“That’s what the lock screen is for.” He heard Bruce saying something in the other room, but he figured that they were just having a good time. Probably bickering over their favorite movies. 

Natasha frowned. “I hardly ever have it locked. I don’t like having a lock screen, actually.” 

“You, the most secretive person on Earth, don’t like having a lock screen?” Clint asked. 

Natasha shrugged. “No one’s ever going to come into contact with it without me knowing.” She held the pad out of Clint’s reach again. “If I let you play the game, I’ll never get my tablet back.” 

Tony didn’t hear Clint’s reply. Another voice raised now, and it rendered Tony stock-still. “No thanks to you! The self-righteous audacity, I fucking swear you’re—”

Tony was moving towards Loki’s voice with clenched fists and a pounding heart before he knew what he was doing. He recognized Thor first. Thor stood between Loki and Steve. His back was to his brother. Steve scowled over his shoulder, face flushed as he argued back. “You don’t know a thing. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You weren’t there—”

Steve must’ve done something because suddenly Thor had Steve’s wrist in his hand. “I wouldn’t,” he said darkly. 

After what felt like an eternity, Tony reached Loki’s side. “Loki,” Tony said in warning.

Loki’s eyes were wide but sharp at Tony’s appearance, his entire body recoiling and stiff. Tony glanced at Steve. Steve was flushed and slightly sweaty, with an oddly wounded look that Tony had never seen before. When Tony turned back to Loki, Loki’s eyes immediately darted away. “Come on,” Tony said, deciding that between the tension in the air and Loki’s talent for anger, sticking around was not a good idea. Loki hated Steve and the last thing Tony needed was for Loki to make whatever this was worse. He went to grab Loki’s hand. 

Loki yanked it out of his reach, taking a delicate step around Tony and starting for the door. Tony immediately moved to follow him, but Bruce caught his arm after he’d only made it a few steps. “Steve started it,” Bruce said in a hushed tone. Steve was arguing with someone else now, but Tony wasn’t following it. He couldn’t even look at Bruce. His entire attention focused on Loki’s back. “You know how Steve gets when he’s in his kid from Brooklyn mode.” 

Tony paused for a split second to stare back at Bruce. “You know,” Bruce said. “He’s…stubborn. Combative.” Tony smiled stiffly at Bruce in thanks before rushing out. 

Loki had already jogged down the stairs of Clint’s apartment and reached the parking lot when Tony caught up. “What was that?” Tony shivered in his thin hoodie, shoving his hands into his pockets as he walked up beside Loki. 

“Give me the keys.” 

“Loki,” Tony said. Loki pulled at the car door handle, face obscured by the angle and the collar of his jacket. Tony leaned his head to the side, wishing that Loki would look at him. He could make this right if he could just know what was happening. “What’d you say to Steve?” 

“What did _I_ say to Steve?” Loki seemed to catch himself, the bitter sneer in his voice replaced by a frustrated eye roll. “Forget about it.” He turned away, completely walling Tony off. 

“Loki.” 

Loki blinked quickly, breathing in harshly through his nose and looking off towards the streetlights. 

Tony frowned, eyebrows knitting together. He sought out the eye contact he was still being denied as his voice slid into something authoritative. “Why’s Steve upset?” 

“Tony, I just want to go home.” Loki shoved the words out so desperately that for a moment all Tony could do was stand there, stricken by how bad he felt for Loki. He hadn’t understood. He’d made a mistake somehow. 

They heard a metallic thud of footsteps on the stairs and looked up to see Thor arriving. He made a beeline for Loki. “Are you alright?” 

“Fine,” Loki said, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away. He relaxed though, his shoulders drooping down and the tension leaking out of his stance. Thor set a hand on his shoulder. Tony expected to see Loki push him away and shout, but he didn’t. He glanced up at Thor, suddenly fifteen years younger. “I’m fine. I just—ruined Clint’s party,” Loki added reluctantly, guilt shading his voice. 

“Clint’s not upset,” Thor said. “You didn’t ruin anything.” Thor had this way of talking that made anything he said sound true. It must’ve worked on Loki too because he smiled slightly in acknowledgement. “It’s not your fault. Steve was out of line in what he said. You were right to say something.” Thor patted Loki’s shoulder firmly, his brother’s lighter frame shaking a bit at the impact. “Clint won’t hold a grudge. Go home, get some sleep.” 

Loki nodded his head, finally looking up at Thor with prideful but fond gratitude. Thor patted his shoulder again, rubbing his hand back and forth reassuringly before letting go. “Truly,” Thor said. When he stepped back, he turned to look over at Tony, saying nothing. 

Tony smiled back sheepishly, trying to play it cool. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d just fucked up. 

Thor held his gaze, blue eyes fierce but holding out on judgement. Then he simply turned and went back up the stairs. Fuck. Tony clasped the keys in his back pocket, eager to get in the car before Thor changed his mind and came back. Loki said nothing when they got in. 

Tony started the ignition. His heart was pounding. He grabbed the steering wheel, but he couldn’t start. His fingers slid down the sides and he let go. He dropped back against his leather seat, the cushion catching his head. “What happened back there?”

Loki didn’t answer immediately, though Tony could see him scratching a nail along the seam in the leg on his jeans. “Steve said something wrong and I corrected him.” 

“By yelling?” 

“I didn’t yell,” Loki snapped. He flexed his jaw, then curled away into his seat, wedging himself closer to the window than Tony. “At first,” he amended. “But Steve had no right.” 

“What’d you say that got Steve going?” Tony asked. He’d seen Steve completely lose his cool maybe once, but that had been something to do with Bucky, and Tony had been drunk at the time. He didn’t really remember. But he should’ve known that eventually Loki would take Steve on. Tony never should’ve told him about what happened between them. 

Loki slumped into his seat, tapping his right foot irritably. “You know what?” He seethed at the dashboard, and Tony had that sinking feeling that he’d fucked up again. “Why don’t you go ask him, since you’re so fucking intent on taking his side?” 

Tony’s mouth dropped open. “I—” He hadn’t meant to take Steve’s side. Was that what he’d been doing? Tony started playing the conversation back in his head. 

“Are you going to drive or what?” Loki demanded. 

Tony set his hands back on the wheel. Right. They pulled out of the parking lot in silence. Loki leaned against his window, seemingly intent on being as far away from Tony as possible. Tony stared at the road. 

Bruce had _told him_ that it was Steve’s fault. Thor had come down and told Loki that it _wasn’t his fault_. And Tony had, he’d…asked Loki what he’d said to get Steve going. 

He could’ve phrased that better. 

But it felt like it was worse than that. Tony had gotten the feeling that he was fucking up before Thor came down, and it probably wasn’t just because he was always slightly terrified that Thor might decide today was they day he’d had enough of Tony seeing his brother. It had been when…Loki had asked to go home and…Thor had asked if Loki was alright. 

Shit. 

What if something had happened to Loki? What if—Holy shit, what if Steve had hurt Loki, or struck him, and all Tony had done was ask him what he’d done to deserve it like an asshole? Fuck, shit. What the hell was wrong with him? Tony bit his lip, afraid to ask the question. 

It came slowly at first, dread drawing it out. It still sounded sincere, though. He desperately hoped that Loki heard that part. “Are you alright?” 

After a moment, Loki’s clipped but loaded answer came. “Yeah.” Tony wasn’t sure how he managed to pack so much emotion into one word, but he had. If Tony had any doubts about fucking up, they were gone now. 

“Good,” Tony said awkwardly. He drummed his thumbs against the steering wheel, building himself up. “I—I’m sorry.” 

Loki’s demeanor changed. He sank into the seat a bit more, some of the constraint leaving his face. But he didn’t say anything. 

“I didn’t mean to take Steve’s side,” Tony tried to explain. 

Loki didn’t say anything. 

“I really didn’t,” Tony said. 

“And I believe you,” Loki said, not sounding too happy about it. 

Tony had to sit with that. He slowed to a stop for a yellow light, mulling it over as he waited for the signal to change. It’d kind of just happened. He’d just figured that Loki with his dislike towards Steve and his short fuse would’ve been the one to start a fight. 

Although, admit-ably, Loki’s fuse wasn’t nearly as short as he said it was. And…Tony knew that. 

That awful fuck up feeling came back in force. The light turned green. 

“I’m sorry,” Tony said, half to Loki and half to the horrible feeling in his chest. “I just—I know you don’t like Steve.” Tony really shouldn’t have told Loki about them having sex. Loki would’ve liked Steve if he didn’t know. 

He heard Loki sigh beside him. “I know you look up to Steve,” Loki said. 

“No I don’t.” It was out before Tony even thought about it. 

Embarrassingly, Loki seemed almost amused by that. Almost. He was clearly still upset. “Yes you do.” Loki kicked one foot up against the dashboard. “And honestly Tony, I think he’s a little distant towards you.” 

“You’re just saying that because I told you about what happened with him and me.” 

“No. I’m not.” Loki took his foot off the dashboard, crossing his arms. “Believe it or not, I am not obsessed with the fact that you and Steve slept together once, years ago.” 

“But you don’t like it,” Tony said. 

“I don’t like thinking about you fucking any of your exes,” Loki said. “Do you like thinking about me with mine?” That shut Tony up. “I don’t like Steve,” Loki said firmly, “because I think he’s cruel towards you. You look up to him, and he—abuses that.” 

Cruel and Steve did not go together. Steve was a fucking boy scout. He wouldn’t take advantage of Tony. It wasn’t like he’d ever done anything that made Tony feel like that. 

“I know that Steve is your friend,” Loki continued, “and I get that he’s important to you. I get that, Tony. But _I_ don’t like him.” 

Tony turned down the road that lead back to their home. “The shitty thing with Steve was just a one time thing,” Tony said. “He didn’t—he’s not cruel to me, Loki. He fucked up that one time. It happens. And I should’ve got that it wasn’t serious, that was on me—”

“Stop defending him.” Loki must’ve said it with a little more venom than he meant to because he rubbed his hands over his face with exasperation a moment later. “Just let Steve be wrong.” 

When they pulled into the driveway, Tony still didn’t have an answer to that. It wasn’t like he couldn’t let Steve be wrong. He’d argued with Steve about things plenty of times. 

Tony parked the car in the garage, but he didn’t move to take off his seatbelt. Loki’s seatbelt clicked. Tony flinched.

Loki sat forward in his seat, gripping the door handle. “I’m not saying that you can’t be friends with Steve,” Loki said. “I’m saying that maybe you idolize him or look up to him and don’t see the whole picture. Steve isn’t—” Loki probably held back on harsher words. “Who you think he is.” Loki got out before Tony could answer, his door falling shut with a heavy thud. 

Tony watched him disappear into the house, uncertain of what to think about that. 

Slowly, Tony pulled himself out of the car and followed Loki inside, kicking off his shoes and dropping his keys on the kitchen counter. The lights leading into the living room were on. Loki had probably gone upstairs. 

Scratching his fingers against his beard, Tony stood there, feeling empty. 

It was only then that he realized that he didn’t even know what Steve had said to Loki. He had no fucking idea what they’d argued about. 

Fuck. Guilt flooded in, overriding his offended anger and uncertainty. “Lo,” Tony said. He started towards the living room. 

In that whole conversation, Loki hadn’t once told him what he’d argued about with Steve. 

He’d only said that Steve had said something wrong and that he’d corrected Steve, making it sound like Steve had gotten a math problem wrong.

He’d said that Steve wasn’t who Tony thought he was, and that Tony idolized him. 

Why would Loki leave out what they’d argued about? 

The lights were on upstairs. Tony paused at the bottom of the stairs, preparing himself to knock on Loki’s door. 

What could Steve possibly say to make Loki that upset? Tony trudged up the stairs, mulling it over. 

And why hadn’t Loki just told him so that he’d understand? Tony reached the landing. It was almost like Loki was being…protective. Of him. 

Shit. 

“Lo?” Tony said, extending his hand towards Loki’s door. He tapped softly. “Can I come in?” 

Tony listened, then recognized the soft patter of the shower down the hall. Loki was taking a shower. Tony chewed on the inside of his cheek. Then he took a few languid, wandering steps towards the bedroom. 

Tony sunk down on the corner of the bed. He rubbed under his nose. 

He’d said sorry, and yet he’d gone and done it again, hadn’t he? Defended Steve. 

Shit. 

Maybe Loki did have a point. 

Tony took his jeans off, throwing them in the hamper for once and grabbing a fresh pair of pajamas instead of just wearing his boxers. He changed out his hoodie and shirt for a loose black one that hung down over the drawstring on his fleece bottoms. Then he sat down at the corner of the bed again, wondering how he was going to make things right. 

It took Loki a while to come back from the shower, and when he did, his hair was soaking wet. He was already wearing pajamas, which felt distancing in its own way. Loki looked past him, walking to his side of the bed and deliberately pulling back the covers. “Lo,” Tony said. The mattress bounced under him as Loki got in and laid down. Tony turned and looked back over his shoulder, unable to move from the corner. “I—I’m sorry.” 

“It’s alright,” Loki muttered, tugging the blanket over his shoulder. “Forget about it.” 

“No it’s not. I—” He wanted to reach out and hold onto Loki’s ankle beneath the blankets or something, any sort of contact. He held onto the sheets instead. “I fucked up. I should’ve asked if you were okay from the start. And you’re right, I, maybe I have a blind spot around Steve.” 

No, actually, Tony knew he had a fucking blind spot. He’d told Loki that he looked up to Steve because Steve had his shit together and always seemed to be in control. Tony just hadn’t realized he’d been acting on it. He’d thought that he was over it. 

Loki opened his eyes, the protective arm that had been wrapped across his chest falling limply against the bed. 

“Would you, I know you’re mad and you have a right to be, but would you tell me what he said? I want to know.” Tony held his breath. 

Loki rolled over onto his back, staring intently at Tony. He held it for a while, clearly deliberating. “Whatever it is,” Tony said. “I can handle it. I want to know what he said that upset you that much.” 

Loki pressed his lips together, worry furrowing his brow. 

“Please,” Tony said. He raised his feet up onto the bed, twisting them behind him as he turned to sit facing Loki. “Please Loki,” he begged. 

Loki sighed, dropping his arms beside him on the bed. He studied the ceiling for a moment before sitting up. 

“Tony,” Loki said delicately. He licked his lips, then rubbed the back of his neck before simply dropping his elbow and holding his hand there. “I didn’t like Steve long before you told me about the time you slept with him.” He set his hands together in his lap, rubbing his thumb over one set of fingers. “I didn’t want to tell you, but I overheard Steve talking about that time.” 

Tony’s world tunneled in. 

“When we first started seeing each other, I went to Thor’s apartment to pick something up and Steve was talking about it in the other room with some of your other friends. I don’t think they realized that I could hear them. Thor wasn’t there,” Loki clarified. “He didn’t hear.” Tony didn’t really care whether or not Thor was there. He just needed to know what Steve had said. “He—” Loki frowned, glancing off to the side. “Told everyone that you talked afterwards, and he—brought up that you thought your parents’ accident was planned and how—awkward that was for him.” Suddenly, his heart beat in his ears. “So tonight, when he brought it up again and said some things defending himself I just—couldn’t listen to it.” 

_Everyone had already known._ Steve had fucking _told them._ That’s why no one acted surprised, that’s why no one—Loki’s hand was on his shoulder. 

“I didn’t know what to think of what I’d overheard until you told me about it,” Loki said. “I had decided that if you wanted to tell me, you would and I should let you make that call. I didn’t know if Steve had exaggerated or what the real story was. But maybe I should’ve brought it up.” 

Tony shook his head fervently. No. That would not have gone well. Fuck. He was crying. 

Everyone knew and he was just this huge fuck up as usual with his fucked up life, and Steve had been going behind his back and telling people the whole time, and Loki hadn’t even told him about it, and why, why did he think that things were going alright? What the fuck was wrong with him? 

Loki started to pull him in for a hug but stopped when Tony stiffened up. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Tony choked out. 

Loki’s chest rose and fell in one heavy breath. “Because I knew you looked up to Steve, and it wouldn’t have changed that it happened. You would’ve just been hurt by it.” He paused, the grip on Tony’s arm letting up. “Besides, would you have believed me?” 

No. Probably not. They hadn’t known each other as well back then. Tony would’ve freaked out completely. He would’ve lashed out at Steve and Loki both. Tony shook his head. 

“I’m sorry,” Loki said. “I just didn’t want—this to happen.” Tony knew exactly what this was referring to. Here he was, fucking crying. Loki’s fingers reassuringly rubbed a pattern against his neck. 

Tony tried calming himself down, taking slow breaths. He wasn’t nervous. It just fucking sucked. After a while he said, “I can’t believe everyone fucking knew. I feel like an idiot.” 

“It wasn’t Steve’s to tell,” Loki said. He let that sink in, circling his thumb over Tony’s collarbone. “If it makes you feel better, they felt horrible about what happened.” Loki dropped his hand to the bed. “It’s just Steve that was an ass about it because he was wrong.” Clearly, Loki would be holding that grudge for a while. Tony couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

He didn’t know where this would put him with Steve. Tony didn’t want to hear the specifics of what had been said anymore. He knew it wouldn’t be good. 

And the guilty feeling hadn’t gone away either. He’d been defending Steve when Loki had been looking out for him. He hadn’t even tried to find out what happened to Loki tonight. 

Tony rubbed his shoulders, trying to ease up. “Next time something like that happens, will you tell me? Even if I’ll—get hurt by it.” 

Loki was quiet for a moment before nodding. “I will.” 

His wet hair hung limply against his face, his shadowed green eyes soft, worried. Tony held his gaze, suddenly struck by a feeling that it was fine, even with this shit going down, because Loki was still right here. And somehow, that was enough. Fondness crept in, along with a sense of gratitude that Loki was here with him in all of this. He wasn’t gone. He was here. It was okay. 

Loki tried to smile at him. “I’m sorry.” 

“No. I’m sorry,” Tony said. “I was shitty. I should’ve been on your side from the start. I know I had this looking up thing with Steve and I fucked up.” Tony moved his legs so that they were beneath him as he sat, hands on his thighs. “It’s never going to happen with me and him again, Loki, I want you to know that—”

“I know,” Loki said before he could finish. 

“I just don’t want you to be afraid that I’d cheat on you with him,” Tony said. It was ugly and he hated saying it, but he needed Loki to know that. “That happened years and years ago. I don’t know why I have such a bad blind spot about Steve, but I’ll work on it.” 

Loki tensed a bit at the mention of cheating, but seemed relieved all the same. “Okay,” he said. 

Tony stared at him, as if he could mentally will Loki to understand. “I mean it Loki.” 

“I know, Tony.” Loki half-smiled at him, exhaustion from the night they’d had creeping through. Tony shuffled forward on his knees, just enough to catch Loki’s lips. He cradled Loki’s head in his hands, sinking down beside him as he softly tugged at Loki’s lower lip. 

Loki’s arm came back around him, holding Tony to the side at his waist. Tony pulled back just enough to see Loki staring at him, guard dropped so that he looked back at Tony with a certain degree of fragility. Tony smiled, closed lipped, and kissed the corner of Loki’s mouth. “It’s always going to be you, Lo.” He kissed Loki’s jaw, then sunk down to his neck, running his tongue over the hurried pulse there. Tony grazed a tooth over Loki’s collarbone, knowing that usually drew curled toes and a gasp. This time, Loki just pulled him a little closer. 

Loki’s pulse was racing. Tony pressed his lips to the soft corner between jaw and neck, feeling heavy. He wanted to sink in against Loki and disappear. “It’s okay,” Loki said quietly. “We both fucked up, you don’t have to—” 

“No,” Tony cut him off. “I—” He’d thought about this before. Tony closed his eyes, resting his chin on Loki’s shoulder. “Feel bad that I make it hard on you sometimes to trust me.” 

Really, it had taken his therapist to help him see the self-sabotaging and distancing for what it was, but he’d gotten there. He’d never learned how to be this close with anyone else. It was _terrifying_.

Sometimes it was like a game, seeing how close he could cross that line before he bailed. He desperately wanted to abandon the line, to soak in affection and closeness constantly, but it wasn’t that simple. 

But he was getting there. So much more than before. 

Loki kissed the side of his face, trying to tease him into allowing their mouths to meet. Tony got the sense it was to stop him from babbling. He didn’t care. The thoughts needed to come out. “The shit I’ve said before and Steve tonight, I don’t want you to think I, Loki I didn’t mean to, I didn’t realize that I was doing it. I don’t want you to go.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Loki’s fingers dug through Tony’s hair, his fingertips guiding Tony’s head back so that Loki could face him. Tony braced for what was going to be said, but instead Loki’s lips gently pressed to his. Slowly, tenderly, Tony found himself letting go and letting Loki in. Loki pulled him down into the bed before rolling them over so that he had Tony pinned. “Yes,” Loki said. “I was pissed that you took Steve’s side tonight, but I see that you’re trying, Tony.” 

Tony relaxed, Loki’s weight sinking into him harder as his muscles yielded. He was glad that Loki had said that. It was more honest than saying it was fine. There was no need to pretend it was. 

Loki’s palms were putting pressure on his collarbones. “Who does Steve remind you of?” Loki asked, like he already knew the answer. 

Puzzled, Tony rested his hands on the shallow curve of Loki’s ass. “I don’t know.” 

“You don’t have to win Steve’s approval,” Loki said. 

It sounded kind of pedantic, but that’s all that Tony picked up on. He wasn’t sure what was going on in Loki’s head. “I know,” he said. Loki sighed, a short little huff from his nose. A drop of water from his wet hair hit Tony’s neck and rolled down. 

“I don’t think you do, but fuck Steve. There, I said it.” Tony scowled at him. Hadn’t he just said they could still be friends? “That’s how I feel about it, Tony. But either way, I’m not abandoning you. Alright?” He asked, a bit quieter. 

Tony hadn’t realized that it was possible for him to sink further into the bed, but he did. He wasn’t really following Loki’s train of thought, but he understood the last part. In reply, Tony just nodded. 

Some of his humor returned to Loki’s eyes. “I still love you, even if you’re a pain in the ass.” 

“Good to know,” Tony managed. They held one another’s gaze for a moment, just long enough for Tony to feel things were right again. 

Loki rolled off of him, taking to his side of the bed. He was still facing Tony, but it drew immediate displeasure from Tony. He rolled onto his side, closer, calculating just how close he was allowed to be. 

Maybe it showed on his face because Loki just sighed and pulled him in, wrapping his arm around Tony’s back and tossing a leg over his. Tony took it as an excuse to cling as much as he wanted, plastering himself against Loki. 

Tony breathed Loki’s warm scent in, burying his nose in Loki’s chest. Loki held him without comment. 

He couldn’t fall asleep. 

Loki’s breathing was quick enough that he knew Loki hadn’t fallen asleep either. 

“I still want makeup sex,” Tony announced. 

Loki shook with an unvoiced laugh. “You’ll still want it in the morning.” 

Tony sighed. “True,” he agreed. 

“I’m fucking exhausted,” Loki muttered unnecessarily, voice on the edge of a yawn. 

“The morning then,” Tony said. “That way you can feed me breakfast afterwards.” 

“So fucking demanding,” Loki grumbled. “Aren’t you trying to make it up to me?” 

“You’re making it up to me too,” Tony muttered back. 

“But you more,” Loki said. 

“Fine. You can just make me waffles but that’s my final offer.” 

With some amusement Loki answered, “Spoiled.” Loki was probably the only person in the world that could call him that without getting him upset. 

“Damn right,” Tony agreed. 

He managed to drift off after that, but not without wondering for a while what Loki had meant in asking who Steve reminded him of.


	18. Chapter 18

It was the kind of morning where Tony was alert the moment he woke up. He rolled onto his side, already recalling the night before. He anxiously grabbed the sheets in his fist before trying to let go of the thought. Then, with curiosity, he looked for Loki. 

Loki was sleeping on his stomach with one hand slack and open beside his face. His hair had curled and frizzed in different directions, with one curl in particular standing straight up. Tony smiled. He pushed down the urge to smooth out the curl and carefully pulled himself out of bed. 

Loki was out cold. Despite wanting to wake him, Tony knew he probably needed his sleep. Quietly, Tony cracked open the door and padded downstairs. 

He was making himself a cup of coffee when his eyes fell on the waffle iron. 

He…really fucked up last night. And while he knew that Loki wouldn’t actually mind cooking him breakfast, it seemed like an awful lot to ask. Even if it was their usual, even if he knew that Loki preferred it, Tony couldn’t hold him to what they’d said last night. Not when he felt guilty. 

He’d stayed in more than enough hotels to know how to work a waffle iron. Making the batter couldn’t be that hard to figure out. 

After some digging in the pantry, he found a box of waffle mix. It was something he’d bought ages ago. It hadn’t been opened. Knowing Loki, he probably made their waffles from scratch. With a sigh, Tony checked to see that it was still good before setting it on the counter. 

Next, he needed to measure out water for the mix. Tony pulled open the bottom cabinet to find that it now housed stock pots. Right. Loki had rearranged things. 

Tony tried the drawer next, but it had cutlery. It took a few more tries, but eventually he found a liquid measuring cup that was a hell of a lot nicer than the one he used to have. It even had markings on the inside so that he didn’t have to hold up the cup to see what level it was at. 

He’d found a whisk while he’d been searching, and he knew where the bigger bowls were now because he used them for popcorn. 

Tony checked the directions again. Once he’d measured out the mix and the water, Tony took to the whisk as directed, taking a small amount of satisfaction in the clinking sound it made as it hit the sides. 

After a while it looked like stuff that came out of spigots at hotel breakfast bars. Satisfied with that, Tony turned to the waffle iron. He checked the box again. Greased waffle iron. Right. He knew that. 

Tony held his breath as he poured the batter in. It was a bit too much, pouring down the sides. 

Okay. The first one was ugly and kind of burnt in places, but that was alright. Tony turned on the fan above the stove. 

The second one turned out better. And the third. And the five after that, because he’d way overestimated how much he needed for a serving. Tony stared at the pile of waffles, remembering that sometimes Loki kept them warm in the oven while he was cooking other things. 

But just sticking them in the oven seemed like a good way to burn them, so Tony looked up how to do it online. Then Tony took the ugly one to hide the evidence and sat down with it and his coffee at the counter. 

Tony drenched the thing in butter and syrup before he took the first bite. 

It was decent. 

He considered waking Loki up with breakfast in bed, but it seemed like a good way to lose a limb. 

Or rather, he was feeling guilty again. 

Because yeah, he figured that Loki and he would be back to normal this morning, and yeah, he didn’t think Loki was still super pissed. But now that his head was clearer and he’d slept on it, he felt worse, in a way. 

Sure, it would’ve been fucking great if Loki had told him about what Steve had said. Fantastic. But if Loki had brought that up before they’d moved in together, hell even before they’d seriously considered the other their boyfriend, it would’ve been a disaster. He hadn’t been ready for Loki to know that about him then. 

A softness crept into Tony’s chest. Actually, realizing that, it meant that the whole time Loki had at least sort of known, even if he hadn’t had the details. And he hadn’t held it against Tony. 

Tony took another bite, wishing that Loki was here right now so he could kiss him. 

Okay. But it wouldn’t have been great back then. It would’ve felt invasive and he just, he wouldn’t have been able to gracefully deal with it. So right or not, Tony decided he wasn’t really upset with Loki about that. 

He was, however, upset with Steve. 

Tony sat with that a moment, stabbing his fork into a perfectly cut square. Syrup oozed onto the plate. Steve—Steve had taken care of him, back when everything was shit. He’d made Tony show up for Shield meetings and not let him get away with the DWIs.

Tony sipped his coffee, wondering why he’d kind of enjoyed Steve being such a hardass. He wasn’t sure. 

But. 

Steve had fucking told everyone. For years, probably. Had it been a running joke behind his back? Did they just think he was paranoid and feel sorry for him? Tony got up to get more coffee. He decided to grab a second waffle while he was at it. 

Loki had said that Steve had called it awkward. 

Tony poured too much syrup on, then cut so hard with the side of his fork that it squeaked against the plate. 

Well excuse him for thinking he could share something with Steve. He’d thought that Steve liked him, at the time. 

It wasn’t like it was the first time someone had used him for sex. 

Still. Fucking Steve. The sex Tony could get over. Easy. But Steve telling everyone was something else entirely. 

It fucking hurt. 

Tony wished he could just be pissed about it. Then maybe it’d be easier. Then he could just tell Steve off and feel good about it. 

But it just fucking ached. 

Tony was sinking down in that thought when he heard soft footsteps behind him. Loki wandered in, his pajamas hanging half off of his hip. His t-shirt was wrinkled and the crew neck collar was pulled to the side. Immediately, Tony wanted to sneak his arms in around Loki and pull him in and never let go. 

But his guilt kept him seated. 

Loki had fucking stood up for him, but he'd defended Steve, and Loki was a hell of a lot more important to him, he realized. 

Loki paused, rubbing at his eye. Then he glanced at Tony’s plate and past him to the mixing bowl and waffle iron. Tony started to get up. “I made breakfast,” he said, needing to state the obvious. “I made you waffles too,” Tony said. “Here. Sit down,” he said, pulling out the barstool beside his. 

Loki hadn’t quite recovered from his surprise. He stared at the chair with his lips slightly open, as if meaning to say something. “I’ll get you some coffee,” Tony said. 

“Why isn’t there a burnt smell in the air?” Loki asked, still a bit groggy. He smiled lazily at Tony. 

“Watch yourself,” Tony said. “Or you’re not getting breakfast.” 

Loki sank down onto the barstool, curiously watching Tony. Tony could swear that he was impressed when he saw Tony take the waffles out of the oven. “I’ve been paying attention,” Tony said. 

“Clearly.” Loki smiled, making no effort to hide it. Tony pushed a coffee towards him, then set down the waffle plate. 

He’d never made anything for Loki to eat before. 

Wow. That seemed odd, somehow. 

He’d brought home takeout and warmed up leftovers for Loki and stuff like that, but he’d never just made it. 

Tony watched Loki butter the waffle, holding his breath. This must be how Loki felt. 

Loki drenched it in syrup before taking a bite. “It’s good,” he said. 

Relieved, Tony sat down beside him. “Yeah, well, I’ve learned a thing or two from you.” 

“You used the box mix,” Loki said. Tony knew he was teasing. He set one foot against Loki’s. 

Loki had pulled his hair back into a bun before coming downstairs, and secretly, Tony missed the bed head. Loki rarely let it go past his bedside. Still, he was nothing short of handsome. Tony realized he was smiling at Loki and hurried to take a sip of coffee. 

Loki rubbed at his eyes again, the tattoo on his forearm swaying in the motion. With every second that went by, it became harder not to latch onto him. 

“Thanks,” Loki said. He didn’t turn to see Tony’s surprise. “It’s good.” 

“I—you want another one?” Tony asked. Loki was only half way through his first, but Tony didn’t know what else to say. Loki nodded. Tony hurried to get up, realizing only once he came back that Loki probably hadn’t just been thanking him for the food. 

“I figured you’d want to stay in bed,” Tony said. 

Again, Loki nodded. He seemed half awake as he chewed, already going for another forkful. 

Maybe he’d been saying thanks for making breakfast too. This wasn't that hard. Tony should’ve done it sooner. 

With that thought, Tony realized he’d been hard on Loki lately. Or rather, asked a lot of him. Loki had spearheaded starting his parents’ investigation, and told him the results, and stuck by him the whole time. Tony hadn’t realized how hard it had been on Loki until that night on the balcony. 

And now he’d gone and added this whole Steve thing into it. 

Tony closed his hand into a ball, thinking. He needed to do something for Loki. Maybe a big gift? No, Loki wouldn’t like that. He liked going out to do things, though. When was the last time they’d gone out together? 

The night they got ice cream. 

That hadn’t really been a date. It’d been more of a pick-me-up. 

“Hey, I was thinking. Maybe today we could go out somewhere? I can get us reservations anywhere you want, if you want to try something?” Tony smiled hopefully. 

Loki reached for his coffee. “I don’t want to be in a restaurant today.” He sipped. “I was hoping to be lazy.” 

Tony frowned. The house was a boring way to spend the day. What else would Loki like? “What about going to bookstores?” Loki gave him a suspicious glance. “There’s a small town like an hour away from here that isn’t much but it has a main street with a bunch of tiny bookstores, antique shops, that kind of stuff. I have an account out there so I know the area. I could drive.” 

“You want to watch me stare at books for hours?” 

“Maybe not hours,” Tony amended, backtracking a little. 

Loki chewed slowly, his expression changing twice before he answered. “You know, actually, that would be nice.” 

Tony had been convinced that Loki was going to give him shit for acting nice when he felt guilty. This was a relief. “Great.” 

“I’ll get dressed after I finish eating,” Loki said. 

“I still need to shower,” Tony said. He started to get up, then noticed the dirty dishes. It would be so fucking easy to just leave them there, but Loki never did that. He glanced over. Loki was watching, as if reading his mind. “After I get this,” he said. 

It didn’t take long to clean up. When Tony walked past the counter to go upstairs, Loki just looked happier to him. “I’ll be down in a bit,” Tony said. 

“Okay,” Loki answered, cutting into the second waffle that Tony had given him. 

 

When Tony came back downstairs, Loki was already dressed. He had to have slipped in and out of the bedroom while Tony was in the shower. Tony sat down in a kitchen chair to put his socks on. 

Loki’s phone began ringing. Tony didn’t look up until he noticed that Loki wasn’t answering it. 

He was staring at the phone with a frown. “Is that your mom?” Tony guessed. 

“No. I don’t know the number. It might be a work call,” Loki decided, swiping his thumb to answer. “Hello?” 

Whoever was on the line spoke much longer than a simple hello. Loki smiled finally, brushing his hand over his hair. “Thanks,” he said. “I really appreciate that.” He leaned against the counter, listening intently with a pleased expression. “Still, I hadn’t meant for—no, I understand. Thanks for calling.” He smiled again. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Tony rested an arm over the back of his chair, blatantly listening. Loki glanced at him. “He’s fine.” Maybe it was Thor. “Yeah.” Loki turned and walked towards the fridge. 

He opened it, pretending to look for something. “You can come over here sometime,” he offered. Loki shut the door and paced towards the sink instead. “Okay. Thanks again for calling.” Despite the angle, Tony could still hear the smile in his voice. “Bye.” 

“Who was that?” 

“Clint,” Loki said. He sounded just as surprised by the answer as Tony felt. “He wanted me to know that he wasn’t mad at me and I didn’t ruin his party.” 

Tony smiled to the side as Loki watched him as if waiting for something. “You don’t have Clint’s number?” Tony wondered aloud. 

“No,” Loki said. He tapped at his phone. “I’ll add it.” 

“You have everyone else’s though, right?” 

Loki bit his lip, ignoring Tony as he messed with the phone. “Just Sam and Bruce,” he decided. Loki slipped the phone into his back pocket. “And Steve, I think.” He picked at one of his nails. 

“I’ll send you the contacts for everyone else. You should have them,” Tony said. 

“Okay.” Loki pulled the collar on his jacket. “Are you ready to go?” 

“Yeah, just let me get my shoes on.” 

 

They’d been driving for about thirty minutes when Loki reached over and turned down the radio. It wasn’t dramatic, but enough that Tony knew Loki was working up to something. 

Loki rubbed his fingers. “What’re you going to do about Steve?” Loki asked. He was straining to sound neutral, Tony could tell. 

He sighed, watching orange oak leaves fall onto the road. 

“I don’t know,” Tony admitted. “Maybe ask him to meet up for drinks and talk about it.” 

Loki hummed in acknowledgement, staring impassively out the window. Tony wasn’t sure if there was a right answer that he was supposed to give. “I, Steve’s—I’m surprised. And—I think I’m pissed,” Tony tried. 

“You _think_ you’re pissed?” 

Tony raised and dropped his shoulders, brushing against the carseat. “Okay. Am pissed. He fucking—I mean, you wouldn’t share what someone said afterwards in a situation like that, right?” 

Loki drew his stretched out legs together, resting a hand on the center console. “You mean would I share something personal a friend had said to me after we’d slept together with all of our other friends?” 

Okay, when Loki put it like that, the answer seemed a little more obvious, but he still wasn’t sure. “Yeah.” 

“I would hope not,” Loki said. He rubbed his fingers back and forth on the console. “A one night stand,” he said, when Tony didn’t answer, “if it was strange and I didn’t think I’d see them again, I might. We’ve—had conversations like that about other people.” They had, Tony thought. “But if you’re asking if you had the right to assume that Steve would keep something like that between you two, yes. I believe you did.” 

“Yeah. It is. What I’m asking.” Tony sighed, not really feeling any better.

“Especially after what happened between you two afterwards,” Loki added. 

Tony didn’t want to talk about that. He’d always just told himself that Steve had been doing what he thought was best. Which he still thought was true, but it didn’t make him feel any better. They were spending too much time talking about Steve. He was supposed to be making this day about him and Loki. “Thanks though,” Tony said. “For—everything yesterday.” Loki’s hand reached his thigh with a soft squeeze. 

“Don’t make it a habit,” Loki said. 

“I won’t.” 

 

It was a while before they made it to town, and the first thing that Loki wanted to do was go to the closest bookshop. Tony followed him in, noticing the dusty front display and stacks of flyers beside the door more than anything else. He’d never actually gone inside before, and it was dingier than Tony had thought it would be. Maybe this had been a mistake. 

At least there was a new books section. But a lot of these books were definitely used, and there were staff recommendations handwritten below quite a few displays. Tony shoved his hands in his pockets. He was wishing they’d gone to a chain bookstore with a Starbucks in it when he locked on to a startling pair of cat eyes glaring down at him from a tall shelf. The cat swished his tail, scowling at him in disgust. Tony returned the favor. 

Realizing that he didn’t know where Loki was, Tony finally took a few steps further into the store, not expecting to see Loki climbing up a ladder to a second story balcony. He admired Loki’s ass for a moment before deciding to follow and catch up. “Are they allowed to have a pet in here?” Tony whispered, as if it were a library. 

“Apparently,” Loki said, already flipping through a book. Vivid photographs of soups and salads spun past him. “Is there one?” 

“Yeah. A cat.” It was still watching Tony from its perch below. “Aren’t they required to have stairs?” Tony asked. Really, this place needed help with business management skills. 

“They’re over there,” Loki said, shoving the book back onto the shelf. “Past the armchairs,” he said, suddenly pointing at them with his full attention. 

“I wonder if they’re up to code.” 

“Probably not,” Loki answered, grabbing out another book. 

“That ladder just screams liability,” Tony said. 

“You know, there are some engineering books over there.” Loki nodded towards his left as he started a new book. 

Tony glanced in that direction before realizing something. “Are you—are you telling me to go entertain myself?” He scoffed, almost offended. 

“I’m telling you that I don’t need you breathing on me as I’m trying to read.” Loki’s lips twitched. “And no one here wants to watch you go _entertain yourself_ ,” he said in a lowered voice. 

“Not even you?” Tony said, slightly wounded. 

“Not here,” Loki answered, dismissing him as he opened another book. 

“Fine,” Tony said. He trudged petulantly towards the section Loki had pointed to before getting distracted by something else entirely. He enjoyed reading too, thank you very much. He just didn’t care if he chatted while looking through said reading material. 

Tony soon forgot to be indignant, finding some old used books that amused the hell out of him. He took those, along with a few he was interested in reading, over to the armchairs. To his surprise, Loki joined him a few minutes later with a huge stack of books. 

“I hope you have room in your trunk,” Loki said. 

Tony shrugged. “Hey,” he said. “Look at what I found. It’s a collection of bizarre old advertisements. Here, look at the tapeworm one.” 

Loki leaned over, sneering when he understood the page. “You couldn’t pay me enough to eat one. That’s disgusting.” 

“Yeah, but it says that then you can eat whatever you want.” 

“While a worm grows inside of your guts,” Loki answered. “That has to have complications.” 

“What’d you find?” Tony asked. 

“Mostly cookbooks,” Loki said. “Which I don’t really want to go through now after thinking about intestinal worms.” 

“Here, want to look at the cocaine toothache drops instead?” 

Loki smiled, glancing away. “I’m glad I was born this century.” 

“Me too,” Tony agreed wholeheartedly. He leaned forward in the armchair, catching sight of the title on another book’s spine. “Is that what I think it is?” Tony asked, bending past Loki to snag the book out of the pile. “Loki,” Tony chided in his most scandalized voice. 

Tony flipped through the black and white photographs, pretending to be appalled at the erotic content. “You know,” Loki said beside him, “I’m rather impressed that you didn’t find that book before me.” 

“I didn’t think they’d have something like that in a place like this,” Tony answered. Loki laughed, though Tony wasn’t sure why. “These are weirdly classy,” Tony said. He flipped to the front, thinking that maybe the photographer was someone that had worked on one of his company product shoots. The lighting effects were similar. He didn’t recognize the name. 

“Are you ready to check out and go to the next shop?” Loki asked. Tony eased the book shut. Yeah. Actually, he was. And Loki looked excited to see the next shop, which made him excited too. Tony was enjoying this way more than he thought he would. 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “I bet I can find something even better than this at the next one,” he said, returning the photography book to Loki. 

“I’ll take you up on that bet,” Loki said, gathering the books into his arms and standing. 

“What’re the stakes?” Tony asked. “If I win, I want it to be something good.” 

“Oh,” Loki said, grinning. “I’m sure we’ll think of something.” He rested the stack of books against his hip. “And anyway, you’re in way over your head here. I’m the one that’s going to win.” 

Tony stood up taller, his books held in one hand. “You’re on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always curious to know what you think. :)  
> I'm on [tumblr](http://chaoscrafter.tumblr.com) sometimes.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all of you traveling for/celebrating Thanksgiving and carrying on the great tradition of reading smut while straight faced in public. ♡  
>   
> 

  


The world didn’t stop just because he was having problems with Steve. Or rather, life didn’t wait for Steve to decide to say something. Tony had a company to run and meetings to attend and work to do in the lab. 

But that didn’t stop Tony from checking his phone repeatedly, expecting a text from Steve. 

Maybe he shouldn’t expect one, but he did. Steve had to know that he fucked up. Bruce told Tony that Steve had been told he was in the wrong by more than one of their friends, and Tony really expected him to apologize. Send a text at least. 

But it had been three days and there was nothing. 

 

Tony was sitting at the kitchen table with the phone out beside him just in case. Tony finished off a work e-mail on his tablet and took a sip of his drink. If a couple more days went by without hearing anything, then he’d set up a time to meet with Steve.

Jingling keys caught Tony’s attention as Loki came in, shrugging off his jacket as he dropped a cardboard box onto the table. “This was outside in the mail,” Loki said. He set a small pile of mostly junk mail down as well before turning to get a drink from the fridge. 

“Grab me a knife, would you?” Tony asked. 

Loki yanked open the silverware drawer. “Don’t get any ideas,” he told Tony, handing the knife off. He opened his drink. 

“If I murder you that’ll kind of ruin the point of this,” Tony said, splitting the box open. Loki paused, clearly not having intended to watch him open the box, but he came over now that it was directed towards him. Tony tossed the receipt aside and threw back an ungodly amount of brown packing paper and bubble wrap. 

Tony tilted the heavy plastic package back and forth between his thumbs, realizing that he’d need scissors to split the thing open. He was excited. It looked even better than it had online. Pleased, Tony turned to Loki.

Loki had gone still beside him. 

“That’s—for me?” 

Oh. Oh no. Loki sounded kind of uncertain, not at all eager like Tony had been expecting. “Well, I was kind of thinking that I’d be the one wearing it,” Tony said. He smiled, kicking up some of his charm to win Loki over. “You know? I thought you’d enjoy it? We don’t have anything like this.” 

Loki sipped his drink, avoiding Tony’s eager eyes. He combed his fingers back from his forehead across his scalp until they hit his ponytail. Then he let go, releasing a breath loud enough that Tony heard it. “We don’t,” he agreed, taking a longer drink, his face in profile to Tony. Maybe he was just playing it cool because he didn’t want to come off as too excited. “I was supposed to get back to Jane about babysitting when I got home. I need to call her.” 

“I thought they were pretty well covered?” Tony asked. Jane had gotten some sort of childcare benefits at work, and Tony knew that they hadn’t seemed to need Loki as much anymore. 

“I offered.” Loki smiled at him, a little rigidly maybe, but the intention seemed good. “I’ll be down in a while to make dinner.” 

“Okay.” Tony smiled back and Loki turned around, leaving to go upstairs to his room. Tony decided to get the scissors. 

With some careful chopping at the plastic, the container peeled open. 

It was a bit heavier than Tony had expected, but it felt softer too. In a good way. 

Tony really did think that Loki would have fun with this one. He was dying to see the faces Loki would make with it. The online reviews had been really good. 

The blue color was okay too. That was better than flesh colored, right? It was clear then that it was for fun, not compensating for something, right? Tony turned the penis extender over, curling his fingers around the shaft of the sleeve to feel the texture. He traced an exaggerated vein beneath his thumb. Whatever. They’d have fun. 

Maybe he should practice with it before, get the hang of it before he tried it out on Loki. 

He needed to get some lube. 

Tony jogged up the stairs towards their bedroom, glancing inside Loki’s open door. He was sitting on his couch, reading a book. Maybe he hadn’t gotten ahold of Jane. Tony kept going, stealing a bottle of lube from their nightstand, but stopped when he passed Loki’s door again. “Are you babysitting this weekend?” 

Loki glanced up at him. His expression remained neutral, a stray black strand from his ponytail resting against the side of his pale face. He was wearing one of those obnoxiously obscure band t-shirts. “They’re going on a day trip this weekend,” Loki said. He tilted the book in his lap back towards him. “I’ll watch Azalea next Wednesday for a couple of hours so they can go out for dinner.” 

“Oh. Cool.” He’d seen Loki’s eyes drift towards the lube bottle in his hand for a moment before returning to his face again, still as neutral as ever. “What were you thinking about for dinner?” 

“I’m going to make something with the chicken that’s in the fridge.” 

“Want help?” 

A soft smile graced the side of Loki’s mouth for a moment before he answered. “You can chop vegetables if you want.” 

“Okay.” 

“I’ll be down in twenty minutes.” 

“‘Kay,” Tony said. Loki went back to his book. Tony practically bounced down the stairs, twirling the lube bottle into the air and catching it as he made his way back to the kitchen to retrieve the toy. 

Picking one of the guest bedrooms with a bathroom, Tony cleaned the toy, already half hard at the idea alone. He sat down on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath. 

It slipped on easily, but then there was a small air bubble trapped inside. Tony groaned as he squeezed the air out, more from the thought of it than anything. Shifting on his thighs, Tony took a sharp, quick breath before he reached for the loop at the back. 

His balls wouldn’t fit through. 

Fuck. Shit. Tony took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Reassuring himself, Tony tried again. Then he just felt stupid. 

This was a dumb idea, Loki didn’t even seem that interested, and he was probably blowing it way out of proportion in his head. He couldn’t even get the damn thing on. Tony laid down flat against the bed. 

No. He had wanted to try this. 

He’d been really excited about trying it out. He’d been daydreaming about how turned on Loki would be and how much fun they would have since he’d ordered it. Tony grabbed the bottle of lube again. 

After a few tries, he managed to slip through. Tony let out a sigh of relief. 

He sat up. 

Then he smiled, a rush of an ego boost washing over him when he saw himself. He wanted to laugh. It was stupid, but it really did make him feel good. It was secure, too. Tony tried it out a little more before deciding that yes, this had been a good idea. 

 

By the time that Tony made it to the kitchen to help Loki, he’d already chopped half of the vegetables. Loki had left some out on a cutting board for him. Taking the cue, Tony started on the task. “Have you ever had to fire anyone?” Loki asked him from the stovetop, staring rather morosely at a pan. 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “A few times. Why? Is there someone you have to let go?” 

“One of my employees is…combative with her coworkers. She’s pushy, and she doesn’t give me any shit, but she’s driving my other employees fucking insane.” The chicken hissed in the pan. “I’ve had to kick people out of kitchens before,” Loki said. “But usually I don’t have doubts about it. Usually they’ve stolen something or fucked something up badly enough that getting fired is obvious.” He tugged at the apron string around his neck. “She’s good at her work, but…I’ve talked to her. I’m certain she won’t change.” 

“Well if she’s making everyone else miserable,” Tony said. He felt for Loki, he really did. “It’s hard to let someone go, but you can’t let everyone else suffer.” 

“I know,” Loki sighed. He nudged the chicken with a utensil. “I have connections in a few kitchens that I think she’ll be fine in. I might send her off with a recommendation to one of those.” 

“Won’t she cause the same problem there?” 

“Being difficult is a good trait in some kitchens,” Loki said. Tony supposed they were different than the corporate world. Although, Loki wasn’t exactly in a restaurant kitchen setting anymore. “These are ready,” Loki said. He set the chicken aside and took what vegetables Tony had chopped. Everything was plated and ready before Tony got the table set. 

Loki sat down rather heavily in the chair, then began picking at his food. He seemed to force himself to eat. “I’m sorry,” Tony said. “That sucks.” 

Shrugging, Loki reached for his glass. “It’s fine.” 

“Did you—like this person?” Tony asked, trying to have tact about it. Loki interpreted the question differently, amusement lighting up his features. 

“Not like that,” he said, holding back on a laugh. “She’s a competent worker. That’s all.” Loki stuck a forkful of chicken in his mouth. Tony decided to do the same. It was Loki who changed subjects, surprising Tony. “I can guess what you were doing when I started making dinner,” Loki said, still sounding amused. “I don’t think I have to worry about getting my needs met somewhere else.” 

“About that,” Tony said, wondering how far he could go and figuring it was okay since it was Loki broaching the topic. “Do you want to try out what I got in the mail tonight?” 

Loki’s amusement flickered out. He chewed slower. “Because,” Tony said. “I, yeah. I did a test run and I’ve got the hang of it, so I thought that maybe we could try it out tonight?” He bit his lip slightly, watching Loki hopefully. 

Loki reached a long arm for his glass, slouching back against his chair. He twisted the glass in circles with his fingers for a moment. “I know you want to try it,” he said. “But I—wish you’d asked before you bought it.” 

“Why?” Tony tugged at his shirt collar. “I thought it would be a nice surprise.” 

Loki concentrated on his food, but Tony knew the stalling for what it was. Loki would work out what he wanted to say. “It’ll be fun,” Tony promised. “I—you’ll feel good. It’s only a couple of extra inches so—”

“—Have I ever complained about your size before?”

“Lo,” Tony said, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. Even if it was said in irritation, the compliment hidden in it felt good. “That’s,” he tried to explain. “I mean, that’s not why I got it.” Loki’s expression became more inquisitive, patient almost. “I thought you’d enjoy it. I can last longer with it on and I read some really good reviews on it, and, I mean, the texture’s good, and sure, it’s thick, so it feels like wearing a bunch of condoms, but I thought the fun of it…” Tony trailed off, feeling stupid again. 

“That’s,” Loki said, gentler than before. “not the problem.” He pressed his lips together before leaning forward and setting one hand against the side of his face. “I don’t really _enjoy_ extra deep penetration.” His hand covered his mouth for a moment as he thought, clearly trying to be kind about it. “And I don’t really want to put up with all the prep work,” he said. 

Tony’s gaze dropped to the table, disappointed. Loki was right, he should’ve discussed it first. 

“But,” Loki said. “Do you want to try it?” Tony’s soft brown eyes set on him. “I’ll wear it,” Loki offered. “If you want.” 

Tony swallowed. 

Yeah. 

Tony nodded his head, but Loki started to laugh. “That’s a yes,” Loki said. He went back to eating, at ease again. Tony felt a little warm. 

“I’m kind of done with dinner,” Tony said. He dropped his fork, starting to stand up. 

With some amusement Loki answered, “You’re not getting out of doing the dishes.”

“What if,” Tony said. “I go and get all of the prep work done on myself while you clean up?” Tony set his hands against the table, almost pleading. “Come on Lo, think of how I’ll be getting myself ready for you the whole time you’re down here?” Tony swayed his hips slightly, eyes bright. 

Loki sighed, fighting off a smile. “I’ll get the pans and such, but you have to at least put your plate away.”

“Done.” Tony put it away lighting fast. He could hear Loki laughing to himself as he started up the stairs. 

 

At first Tony was impatient with himself, but pretty soon he calmed down and got ready without skipping corners. It felt like a really long time passed. Tony didn’t have a good sense of when he’d left dinner. He glanced at a clock before rolling over in the bedsheets. For a while he laid there, fussing with his hair. Loki was taking too long. 

Tony sat up. Maybe he should go downstairs and get Loki. The plug inside him shifted uncomfortably as he stood up, hearing footsteps in the same moment. He barely had time to sit back down on the bed, and not nearly enough time to arrange himself to be anything remotely sexy, before Loki came in. He shut the door with a soft thud. 

Loki shucked off his jeans, but that was all that he did before sitting down on the bed. Immediately, Tony’s arms wrapped around him. “How many pans were there?” Tony asked, unable to stop himself from complaining. 

“A million,” Loki said dully. He set a hand on Tony’s shoulder. “Is there something in particular you had in mind?” 

“No,” Tony said. He kissed the side of Loki’s neck, sucking harshly at the tender skin there. “Just fuck me.” He felt fingernails rake up the side of his head, but Loki didn’t move otherwise. “Maybe minus the clothes.” 

The palms of Loki’s hands pressed to Tony’s shoulders, pushing him back a few inches. A slight smile was threatening the corner of his mouth. “Nothing?” Okay, the bastard was definitely grinning now. His thumbs teased beneath Tony’s collarbones, sending a slow pool of warmth to his groin. “You want to be fucked by a massive dick and there’s _no_ fantasy that goes with that?” He asked, his warm breath drifting along Tony’s bare skin. 

“Don’t be a flirt about it!” Tony said self-consciously. 

Wrong move. Loki pinned him to the bed faster than he could think, dropping all of his weight into his hands against Tony’s shoulders and straddling his hips to keep him down. Tony’s heart began to pound. He looked up at Loki with an embarrassed flush on his cheekbones, his hands limp against the bed. Loki’s posture was cold, calculating and dominant, but his eyes betrayed him, tenderness slipping past.

“It’s not like you to not have a fantasy, Tony.” The tone, whatever the fuck it was about Loki’s tone, made Tony writhe against the bed, stomach twisting in anticipation. He grabbed Loki’s hips and gave them a shove, but Loki froze like steel. “Tell me,” he said, slightly sing song. 

Tony’s breath was shorter as he answered. “I really was just looking around online—” Loki’s self-assured, purring laugh cut him off. “I was!” Tony huffed out a breath, shoving at Loki’s hips with more determination. Loki just rocked with it, pinning him back down the moment Tony stopped. Tony dropped his head back against the bed, rolling his eyes. 

Loki’s hand soothed the side of his face, gently brushing back his hair. “Nothing?” He asked in a soft murmur. Tony breathed in through his nose, looking away but knowing that probably gave him away all the same. He bit the inside of his cheek. He wouldn’t give himself away, he wouldn’t. “Then again,” Loki said, the hand that had been on his face cupping the side of Tony’s neck instead, “you had meant to wear it, hadn’t you? Maybe the thought of me helpless and whimpering beneath you—”

“Ahh—” Tony started, just to shut him up, the sound covering Loki’s words. “It was _on sale_.” 

Loki rocked his hips, enjoying his teasing way too much. “No it wasn’t. You left the receipt out on the table.” 

“I—” Tony dragged the sound out, struggling to think of an excuse while the blood needed in his brain was elsewhere. “Just wanted to expand my collection.” 

Loki broke into an amused smile, like he couldn’t take it anymore. “Come on, Tony. Just tell me why you got a penis extender of all things.” 

“You tell me why your clothes are still on,” Tony deflected, turning red. The flush broke all the way down into his chest. “Okay, yes!” He leaned his hips in an anxious twinge to the side, noticing that Loki’s hold was much looser than before and allowed the movement. “I—I got—it because I _did_ think you’d enjoy it, but I—” He had to be beet red, he was sure of it. “Wanted you to use it on me,” he admitted in a near whisper. 

“There. Isn’t that easier?” Loki asked, fucking pleased. He stroked the side of Tony’s face, building up to some big bravado, Tony was sure. “Tell me more,” he said, just as Tony leveraged his chance to break free. 

Tony was halfway up and across the bed when Loki caught him from behind, pulling Tony flush against his lap so that Tony was struggling against his chest. “How the fuck are you so strong?” Tony demanded. “I work out way more than you.” He’d break free if he really wanted to, he knew he could if he really put it to the test, but the grip on him was convincing enough that he had doubts. 

Loki’s lips were at his ear. “Tell me.” His tongue made Tony squirm. A hand slipped around his boner with a hell of a lot more persuasion than expected. 

Tony groaned, bucking back and slamming into Loki’s chest without meaning to. Loki’s thumb teased the head in reply, which was totally not fair. Tony ground back at the answering erection catching against his ass through the cotton boxers Loki wore, but it only seemed to encourage Loki. 

Tony watched that pale hand tug down his engorged length, oblivious to the fact that the grip on him was no longer keeping him there. He shut his eyes, trying and failing to win against the distraction. He knew Loki wouldn’t really force the fantasy from him, but Loki had shared some of his dirtiest ones with Tony, it was only fair that he reciprocate. Hell, Loki had even told him the one that involved the horse. “Fine,” Tony breathed out. 

Loki’s lips met the sensitive spot between his neck and shoulder. Tony let out a shaky breath. “I—” Tony started. “Really—like—” Now the hand was prodding him on, the way Loki knew he liked, fucking cheater. “The idea of you making me take more than I can take.” 

Tony expected a laugh, but he got nothing. Just silence. 

It took Tony a few seconds to recognize what that meant. Loki knew there was more to it, of course he did, the clever bastard. “More than we’ve played at before,” Tony mumbled. “Like could you maybe—” Tony locked up until those lips found his shoulder. “Go full villainous asshole mode on me?” Suddenly he was grateful that his back was to Loki. “Same rules and stuff as usual, just act like—make me?” 

Loki remained still, giving him a chance to say more. Tony had said all he’d felt he needed to. “But for future reference, I hope that whimpering helplessly beneath me thing is up for play—”

He was thrown face down against the mattress, Loki crawling over him before he even had time to let out a surprised groan. The weight pressing into his back sent a long, rattling shiver down his spine. He turned his head to the side. In his limited vision, he saw Loki yanking his long hair free of his ponytail and tossing it against the floor. The needy moan that escaped him was entirely involuntary. 

Pressure was at his shoulders and Loki’s soft hair was brushing against his neck as Loki whispered into his ear, “Then you’ll get exactly what you want.” 

The growl under that promise made a wave of arousal sweep through Tony, but he couldn’t help saying, “about the whimpering helplessly thing?” 

There was a sharp smack against his ass. “Oww,” Tony muttered, mostly for show. Now that Loki wasn’t pining him in place he started to get up, but Loki knew him better. He groaned as the second smack struck. “Fiiine,” he said, flopping back down. 

Loki had spotted the plug. Tony felt it tease to the side as Loki held his hip down, but there was only a brief tug or two before Loki left it in. Curious, Tony turned to see what he was doing. Loki was halfway through taking his shirt off, his abs slightly clenched as the shirt was pulled over his head. Tony smiled to himself before turning back around and hiding his face before he could get caught. 

From the corner of his eye, Tony saw Loki’s boxers hit the floor. 

“About time,” Tony muttered. Loki shoved his head against the pillow in retaliation, but it was too brief to be much fun. 

“Stay still.” 

Tony heard the rattling of one of their toy boxes beneath the bed. He propped himself up onto his elbows, watching while Loki’s head was bowed. “Not those,” Tony said, spotting the metal handcuffs. 

Loki fixed him with a particularly unimpressed stare. “Isn’t this supposed to be about me giving you orders? Isn’t that what you want?” 

“Yeah, but I’m bored of those.” 

Loki rolled his eyes. “You’re terribly demanding.” 

“Well yeah. That’s how I get what I want.” 

Loki held up his hands as if in the defeat, abandoning the toy box. He rose, nudging it back under the bed with his foot. “What’re you doing?” Tony asked as he went to the dresser. Loki didn’t answer. 

One of Loki’s soft scarves flashed in his hands. When he turned around, it was held taut between both hands. Tony had shifted up to sit on his knees, but shuffled back when he caught the feral look Loki was giving him. “I’ll just slip free,” Tony told him, edging closer to the end of the bed. He caught himself smiling, thrilled that Loki was playing along. 

Tony tried to school his face back into something more serious. 

“How?” Loki asked. “You have no where to go.” 

Loki twirled the end around his hand. A glint hit his smile. It was particularly neurotic. Heat washed over Tony’s skin. The sheets twisted around him as he pressed his back to the headboard. 

“Just admit it’s your natural state to be ruled.” 

Tony had about ten seconds to make up his mind to flee the bed or not. 

“Isn’t that what you crave? Being beneath me?” 

Tony scowled at Loki’s arrogance, then decided he would try to outmaneuver Loki. Loki took a step closer to Tony’s side of the bed. “Just lay down and be good, Tony. I’ll give you what you need.” 

Tony leapt off the end of the bed, spine curling with adrenaline as he aimed for the door. He felt the presence at his back before he felt Loki’s hands snatch his hips. Tony let out a sound of surprise. He’d intended to get farther. 

He struggled, Loki’s grip slipping. Tony began thinking he’d make it to the door when Loki’s weight came at him from behind instead, elegantly pinning him against the wall. “Maybe you have to be taught,” Loki gritted out, catching Tony’s wrists. Tony allowed it, trying not to be obvious about leaning back to feel Loki holding him to the wall. Once Loki secured the scarf, he didn’t fuck around. 

Tony was marched back to the bed and shoved down onto it. He rolled onto his back only to have Loki straddle him, nipping at Tony’s lips until he opened and let Loki in. Tony gave in embarrassingly fast, desperately returning whatever of the kiss he could manage. Loki didn’t leave many options. He controlled the action with one hand in Tony’s hair, making Tony feel helpless. 

Tony didn’t know how long it lasted, just that he felt amazingly delirious about it.

Loki dragged Tony’s bottom lip between his teeth before allowing Tony the chance to breathe. Tony gasped at the colder air, sweltering heat leaving his lungs.

Loki’s thumbs flicked his nipples as he leaned up and Tony groaned at the friction at their hips. Loki was flushed now, his hair messier than before. Calculation and focus had set in where his humor had been, and Tony recognized the familiar tells of his lust. Loki’s breath was no longer steady, his panting easily noticed. 

They held eye contact for a moment, and then Loki was getting up. Tony didn’t have to ask why. 

Tony closed his eyes and pulled in a few shaky breaths, trying to catch himself again. When his heart rate had slowed down enough to be comfortable, he turned his head to the side, the blankets cool against his warm skin. Then he noticed that Loki was having a problem. 

“It’s fucking—” Loki started with a frustrated, embarrassed half-whisper when he saw Tony shuffle over beside him. 

“A little lube and keep the air out,” Tony said reassuringly. He sagged against Loki, trying to soothe out some of the nervous tension coiling in Loki’s muscles. He rested his head on Loki’s shoulder as he watched, somewhere between trying to be supportive and just turned on and there for the show. 

“The loop is too tight—”

“Lube,” Tony said. He kissed the side of Loki’s face, noting that Loki flinched when he did. Still frustrated then. “Took me like, six tries,” Tony said. A breath shuddered out of Loki’s chest. 

“I didn’t think this thing would be such a pain in the ass.” 

“Hey. It’s going to be a pain in _my_ ass.” 

Loki smiled, even though they made that stupid joke all the time. “If I can ever get it on.” Tony kissed Loki’s neck, falling towards Loki’s lap a little before he regained his balance. Loki’s hands caught the sides of his biceps and directed him back towards the mattress. It was then that Tony realized Loki had been successful. He craned his neck to the side, trying to see past where Loki was lying over him. He could definitely feel the rubber against his skin. Loki’s self-conscious doubt faded away as Tony stared up at him with certainty in his brown eyes. 

“Come on,” Tony said. He gave an impatient buck of his hips. 

“You should save your strength,” Loki said condescendingly. 

“I won’t need it if you keep going so slow.” 

Loki sat up. Tony’s eyes went straight to the extension. He heard a soft chuckle from Loki. “You’re going to come before I can even get inside you, aren’t you?” Tony glared at him, but he was sure the effect was lost with the way he was flushing furiously. He shifted, his heavy cock swaying in the motion. The dead weight of his bound arms frustrated him as he tried sitting up. 

Loki pushed him back down with a simple shove. While Loki maneuvered one of their pillows beneath him Tony had to comply, but then Tony was left untouched. Loki watched Tony with a slightly manic grin, completely arrogant. Waiting. 

Unable to do much else, Tony eased his legs apart in invitation. He felt obscene, especially when Loki’s hands ran up his thighs, pulling him open. He folded Tony’s legs and bent them back towards his chest like Tony was a toy to be played with. Tony moaned at the thought, stealing a glance at the blue extension. 

The plug slipped free with a wet weight that made Tony twinge, and then Loki’s fingers thrust in, stretching experimentally. “Be rough,” Tony said. 

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Loki said coldly, playing right along. Tony sighed, but the fingers became cruel, teasing his prostate until Tony choked out a noise. “Shut up and take it.” 

Tony smiled, slightly amused to hear Loki’s otherwise articulate and introspective voice turn sharp and thoughtless. The humor was gone though when he felt the wet, new addition of lube and realized what Loki was about to do. The head of the toy nudged against his entrance. Loki’s eyes met his, a question lingering. Tony gave the slightest nod. Slowly, Loki eased in, spreading him open in a steady push. Tony sucked in a sharp breath. Loki stopped, only halfway there. Overwhelmed, Tony drew a breath in through his nose and nodded. When he felt Loki’s hips he let out a loud moan, unable to really conceive of just how deep it was. 

There was a burn to it, but nothing that Tony thought he wouldn’t get past. He only had to adjust. It was—huge, obviously. Tony squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, trying to center himself. 

It was oddly intimate when they’d been playing only seconds before. One hand squeezed the hold behind Tony’s knee, seeking and giving reassurance. Tony let out a breath, searching for Loki’s steadying gaze. This was more challenging than he’d thought it’d be. Loki waited, the showmanship from earlier gone, green eyes locked onto his. Tony managed half of a smile. 

“I said rough,” Tony said. “And try to angle it just right, okay? I wanna get fucked, not serenaded.” The breathlessness in his voice didn’t really help his cheekiness, but Loki picked up on it all the same. He smiled, shaking his head. 

Then he started to laugh. 

“What?” 

“You,” Loki said fondly, wiping under his eye. Tony’s legs relaxed and came down from his chest a bit as his face froze in suspicion. Loki leaned forward, hands rubbing circles against Tony’s hips as he smiled unabashedly. “You want me to go into asshole mode and you’re still the one making demands.” Tony smiled, suddenly getting the humor. 

“I was going to play along and beg for mercy in another thirty seconds,” Tony promised. 

“Right.” 

“I was!” 

“You always talk your way out of character whenever we role play something.” 

“No I don’t. What about the pizza guy one? I was good at that one!” 

“You had one line.” 

“That’s only because you were impatient.” 

“We both know you were dying to make a dick in a box joke,” Loki said. “If I’d given you a half second more—”

“How could I not make that joke?” He’d made it before, yes, but it was still good. “I had a pizza box.” 

Loki laughed, the vibration of it felt inside Tony. “Maybe we should argue about it when my dick’s not up your ass?” An awkward smile struck Tony’s face as he shifted uneasily against the toy. “Or better yet,” Loki said, voice dropping low. “You could start begging me to move.” 

“When I said full asshole mode, I meant, like, you acting like you’re making me, not you being an asshole by making me ask for it.” 

Loki pulled back a couple of inches. “Is that so?” 

It was fucking sinful for him to look so good doing it, a thin sheen of perspiration on his flushed skin. He brushed his hair away from his face. Tony cursed his useless arms, wishing he could grab Loki and force him in. The hold on his thighs was strong. 

“You know what to do,” Loki said. 

Tony’s eyes narrowed as he calculated whether or not he had the upper hand. Fuck. He didn’t. 

Loki enjoyed this way too much to cave in, and Tony had meant it when he said he wanted to be fucked. 

“Please,” he said flatly, shooting Loki a dull stare. Loki shoved in the couple inches he’d pulled back, giving Tony a wonderful taste of what could be. Loki’s hand cupped the side of his face. 

“Surely you can do better than that.” 

Tony thought about biting off the thumb that was stroking his cheek. 

“Loki,” Tony demanded, trying to ignore the fact that Loki could probably move him however he wanted to with ease. 

“What?” Loki asked coyly, pressing a kiss to his cheekbone. Tony’s eyes flickered shut for a moment. Loki’s breath reminded him of what that tongue was capable of. Loki rocked his hips no more than was necessary to tease. 

“Please,” Tony said. “Before I get cramps.” 

Loki kissed his cheek again, but it was wet and messy this time, leaving a cold chill in its wake as Loki moved just to the side of his lips. Tony opened his mouth, thinking he was about to be treated to a real kiss, only to find himself left open lipped and wanting. “I’ve heard better than that from you,” Loki said beside his ear. 

“Lo,” Tony said petulantly. 

“Hmm?” Loki’s kisses trailed down his neck, sucking at tender skin. 

Tony turned his head to the side, quietly urging Loki on. Loki’s fingers dug into their hold on him, stroking up his thighs and always avoiding the parts of him that wanted attention most. Tony bit his lips, suddenly aware that he was panting. 

“Please?” He whispered. Loki pulled back a few inches, but not enough to give Tony satisfaction. He spread his legs what little he could. “Please,” he tried louder. “Babe, _please_.” 

“Oh Tony,” Loki muttered. 

Tony’s groan ripped through his throat as Loki finally moved. Sounds began to tumble from his mouth, above the noise of the bed creaking and skin slapping skin. 

“Let me out,” Tony gasped. He struggled to focus his eyes on Loki. “I want to touch you,” he said, almost frantic. 

Loki complied without a word, helping Tony to tug free even as he sucked at Tony’s neck. With the scarf abandoned on the bed, Tony was free to pull Loki in, so needy that there was a painful click of teeth before they got right again. Tony clung to him with greedy hands. 

His toes curled in painfully tight, but it was nothing compared to the way he arched back against the bed as Loki struck a particularly sensitivity spot. He’d never been so full. The thought spurred on what coherency he had left as he panted harshly, trying to burn the feeling into his mind. Loki’s fingers slipped around his cock. 

Tony barely had time to realize before a sweaty tug had him coming all over himself. 

He realized the voice ringing in his ears was his own. 

Loki pulled out, impatiently abandoning the toy. He came before Tony could even think to move. Loki collapsed to the side of him, pressing a fleeting kiss to Tony’s face before flopping onto his back. 

Tony stared up at the ceiling. He realized he was grinning like an idiot. 

A soft laugh fell from from Loki. Tony turned his head, a question on his lips. “I was just thinking,” Loki said. “That if we were at my old apartment, every single one of my neighbors would have heard that.” 

Tony reached over and set a hand on Loki’s stomach, tracing the dip into his bellybutton. “They would’ve,” Tony agreed. 

Loki started to laugh, and even though Tony wasn’t sure why Loki found it as hilarious as he did, Tony laughed along. He rolled onto his side, wanting to soak in the happiness that was radiating off of Loki.

Tony was so, so fucking glad that Loki was out of that place. A lot of the time, Tony liked to pretend that the place had never happened. Loki had always lived at the house. Simple as that. 

“I’m pretty sure they heard us a few times anyway,” Tony said.

Loki sighed, nodding his head. “Probably.” He rolled over onto his stomach and crossed his arms out in front of himself, setting his chin on them. There was still a faint smile on his lips. 

Tony reached over and tucked the black stray strands of hair clinging to Loki’s forehead away from his face. “Shower?” 

“You are full of wonderful ideas today,” Loki said. Tony preened a bit. He couldn’t help it. 

Tony set a hand on Loki’s ass as he sat up, caressing the soft curve. “Or maybe I can lay here and you can massage me instead?” Loki suggested. 

Tony gave him a sharp little smack the way he knew got Loki bothered. There was the slightest shift in his hips. Tony could tell he was trying to hide it.

“Keep dreaming,” Tony said. “Maybe you’ll get lucky in the shower.” 

 

He did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some risks on this one, so I hope they paid off. :) Thanks for being patient on an update!


	20. Chapter 20

Tony stared down at his phone, his thumb hovering over the send button. 

It had been almost a week, and he still hadn’t heard from Steve. A faint, barely perceptible film of sweat lingered at the back of his neck. Waiting wasn’t helping. His watch buckle brushed past his cheek as he ran a hand through his hair. 

He pressed send. 

The words lit up on his screen. _Hey. Can you grab dinner Thursday night?_

The cold countertop pressed into Tony’s back as he leaned against it from the barstool. The answer was almost instant. _Yeah. Bucky’s in town, I’ll bring him along. It’s been a while since he’s seen everyone._

Tony brought his hand to his mouth. He curled his fingers as he scratched his beard in thought. Fuck. 

Well, yeah. They usually did do things as a group. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d done something with Steve one on one. 

_I mean just you and me._ Tony sent the text before he could think about it too much. 

He could see that Steve was writing something back, but it was taking a while. Tony glanced over the empty kitchen. The sun had just gone down, and the house felt too empty. 

His phone buzzed. _I can’t say I’m a homewrecker._

It took Tony a moment to guess what he meant. Was he joking? Was he being a sassy shit on purpose? 

He wasn’t asking Steve out like a date or some shit.

Tony opened his mouth as if to say something. It felt shut with a sharp click. He was debating with himself when a second text came in. _And I can’t leave Bucky on his own._

Oh. So that was a definite no. 

Fucking Steve, why was he making this difficult? Maybe Steve just didn’t get it. _We need to talk about what happened at the party._ Tony tried explaining. _I need to talk to you about some of the things that have been said._

It was direct. Steve had to understand now. Tony watched the screen for a minute before he realized that Steve wasn’t typing back. He couldn’t see any sort of response, but he knew that it had been read. 

Maybe he should’ve called, but he hadn’t really wanted to have the conversation over the phone. 

A couple more minutes went by. Maybe Steve felt really bad about it and just didn’t know what to say. _When can you do dinner?_ Tony tried again. 

Two more minutes and nothing. Tony heard the door to the garage opening. He brightened, relieved that Loki was home. He set the phone down on the counter, quickly getting up.

Loki practically marched into the kitchen, shoulders hunched in as he kept his head bent slightly forward, feet hitting the ground a little too hard. He didn’t glance in Tony’s direction. “What’s wrong?” Tony asked. 

Loki stopped, almost startled, before his eyes briefly met Tony’s. It was almost as if he hadn’t realized Tony was there. “The—” He licked his lips. “Car’s—” He turned his head towards the hallway. “Check engine light came on and I just—I _just_ had it inspected.” His words were tight and coiled, bordering somewhere between angry and panicked. 

“Maybe the gas cap is loose,” Tony suggested. 

“No,” Loki answered emphatically. “That’s not it.” 

“There’s a code reader—” Tony started. 

Loki cut him off, strained and impatient. “I knew the catalytic converter was going to have to be replaced soon.” He closed his eyes for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I just fucking paid for the—”

“Let me check it first,” Tony interrupted. Loki was on the edge of meltdown mode, he could tell. “I’ve got a reader out in the garage, I do maintenance on my cars all the time. Let me look at it, okay? Let’s see what it is first.” Loki pressed his lips together, frowning. “It’ll take five minutes,” Tony said. “Give me your keys.” 

Loki dug into his pocket, then silently handed them over. 

Tony smiled at him, trying to assure the worried doubt in Loki’s expression. “Five minutes.” 

Loki followed him into the garage. Tony grabbed the reader and got into the car, trying to be relaxed about it in the hope that it would rub off on Loki’s tension. “The light comes on for different things,” Tony said. “It might not be that bad.” Loki’s fingers were pressing tightly into his biceps with his arms crossed, but he didn’t argue. 

Tony held his breath, hoping for the best. 

“Well,” Tony said, getting out of the car. He wound the code reader’s cord into a circle. “You were right.” Loki’s eyes darted up towards the ceiling like it had personally wronged him. “But it’s only like, nine hundred bucks to get that fixed,” Tony said, trying to reassure him. That was nothing. Easy. Not so bad.

“ _Only?_ ” 

Loki clearly thought he’d made his point, but Tony just sort of stared blankly back at him. 

“Lo,” Tony soothed. “It’s an old car. It’s going to need a lot of repairs. Why don’t you just get a new one?” 

Loki looked at him like he’d grown an extra head. “Seriously,” Tony said. “You’ve got a job now, Lo, why don’t you just—”

“I’m in my first year!” 

Loki’s hands fell to his sides and he flexed his fingers, suddenly looking ashamed. He dropped his voice. “I—my company owes money on the building and there are start up costs. It’s not like there’s some huge reservoir for me to pull from, and I can’t afford to be sloppy about it—the car—I will just make the repair.” Loki wove his fingers together before running them over the top of his head. “Sorry,” he quickly added, short and crisp. 

Tony tried to give him a sympathy smile, but it felt awkward. “A lot of businesses have debt, Lo.” Tony set the reader down. “It’s how—”

“I know.” Loki had crossed his arms again, avoiding Tony’s gaze. “I know. But ninety-five percent of businesses fail in the first five years. I can’t—” He licked his lips. “Thank you for checking with the reader. I’m going to go get dinner started.” 

“Do you want to borrow one of my cars this week?” Tony asked. A horrified expression crossed Loki’s face. “What?” 

“If something happened to one of your cars while I was driving it, the cost—” He shook his head. 

“You drive mine all the time,” Tony said. 

“When you’re there with me,” Loki answered. He wasn’t making any sense. Tony took a deep breath, wondering if it was just Loki’s anxiety. 

He may not have had the level that Tony did, but he had something, Tony thought sometimes. “Why don’t,” he said, voice low and measured to be casual. “You just think about getting another car? You’re not living in that apartment anymore, Loki. You can afford it—”

“No.” Loki drew in a breath, obviously controlling himself. “It’s mine. I’m keeping that car.” 

Tony had planned to talk him down, he really had, but hearing Loki’s last sentence just made the words fly out before he could realize he’d said them. “But it’s a beater.” 

“It’s perfectly _fine_.” 

“The sun visor falls out of the roof sometimes!” 

Loki scowled, and this time Tony felt it. It was a vicious, wounded scowl that made his chest seize. “I love that car and I’m not getting rid of it.” His jaw tensed. He was ready for an argument, set on it maybe. Tony found he didn’t really want one. 

“You’re confusing sometimes, you know that?” Tony ran his tongue over his teeth, then shrugged. “Fine, keep the thing. It’s your choice.” Tony scratched the back of his neck. “Do what you want, Lo.” 

Loki’s eyes widened by a fraction before he dropped his shoulders, like the wind had fallen out of his sails. His intense gaze set on Tony long enough for Tony to decide that he was uncomfortable. “I’m going to go back inside. You decide if you want help with dinner or something.” Without another thought he headed towards the door to the house. 

“Sorry.” He heard behind him. “Sorry. I was upset about it and I—took it out on you. Sorry.” 

Tony turned back around, bumping into Loki by surprise. He hadn’t realized that he was so close. “Don’t—say sorry about it,” Tony said. He patted Loki’s arm before holding it for a moment, staring at his chest. “I know. Let’s just go back inside.” 

Tony let go, turning around. He set a foot onto the step up to the door before he heard Loki’s voice. “Are you embarrassed?” 

Tony looked over his shoulder. There was an odd, restrained look on Loki’s face. “About what?” 

“The car.” 

Tony hooked his thumbs into his belt loops. Loki had never asked him like this before. 

“No,” Tony lied. 

“I got used to it,” Tony said, closer to the truth. Loki watched him, green eyes reserved and careful. His hair was in a loose ponytail, and it looked good on him. Tony decided to daydream about that and head back into the house when Loki didn’t immediately say anything. 

As they walked into the kitchen, Tony remembered the phone. He hurried over. 

Nothing. 

Fucking Steve. He slipped it in his back pocket. “I’m going to go down to the lab.” 

“Uhh—” Genuine amusement flickered across Tony’s face. Loki was not one to uhh and umm all the time. “Weren’t you going to help me with dinner?” 

“Sure,” Tony said. He’d really prefer the lab, but Loki’s uncertainty meant he felt needed. “What did you have in mind?” 

“I’m going to make soup. You can chop the carrots?” 

“I think I can handle that.” 

It was easy enough. Tony couldn’t help but notice that Loki’s expression flitted between angry and concerned as he prepared dinner, as if he still couldn’t decide if he was pissed about earlier or not. Tony decided to let it go. He was too busy checking his phone to worry anyway. 

Tony suggested that they eat dinner in front of the TV, though it wasn’t their norm. Loki agreed. It was comfortable. When Tony finished eating, he laid down, keeping his feet curled up so that they didn’t land in Loki’s lap. He heard Loki set his bowl on the coffee table. He was too invested in the show to look over. 

Then Loki laid down in front of him, his back to Tony. 

Tony was so baffled by it that it took him awkwardly long to realize that Loki couldn’t really fit there without falling off the other side a bit. Tony scooted so that his back was up against the couch, making room. Then he propped his head against the armrest so that he could still see the TV. Loki’s shampoo smelled good. 

Tony wrapped his arm around Loki. In reply, Loki’s weight relaxed against him. 

Fuck. They needed to get into more confusing arguments! 

Tony smiled to himself, holding on to Loki and breathing in. A deep, heady contentment set in. 

He floated on that high, watching the TV with a dumb grin on his face. 

His phone buzzed on the coffee table. Loki’s arm plucked it off the table before Tony could tell him to leave it. Tony opened the hand that had been holding on for Loki to drop it into. Loki’s fingers slipped against his as he let go. Tony flipped to the message without removing his arm from around Loki. 

_Dear Tony,_

_I know a lot has happened_  
_these past few years._  
_I’m glad you have Loki_  
_and that you seem happy._  
_For a couple years there,_  
_I didn’t think times like_  
_now could exist. You’ve_  
_come a long way._

_I’m sorry you felt like I did_  
_the wrong thing all those_  
_years ago. I did the best I_  
_could following up on_  
_your parents. Your mental_  
_state wasn’t the best then_  
_and I worried about you,_  
_Tony. I tried to do right_  
_by you. I’m sorry. It was_  
_the best I could have done._  
_I hope someday you can_  
_understand._

_I hope you have some_  
_sense of closure now._

_You are a good friend and_  
_we have been through a lot_  
_together. I hope this argument_  
_doesn’t change that._  
_If you need me, I’ll be there._

_Steve_

Tony didn’t move. He just stared. 

“I can see what that says,” Loki said. There was a sharp, alarmed edge to his voice. Tony blinked, but his brain was stalling like an engine.

Loki rolled onto his other side, facing him. Suddenly a cold hand was at his face. Loki’s thumb brushed over his beard. 

Tony bristled, dropping the phone. “It’s fine,” he said, flinching his head away to the side. “I just have to text him back.” He wasn’t looking at Loki. He wasn’t looking at anything, really. He started to get up, fumbling over Loki as he tried to pick the phone off the floor. Somehow, he ended up between Loki’s legs. 

The look on Loki was too intense, so Tony focused on the phone instead. 

He didn’t know what to write. 

“What are you saying to him?” Loki asked. 

“Uhh—”

Oh, great. Now he was the one uhh-ing. 

“You know what?” Tony put the phone down. “Maybe not right now. I, yeah, I can answer that later.” He smiled. He didn’t like the concern on Loki’s face. Steve had said sorry, hadn’t he? 

Then why didn’t it feel better? 

It felt… 

“You didn’t make desert tonight,” Tony said. “You got something in the fridge that’s left over or am I going to get my head bitten off for snagging your latest creation?” 

“Tony.” 

Loki’s hands found his hips just as he was thinking of getting away. 

“I can’t deal with this right now, Loki.” 

It was more forceful than he’d meant, but Loki didn’t seem put off. He just ran his thumbs up Tony’s hipbones. Loki was careful, studying him rather than answering right away. “Then let’s go back to watching TV.” 

Tony couldn’t tell what the tone was. He didn’t care. He just laid back down, finding himself wedged in front of Loki instead. At least he was comfortable.

But now he couldn’t watch TV. And he didn’t want to think about Steve. He could go down to the lab, but Loki was holding him. And that felt good. Tony did his best to roll over to face Loki. He went in for a kiss with just a hint of doubt, but then there was a hand in his hair pulling him in, and all caution leapt out the window. 

It was fast and dirty and Tony couldn’t remember the last time they’d fucked on the couch. All he cared was that at the end of it he was too tired to think, and Loki’s fingers were still combing through his hair as he closed his eyes, his head on Loki’s chest.


	21. Chapter 21

The next morning they stumbled around each other in the kitchen, both trying to pour coffee into go cups and gather their things for the day. Even with hardly having spoken to each other, Tony knew that Loki had slept as poorly as he had. Well, maybe a little better, but he acted just as tired. It was simply one of those mornings. 

Tony snapped the lid onto his cup, remembering about Loki’s car. He down and grabbed Loki’s wrist as his boyfriend rummaged through the silverware drawer beside him. 

Tony gave Loki’s wrist a reassuring squeeze, keeping his gaze down as he rubbed his thumb back and forth. “Lo,” he said quietly. “I’ll order the part today. You just pay me back, alright?” He let go, rubbing his nose before needlessly adjusting the coffee lid. 

“But it has to be installed—” Loki started, his voice still gravely from sleep. It cracked halfway through. 

Tony kept his attention trained on the counter. “Let me do it, okay? It’s not a big deal.” Finally, Tony glanced up to find Loki staring at him with uncertain vulnerability, an argument on the tip of his tongue. “Please?” Tony tried. 

“But—”

“Thanks is good enough,” Tony said, before Loki could finish. Tony rubbed at his eyebrow as a self-deprecating smile and guilty eyes kept him from watching Loki’s reaction. “I won’t hold it against you, okay?” Tony picked up his coffee cup, trying to give Loki a real smile. “Promise.” It hurt his chest a little to say, to mean it so earnestly. 

After all, it was sort of his fault that Loki had issues with Tony lending him any financial help. It wasn't like Tony had done anything to dissuade him of that when they’d started dating. 

Loki’s defensiveness faltered, his eyebrows briefly flinching together before sympathy softened his eyes and he lightly touched Tony’s arm. “Text me a picture of the receipt.” Loki’s grip tightened. “I’ll make burgers tonight,” he said, yawning halfway through and releasing Tony to cover his mouth. 

“You don’t have to,” Tony said. Loki knew they were his favorite, but Tony really was trying to cross into uncomfortable territory and help out. It still made his stomach twinge a little. 

“I want to.” Loki plucked what he’d wanted out of the silverware drawer and pushed it shut. “You’re going to be late,” he said, dropping the fork into a brown paper bag. Tony didn’t know if he wanted to pursue it further or take it as a win. “Thank you,” Loki said when he still hadn’t moved. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Tony answered. He took a sip of his coffee and then went to grab his keys off the table and head for the door, knowing that Loki wasn’t far behind him. 

 

When he got home, there was the smell of cooking in the air, but it was light enough that Tony knew Loki hadn’t been at it for very long. He walked into the kitchen and slumped down on a barstool. 

Loki was far more alert than when Tony had seen him that morning, but there was a sluggishness in his pace, and now Tony was awake enough to notice the bags under Loki’s eyes. “You didn’t sleep last night?” Tony asked. 

Loki set a pan down. “I slept, it was just light, worthless crap.” He went to the fridge. “You were tossing and turning too.” 

“Yeah. I think it was the weather.” Tony undid his tie. “You don’t have to do this tonight, Lo. We can get something delivered.” 

Loki waved him off. “I’ve done far more on nothing but an hour’s sleep and a hangover from hell.” He popped open a spice jar. “I’ll be fine.” 

Tony didn’t have the energy to make something of it, so he let it go. “I got your part. I’ll put it in this weekend.” 

“I already put the money on your nightstand.” Grabbing a different spice jar, Loki twisted off the lid. 

“Thanks.” Tony glanced towards the fridge, but didn’t really want to get up off his ass. “Want to grab me a beer out of the fridge?” 

Loki paused in the middle of what he was doing and glanced up at Tony. He didn’t look particularly enthused. “I’m shaping the patties right now,” he explained. 

Oh. Tony got up. “You want one?” He asked, taking a bottle off the shelf. 

“I’m fine.” 

Tony sat back down, intending to drink and space out while Loki worked. His mouth watered as the scent of the burgers cooking hit the air. He listened to them sizzling away with a contented ease. 

“Did you text Steve back?”

Tony was jolted out of his reverie. He hadn’t planned on having this conversation. “No.” 

Loki stayed beside the stove. “Are you pissed?” He asked levelly. 

Even though Tony had meant to avoid talking about it, the question derailed him. “Not as much as I thought,” he answered honestly. 

“Why not?” As hard as Loki tried to make his voice sound even on that one, there was a caginess to it that gave away what he really thought. Tony strained to not roll his eyes. 

“Steve’s been a close friend for a long time,” Tony said. “I’ve known him forever.” Unpleasantly, the words didn’t make Tony feel better. They just masked something unsettling that he didn’t want to poke at. “He…fucked up,” Tony said, because it seemed like they’d established that and it was fine to say. 

Loki rapped the spatula against the side of the pan. Tony wasn’t sure if it was part of cooking or not. “That’s all?” He asked. Tony stared at Loki, brushing his thumb down the neck of the bottle, wondering what Loki was getting at. 

“He _did_ ,” Tony said. He wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to say. 

Loki sighed, but his back was to Tony and he was staring down at the stove. Tony took a long drink. “I know you’ve—known him a long time,” Loki said. He flipped a burger over. “But I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak about Steve with fondness.” 

Tony scowled. “Yes I have,” he said. “Lots of times. You’re just remembering the bad stuff.” 

Loki flipped the other burger, keeping his back to Tony. “You can outgrow your friends,” Loki said. The degree of detachment that Loki spoke with got under Tony’s skin. 

“We’re not doing this right now,” Tony said.

“Alright,” Loki agreed so quickly that it left Tony dumbfounded. “I put truffle oil on half the fries. Do you want ketchup?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said because he didn’t know how else to respond. 

Loki didn’t bring it up again that evening and neither did Tony, to his surprise. They went to bed without arguing and Tony actually managed to fall asleep comfortably beside Loki without thinking or worrying about it. 

 

Of course, Tony couldn’t avoid it forever. He didn’t text Steve back, but it wasn’t for any reason other than that he hadn’t decided what to do. The weekend came faster than he thought, and Tony found himself working under Loki’s car on Saturday morning with the music up too loud. 

Now that Tony had complete access to Loki’s car, he’d checked a few other things. 

And Loki’s car needed other repairs. 

Badly. 

So Tony pretended to run out to the store because he needed a special wrench when really he was just buying filters and crap that Loki had been too cheap to replace. Or maybe hadn’t known to replace. Tony’s stomach churned. Hadn’t been _able_ to replace. 

And Tony had never really known or been close with anyone that couldn’t afford to do things. It had taken him a long time to understand that when Thor said Loki’s parents weren’t helping him out, they _weren’t helping him out_. Loki’s fridge hadn’t been sparse because he’d been lazy.

Tony still didn’t really get it sometimes. It was just easier to put automatic timers on the lights than watch Loki fuss over them, in the end. 

In all, it was under three hundred bucks to do all the extra maintenance and he’d decided that he wasn’t going to tell Loki about it. As much as he hated the voice twittering away in his head that he was finally becoming the sugar daddy Loki’s parents had always assumed he was, the image in his head of Loki bleeding out from a car wreck because he hadn’t made some repair was a hell of a lot more convincing. 

And Tony didn’t want to watch Loki squirm over the amount, even though he was certain that Loki would insist on paying it. Three hundred dollars was nothing to him, so he’d rather just do it. 

The car was easy compared to the things that Tony was used to working on, and it left his mind to wander. He’d tried using the music to drown his thoughts out, but it just wasn’t working. 

_You can outgrow your friends_. 

Those words had caught in repeat on Tony’s mind. 

Oil smeared across his face as Tony rubbed at his cheek. 

A deep breath fell from his chest. 

Is _that_ what this was? 

He thought back to Steve’s text. 

_I worried about you._

_I’m sorry. ___

_I tried to do right by you._

__Hadn’t Steve always? Hadn’t Steve always told him to get up and try again, and not treated him like those kiss-ass fucks at school that would bend over backwards in the hope that Tony Stark played favorites all while watching him get trashed for the hundredth time?_ _

__Steve had worried about Tony._ _

__And Tony hadn’t had a lot of people that did that for him. Not at that point in his life._ _

_For a couple years there, I didn’t think times like now could exist._

__Hadn’t they all? Hadn’t every single one of his friends had thoughts like that about him? They must have._ _

__Tony felt so fucking guilty for those years._ _

__He’d been such a pain in the ass for his friends, the only fucking friends he’d ever had. He was ashamed by it, if he thought about it now. There was so much of it that he wanted to block out._ _

_You’ve come a long way._

__He had, he really fucking had._ _

__And Loki was a big part of that, even though he wasn’t all of it. Tony had worked fucking hard to get here._ _

__He turned his head towards the house._ _

__He’d fought like hell for this life._ _

__To be competent enough to run his own company. To succeed in it. To not go spiraling back into drugs and sex every time he needed a break from reality._ _

__Well maybe he hadn’t done as well on the sex part, but Loki was the best decision his dick had ever made._ _

__Why did Steve’s text make him feel like shit?_ _

__Tony pulled his phone out, navigating back to the text, not for the first time in the past few days._ _

_I’m sorry you felt like I did the wrong thing all those years ago._

__Steve did do the wrong fucking thing!_ _

__But Tony wasn’t sure that he could blame Steve. He’d been so hard on them, he’d overdosed and fuck, he’d been through this before and worked on forgiving himself in therapy, but that didn’t wipe the slate clean._ _

_If you need me, I’ll be there._ Steve…Steve wasn’t cutting him out. 

Tony went back to working on the car, reprieved from the thoughts only as long as it took the next song to come on. _You are a good friend and we have been through a lot together._ Steve thought he was a good friend. Steve wasn’t angry. 

__Tony got out from under the car to get a drink of water. He drained half of the plastic bottle before he got back under the car._ _

For just a couple minutes, Tony couldn’t think about it because some rust under Loki’s car was making the repair difficult, but it didn’t take long to sort out. His thoughts took off again. _If you need me, I’ll be there._

__What was he so angry about?_ _

__Because Steve had fucking told everyone, that was what. And he could be mad about it, Loki said he could be mad about it, Tony wasn't being crazy, it was normal to be pissed about. Steve shouldn't have told everyone._ _

__Unbidden, Tony found another memory drifting up as his hands got lost in the rhythm of repairs. Loki, lying beside him on the bed, eyes marked by a raw, unflattering vulnerability that Tony couldn’t remember seeing on one of his hookups before. It was alluring, fascinating. So often, they just looked back at Tony from whatever persona they’d used getting Tony into bed, and if he looked too close, it was painfully easy to peel away to their excited self-importance or shallow interest that made him feel equally like a means to and end. Yet somehow, Tony had known that Loki wasn’t putting up a front for him. For once, Tony felt like he was lying beside someone like himself._ _

__Messed up like him sure, but there. Really there, with him._ _

__And Tony had yearned to tell him things, and not because he was simply getting things off his chest like all the hookups he’d had before. He never hooked up past the first time, twice if he’d had an exceptionally good time, but the thrill always wore out by the end of it. And this time was maybe the fifth or the sixth time he’d been with Loki. Tony tried to place the memory. He wasn’t sure, but it had been early. And he’d seen that look in Loki’s eyes way earlier than that._ _

__And still, Loki had been such a hard person to figure out. Tony had been out of his depth a lot of the time. But when they laid in bed together afterwards, that was when Tony knew he didn’t want to let this go._ _

__And that feeling hadn’t changed. But it had gotten better. So. Much. Better._ _

__Tony sighed, staring up at the pitiful car above him._ _

__It was almost embarrassing to remember who he was back then._ _

__He had no fucking idea why he was remembering this now when he was trying to figure out Steve, but maybe…maybe he would ask Loki about the text later and see what he said about it. He knew it had set Loki off, but it kind of confused him that Loki was more angry about the text than he was. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around?_ _

__But that was Loki._ _

__Tony rolled out from beneath the car on his scooter, having finished his work there. He opened up the hood. He’d have at least until the afternoon to be thinking about it while he finished up here._ _


	22. Chapter 22

Tony was covered in grease and oil, but Loki was hugging him anyway, looking a bit childlike with that soft happiness in his eyes. “I told you it wasn’t that big of a deal,” Tony said, awkwardly looking away as his arms were pinned to his sides by Loki’s. 

“You spent the whole fucking morning out here,” Loki said.

“I did the maintenance on my cars too,” Tony lied. 

Loki curiously glanced behind them, arms still wrapped around Tony. “What did you do?” 

“Changed the oil, stuff like that.” Tony had to push at Loki a little to break the embrace. “I want to go in and shower.” Loki’s hand reached for his arm. 

“I was going to make a late lunch, do you want something specific?” 

“Actually, Lo—” It was killing him, their timing was so out of sync. Loki’s good mood was something Tony wanted to be on board with, but he’d just spent hours working through his thoughts about Steve and a million other things. He needed that shower to clean out his brain. “I was thinking maybe we could go out somewhere instead of being cooped up here all day?” 

Luckily, Loki didn’t seem to be picking up on the gap between their moods. He thought on it for a brief second before eagerly agreeing. “Where were you thinking?” 

Tony wanted to talk. He was going to ask Loki about the text. “I know it’s a little cold out, but I thought maybe we could grab something and go to the park?” He knew he was going to need to be moving when he was talking, and he didn’t want to be trapped inside a restaurant. 

If Loki thought the park was out of character, he didn’t point it out. “We could get coffee or hot chocolate. And we could take sandwiches, or eat here before we go, or there’s a brewery near the park that we could go to afterwards…” His eyes became a bit distant as he thought it over. 

“Let’s eat something quick here,” Tony decided for him. “If we’re still hungry after the park, we can go to the brewery afterwards.” 

“Okay,” Loki agreed. 

Tony forced a smiled for him, wishing again that their timing was in sync. Maybe he’d feel better when he got cleaned up. “I’ll go get ready,” he said, walking free of Loki’s grip and heading for the door. 

“Thank you for repairing it,” Loki said again behind him. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Tony said, stepping out of the garage and into the house. 

 

Loki talked a lot on the way there, and he’d insisted on driving. Tony enjoyed listening to Loki talk about his company and culinary drama that Tony never could’ve dreamed of, and Loki’s tangent about dress shoes. Plus, he felt a hell of a lot safer than usual in Loki’s car knowing that he’d just fixed it. They stopped at a coffeeshop before they got to the park. Tony tugged his scarf up over his beard as he got out of the car, wrapping his gloved hands around his hot coffee. 

Winter wear was flattering on Loki, even if his short leather jacket was a stubborn protest against dressing for the cold. He’d nicked a scarf from Tony’s collection. The soft blue looked good on him. Loki’s slim gray earmuffs reminded Tony that he’d neglected to wear his own. As the wind caught Loki’s hair, he grinned at Tony above the lid of his coffee cup. “Ogling, Tony?” 

Tony balked. “Just amazed that you have the balls to steal my stuff.” 

“I’ve never seen you wear this one,” Loki answered. “Besides, you wear my t-shirts nearly every day.” 

“You do laundry more often.” 

“Sharon does your laundry.” 

Tony huffed. He took a sip of his coffee, avoiding a puddle on the paved trail. A few joggers ran past them. “Are we still having Bruce out tomorrow?” Loki asked. 

Tony had forgotten about that. “Yeah,” he said. “He told me he’d be by in the late afternoon. I want him to look at a few projects in the lab. Why?” 

“I thought we’d ask him to stay for dinner,” Loki said. 

“That’d be nice,” Tony said, surprised at the consideration of Loki’s suggestion. Then again, it really wasn’t that surprising. “I think he’d like that. I don’t think he goes out very much.” 

A man walking his dog passed. As the trail wound into the woods, fewer people were out. Fortunately, no one had seemed to notice or take interest in him. Tony nervously pushed at his sunglasses before warming himself with a drink. 

They were talking about his friends. Now was probably as good a time as ever. “I haven’t texted Steve back,” Tony said. He braced himself for Loki’s reaction.

Loki’s reply was casual. “You don’t have to.” 

“But I should,” Tony said. 

Loki’s lips twisted into the first unhappiness Tony had seen out of him that day. “There isn’t a should anything. You text him back or you don’t,” Loki said. The relaxed way he spoke his answer eased some of the uncertainty picking away at Tony. 

Tony dug into his pocket. He wrapped his fingers around his phone. “I was, uh—the other day, you told me—I know you saw the text too, and, uh—” Loki had stopped walking. That made Tony stop.

Loki’s eyes were soft and sympathetic, not at all like the anger Tony expected. His hand set on Tony’s arm. “What?” 

Tony drew the phone out of his pocket. “Could you, uh,” Tony flipped to Steve’s text. “Tell me why you were mad about it?” The dead leaves on the ground were a lovely shade of molted, decaying brown beside Loki’s shoes. “Because I’ve been looking at it and I don’t know if it was something he said in the text, or just how Steve and you are, or everything that happened…” 

Gently, Loki took the phone from his hand. Tony hadn’t even realized that he’d been expecting Loki to until he did. “You want me to explain to you what I see in it?” Loki asked. He was being tender, Tony recognized that much. It was the same Loki that held him after one of his panic attacks and spoke until he felt okay again. 

“Yeah?” Cold wind whipped past his face. Tony tugged his jacket up closer. 

Loki took a step to start walking again, so Tony did too. Loki sighed a couple of times before he spoke. “I think Steve is covering his ass while saying what he really thinks.” He scrolled his thumb back and forth on the screen, gliding over the text message but not really reading it. “Don’t you feel patronized?” 

Tony watched Loki, an uncomfortable sensation constricting in his chest. Loki faintly smiled in sympathy, dropping his gaze back down to the screen with a little more determination. “The ‘you’ve come a long way’—you’re not a child, Tony.” 

“But I have. Come a long way.” 

Loki held his gaze for a moment. “Well, sure,” he decided. “But so has everyone else.” He frowned. “That’s not to make less of what you’ve done Tony, I’m just making the point that everyone grows—”

“No, I get what you mean, what you’re saying,” Tony said. He walked closer to Loki, pointedly looking down at the screen for Loki to continue. 

“Steve pointing it out—” Loki made an unpleasant sound with his breath. “It’s—belittling. He makes the whole text sound like you were a burden, like you were some child that had to be taken care of—”

“I kind of was,” Tony half-mumbled, sticking his free hand in his pocket. Loki stopped walking. 

“Do _you_ think that?” 

Tony’s mouth floundered open and shut. Loki closed his eyes for a moment and breathed in, starting to walk again. “Thor never talked about you like that back then.” Tony picked up his feet to catch back up. “I’ve never heard a single one of your friends talk about you like you were a burden, Tony.” He glared off towards the distance. “They worried about you. The only one that’s made it sound like some fucking burden is Steve in this fucking text message, which is bullshit. I’m not saying it wasn’t hard for them, but I also think they’re happy to still have you around. You’ve said it before Tony. You developed an addiction. You got sick. I know it was hard and I don’t really understand what those times were like.” He took a huge breath. “But Tony,” he said. “I do know that you can’t keep kicking yourself over it. And if Steve makes you feel like you should be, he’s a shit friend.” 

Tony pressed his lips together, then took a drink to give himself a moment. “I think I have a lot of guilt problems about those years. I’m—working on it,” he admitted. 

Loki took a sip of his own drink. “I feel like Steve knows that,” he said. “Or if he doesn’t, he’s still using it.” He held the phone out where Tony could see. “That whole second paragraph is him taking the blame off of himself for not listening to you by saying you were in a bad mental state. Fuck the sorry that’s in there, Tony. He’s only sorry that you feel bad about it because that makes things hard for him.” 

Loki glanced at him, then back to the text message. "That 'I hope someday you can understand' is bullshit. It's patronizing, Tony. It's crap. He's dodging the blame and putting it back on you like you can't possibly comprehend something, which we both know isn't true."

Tony wiped his forehead, not sure why he suddenly felt sweaty. Loki's voice softened, becoming more tactful. “Look at it this way, Tony. If Steve had told you something and you shrugged it off and later it turned out to have been really fucking important—wouldn’t you feel awful about it?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said quietly. 

“Maybe Steve was doing his best back then, but even so, he still owes you an apology. And this wasn’t even an apology for the way he was acting at the party.” It was all a bit overwhelming to hear, but Tony knew that Loki was right. “Steve’s—extremely defensive. I don’t think he can admit to himself when he’s wrong, but that is _not your problem_ ,” Loki said. “I bet in his head this was a great fucking text, but his being a stubborn ass is not your problem. And the end of this text message—” Loki stared at it, eyes darting across the text again. “It’s like he’s leveraging your past friendship to make you feel like this is just some petty argument that you’re overreacting on and he’s the good guy by saying he’ll be there.” 

“I’m not overreacting,” Tony stated, not entirely sure of it himself. He’d always been told that he was too loud, too self-centered, too emotional. 

“You’re not,” Loki said. He gave the phone back to Tony. “Steve should’ve apologized for handling what you told him wrong back then, and he should’ve apologized for betraying your trust later on.” Tony slid the phone into his pocket.

“I just—I thought—he’s my friend and he’s always been good to me,” Tony tried to explain. “All those times. And he said he was sorry and I—” He didn’t know. He wasn’t sure. “He said he’d be there.” 

“But he wasn’t,” Loki said quietly. “Maybe he was a good friend to you before, I don’t know. But that doesn’t change what’s happening right now. Does it?” Loki was so fucking patient, it was exactly what Tony needed.

“No,” Tony decided. Hearing himself out loud, it was like some of the fog lifted.

“He can put that half-assed sorry in there,” Loki said, simply explaining. “And say he’ll be there, but it’s just covering up for him not really apologizing and putting the blame back on you. I mean hell, Tony,” Loki said. “He said he’s sorry _you_ felt that way. That’s—a shitty thing to say.” Tony just nodded. “That’s not apologizing.” 

“I think I understand better now,” Tony said. He took a long sip of his drink, disappointed that it was only lukewarm now. “It didn’t occur to me that Steve would be so passive aggressive.” 

“Honestly, he fucked up the moment he sent that text instead of meeting up with you. He at least owes you that much,” Loki said. 

“I needed to hear someone else say it,” Tony tried to explain. “I—you were right. I have a blind spot around Steve.” Tony switched his drink to the other hand. “I just didn’t think that Steve would treat me like this. I guess I didn’t want to see that,” Tony finished quietly. 

“It’s okay,” Loki reassured him. 

“No, I—” Tony was trying to find the right words to say. He wasn’t sure what he was trying to say, exactly, just that he needed to. “Like, Steve’s always been this great guy in my head and maybe this is me really coming to terms with that he’s not.” Tony kicked a stray pebble off of the path. “I guess I wanted Steve to give a shit.” Tony took his hand out of his pocket, away from the phone. “I, maybe, I don’t know. Just wanted him to give a shit.” 

Loki was quiet for a few moments before saying, “He should.” Loki tossed his cup away as they passed a trashcan. “You deserve better than that shitty text.” Loki pushed his hair away from his face as the wind blew. “That’s why I was angry.” At the protective tone in Loki’s voice, Tony’s chest ached with affection. 

“Thank you.” 

Loki looped his arm in around Tony’s, hooking them together at the elbow. “I love you, Tony.” Loki reminded him. Tony took a sip to hide his bashful smile. 

For a while they walked in pleasant, companionable silence. Tony’s mind had stopped buzzing. He was able to just be there with Loki, enjoying the pressure of their linked arms as they walked along. A pair of joggers zipped past them. Tony tossed his cup away as they passed another trashcan. “Do you think we can go home?” Tony asked when the trail had come full circle. “I kind of want to do things to you that aren’t acceptable in public.” 

Loki laughed. “Let’s go home then,” Loki said, drawing Tony in closer with the link between their arms. “I do not want to have a conversation with Thor about us getting off on indecent exposure charges.” Tony started to laugh. “I heard it,” Loki said. “I heard it, fuck, you do not have to point out any plays on words.” 

That only made Tony laugh harder. “You said it, not me.”

Loki groaned. Tony avoided stepping on Loki’s foot as he slumped against Loki a bit while they walked, feeling like everything was right in the world for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's start this new year off right.


	23. Chapter 23

After his conversation with Loki about the text, Tony decided that he didn't want to try and set up another outing with Steve. He just wanted a quick moment to tell Steve that he didn’t accept his apology. That was all he wanted. To just say it. He didn’t want more than that. He’d tell Steve the next time everyone hung out and he had a chance to talk to Steve alone. 

When he ran it by Loki, Loki suggested that Tony have everyone over to their place so he’d be comfortable.

It was pretty laid back, with everyone playing a few rounds of party games together before drifting off into smaller groups. When Tony saw Steve standing around in the kitchen with Sam, he knew there was a good opportunity for a moment alone. He was going to say what he needed to and go back out to the party and continue having a good time. Loki followed, pretending to grab something from the fridge. 

“Sam,” Loki said, “Did I show you the pictures of my new product display? The grocery store on 38th made an end cap for my candy line.”

“No,” Sam said, clearly interested. “They made a whole display for your stuff? That’s awesome!” 

“Come with me,” Loki said. “I haven’t shown them to Thor or Jane yet either.” They went out into the living room. 

Tony stayed beside the counter. 

Steve glanced over at him like nothing was amiss, shoving his hand inside of a bag of chips. 

Tony took a long, cold breath in through his mouth, looking away. He looped his thumbs through his belt buckles. 

“Were you looking for something in here?” Steve asked. “I just saw Clint set some dip out in the living room.” 

Tony glanced towards the doorway. Loki caught his eye from across the other room. He was talking to Sam, Thor, and Jane, but his attention was dead set on Tony. Nodding that he was okay, Tony turned away. Chips crunched between Steve’s teeth. 

When Tony looked back at Steve, he was a formidable, silent force standing casually beside the counter. Tony rubbed his nose. “No, yeah, I uh—saw that.” 

“I was just going to bring these out there,” Steve said, rolling the bag shut. The way it crinkled, it was so. Fucking. Loud. 

Steve moved as if to go back out into the party. “Steve,” Tony said. His chest was so fucking tight. He should’ve taken his meds tonight. 

Steve had paused, waiting. Tony couldn’t look at him head on. He forced a smile, one hand scratching at the back of his head. 

Tony’s eyes were distant before they darted up to Steve. “I don’t,” Tony said, heart starting to pound, “accept your apology.” Steve’s eyebrows shot upward. Tony’s heart pounded faster. “You shouldn’t have told everyone what I said that night, and you shouldn’t have been an ass about it now.” 

“Tony,” Steve said gently, just as Tony’s anger found and seized him. He seethed, feeling nothing for Steve’s worried expression. Maybe that’s why Steve became harder, less yielding. His indignant blue eyes went cold. “I wasn’t being an ass, Tony.” It was that damn commanding voice that—that Tony hadn’t really thought about in the moment like this before. “I don’t understand what you’re upset about—”

“You told everyone, Steve!” Tony kept his voice low, he was proud of himself for that. He didn’t want anyone feeling the need to step in. 

“At Clint’s party?” Steve really sounded dumbfounded, but that only upset Tony more.

“Before then,” Tony said.

Steve seemed to need a moment to think. “Look. It wasn't like that.” It was difficult to hear Steve speak over his heartbeat. “I never did it to hurt you, Tony.” 

Tony shot Steve one of the awful, pitying stares he saved for his most vicious business meetings. 

“I was just—explaining then.” Steve flexed his jaw, thinking it over. “I told you it was my first time with a guy.” 

“Is that supposed to make it different?” Tony asked, throat dry. 

Steve set the chip bag down. “It was—you know. Your first time isn’t supposed to be great. It was just for me to try it out. You knew that. I didn’t think it meant anything to you.”

“We were friends.” 

They stared at each other for a moment, not really seeming to understand the other. 

“And hearing that heaviness about your parents right afterwards was awkward.” 

Tony turned around. “Tony.” Before, that tone would’ve worked on Tony. Tonight it just pissed him off more. “That's all it was. I was just getting it off my chest when I was telling our friends, I didn’t mean for you to hear and get hurt by it.” 

“I’m done here,” Tony said. He started walking back towards the living room where already Loki was making his way towards Tony, face harsh with worry. Natasha stepped out of nowhere, nearly colliding with him. 

Tony stepped backwards towards the wall. Natasha could be scary, so it was disconcerting to see her features suddenly soften with concern. It’d been years since Tony had seen such an expression on her face. “Are you alright?” 

“Me? Always. Yeah. Of course,” Tony said. He thought his smile was convincing, but she set a reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

“You sure?” Tony wasn’t sure where the urge to hug her was coming from. “I’ll listen if you’re not.” He realized she’d been trying for eye contact and he’d been focused on her arm. 

“Right as rain,” Tony said. Loki appeared behind Natasha, warily stepping around her to be closer to Tony. Natasha let go.“You uh, got a couple stray strands from your hair bun,” Tony told him, blurting out the first thing that came to mind. 

Loki briefly exchanged a look with Natasha before telling Tony, “Yeah. Let’s step out for a moment so you can help me put them back in place.” As Loki’s arm snuck around his and they took a few steps forward, Tony just barely made out the sound of Natasha’s voice striking in a dangerous hiss in the kitchen.“Come on,” Loki said beside him, before he could think to turn back. 

The rest of the party seemed normal, no one was watching them or acting weird, but the room did sound muffled. And weirdly kinda bright or whatever. Floaty. 

“You okay?” Loki asked the moment they were out in the hall together. 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “I want a drink, I need to actually fucking party for once—”

“Did you take your meds today?” 

Tony’s mouth dropped open, but then it hit him that no, he hadn’t. And he’d thought it would’ve been a good idea a while ago. Hadn’t he? Wait. Wasn’t it weird that Loki was asking? Why, how’d he know? Belatedly, Tony realized that Loki was staring at him intently. “No,” Tony said. He let out a sigh. “I should, shouldn’t I?” 

“You’re sweating,” Loki said. Tony hadn’t noticed. “Let’s go upstairs. You can take something and change your shirt.”

Tony didn’t pay attention to much as they walked up the stairs, but he could follow Loki without thinking. Loki left him alone in the bathroom to take his meds. He started to twist the bottle open, but got distracted by himself in the mirror, not really seeing anything. “Here,” Loki said, returning through the open door. He extended out a shirt that looked similar to the one Tony had on. 

It took Tony a moment to remember why Loki had brought it, and only then did he look in the mirror and understand why. Tony yanked the shirt off. “Did you take something?” Loki asked, accepting Tony’s old shirt from him. He chucked it away into a hamper. 

“What? Oh. Yeah. No.” When Tony got the new shirt over his head, Loki was filling up a cup with water. It was enough for Tony to realize, in an intellectual sort of way, that he needed to do something. This wasn’t a normal feeling. 

Then he had to think about what he was doing again, and why Loki was there with the water at all. When Tony finally took his pill and set the orange plastic bottle back down, he worked on finishing the rest of his water. He found Loki in the mirror. His arms were crossed and he was leaning against the wall, frowning at the shower. Tony studied him. He didn’t seem angry, or that upset really. Just waiting. It was mind boggling how calm he seemed. 

“Sorry,” Tony said. “I guess confronting Steve like that—my fucking anxiety decided to act up—sorry. Thanks.” 

Loki’s eyes flicked towards him, a soft, comforting smile pulling at his lips. “Anyone would get upset in a situation like that,” Loki said. 

“Did you, uh—hear any of it?” Tony asked, rubbing his forehead and finding an embarrassing sheen of sweat. 

“No.” Loki leaned off the wall. “I didn’t hear either of you. Do you want to sit down?” 

Actually. Now that he’d heard the question, he _was_ lightheaded. “Yeah.” Tony started towards the bedroom and Loki followed, quietly turning on the lights. Tony sat down on the edge of the bed. The mattress dipped with Loki’s weight beside him. “I’m okay,” Tony said.

Loki’s hand set on his knee. 

When he turned Loki smiled at him, so Tony leaned in to kiss him, intent on forgetting about everything else for a while. A hand set against his chest. Loki’s face turned pointedly to the side. Tony pulled away. Loki relaxed. 

For a moment Tony just sat there. Then he remembered that Loki hadn’t heard any of the conversation. “Steve said what I told him was awkward.” 

“What you told him about…” Loki prompted, twisting his fingers together in his lap.

“My parents.” 

Shock hit Loki’s face. It was the only way to describe it, and if Tony hadn’t not really quite been himself, he would’ve found it comical. “I told him I didn’t accept his apology,” Tony added. 

“Good for you,” Loki said. “Yeah, fuck that guy.” He didn’t seem recovered yet, eyes a little wide, hands limp. 

“I’m sorry,” Tony said. “I’m always like this.” There were tears at his eyes, hot and burning. 

“What?” Loki startled when he saw Tony’s tears, baffled and concerned instantaneously. 

Tears poured down his cheeks, filling the void left by everything. “I’m sorry.” Tony rubbed at his eyes. “I—I’m always fucked up and you have to take care of me,” Tony said, halfway between choking on a sob and mumbling. “I can’t just deal with Steve’s shit like a normal person. Instead I’m here like a—” 

Loki’s hand set on his back, silencing him. 

“It’s okay. Let’s talk about this tomorrow, when you’ve had some rest.” He rubbed a circle between Tony's shoulder blades. 

“I’m sorry.” Loki was going to leave, he was probably going to leave with everyone downstairs, they were just going to walk out because he was fucking uncool, Starks weren’t supposed to cry, he’d always been a crier, that’s why he was fucked up, why couldn’t he just be normal, why couldn’t he handle one fucking confrontation? He had confrontations at work all the time, it wasn’t like he was a baby. It wasn’t like he’d even talked to Steve that long, it hadn’t been that big of a deal, he was overreacting and Loki had to be fucking sick of his shit by now—“I’m sorry,” he choked out again a second later.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Loki said. He pulled Tony in towards him, his arms firmly wrapped around Tony as one hand continued in slow circles. “I don’t think you’ll feel like this tomorrow.” Tony let his face fall into the crook of Loki’s neck, slumping against him. Loki smelled familiar. The tears slowed down. 

“Is Tony okay?” 

Tony froze, trying to place the voice coming from the door. “Yeah. He’s just not feeling well,” Loki said, as if Tony wasn’t being a huge fucking embarrassment. He could feel the vibration of Loki’s voice against him as Loki spoke. “I think he’s just coming down with something. A few people in his office were sick this week too.” Gratitude washed through Tony. Thank fuck for Loki’s excuse. He didn’t want everyone to know. 

“Oh. Can I get you something?” The voice asked awkwardly. Clint. It was Clint. Tony felt better knowing that. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, taking in a deep breath. “I’m okay,” Tony said, in a voice that was very much not okay. 

Loki stiffened a little and Tony started to pull back. “Tony,” Clint said, worry giving through. Tony pressed the heel of his palm against his eye, staying turned towards Loki. “Do you uh, want me to tell everyone to go home?” Clint asked. 

“No,” Tony said as Loki said, “Yes.” 

Loki pulled away a bit, his arms dropping to Tony’s hips. “I think that’s a good idea,” Loki said, as much to Tony as Clint. Tony bristled, ready to argue that he could fake a party persona better than anyone and had many times for work events, but Loki quietly said, “You don’t _need_ to go back downstairs. Why don’t you get some rest?” And suddenly, Tony just sort of realized that Loki was right. He didn’t _have_ to. “Are you going to be okay up here for a little bit if I go downstairs?” Loki asked, too low for Clint to hear. 

“Yeah.” Tony nodded his head. “I’m fine, just—yeah. I need to give myself a minute.” Loki’s hand rubbed up and down at the small of his back. “You can go. I’ll be fine.” Loki held his hip for a moment before getting up. Tony let him off the bed, not daring to turn around and face Clint. He listened to Loki’s footsteps softly cross the room, then Clint’s hushed voice from the doorway. Loki’s voice quietly met Clint’s, and as they faded down the hall, Tony slumped down against the bed.

With Loki gone, Tony pulled the covers up over himself. He was out almost immediately.


	24. Chapter 24

Tony had been up for a couple of hours, and Loki still hadn’t stirred. At first, Tony had gone downstairs and had breakfast. He’d checked his e-mails before deciding that he needed to get back on top of his exercise routine. 

He did okay last night. But. 

It still could have gone better. 

Tony pulled on his running shoes and went out the front door. His breath puffed out in front of him in the cool air as he jogged. Tony wasn’t sure how he felt about the night before, but he knew that he was apprehensive. It didn’t matter how many times Loki saw him get like that, Tony always felt unsure afterwards. Slightly guilty. Embarrassed. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Loki was going to say when he woke up.

He was fairly certain that it’d be okay, but it wasn’t like he could just not worry about it. 

When Tony got back inside, he was sweaty and winded. He figured that Loki would be up and moving around by the time he was done showering, but when he finished and went back into their bedroom, the lights were still out. 

Loki was turned away from him, hair curled and twisted around the pillow. Tony watched his chest slowly rise and fall, knowing that he was asleep. A soft smile hit his lips before he realized he was doing it. Tony yanked up his boxers, then wrestled a fresh shirt over his head. At first he was going to crawl in and snuggle up behind Loki, but he knew he wouldn’t be falling back asleep and he didn’t want to wake Loki if he needed the rest. 

Instead, Tony went downstairs and got a cup of coffee before returning with his tablet. Tony snuggled into the warm bed, propped up against the headboard with coffee in one hand and the tablet in the other. Tony had gotten halfway through answering a backlog of pushed off work e-mails when he heard Loki stir. 

Loki’s legs shuffled against the bed a couple of times, almost as if he was dreaming. Then he rolled over onto his stomach. After a moment, Tony found two green eyes staring at him from beneath bedraggled hair. 

“What time is it?” Loki asked, voice breaking with grogginess. 

“Eleven thirty,” Tony said smoothly. 

“What?” Loki rubbed his forehead. “Ten?” 

“Eleven thirty,” Tony said, trying not to smile too much at Loki’s disoriented squinting. 

Loki pushed himself up halfway, arms braced against the mattress. “Fuck,” Loki forced out.

“What?” 

“I have overnight cinnamon rolls in the refrigerator,” Loki said, twisting around to a seated position. “I didn’t think I’d get up this late. I wasn’t going to—” A yawn interrupted Loki’s thoughts. “Leave them in that long.” 

Tony’s heart skipped a few beats as he watched Loki try and force himself to get up. Would he bring up the night before? Loki started to crawl over Tony’s legs, but somehow managed to get himself tangled up with the covers. “Move,” Loki grumbled, pushing at Tony’s legs. 

“Don’t you want to stay in bed?” 

Loki gave him a flat stare like he’d said something particularly stupid. “I have cinnamon rolls.” Tony pressed his lips together, trying not to smile. Loki woke up a little bit more, his eyes narrowing to a glare. “They need an hour and a half to rise before I even bake them.” He started to move again, but Tony had pulled his knees up a little and they got in Loki’s way. “It’s not even going to be breakfast anymore when I’m done with them,” Loki whined, genuinely upset by the thought. 

Tony started to laugh. 

If Loki was worked up over cinnamon rolls, he wasn’t thinking about last night.

“Do you think that’s funny, you fucker?” Loki scowled, shoving Tony’s knees before almost making it out of the bed. Tony grabbed him, pulling him in and kissing his neck as Loki flopped uselessly against his chest. “Let me go,” Loki said, Tony’s arms wrapped securely around his stomach. Tony hid his grin against Loki’s shoulder. “Tony!” 

“Fine,” Tony said, arms dropping down. He gave Loki a playful shove forward. 

Loki glared at him once he was safely off the bed, then seemed to notice something, looking up slightly as he wiped the back of his neck. “Why’s your hair wet?” 

“I went for a jog.” Loki grimaced. “I showered afterwards. That’s not sweat, you big baby.” 

Loki wiped his hand off on his pajama bottoms. “How long’ve you been up?” 

“A couple hours.” 

Loki pursed his lips, eyes setting on the nightstand. “Is that coffee for me?” 

“No,” Tony said. 

Loki sighed loudly, then snatched it off the nightstand. “Hey!” Tony called after him as he started to walk away. “That’s mine!” 

Loki drank it as he sauntered out of the room, walking a little too quickly to be casual, as if he fully expected for Tony to chase after him. Tony flexed his jaw, shaking his head, before he decided to let it go. He smiled to himself while stretching his arms over his head, then got up to follow Loki downstairs. 

 

Tony was given the very special honor of watching the fucking cinnamon rolls while they were in the oven, even though Loki was supposed to be out of the shower before it was time to take them out. Still, Tony kept checking the oven, as if they might spontaneously overcook. 

He felt happy, content even. As he finished off the last of his work e-mails, he realized that he felt lighter too. 

Tony opened a game app just as his phone buzzed. It was a text from Natasha. 

_Want to grab a late lunch?_ Tony glanced over at the oven. He wanted to spend the afternoon being around Loki. 

_Can’t today_ He sent back. The reply was immediate. 

_How about dinner?_  
_I think you'd like the American food place by my apartment._

Tony ran a hand through his hair. The last time he’d hung out with Natasha one on one had been ages ago, when they’d both wanted to see a movie that no one else did. 

He figured she was worried about him after last night. That was okay. He’d go see her and let her know it was alright. _5?_

_Great. I’ll send you the address. See you then. :D_

Tony smiled at the emoji, setting his phone down. Emojis amused Natasha, he was sure. 

Getting up, Tony checked on the cinnamon rolls again by cracking the door open a little, like maybe if he just looked through the glass it’d obscure his view and he’d miss something important. Grabbing himself another cup of coffee, he sat back down. He’d won two games on his tablet by the time that Loki came downstairs. “Nothing’s on fire,” Loki announced, voice laced with suspicion. 

“I’d bet I’ve put out more fires than you,” Tony said. 

“Are you saying that to imply that you put it out already?” Loki asked, walking towards the oven. His hair was dry and straightened. 

“No, I mean it as in I’ve started more than you,” Tony said. “Engineers have fires too.” 

“You are not instilling confidence right now,” Loki answered. Tony grinned as Loki checked the oven timer. Loki hummed to himself, then started to pour himself some coffee. 

“Natasha texted me. I’m going to meet up with her for dinner.” 

Loki stirred creamer into his coffee. “She’s probably worried.” 

“That’s what I thought too,” Tony said quickly. “That’s why I’m going to go see her, let her know that I’m okay.” Tony smiled back when he found Loki studying him from over his coffee. “I’m good,” Tony said, before Loki could ask. “I feel better after last night.” 

Loki relaxed, tapping the spoon against his mug before tossing it into the sink. He came over and sat down next to Tony at the counter. With his elbows propped up on the countertop, Loki sipped his coffee as one knee grazed against Tony’s. “Steve told her a little of what happened last night.” Loki combed his hair back behind his ear. “She confronted him in the kitchen, and I don’t really know what he told her, just that she knew it was about him telling everyone and him not apologizing right.” 

“I guess I can’t exactly expect to keep it a secret,” Tony said dimly. 

“As far as Bruce and Sam and Thor and Jane know, you really are sick,” Loki said. “Thor texted me and said not to come over for a while because he doesn’t want me to pass it to Azalea.” Loki seemed funny about that, but Tony wasn’t going to prod him. “But Natasha hung back after everyone else left, and so did Clint. I knew he was upset.” 

“About what?” 

“You,” Loki said, like Tony was an idiot. He shot Tony a look as if his voice hadn’t done the job, then took another sip of his coffee. “He knew you were crying,” he softly explained.

“Oh.” 

Loki’s hand set on his shoulder. “Don’t be embarrassed. You’ve seen Clint drunk.” The oven timer started to beep. “And there’s nothing more embarrassing than that.” 

Tony smiled, though he wasn’t quite sure if he could make it to a laugh. Loki took the cinnamon rolls from the oven. Tony was figuring out what to say when Loki let out an irritated huff. “I thought this would be more than enough time,” he said, mostly to himself. He shoved them back in. 

“We talked for a while,” Loki said, sitting back down. “Just enough for me to reassure them that you’d be fine. I think Clint worked out what happened on his own. Steve had left saying that he had to take care of Bucky when we were upstairs.” Tony nodded. “I told them you’d be alright.” 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “I just didn’t think I’d have an attack,” Tony said. “I think I was having some derealization with it.” He rubbed his knee. “Thanks for getting me through that, and the shirt, and stuff.” Loki’s hand set on his shoulder, then rubbed at the base of his neck. Fingers absently wandered along the back of his neck, meant to be comforting, but Tony’s spine curled pleasantly all the same. The oven timer went off. 

“You know I don’t mind,” Loki said before standing. Tony watched as he pulled the cinnamon rolls out of the oven, a warm tenderness gripping his chest. Loki made an unhappy sound with his mouth. “I wonder if it’s time to calibrate the oven.” 

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Tony said. He’d put in all top of the line appliances. 

Loki shoved them back in. “I wonder if I made a mistake with the dough,” he said. 

“When’d you make the dough for the cinnamon rolls?” Tony asked, wondering why it’d taken him so fucking long to wonder that.

Loki toyed with the oven timer. “After they left I went back upstairs, but you were asleep. You were—snoring,” Loki said somewhat reluctantly, probably because Tony gave him crap whenever he got accused of it. “I decided to let you sleep, and I thought these would be nice in the morning. I didn’t plan to sleep until fucking noon.” 

“Thanks,” Tony said. 

“Hey, they weren’t just for you,” Loki said, voice playfully preachy. “They’re for me too.” He frowned. “If they ever fucking decide to cook.” 

“I feel better after telling Steve I didn’t accept his apology,” Tony said. “A lot better.” Loki smiled at him, eyes brighter. “I didn’t—plan, think that I’d get so worked up about it. I thought I’d just be able to say something simple and be done. I should’ve had a better grip on things and kept my anxiety down.” 

“That’s not really your fault though, is it?” 

Tony stared at him, searching for a trace of anger, or snide judgment, or uncomfortable pity. He couldn’t find it. Tony’s gaze dropped down to the countertop. Loki wasn’t acting like it was the end of the world. “Yeah,” Tony said, trying it out. “I know.” 

Loki came back over and set his hands on Tony’s shoulders, smiling. A playful edge lurked in his smile, but there was an overwhelming fondness too. That much Tony could see. Loki’s thumbs brushed back and forth as his grip stayed firm on Tony’s shoulders. “I’m proud of you,” Loki said. “I know that was hard.” Tony stared at him, a little dazed. “Almost as proud as when I saw Azalea use her teething ring for the first time, but not quite,” he added. 

“Hey!” Tony grabbed Loki’s hips, swiveling on the barstool to pull Loki in with his legs too. “Why’s a baby get more credit than me?” With Loki pressed up against him, laughing, Tony reached up to mess up his hair. 

Loki fumbled to catch his wrists. “Hey! I just got it to look the way that I want!” 

“If you hadn’t used so much gel, it wouldn’t have been so easy for me to mess up,” Tony taunted him. Loki scowled, releasing Tony to smooth it back down. The timer went off again. “I want the one in the middle,” Tony told him. 

“You’re getting whichever one I feel like,” Loki told him. Free of Tony’s hold, he sauntered back over to the oven. “Good enough,” Loki declared this time. 

“I want that one,” Tony said as Loki iced them. Loki rolled his eyes to the side. “Put extra icing on it.” 

“As if I couldn’t guess that already,” Loki said. He squeezed extra icing on one and then pulled it from the rest. 

“I want that one!” Tony whined, certain that Loki was about to eat it to spite him. Loki smirked. He reached out, pressing it to Tony’s lips and smearing icing just enough to be a dick. Tony licked it off the side of his mouth before bending forward and taking a defiant bite while it was still in Loki’s hand. “I’m not eating out of your hand,” Tony said with a muffled mouth full. Loki raised an eyebrow. Tony snatched it before he got any ideas. 

Loki took one for himself, chewing it with his eyes set on Tony, mischievous and bright. 

 

Natasha was already there when Tony arrived. She waved him over to the red diner booth. “The milkshakes here are good. And the burgers, obviously.” She said when he sat down. 

“And this is the first time you’ve invited me here? Natasha. I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me.” Tony flipped the menu open as her lips tilted up in a small smile. 

“I only found it a while ago myself.” 

“You? Finding something late in the game? I doubt it.” 

Amused, Natasha didn’t fling back a dry retort. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments, just looking their menus over. When the waiter came they ordered their drinks and meal. Tony chose the milkshake with a slice of chocolate cake blended in. 

As soon as the waiter left, Natasha set an elbow on the table, leaning her chin against her palm. “I’m sure Loki told you what happened by now,” she said. 

If there was one thing Tony loved Natasha for, it was her not dragging shit out. “Yeah,” Tony said. “He said you and Clint stayed after because you were worried, but he didn’t know what you said in the kitchen with Steve. I’m fine,” Tony assured her. “I don’t want you to worry about me.” 

“Well that is just too damn bad,” Natasha said lightly. She folded her hands together on the table in front of her, looking over the diner before her gaze set softly back on Tony. “You’ve been my friend for years. Of course I’m going to worry about you.” 

“Nat,” Tony said, trying to scold and failing as he flustered. 

“I didn’t know about what was going on with Steve,” Natasha said. “I don’t want to force you to talk about it, Tony. That’s not why I asked you to meet me.” She toyed with the strings on her striped hoodie. “Clint and I talked last night and he would’ve come too, but I didn’t want you to feel like you were getting jumped.”

Her brow furrowed for a moment before she sat up taller, the collected-and-always-having-her-shit-together Natasha back. “I feel like we let you down. Steve told us what you said about your parents, and we didn’t ask you about it.” She pressed her lips together. “I thought he’d followed up and handled it appropriately, I didn’t know until now that—” She rubbed a hand against her forehead, tangling her fingers into her red hair. She licked her lips. “I am so sorry, Tony.” 

Tony had never seen so many nervous tells on Natasha in his life, and he’d never had a reason for her to apologize to him before. The pleading look in her eyes was almost painful. “Nat, come on. Nat,” Tony said, not sure how to handle it. 

“No,” she said. “Tony—” The waiter appeared, carrying their food. They had to make room on the table for their plates. Tony awkwardly took his shake, stirring it as Natasha tried getting back on track. “Sometimes I think we still see you as our kid genius and that’s not fair to you.” 

Tony was slurping down a chocolate milk shake with a fucking piece of cake blended in, but Natasha didn’t seem to be picking up on the irony like Tony was. 

“You’re not a kid anymore, and we should’ve done better,” Natasha said. “Clint, and I, and everyone.” She brushed a lock behind her ear. “I’m sorry.”

“You guys are different than Steve.” Tony took a huge bite out of his burger. Natasha frowned. She must’ve not believed him. “Eat something,” he said, nodding towards her untouched food. 

Tony let out a heavy sigh, picking up a fry. “What all did Steve tell you in the kitchen?” He asked, running the fry through a thick glob of ketchup. 

“He said he’d apologized and you didn’t accept it. I don’t think he really gets why you’re upset, so I didn’t get much from him other than that and that it was about your parents.” Her fingers tensed against the table before she let go and finally took a bite of her burger. 

“Did he tell you he apologized over a text message, and the gist of it was sorry-not-sorry?” 

Her eyes flicked up with the sharpness Tony was accustomed to. 

Tony shoved a few fries into his mouth. They were salty and greasy and not anything close to the best he’d ever had, but decent enough. He swallowed them down. “The problem I have with Steve is yeah, he blew off what I told him about my parents and I get that I was kind of fucked up at the time, and I didn’t exactly believe it myself that something like that could’ve happened to them, but then he fucking went and told everyone about it.” Tony wiped his mouth. “That’s why I’m pissed. And back then, to me, sex with Steve was a—big fucking deal.” He pushed out.

For a moment, they were both still and silent.

“Asshole,” Natasha hissed. Tony glanced up. “Not you,” she said. Her fingernails tapped in succession along the table. “Steve doesn’t know that?” 

“Know what?” 

“Get that,” Natasha said. “That—of course. I can’t believe—” She reached for her shake and was noticeably calmer after a few sips. “You looked up to Steve and he—” She stopped, and Tony realized his mouth had fallen open. He hurried to eat. “What?” 

Tony chewed slowly, then hurried to swallow when Natasha recognized his stalling. “Does everyone know I looked up to Steve?” He asked, exasperated. “That’s what Loki said too.” 

Natasha smiled softly, hand curled around her milkshake. “I’m just an excellent observer of human nature,” Natasha said vainly, taking a sip. Tony couldn’t tell if she was putting him on or not. 

“Well,” Tony said. “I’m over it.” When Tony looked up from eating he saw Natasha hide her surprise. “I am,” Tony said. “I don’t need Captain Athlete’s crap.” 

Natasha ate her fries, lost in thought while Tony finished off his burger. “I’m not saying this to defend Steve, but he can be a _dense_ , stubborn asshole sometimes.” 

“That’s supposed to sound like you defending him?” 

Natasha grinned as Tony broke into a small laugh. “Sometimes he gets an idea in his head and he just goes, consequences be damned. Do you remember when Director Fury told him we had to come in for a meeting on Veteran’s Day because it was the only free space in all of our schedules for three weeks, and Steve made a huge issue out of it? Half of Nick’s family were veterans and he didn’t think a one hour meeting on Veteran’s Day was the end of the world, but Steve did on principle.” 

Tony had forgotten about that, until now. “Didn’t he send out e-mails to everyone, trying to get us on board?” 

“Yeah.” She nodded her head, then started to shake it instead. “We still had the meeting.” 

“I don’t even remember it,” Tony said. 

“Me either.” Natasha wiped some ketchup off of her lip. “But I remember Steve’s fit about it.” Tony dug a long silver spoon into his shake. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Natasha asked. 

Tony nodded, mouth full. 

“Because,” Natasha said, “if there’ something I can do, I’m here. Loki’s not the only one you’ve got.” The spoon scratched against the metal cup. “Not that I don’t like Loki, I love him with you.” Natasha picked up what was left of her greasy burger. “It’s just that after Clint and I broke up, I felt like I’d built everything around Clint and lost our group of friends, and that wasn’t true. I don’t want to see that happen to you.” 

“You think we’re going to break up?” It was the first thought that popped in his head, and it was out before he considered it. 

“No,” Natasha shook her head. “That’s not why I said that.” He believed her, but it took a moment to settle down. “I phrased that poorly,” she said. “What I mean is that I don’t want you to think that Loki’s the only one that cares about you, like how I thought Clint was the only one that cared about me.”

“But you know that wasn’t true. When you guys broke up, it wasn’t like we took sides.” 

“Right. I know that now. But it took me a while to see that.” Natasha shrugged, then reached for her milkshake. “I guess,” she said, “I depended on him too much. I think that’s part of why we broke up. When I realized, it made me feel trapped.” 

Natasha had never talked to him directly about their breakup before. In fact, she rarely gossiped about anything, and never talked about herself. This made him feel closer to her. 

“Again,” Natasha said. “I’m not saying this because I think you and Loki are going to break up or something.” 

“I know,” Tony said. “I’ve just never heard you talk about you and Clint before.” 

“I’m making this about me, aren’t I,” Natasha admonished herself, voice flat and unhappy.

“Actually,” Tony said. “If you don’t mind, I want to hear about it. I think we’ve covered the bases of Steve and I, and I’ve never gotten an exclusive on the queen of cool’s life story.” 

Natasha smiled to herself before resting her arms over the back of the booth. “Do you want me to tell you if Clint wears boxers or briefs?” 

“I already know the answer to that,” Tony said. Natasha made a face like she should’ve known better. “Just, I don’t know. Whatever you want.” 

Natasha rubbed a hand against her mouth, thinking. “I know you know that Clint wishes that things had turned out differently. It’s been harder for him than it has for me.” 

“Have you ever thought about getting back together?” 

“I’ve thought about it,” Natasha admitted. “But I think ultimately, what I need is something casual and what Clint needs is something closer. Neither’s wrong or right. We just need different things that the other can’t give, and we understand that now.” She toyed with the zipper on her hoodie. “I didn’t know that about myself going in. It took being with Clint for me I learn that about myself.” 

“I’ve learned about myself with Loki too.” 

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” 

They shared a quick smile. “Mostly I’ve learned that I’m shit at cleaning out the microwave,” Tony said. 

“Then invent a microwave that cleans itself,” Natasha said. 

“Then he’d probably notice how many fingerprints I leave on the refrigerator door.” 

“Probably,” Natasha agreed. 

She pulled a strawberry from her milkshake with her spoon. “I’m lucky,” she said. “Clint and I are still good friends. We still talk. But we both understand each other’s needs a little better and there’s respect for that there.” She started picking out other strawberries, giving Tony the impression that she was done sharing. For a moment he sat there, just processing. 

“What do you think I should do about Steve?” 

Natasha dropped her spoon back into the cup. She observed him for a moment before answering, “I think you should do whatever you want to do.” 

Tony huffed out a breath. “That’s a cop out answer, Natasha.” 

“No it’s not.” She scraped her spoon against her cup. “You should do whatever you want for you. Not what you think I want, or what you think everybody else wants you to do. Do what you want, for you.” 

But that was so fucking hard it was almost funny. He wasn’t sure what he wanted. He wanted different things, things that didn’t even match up with each other. He didn’t know what he wanted. 

“Whatever you decide,” Natasha said. “I’m going to support you. Our group isn’t going to fall apart, or reject you if you decide that you need a break from Steve for a while. Or however you want to handle it. So,” she said, finishing off the rest of her milkshake. “That’s why I think you should do what you want to do. Choose what’s going to make _you_ happiest, Tony.” 

“I just wanted him to know that I’m not okay with what he did.” 

She nodded. 

“And,” Tony said, “I guess—I wish he understood, but I’ve already told him. I don’t want to do it again.” Tony scratched his fingers through his hair. “I’ll think about it.” His phone buzzed. 

Tony checked. It was a text message from one of his employees with a question. Tony typed a quick answer and dropped it back into his pocket. “Have you been keeping up with Game of Chairs?” 

“I’m an episode behind,” Natasha said. “But what did you think of the last two?” 

 

They stayed at the diner until it was mostly cleared out, with only a few tables of other people. When they finally went to leave, Tony gave her a hug goodbye. “Don’t tell anyone I hugged you back,” Natasha said. “I have an image to keep.” 

“Same here,” Tony said. “As far as we both know, this didn’t happen.” 

“What didn’t happen?” Natasha smirked, waving goodbye. As Tony got into his car, he felt relief. Whether Natasha had realized it or not, what she’d said about Steve and doing what he wanted had made everything easier. He pressed the gas peddle, hoping that Loki would be lounging on the couch when he got home so that he could worm a few cuddles out of him.


	25. Chapter 25

Tony was so immersed in the code he was working on that he didn’t even notice Loki had entered the lab until he was standing there, about six feet away, twisting the end of a lock of his hair between his thumb and pointer finger. Without ceasing his typing, Tony glanced up. “Is there something I can do for you, Great Stealthy One?” 

Oh. He’d better remember to address the light sensitivity on this thing. There was no point in letting it use up the battery. 

“I’m entering a product in a competition. It’s pretty small, but vendors are going to be there and I think it’s a good chance to make contacts. It’s a three hour drive.” 

Wait. He needed the blueprint again. Flipping through a few tabs, Tony nodded his head to show that he was still listening. Oh. Should’ve left that tab up. Hell, he should’ve just put it on one of the side screens. 

“It’s an all day thing, and I was going to leave in the morning and drive back late at night.” 

Fuck, he’d forgotten about the notes he’d put down. That problem needed to be fixed before he could finish this part of the code. 

“But I thought maybe instead of driving back at night when I’m tired, I’d find a hotel and stay so I could drive back in the morning. Then I figured we could make a trip of it? The town it’s in isn’t exciting, but if you want…” Loki’s voice faded for a moment. This part of the code looked familiar. Too familiar. “If you’re not busy with work, I thought maybe we could go and have a—mini vacation, I suppose.” 

Hadn’t he made the adjustments to this part of the code already? Right, he’d jotted them down on his phone in the middle of a meeting. 

Loki’s words caught up with him. 

Driving. Competition. Hotel. We. We could make a trip. 

Tony’s hands fell from where they were hovering over the keyboard and into his lap. Loki was watching him with one hand on his hip, his posture indifferent but his eyes intense. Tony rubbed a hand against his beard. “Are you—inviting me along?” 

“That is what I meant when I said you could come,” Loki said, a tad bit sardonic. 

A big, fat smile spread across Tony’s face. “Are you kidding? Hell yes, I’ll come!” Tony stood, finding that fuck, he’d been sitting a long time and his back was not happy about the sudden change at all. Loki smiled with closed lips, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear before crossing his arms. 

“It’s in the middle of the week. Is that okay?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “I’m approving my vacation time right now.” 

Actually, he did have a couple of things that needed to be done, but he could make it work. 

His eyes lit up as he started thinking of possibilities. 

“It’s really not an exciting town,” Loki reminded him. 

“Fine, but we haven’t been on a vacation—ever,” Tony said. “And I’ve always wanted to take you somewhere, so—”

“We’ve been to your parents’ cabin,” Loki pointed out, cutting him off. “And again, it’s not in an exciting town. There won’t be anything to see there and most of the day you’ll be waiting for me to finish up on my competition—” Loki stopped, biting his lip and glaring at something to the side of him. “I don’t want you to be bored, I just thought one day off would be—alright,” Loki said, talking himself out of it. 

Tony started walking to close the distance between them. “No, it’ll be fun. I won’t be bored. And, it’s a competition, right? I should be there to support you when you win.” He stopped a step in front of Loki. 

“The competition part isn’t that big of a deal, Tony, it’s just a business trip—”

Tony set his hands on Loki’s waist, earning a brief look of surprise. “So what day are we going?” 

“Thursday,” Loki pushed out before Tony felt the muscles in his hands relax. 

“Great,” Tony said, kneading Loki’s back in his grip before letting go. Loki rubbed his nose, distantly lost in thought for a moment. He was almost hesitant when he came back, meeting Tony’s gaze once before hurriedly looking away. 

“What time is it?” Tony asked, stretching his neck. 

“Seven thirty,” Loki said. 

“Really?” Tony glanced around the lab, but there was no natural light to orient him. “I thought it was four.” He gave Loki a skeptical look to tease him. “Why didn’t you get me for dinner?” 

“I got home late,” Loki said. “I just had leftovers.” 

“What’s left?” Tony asked, starting for the door. 

“Nothing. I ate it.” 

Tony let out a loud, petulant groan. “You mean I have to make something for myself?” 

“Poor thing.” 

Tony had secretly been hoping that Loki would spoil him, but he didn’t think he’d be that lucky and he didn’t want to push tonight. “Alright. Microwave pizza it is.” Tony stretched his arms as something in his back popped. “Then it’s back to the lab.” 

They walked out together. Loki smiled once before heading upstairs to his room. Tony went to the kitchen alone. 

 

When Loki had said they were leaving early, he hadn’t been kidding. It was still dark out. Tony was bringing two coffees with him, and after a short but heated argument, they took one of Tony’s cars. Tony knew he’d only won the argument because he pulled a dirty but effective comment about not wanting to break down on the side of the highway. He’d insisted on driving the first leg too, just because he wanted something to do. Loki had refused to try getting some sleep. 

A half hour into the drive they’d both calmed down and forgotten the argument. With a yawn, Loki had agreed to stopping at a convenience store to grab breakfast. He ate a chocolate donut as Tony adjusted the music. “Are you sure you brought your bag?” Loki asked. 

“All the luggage is back there. I double checked before we left,” Tony said, turning onto an undivided highway. 

Loki glanced at his product samples in the back seat. 

“Are you nervous about the competition?” Tony asked. 

“No,” Loki answered. It sounded honest. “I’m just doing it to make contacts.” 

Tony frowned, stealing a glance at Loki. He was sitting back in his seat, head slouched against the headrest as he watched the road. In his chef’s uniform with his company logo embroidered on the front, he appeared somewhat dressy. Tony wished that he’d look a little bit more excited about the whole thing. Maybe he really was nervous and just didn’t want to tell. 

“Yeah, but what if you get first place?” Tony asked, trying to encourage him. 

“I’m used to second,” Loki said passively, sounding utterly disinterested in the whole thing. It seemed like an odd comment to Tony considering that Loki hadn’t done many culinary competitions before, but Loki spoke before Tony could. “I’d like it if a few more stores would carry my products, though.” 

“I’m sure they will,” Tony said, suddenly thinking of what contacts he had that he could nudge in Loki’s direction. He’d been trying not to get involved, for himself and Loki’s sake. He needed to let Loki’s business be his very own, which was something his therapist had agreed on. It wouldn’t do Loki or him any favors to have him push Loki’s business from the side. “Did you have anything specific in mind?” 

“I think a few of the smaller, local chains would be interested,” Loki said. “I know they’re attending, so I signed up.” Loki took a sip of his drink. 

“I’m excited for you,” Tony said. “I know it’ll go well.” 

“Just don’t get too excited,” Loki said. This time, Tony decided to let it go. 

 

Loki hadn’t been lying. It was a _small_ event. Maybe two or three hundred people were there, and Tony was used to a bigger crowd. It was held in a school gymnasium, with trade booths set out and various small businesses networking as a stage in the center remained mainly unused. At first Tony tagged along with Loki while they explored the floor, but after a while he found himself up in the bleachers, taking work phone calls and managing things from his tablet. 

Every once in a while Tony would look up and find where Loki was out on the floor. He seemed to be mixing in well, and Tony saw him giving out business cards more than once. Part of him wanted to be down there tagging along, but the other part of him felt like he needed to allow Loki the space. He didn’t need people to start catching on that Tony Stark was here and make a scene. Tony pulled his baseball cap down a little further as he took another phone call. 

They ate lunch up in the bleachers together. Loki animatedly told him who he’d met, and gave Tony some of the samples of sweets he’d been given. “So it’s been a good day?” Tony checked. Loki took a bite out of his sandwich, giving Tony a bit of sass as he did. It was close enough to a yes. Tony smiled to himself as he twisted the wrapper off a candy. 

“It’ll be just a couple hours until judging,” Loki said. “Then we can go.” 

“I’m not in a hurry,” Tony said. He nudged Loki’s foot with his. “Really. I’m getting work done here and it’s the most productive I’ve ever been without a bunch of other things to distract me.” Loki smiled, but it seemed forced. “Stop apologizing,” Tony said. “I said I’d come, didn’t I?” Loki brushed a few crumbs off the corner of his mouth. “Didn’t I?” Tony prompted him. 

“Yeah,” Loki said. He took a drink, staring out over the floor. “But you just came for the hotel sex.” 

Tony made a dismissive snort. “Loki, we’re staying at a budget hotel that’s continental breakfast is prepackaged muffins and a couple packs of yogurt.” He twisted off the cap on the soda bottle that Loki had brought him. “Someday, I’m going to get you to come along with me to a five star hotel where they have a new stupid floral arrangement in the room everyday, complimentary bottles of lube, and a bathtub in the room overlooking a private beach. Then you can tell me about hotel sex.” He grinned, completely serious about that someday. 

Loki was quiet for a moment, picking at his drink’s label. “You’re not more turned on by the idea of meeting up in a shady hotel?” 

“We’re not staying at a shady hotel,” Tony said. He refrained from adding that Loki’s old apartment had been perfectly shady and he hadn’t found that element of it a turn on in the least. “It’s a bland hotel, and I bet we’re going to be one of like, five guests staying there.” 

“Probably,” Loki agreed. “Do you still have my tin of mints from earlier?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, digging it out of his pocket and handing it over. 

 

When the competition results were being announced, Tony fully expected Loki to win in his category. Loki was fucking good at what he did. There was zero doubt in Tony’s mind that Loki would win. 

So when Loki placed fourth, Tony just sort of stared at the stage in shock. He watched as Loki crossed to accept a ribbon. The main judge shook his hand, and Loki looked genuinely pleased in return. He didn’t look crushed or upset. 

Tony scratched his beard a couple times. Nope. This was bullshit. Bull. Shit. 

Loki was walking down the staircase at the side of the stage, expression light and pleasant as he searched for where Tony was standing. Tony immediately schooled his face. “Hey babe,” he said as Loki made it to him. “You did great.” 

“I’ve got eight vendors interested in orders,” Loki said quietly to him, almost proud. They fell silent as more names were announced. Tony couldn’t fucking believe it. This was some tiny ass town, Loki should’ve crushed it. What the hell was wrong with those judges? 

Loki ran his thumb over the frilly edge of the pink ribbon, slightly smiling to himself as he did. He _was_ happy. 

Tony’s heart was going to snap in half. 

Loki turned the ribbon over, cupping the medallion like center in his hands before admiring it again. It was such a small thing, and yet clearly, Loki wasn’t disappointed. Tony tucked his hands into his pocket. “You want to hang it up at home?” Tony offered.

“I’m going to hang it up in the office,” Loki said with a quiet, happy pride. 

As Tony watched the rest of the winners be announced, he promised himself that he’d stop by Loki’s office and make a fuss over how well Loki was running things again. Loki’s mom still hadn’t visited.

 

Afterwards, Loki wanted to crash at the hotel room with takeout food, but Tony talked him into going out for dinner. At the restaurant it felt like they were the only ones from out of town, but the booth they got at the back made it seem private enough. Loki was toying with the stir in his mixed drink. 

Tony still wasn’t over the fourth place ribbon. It wasn’t that Loki had to have first place or something like that, it was just… He mattered. Tony wanted him to know that. 

“Hey, Lo? Do you want to, I don’t know, go and—” Fuck. What, what would work? “After this, go shop or something? I want to get you something to celebrate—”

“Celebrate what?” Loki asked, a little sharp. One hand had flattened against the table while the other stilled on his drink. 

“You—your business, what you’re doing. Hey, what about a nice watch?” He didn’t understand why Loki was giving him that awful look, or why it was only getting worse as Tony floundered. “Like a commemorative one like I got when I opened my new business? Or…what?” He asked, unable to bear the seething glare any longer. 

“I knew you were going to freak out about going on a trip together,” Loki said. It was cold, furious. He straightened his back, hands darting below the table to grip the seat. “I knew this was a bad idea. I never should’ve asked.”

“No, Lo—” That wasn’t it. That wasn’t it at all. 

But he couldn’t tell Loki that it was about the competition. That’d just make Loki feel worse. 

Tony swallowed, trying to relax. “It’s—I mean—” Fuck. He didn’t have a better excuse, and Loki would believe him if he said that’s what it was. “I guess I am a little nervous about it,” Tony lied. 

“Well don’t take it out on me by throwing expensive shit at me,” Loki said, grabbing his drink and sipping a little too forcefully. 

“I’m not throwing expensive shit at you,” Tony said, slightly wounded. Loki just didn’t understand. “That’s not what I’m trying to do—”

“Then what are you trying to do?” 

The part of him that wasn’t sorting through comebacks was scrambling to answer the question. An image of an action figure Tony’s father had left on the counter surfaced. “I don’t know, Lo. Do you have to be so damn defensive about it?” 

Loki just focused on his drink, avoiding eye contact. 

Tony sighed, not sure whether he wanted to continue the argument or find a way to make up before they went to the hotel. Now he was ticked with Loki while simultaneously feeling unbearable sympathy for him. It sucked. 

Tony sat there, imagining their ruined mini vacation. It was just one fucking day and they still hadn’t gotten it right. “Can we just forget I said that?” 

“Gladly,” Loki said bitterly. 

“Hey,” Tony said. “I’m trying. Why do you have to be like that?” 

“Because I fucking hate that you do that shit,” Loki answered. Tony closed his eyes, drawing in a breath. “It really fucking sucks when you do that, Tony.” Loki flexed his jaw. “I mean, how many fucking times are you going to test me like that? It’s so uncomfortable to be around. I wish you’d stop.” 

A faint heat pooled in Tony’s cheeks. Even if the reason was different this time, he _had_ been throwing expensive shit at Loki. “Fine. I get it.” He held up his hands. He knew it was a problem. They’d talked about Tony pulling that kind of shit before. “I’m sorry.” Loki was listening, but he was glaring at something past Tony. “Loki, I’m sorry.” Tony spoke softer. “I am,” he pleaded. 

“Okay,” Loki accepted it. Loki combed his fingers through his hair, messing up the part that fell over his face as he was staring down at the table. His lips flinched before he released his hair and sat back. “Let’s go back to the hotel. I’m exhausted and if we stay out all night I won’t feel like doing shit tomorrow.” 

It was a peace offering. 

“Yeah. I’m tired. We’ve both been up since early this morning,” Tony offered. “Let’s go back and crash.” 

 

Tony had originally imagined the night being a little more eventful than curling up with TV on, but at least Loki’s head was resting on his chest when Loki fell asleep. Sure. They might’ve spent the first hour on the far ends of the bed watching a dull made for TV movie, and Tony might’ve spent the last fifteen minutes of that wanting to be curled up with Loki. But when he won the battle with himself and scooted to the middle of the bed, Loki didn’t push away when Tony pulled him in. He’d just turned towards Tony and eventually slid further down in the bed, resting his head on Tony’s chest.

Tony grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. He carded his fingers through Loki’s long hair, careful not to wake him. Tony worked out the tangles at the ends with his fingers. 

He felt guilty. 

He hadn’t realized how apprehensive Loki had been about going on a trip together until dinner, and yet Loki had still asked him. And then he had to go and prove Loki’s fears right. Tony dropped his head back, staring unhappily at the ceiling. 

He drifted back to the action figure. One day, Howard had left it on the counter for Tony to find because Howard had missed his recital. 

It was some dumb piano recital, and all Tony could remember at this point was how he’d been scared stiff to perform and that Howard was the one that had insisted he take piano lessons in the first place. Tony couldn’t remember why. Now it occurred to him that it was strange that his mother had never practiced with him, or been the one to teach him. She’d played. He’d hated it. Probably because all he remembered of the lessons was an angry tutor snapping every time he missed a note. 

He hadn’t taken more than a year of piano. The action figure floated back into his memory. Tony was unsure of why he was stuck on it now. He tried going back to Loki’s competition. 

Tony thought that he should just be happy for Loki. Loki was happy. So he should be too, right? 

But it wasn’t enough. 

That’s why Tony had tried to give him something—oh. Hmm. 

His dad always gave him shit to compensate. Fuck. That’s where the damn action figure was coming from. 

Shit. He knew better. That feeling really fucking sucked. Why’d he go and fucking do that? Loki was going to feel like shit for getting some stupid gift handed to him to make up for not getting first place whether they had their issues together or not. Fuck, he was an idiot. 

Loki softly coughed, shaking on Tony’s chest. Tony held very still. No, he was still sleeping. Tony pressed his lips together, pulling a lock of hair back from Loki’s face. 

Loki had been so good with him recently, first with his parents and then with Steve. And here he was with his first chance to support Loki, and he’d royally fucked it up. Fuck. Shit. 

Tony gently curled an arm around Loki, holding him as if to make up for it. 

Fuck. Okay. He could make it better, he could save the rest of this trip together. He could show Loki that they could handle going on a trip together. Okay, to be fair, _he_ could handle going on a trip together. He was the one with the issue. Fine. Okay. Whatever.

Maybe they just couldn’t ever take trips together. Maybe that’s just how it was going to be.

No. He fucking wanted to be able to do this. Okay.

One, he was not going to buy anything to make up for anything. Two, weren’t gifts part of that whole love languages thing they’d worked on in therapy? He knew it was. Okay, then he knew explicitly what Loki liked. He needed to give Loki his time, which wouldn’t be a problem. And maybe he should…just be more helpful, like helping Loki get packed in the morning and grabbing them breakfast. And…okay, they didn’t have plans to do anything specific on the way back, but they could make a good road trip out of it, right? 

Ever so slowly, Tony eased out from under Loki so that he could get his phone. Loki stayed asleep on the pillow Tony placed him on. Tony grabbed his phone and started searching for places they could stop at. Maybe this town did have something interesting, or there was a park they could stop at on the way back. 

Maybe tomorrow he’d build something better.


	26. Chapter 26

They’d been driving for about an hour when Tony turned off onto a side road. The GPS had pointed out the turn, and Loki didn’t look up from his book until they hit a gravel road. 

“Are we lost?” Loki asked, somewhere between annoyed and worried. He curled his fingers around the page he was on as he shut the book’s cover. Outside, trees stretched up towards a perfect blue sky. 

Tony hoped that Loki hadn’t looked up from reading until after they’d passed the road sign. “No. I wanted to show you something,” Tony said. 

Loki sat up in his seat, pulling his legs in from where they’d been stretched out. “Show me what? Something that looks suspiciously like Children of the Corn?”

“What? No.” Tony rolled his eyes. “You’ll like it. I promise.” Loki peered out the window as they rolled into a narrow strip of parking spots. 

“A hiking trail?” Loki twisted around in his seat so that Tony could appreciate the full effect of his disbelief. “I could barely get you to roast a marshmallow outside.” 

“I handled the park just fine the other week, didn’t I?” Tony unclipped his seatbelt. “And that was my idea. Come on,” he said, grabbing his door handle. Loki was still staring dubiously out the windows. “If you don’t like it, I’ll clean the kitchen for you every night this week.” 

“That’s not really in my favor,” Loki said, pushing his door open. He stared up at the heavy tree branches as he got out. Tony slipped his hand into Loki’s when they reached the trail. 

“It’s not that far,” Tony said. Loki’s gaze wandered the woods as if what Tony was planning for him to see could be anywhere. A squirrel darted across the path up ahead. “To be fair, I haven’t seen it before, but I read good things about it.” 

“What is it?” Loki asked innocently, as if he could slip that past Tony. 

“You’ll see.” 

In only a couple minutes, they turned a bend and heard it before they saw it. The soft rush of water drummed beneath the calls of song birds. In silence, they walked up to an old wooden railing in front of the waterfall. 

It wasn’t a massive by any stretch of the imagination, and Tony held back on comparing it to Niagara Falls. But it was simple and nice. Loki leaned against the railing, sliding out of Tony’s grip. “Ta-da,” Tony said. 

Loki smiled to the side, green eyes set on the waterfall. “I wouldn’t have pegged you for a nature person.” 

“You must be rubbing off on me,” Tony said. 

“Does this mean that I can get you to try swimming in the lake again?” 

“No,” Tony said, amused. “So, am I doing dishes for the rest of the week?” 

“It’s nice,” Loki gave him. Tony set his elbows over the railing beside Loki. The breeze brushed past them, rustling their jackets. Tony stared down at the water that pooled below the railing in a shallow pond. 

“I’m sorry about putting a damper on things yesterday. I feel really bad about it.” 

Loki didn’t answer immediately. Fallen leaves spun on the water’s surface and slowly drifted downstream. “Is that why you folded up my clothes when you packed this morning?” Loki asked with a hint of humor beneath what sounded like a question he already knew the answer to. 

“Maybe?” 

Loki laughed softly. 

Tony felt himself easing up. “I didn’t mean to come across that way,” Tony said. “I just—messed up.” Tony let out a heavy sigh. “You’ve been really good to me lately, Lo, with my parents and Steve and stuff. I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate that.” Loki nodded his head slightly, watching the waterfall. “Are we doing okay?” 

Loki turned to him, so serene that it caught Tony off guard. “I think so.” 

“Good,” Tony said awkwardly. “Me too.” He dug his hands down into his jacket. “I love you,” he said, in large part because he needed to hear it back. 

“I love you too,” Loki answered, the wind catching his hair and blowing it back from his face. His words were spoken calmly, without any sappiness, but not so that it seemed disingenuous. 

“Even when I’m an idiot?” Tony asked, teasing and serious. 

“Yeah,” Loki said. He titled his chin up, gazing towards the trees at the top of the waterfall. “But, you’re my idiot.”

“That’s good to know,” Tony said. He rocked back on his feet as he pretended to still be interested in the waterfall, wondering if he’d ever get the hang of understanding what was going on inside of Loki’s head. 

 

Loki brought up wanting to stop at his office on the way home to drop off things from the trip, and Tony was glad that he did. It’d been a while since Tony had been out to it. The building was shared with a lot of other businesses, but Loki’s test kitchen and office had windows overlooking a grove of trees rather than the parking lot. Even if it wasn’t, it felt private. 

Tony followed after him, curious to see if anything had changed. Loki stopped inside of his office first. 

It was messier than Tony expected, with stacks of papers on the desk and empty containers on the windowsill. Tony wandered behind Loki’s desk as Loki tucked business cards into a holder. What were obviously Loki’s favorite cookbooks were neatly stacked on a shelf above a filing cabinet. There was a scribbled piece of paper clearly drawn by Azalea resting on top of a stack of mail. Tony looked up just as Loki was pulling the ribbon from his bag. 

“Where’re you going to put it?” Tony asked. 

“Here,” Loki said. He grabbed a thumbtack from his desk. Loki pinned it to the wall beside his culinary school diploma. “I thought about hanging it up in the kitchen,” Loki said. “But I don’t think that’s the right place for it.” 

“I think that here’s perfect,” Tony said. He almost missed the smile on Loki’s face. It was gone as soon as he turned around. 

“I’m going to run by the freezer and check a few things in the kitchen,” Loki said. “I’ll be right back.” 

Tony sank down into Loki’s desk chair. The office was small, he could admit that, but it was nice. Tony stared at Loki’s desk. There was nothing to fiddle with, just pens and papers. And a thick black leather planner. Out of boredom, Tony flipped it open. 

There was a photograph tucked into the front cover. Tony found their faces staring back at him, captured by Sam or Clint’s phone at a party ages ago. Tony was sitting in front of Loki in the picture, his arm wrapped around Loki’s waist like he was afraid that Loki might walk off on him. Loki was leaning back against him, smirking at whatever amusing thing Tony was saying in the candid photo. Tony could barely remember when it was taken. But they were obviously happy. 

Tony quietly closed the planner, trying not to smile like an idiot. 

He sat there, imaging Loki first asking for a copy of the photo, and then going through the trouble of printing it out. 

Loki appeared in the doorway a few minutes later. “You ready?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, feeling that same rush when he saw Loki again. “Let’s go.” He snuck his arm around Loki’s waist on the way out. 

 

Tony was watching TV when Loki set his forearms on the back of the couch beside Tony, his phone clasped between his hands. Tony twisted his neck towards the side to see what Loki was doing. Loki’s eyes were set on his phone. 

“My mother wants me to cater for a luncheon she’s having with her friends,” Loki said. Tony’s blood pressure skyrocketed. Loki casually swiped his finger across the phone’s screen. “I don’t think I’m going to do it.” 

There were fifty things ready to leap out of Tony’s mouth, but then it occurred to him that Loki was bringing this to him first, instead of just making the decision. Tony twisted around, setting his feet up beside himself and leaning against the back of the couch. “But?” He asked, knowing there had to be more. 

Loki frowned to the side, staring at his phone. “Every one of my mom’s friends is a business connection. She’s not wrong when she says it’d be a good chance to promote myself.” 

It took everything in Tony’s power not to just rush in and say what he thought Loki should do. “Then why don’t you want to do it?” Tony asked, trying to sound as neutral as he could. The last thing he wanted to do was blow Loki coming to him with something by going off on him about it. 

Loki bit his lips. He swiped his thumb back and forth on the phone. “I—may be wrong, but I also don’t want—” Loki took a deep breath, eyebrows pinching together as he gave the phone a critical look. “To give her something to hold over me. Not that she’s necessarily doing that, I just—” Loki rubbed his forehead. 

“You know she’s done things like that before,” Tony said, gentle but firm. 

Loki made eye contact with him for the first time since he’d come over. He seemed to be searching Tony’s gaze for something. He let the hand holding the phone fall limp against the couch. “I don’t know.” 

“If it’s just about being worried about missing out on a couple of sales, I don’t think that’s enough of a reason to do it,” Tony said. He hoped that Loki would see his point. He was right about his mom holding it over him, whether he realized it or not. 

Loki held the tip of his phone against his mouth, squinting at the TV. “I feel like I should do it for her, though.” Tony’s heart sank. “I’ve been—ignoring her a lot recently,” Loki admitted, voice heavy and uncomfortable. 

“You have?” 

Loki nodded his head to the side. “Yeah,” he said. “And this is such a simple thing, it wouldn’t be hard for me to do at all.” He looked back to Tony with sorrowful eyes. “It’d make her happy.” 

“Don’t do it,” Tony said. 

Loki looked away, tilting his phone back and forth in his hand. “Babe,” Tony said. “Don’t do it just because you feel guilty.” He reached for Loki’s wrist. It was cool beneath Tony’s warm fingers. Tony rubbed his thumb against Loki’s pulse. “I know you want to make her happy, but we both know that the catering isn’t a good idea.” Loki blinked, then stared down at Tony’s hand. “You’ve been ignoring her a lot recently?” Tony asked, refraining from the _isn’t that just making things worse?!_ he was thinking. 

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’ve sort of had a lot going on recently,” Loki said, frustration slipping in. Tony reluctantly let go of Loki’s wrist, laying his arm over the back of the couch instead. He looked up at Loki. “I’ve told her I’m too busy with work for our lunches. I just haven’t had the energy to deal with it,” Loki defended himself. 

The times that Tony had asked about Loki’s parents, Loki had said it was fine. He hadn’t realized that Loki had just been avoiding it the whole time. 

He felt some anger rising, but he quickly reminded himself what exactly it was that Loki had been dealing with. He was learning to run a business and he’d taken care of Tony’s parents and the whole Steve thing. Still. It pissed Tony off that Loki had been struggling with it alone. 

“You don’t think that she’s mad you’ve been ignoring her?” Tony asked. 

Loki shrugged. “She knows I’m busy. It’s not like I haven’t answered her texts.” He slipped his phone back into his pocket. “It’s not like she’s stopped by my office when I’ve offered.” 

“Lo,” Tony said, trying to keep how he felt out of it. “Don’t cater her lunch out of guilt.” Loki leaned off the couch, taking his phone out again.

Loki’s fingers darted across the screen as the phone made soft clicking sounds. “Who’re you texting?” Tony asked. 

“My mom,” Loki said. “There. I said no. It’s done,” he said, dropping the phone back into his pocket. “I’m going to go get something to eat.” 

“I’ll come with you,” Tony said, scrambling to get up off the couch. “I’m hungry too.” He’d just eaten, but it was an easy excuse. Loki didn’t wait for Tony to catch up with him, so Tony followed a few paces behind into the kitchen. Loki flung open the refrigerator, displeased with everything in it. “Are you, uh, do you want to a watch a movie with me? I wasn’t doing much.” 

Loki took out a tub of chocolate ice cream. The utensil drawer jangled as he yanked it open. “Sure.” Tony grabbed a soda out of the fridge because it was easy, tapping his finger against the tab before popping it open. He stood beside the counter and watched as Loki scooped ice cream into a bowl. “Do you want some?” Loki asked without glancing up. 

“No,” Tony said. “I’m fine.” 

Loki tossed the scooper into the sink, then shoved the container back into the freezer. Tony mulled over the right thing to say as Loki selected a spoon. A thousand options presented themselves. 

When Loki shoved his spoon down into his ice cream, picking up the bowl, Tony turned around to head back into the living room. It’d be better to talk when they were both comfortable and seated. Tony took back his seat on the right side of the couch. Loki took the middle cushion beside him, propping his feet up on the coffee table. That was good. 

Loki began to eat, waiting for Tony to start up a movie. Tony didn’t reach for the remote.

“Babe,” Tony said, setting down the soda he hadn’t even sipped. “How, uh, are things right now? With you and your parents?” 

“Same shit as always,” Loki said, shoving a lump of ice cream forward in the bowl. He didn’t seem to pick up on Tony’s urgency. 

“I mean like—” He scratched his hand through his beard, clenching his jaw for a moment. “What, what things has she said since you opened your business? Are they still unhappy about you being with me?” 

Loki had a mouthful of ice cream. Tony waited. “I’ve told you, they don’t like anything I do.” His voice sounded so beautifully indifferent, really it did, but Tony knew that Loki felt more than that. 

“What has your mom said about your business?” 

“Not much,” Loki said. He scraped at a soft spot in the ice cream, digging out a peanut butter cup. “I told you that I decided I needed some distance and decided to stop seeing her at lunches.” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, thinking back. Loki had said that. “I guess I didn’t realize you hadn’t been talking to her _at all_.” 

“I have been,” Loki said. “It just hasn’t been about anything serious.” He pointed his toe towards the TV remote. “Are you going to pick something to watch or do you want me to look?” 

Tony set his hand on his own thigh, ignoring the remote. “I just—aren’t you pissed off that your parents are being like that?” There was so much more that Tony wanted to say, but he had to start somewhere. 

“My parents are never going to be any different,” Loki said. “Boo-hoo.” He slipped the spoon into his mouth, carelessly dragging it down against his tongue in a way that was almost sinful. 

“Lo,” Tony said.

“I don’t need sympathy, Tony.” Loki gave him a flat stare. “It’s fine. They’re not actively interfering with my life, and that makes me happy.” He bent forward and grabbed the remote. “Things are good.” A cursor blinked back and forth, hopping between movie titles. “You don’t have to worry about it,” he said, warm and reassuring suddenly. 

“But it’s not fine,” Tony said. 

“It is what it is,” Loki said, pressing play. The remote clattered as he set it down. Tony watched Loki eat, thinking about his own parents. Would he have said the same thing if they were still around? They wouldn’t have changed either. 

It didn’t make him feel any better.

  
  



	27. Chapter 27

Tony was wrapping up at work when he got a call from Bruce. “I’m thinking about having everyone out for dinner tonight,” Bruce said. “Would you be able to come?” 

Tony tapped a fountain pen against a heavy stack of paper. “Yeah,” he said. “What’s the occasion?” 

“I have some stuff that’s going to go bad if I don’t use it soon, and I wanted to make a casserole but I don’t want leftovers.” 

Tony laughed. “Wow, Bruce. I feel honored.” He could almost see Bruce shrug on the other side of the line. “Yeah, we’ll be there. What time?” 

“Six?” Tony pushed back from his desk, taking mental notes on what would be saved to do later. “And, uh, Tony, I was going to include Steve, but after what you told me about what happened, if you need—”

“Brucie,” Tony said, stopping the awkward offer before it was fully formed. He knew Bruce had his back. “I appreciate it, but you can invite Steve. I’m not going to tiptoe around him forever, and I don’t need to have everyone taking sides. I can be in the same room with him.” 

There was a pause before Bruce answered. Tony straightened his tie as he heard Bruce take in a breath. “I know,” Bruce said. “But still, Tony, I—”

“It’s fine.” He stood up from his desk. “What kind of casserole are you making?” 

“It’s a vegetable casserole,” Bruce said. 

“It’ll be the first serving of vegetables I’ve had all week.” 

“Tony,” Bruce softly scolded. Tony was smiling at himself. 

“I’ll call Lokes and tell him. We’ll see you at six.” Bruce hung up with a warm goodbye. Tony was ringing Loki not a moment later. “Babe. Bruce invited us out for dinner tonight. You wanna go?” 

A kitchen mixer thrummed beneath Loki’s voice. “Not tonight, I’ve got things I have to finish up here and then I’m going to drop some stuff off at my mum’s before I work on things at home.” Tony deflated a little. “You can take some of the creampuffs from our refrigerator with you if you’d like.” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, trying not to sound as disappointed as he felt. “That’s a good idea.” Something metal clattered on Loki’s end of the line. “Uh, when’ll you be home tonight?” 

“Six, maybe seven,” Loki said. “It depends.” 

“Bruce isn’t even starting until six,” Tony said. “Are you sure you don’t want to come? You can arrive late, he won’t mind.” 

“Tonight’s just not a good night for me,” Loki said. He sounded so casual about it, and Tony could hear someone asking Loki a question and then the receiver muffling for a moment as Loki answered back. He was busy. 

“Okay,” Tony said. “I’ll see you when I get home then,” he added in forced cheerfulness, grabbing his briefcase. As Loki said goodbye there was a lot more clattering and then the line went silent. Tony sighed. It was silly. He shouldn’t be bummed out over Loki not going with him. He’d hung out with his friends without Loki a million times before. Tony clipped the briefcase shut, not entirely comfortable with the idea of Loki going to his mom’s either. 

 

Tony was the first to arrive at Bruce’s apartment. “You didn’t have to bring anything,” Bruce told him as Tony lugged in a giant plastic container. 

“Loki always makes too many of these anyway,” Tony said. He followed Bruce into the kitchen. It was sparse, with a few knickknack travel magnets on an old refrigerator and several spiraling bamboo plants on the windowsill. The air was heavy with the rich scent of a bubbling casserole. Tony set the container on the table just as the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” Tony said. 

“Well look who it is,” Clint smiled at him. He had a case of beer in both hands. 

“Bruce!” Tony called like a small child. “Clint brought something too!” 

“I told you not to bring anything,” Bruce said, pulling an oven mitt from his hand as he walked into his living room. 

“I know Sam’s bringing something too,” Clint said. “Is Loki coming?” 

“He’s busy,” Tony said, shoving his hands into his pockets. 

Clint looked past Tony towards the kitchen. “Then what’d you bring? Is there a box of fruit loops on the table?” 

“Hey!” Tony scowled at him. “I brought the good booze when all you had was PBR for years.” 

“True,” Clint said sagely. “But that’s not the same as being a pastry chef.” 

Bruce moved past them to return to the kitchen. The doorbell rang again. Taking one of the packs of beers from Clint’s hands, Tony let Clint open the door, knowing who it would probably be. Sam and Steve were out on the doorstep. When Tony met Steve’s sharp blue eyes, his stomach flipped. He flashed a company smile before tagging along with Clint into the kitchen to put the beer away. 

Thor, Natasha, and Jane hadn’t been able to come. It was probably easier that way, as they pretty much crowded Bruce’s kitchen table as it was. Tony was careful to navigate himself to be between Clint and Bruce, with Sam across from him and Steve shoved between Sam and the kitchen wall. Clint was telling a story. 

Tony shoveled in a forkful of the casserole, surreptitiously stealing a glance of Steve as he did. 

Steve was sitting up straight, eating carefully with a boyish grin on his face as Clint made a joke. His blond hair was curled to the side in one sweep, with stray strands adding a rouge charm to the pristine effect. A gray shirt strained across his chest, showing off the muscular physique he’d never had the courtesy of losing as he’d aged. It wasn’t fair. 

If Tony was completely honest with himself, deep down, he was still slightly attracted to Steve. 

But that was different. Even if Steve was still attractive, Tony knew he’d never be able to sleep with Steve again and enjoy it. 

“Tony?” 

“Huh?” Tony looked up from his food to find Clint beaming at him. 

“I just said Hammer Tech made an okay tablet and you completely let it slide.” 

“I was just ignoring it to try and spare you the embarrassment of making such a stupid statement,” Tony answered. 

“Oh! Shots fired,” Clint said, clutching his chest. Tony nudged his foot, grinning as Bruce told them to settle down. Tony finished off the rest of his casserole with one of the beers that Clint had brought. Bruce started telling them about one of his research projects. There were some politics that had gone into getting the grants, and Bruce made it sound a whole lot more intriguing that it probably actually was. Loki would’ve enjoyed hearing it. “I think it’s time for dessert,” Clint announced. 

“Shouldn’t I be the one offering that?” Tony asked as Clint cracked the creampuff container open. 

“You didn’t make them,” Clint said, sticking out his tongue. 

“Says who?” Tony asked. 

“You can’t fool me,” Clint answered. He put one on Tony’s plate without a word before passing them down to Sam and Bruce. Tony stared at the creampuff for a moment, wondering when Clint had ever doted on him. He felt doted on just then. Was he being doted on? 

Tony glanced at Clint. There was a huge streak of cream on the corner of Clint’s cheek that made him look like a kid that had snuck an extra dessert in. Clint chewed happily, reaching for his beer. 

Tony let the thought go, opting to weigh in on what Sam was talking about instead. 

When they finished eating, they naturally spread out into the larger living room. Tony sat beside Bruce on the couch. “When’re you flying out to that conference?” Tony asked. 

“Not for a few more months,” Bruce said. 

“You should’ve taken them up on that key note speaker thing,” Tony said. 

“I didn’t need the attention,” Bruce said. He took a sip of his beer. “Attending is fine.” 

They talked about the conference for a while as Clint showed Sam and Steve a video of Lucky on his phone. Then Bruce had to get up to show Sam where he kept the extra paper towels to clean up a small spill from accidentally tipping his beer. Clint started looking for another video to share. 

“You got a new shirt,” Steve said. 

Tony realized that Steve was talking to him. 

“Yeah,” Tony said. There was no life to the word, just a dull, polite answer. Steve’s expression faltered, the friendliness dimming. Tony reached in his pocket for his phone. “Clint, have you seen the one with the dog that walks itself with its leash?” 

“With the labrador retriever?” 

“No, the beagle. Here,” Tony said, pulling it up. He was lucky that one of his employees had shared the video, and lucky that he remembered it. As it started to play, Tony glanced up and caught Steve staring at him. He immediately looked away and pretended to be interested in the video, but Tony had caught it. 

There’d been an almost wounded shift in Steve, as if it was finally dawning on him that Tony was serious about what had happened between them. Bruce came back in and sat down. Sam balanced on the armrest beside Tony. 

They didn’t stay much longer because everyone had work the next day. Tony went to grab the empty plastic container to take home. “Those were really good,” Steve said as Tony joined everyone else leaving through the front door. Tony recognized the conversation opener for what it was and immediately decided not to engage. 

“Yeah. Loki’s good at what he does,” Tony said. He turned around and waved at Bruce. “Have stuff that needs to get used up before it goes bad more often,” Tony told him. 

Bruce smiled, embarrassed almost. “I’ll try,” he promised. 

Tony bustled past Steve as he hurried down to his car, waving back at Clint as he got into his seat. It had been fun. Tony had enjoyed it. And yet, as he started to drive home, he still wished that Loki had been able to come. It was silly. He’d missed Loki and it had hardly been any time at all. Now that Tony thought about it, he was used to Loki being there when everyone gathered together. It was weird when he wasn’t. 

The kitchen lights were on when Tony got home, but he found Loki sitting on the living room couch with a binder. 

“Hey,” Tony said as he entered the room. “How’d things go with your parents?” He asked as he rounded the couch. 

“I didn’t really stay and talk, I was only there long enough for a hello,” Loki said as Tony sat down next to him. “She was having guests over for dinner.” 

“What were you dropping off?” 

Loki shut his binder and set it on the coffee table. “Since I’m not catering her luncheon, I offered to drop off some products anyway.” Loki tucked his hair back behind his ear. “She’d already bought a bunch of my things from the grocery store. Her kitchen has a lot of my work.” There was a soft pride beneath what Loki was saying, and Tony’s lips parted as he waffled on what he wanted to say. “How was Bruce’s?” Loki asked, glancing up at him. 

“Good,” Tony said, rubbing the back of his neck and scratching at his hair. “Steve was there. I think he’s starting to get it.” 

Loki’s eyes widened a fraction. “I thought it was just going to be you and Bruce.” 

Tony set his hands on Loki’s shoulders. “Nope. It was fine. Don’t worry, Steve and I didn’t get into any arguments. We were civil.” Loki’s eyes searched him for a hint of deception. Tony squeezed. “Clint and Sam were there too. It was fun.” Tony’s hands sank as Loki’s shoulders relaxed underneath. 

Suddenly, Tony found that he didn’t want to let go. At all. 

He stared at Loki, hands feeling heavy, while a familiar heat and desire began to spark inside him. At first, Loki’s expectant green eyes just met his and waited. Then Loki raised an eyebrow, teasing him. 

“It would’ve been more fun with you there,” Tony said awkwardly. 

“Of course it would’ve,” Loki said arrogantly, his smirk the only thing that gave away that he was joking. He pointedly rolled his shoulders. Tony’s hands didn’t budge. 

“Are you done with what you’re doing?” Tony asked. 

“Why?” 

Loki said it like he was expecting Tony to ask him to take out the trash or something. Balancing himself with Loki’s shoulders, Tony moved to straddle Loki’s lap. But with the way Loki tended to sit like he was on the subway and didn’t want someone to take the seats next to him, Tony ended up sitting on the couch, bracketed by Loki’s thighs. Hands grabbed his waist to keep him from falling backwards. 

“Are you going to ask me to rub your back?” Loki asked. “Clinging to me and whining about how sore you are won’t work this time.” 

Tony moved one hand up the side of Loki’s neck, fingers sliding along his warm pulse before Tony combed them through Loki’s hair to free the locks that had been tucked behind his ear. “I like this color on you,” Tony said, nodding towards the greenish navy shirt Loki was wearing. 

“It’s practically black. Weren’t you the one that gave me a hard time about how much black I own?” Loki asked, grinning as he squeezed Tony’s waist. 

“This isn’t black,” Tony said, not giving a shit. He would’ve said the exact same thing if it were black. Taking a more direct approach, Tony leaned in, catching Loki’s soft lips with his. One hand pressed to Tony’s back while the hand at his waist pulled Tony in tighter. Tony melted. When Loki’s mouth broke away, Tony had a glazed look on his face. 

“What did you have for dinner?” 

Tony blinked. 

“Vegetable casserole?” What the hell did that have to do with anything? 

“I can taste the pesto.” 

“Lo,” Tony whined. He rocked his hips, dropping his head back petulantly. 

“What?” 

“Can we not,” Tony said, sitting up taller. “Talk about dinner right now?” 

One of Loki’s hands departed, setting casually against the armrest instead. Tony had half the mind to grab it back. “Why not?” Tony hadn’t been looking at Loki directly, which was a huge mistake right now. He couldn’t tell if Loki was fucking with him or not. 

“You know why,” Tony said, wrapping his arms around Loki’s shoulders. He set his forehead against Loki’s, eyes almost pleading. Loki began to laugh. 

“If you want to have sex, you should just say so.” His voice was still light from laughing, softening the preachiness of his words. 

“Don’t say it like that,” Tony said, frowning at him. 

Loki was still wonderfully pleased with himself. “Why not?” 

“It’s—” Tony stared up at the ceiling lights as he thought about it.

“Not sexy?” 

Tony nodded, as if that were obvious. “You can’t be direct about what you want?” Loki asked. He _was_ fucking with him, Tony was certain of it now. 

“Not when you say it like that,” Tony said. “You can say it directly, it’s just when you say it in that tone of voice—” 

“Oh Tony,” Loki groaned, absolutely filthy. It went straight to Tony’s cock, despite the way he scowled at Loki as Loki barely held back from laughing. “Tony, please. _Please_. Fuck me right now. Tony. Tony!” 

The words rang in Tony’s ears as a furious flush crawled along his skin. “You are a bratty fucker,” Tony said, pinning Loki’s shoulders against the couch. Loki had the audacity to stare at him coyly, amusement dancing in his eyes. “What am I going to do with you?” 

“Punish me?” 

Tony made a disgusted face. He didn’t want to play into Loki’s hand. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Loki’s hands were on his hips suddenly, cold fingers dipping in past his waistband. “You know,” Tony said, arching away from the prying fingers, “I was going to spoil you,” he felt a yank as Loki undid the button on his jeans. “But now I think I’ll just—”

“—I’ll be serious,” Loki promised in the worst serious voice ever. Tony didn’t know what to think as his zipper was undone. He was fairly certain he was going to be teased, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted that mischievous hand on his dick now. 

“Serious my ass.” Loki played with him over his briefs while his face stayed perfectly innocent, eyes sweetly trained on Tony. “You just, you—” Tony really couldn’t come up with anything clever to say when his blood was abandoning brain for something more fun. Tony sought Loki’s lips instead, keeping Loki’s shoulders pinned against the couch as he slipped into Loki’s hot mouth with a prying tongue, drawing a pleased moan. They were both panting when Tony finally pulled away. He stroked the side of Loki’s face, not missing the way Loki’s eyelids fluttered for a moment as he did. Cupping Loki’s cheek he said, “Say, ‘please, Tony. Please.” Tony pouted his lips, taunting. 

Loki glared at him. Suddenly, Tony found himself shoved sideways, Loki being careful not to knock him onto the floor. Tony’s back was pinned to the couch before he could think to fight back. “Please, Tony,” Loki said, mocking him. “Please!”

Tony took advantage of the moment to undo Loki’s jeans as well, grinning when Loki’s hips rolled with the motion. “Loki,” Tony mocked. “Take me right here! I need your huge cock—”

“Please, fuck me until I can’t walk straight—” Loki started, not to be outdone. “Fill me—”

Tony started laughing. “You’re ridiculous.” He dragged Loki’s jeans down his thighs, leaving them down around his knees as Tony reached up for his boxers too. 

Loki only got more overdramatic. “Fuck me, Tony.” He startled forward when Tony’s hand landed on his bare ass with a smack. Loki bit his lip, eyes flickering shut for a moment. 

“Maybe you do need to be punished,” Tony said. Loki glowered down at him before sinking, grinding their hips together as he bit Tony’s neck. Tony tried to shove some more of his own jeans off. Loki seemed to take pity on him because he got up just enough to allow Tony to frantically kick them off. “Let me up a moment,” Tony said in his regular voice. Loki got off of him and let Tony sit up properly on the couch, not realizing he’d been played until Tony’s arm slipped around his back. 

Tony pressed down between Loki’s shoulder blades, only giving him the impression of strength. Loki obligingly moved with it, lying across Tony’s lap. “Are we doing what I think we’re doing?” Loki asked flatly. 

“Only if you’re game,” Tony said. Loki hid his face, nodding his head. Tony’s balls got tighter at the sight, the constriction in his cock bordering on painful. “If you want to get spanked, you should just say so.” 

Loki was in the middle of rolling his eyes as he lifted his head, a high blush crawling down his cheeks. “Fine,” he hissed. “You can smack my ass.” He shot Tony a deadly glare as his ass tilted up just a little higher. Tony held very still, trying not to laugh. “But don’t get carried away.” Loki flinched when Tony simply rested his hand on the curve of his ass. “And just for your information,” Loki said haughtily, “you are a bratty fucker too.” 

“Noted,” Tony said happily before landing a smack on Loki’s ass. Loki groaned, not so subtly rutting against Tony’s lap. “Shirt off,” Tony said, grabbing the end of it. 

“I thought you liked this color on me,” Loki said, but helped Tony work it over his head anyway. He turned to grin at Tony, but clenched his jaw when Tony’s hand landed back on his ass. 

“That’s for being a smartass,” Tony said. Loki rolled his eyes before going boneless against the couch, waiting. Tony grabbed a handful of his ass, kneading it before landing another one. Tony admired the soft shift in color of the skin beneath his fingers as he played with Loki’s ass, the body across his lap relaxing again. “You know,” Tony said, raising his middle finger to his lips, “I just love it that,” he sucked his finger, coating it in spit. “My badass punk boyfriend with the tattoos likes getting his ass smacked.” 

“If you start psychoanalyzing in the middle of this Tony,” Loki threatened, “I swear to god I—” He gasped, spine curling as Tony’s slicked finger circled his rim. Tony bent down and kissed the top of his head. 

“I’m not,” Tony said. Loki’s hips shifted side to side as Tony’s finger teased him. One of his feet twitched against the couch. His jeans were still half-on, limiting his legs’ movement. With his other hand, Tony smacked Loki’s ass a few times more, enjoying the throaty groan that got. Tony waited before easing his finger in a little. 

He ran his other hand down Loki’s spine and back up again, circling a mole with his finger before ghosting the tip down Loki’s spine. “Tony,” Loki muttered, slightly breathy. 

“Hmm?” Tony began working his finger inside, searching for that one particular spot. Loki’s fingers curled against the leather couch, nails unable to gain traction. He smacked Loki’s ass again, enjoying the way Loki tried to stay back with his finger while still trying to grind forward against Tony’s thighs. “Do you think you could come like this across my lap?” 

They were quiet for a moment. Slowly, Loki’s head turned to the side. His eyes were far more clouded by lust than before and his eyebrows flinched, as if he was trying to decide whether to be difficult or not. “Probably,” Loki said softly. 

“I’d like that,” Tony muttered. He smacked Loki’s ass, hard, getting a loud yelp. Loki clenched around his finger. Tony went to work, mesmerized as Loki came undone in his lap, rutting and moaning as smacks pattered the air. The muscles in Loki’s back coiled taut as he lifted his ass up towards Tony, trying to bury his face against the couch. His black hair tangled back and forth as he rubbed his forehead against the leather, legs fidgeting. There was a broken sob muffled against the cushion, and Tony felt come sliding down his thigh a moment later. He stroked his hand down Loki’s back, comforting almost. 

It felt like one of the most erotic things that Tony had ever seen. Loki, coming apart in _his_ lap, writhing and desperate. Loki pushed himself up on his arms, face flushed and satisfied as he turned to look at Tony. 

Tony grabbed his hips as Loki straddled his lap, clasping his hands in Tony’s hair and kissing him like he hadn’t seen Tony in months. There was just the slightest friction between them, but with what he’d witnessed and Loki presently sucking the air out of his lungs, Tony came with a loud moan that was swallowed by Loki’s lips. 

Tony wrapped his legs around Loki’s hips. Loki closed his eyes, setting his forehead against Tony, still breathing too fast. Tony curled a hand around the side of Loki’s face, the fingers cradling his own head clenching for a moment with the gesture. “Have I told you that I love you?” Tony panted out, tilting Loki’s face towards him. 

“Once or twice,” Loki answered in a half whisper. 

For a while they just sat there, eyes shut and limbs tangled, catching their breath. 

“My jeans are still fucking half on,” Loki muttered, leaning back. 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “That was hot.” 

“I’m going to fall flat on my face,” Loki grumbled, worming out of them. Tony didn’t want to let him go. 

“Can we do that again?” Tony ignored the uncomfortable sensation of come drying on his chest. “We need to do that again.” Loki grinned in response, getting up off the couch. 

“Don’t ever let anyone take a blacklight to this couch,” Loki muttered, stretching. 

“Is that a yes?” Tony tried. 

There was a smirk hiding on the corner of Loki’s mouth. “Yes,” he said. Tony was blatantly staring at his softened cock in absentminded appreciation. “Not tonight,” Loki exclaimed. Tony’s eyes snapped up. 

“Yeah, no, not what I meant. Not tonight.” Tony stood up, goosebumps prickling up his arms. “But maybe some lazy making out after I’ve had a shower?” 

“After _you’ve_ had a shower?” Loki asked incredulously. “You’re going to take all the hot water.” 

“Then take one with me,” Tony said obnoxiously. 

“Fine,” Loki answered. “But you do not get to do my hair again.” 

“What? Why? I did a great job!” 

“You took twenty minutes and you got shampoo in my eyes,” Loki answered, walking towards the stairs, Tony following. 

“It wasn’t twenty minutes,” Tony said. 

Their voices faded from the living room as they bickered up the stairs, settling down only once they'd gotten into the shower. Tony let Loki do his hair by himself without a fuss, suddenly way too content and tired as the warm water poured over him.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternately titled, the chapter in which that I post smut like this with the same casualness that I check the weather report should probably concern me, a memoir in fandom.
> 
> Story/character analysis is always welcome. :)


	28. Chapter 28

Things got busy at work, and before Tony had really realized it, he’d only seen Loki when he woke up and when he emerged from the lab to go to bed that week. The one night Loki had eaten dinner in the lab with him, but Loki had been busy with his own work and they hadn’t talked. Tony checked his hair in the rearview mirror. It was Saturday. And sure, he’d gone into work this morning, but he had zero intentions of letting this streak continue into the afternoon. Content with how he looked, Tony got out of the car. 

Tony kicked off his shoes once he was inside the house, already working off his tie. Maybe he’d get Loki to go see a movie with him. As he walked into the kitchen, it slightly surprised Tony to not find Loki. Instead he tried for the living room. The first thing he saw was blond hair. 

Loki lifted his head up, spotting Tony from where he was holding Azalea on the floor. She drooled around the rattle she was biting. So much for going to see a movie. “Uh. Hi, Thor?” Tony said. He was seated on the floor across from Loki with his back to Tony. 

Thor looked over his shoulder. “Tony! It’s good to see you.” 

“Can I get you something to drink?” Tony asked. “I didn’t know you were going to be here,” he said awkwardly. 

“I sent you a text,” Loki said as a matter of fact, shaking Azalea’s rattle for her. Tony fished his phone out of his pocket. Sure enough, it was there. He hadn’t heard the notification. Tony stared at it, wondering what he should do. He sort of felt like he was intruding. 

Thor smoothed out the blanket they were sitting on. “I’m fine. Come sit down with us,” Thor said. 

Tony started down at the fuzzy dinosaur pattern with some trepidation. “Are you sure you don’t want something?” Tony asked. “Loki?” 

“Sit down,” Loki said. If he’d been standing close enough, Tony was certain that Loki would’ve tugged at his pants for him to sit. 

“I haven’t had lunch yet,” Tony said. “I’m going to go make something and then I’ll come back in.” His stomach growled just then as if to prove the point. Loki let out a soft whisper of a laugh at Tony’s expense. Tony scowled at him. 

“Thor brought sandwiches. There’re a few left on the table in a box,” Loki said. 

There was an opportunity to make a dick in a box joke in there somewhere, and Tony wanted to go for it. Just to grate on Loki’s nerves. He locked eyes with Loki, his own eyes shining bright. Tony’s lips came open a fraction of an inch. 

Loki glared at him, his eyes saying far more far faster than his clever mouth ever could. He knew exactly what Tony was up to. Thor looked behind him in alarm, following Loki’s gaze to Tony. “What did you do?” Thor asked. 

“Nothing,” Tony said cheerfully.

“Nothing,” Loki said at the exact same time with a hell of a lot less cheer. 

Tony smiled indulgently at them before turning away and sauntering into the kitchen. 

He heard Thor’s confused questioning and Loki’s muttered “don’t worry about it” as he walked away. Tony laughed, feeling like a bad kid. 

Tony brought a sandwich back in with him and sat on the armrest of the chair, eating while Thor and Loki entertained Azalea. She stayed planted in Loki’s lap with his arm wrapped around her. 

It wasn’t exactly strange to see that Thor was over, but it wasn’t exactly normal either. This didn’t exactly seem like babysitting time since Thor was present, which meant that the brothers were probably hanging out. Loki’s text hadn’t said why Thor was over, just that he was. “Where’s Jane?” Tony asked. 

“At a conference presenting her research until Thursday,” Thor said. 

Tony looked to Loki in a mild state of panic, thinking they’d been hit with long term babysitting time. Loki rolled his eyes at Tony, probably reading his mind. 

“I hope she gets the funding she’s requesting,” Thor continued. With a wistful smile, he stared out the windows towards the pool. “She’s worked really hard for it.” 

“I’m sure she’ll get it,” Tony said. “Her work is more organized and thorough than anyone I know.” Thor smiled at his compliment, but it felt like Tony was being indulged, like Tony couldn’t possibly understand just how hard Jane worked. It was because Thor was proud of her, not because he thought Tony was an idiot. Tony could figure that out, but it was still annoying. 

“Thor’s taking Azalea to her first swim lesson today,” Loki said. 

Tony wondered if his surprise showed on his face. Judging by Loki’s face, it had. 

Tony swallowed down a rather dry piece of bread, finishing off the last of his sandwich. “She can swim?” Tony asked. She seemed far too tiny to be in a huge pool by herself. 

“No. That’s why she’s getting lessons,” Loki said. Smart ass. 

Tony shot him and unimpressed stare. “Where’s her pacifier?” Thor asked suddenly, interrupting what was about to be a lovely round of snark between them. Loki stood, holding Azalea.

“I left it in the kitchen,” he said, extending Azalea into Tony’s not-ready arms. Tony hurried to grab her, eyes wide and pleading. Loki didn’t bother with so much as a glance towards Tony. He only adjusted Azalea’s onesie and moved Tony’s hand to be a better support before walking towards the kitchen. 

Tony silently begged Loki’s back to spare him. 

When Tony glanced towards the blanket, he saw that Thor was watching him with tired amusement. Tony grimaced. Babies were a hell of a lot heavier than they looked. Taking pity on him, Thor stood. Without a word, he took Azalea from Tony’s arms. For a moment he stood there, so close that Tony could hear his breathing. 

Thor’s blue eyes set on him as if Thor wanted to say something. Tony subconsciously leaned away, pressing up against the arm of the couch. Tony wasn’t sure if he’d managed to screw up something with Azalea in the five seconds he’d held her, or if Thor was about to drop a little brother lecture on him. 

But then Thor stepped away and sat down on the blanket again. He let Azalea crawl over to the abandoned rattle. Tony relaxed, deciding he’d misjudged. 

It was weird to see the same guy he’d watched do keg stands being a dad, now that he thought about it. 

Before Tony could follow that thought any further, Loki came back in. Subtly, he nudged Tony’s side to join them before he sat again. Tony settled awkwardly on the blanket. Thor asked him a question about work and Tony gradually relaxed, giving Thor a rundown of everything his company had done in the past month. After a while, he stopped feeling like he was intruding on brother bonding time and stopped worrying that he’d be nailed with babysitting tasks. 

When Thor got up to leave, they went to the front door to see him off. Loki brought up the swim lessons again. It was obvious to Tony that he wanted to go. “Are you going to go watch?” Tony asked. “I bet there’s some sort of uncle support section.” 

Thor and Loki both smiled uncomfortably. Thor glanced at Loki like he wanted him to say yes, while Loki’s eyes darted to the floor. “Thor doesn’t need my supervision,” Loki said. 

Thor switched Azalea from one arm to the other. “Actually,” he said. “Jane had wanted to see her lesson. She’d probably love it if you’d take pictures and video on the phone so I can show her.” 

Loki’s face stayed perfectly still as he looked to his brother, hope hidden behind his mask. “You should go,” Tony prompted him. “I’ve got stuff I’m going to be doing in the lab all day.” 

“It’s only thirty minutes for the lesson,” Thor said. He seemed to be careful not to push too hard, but he had to see that Loki was wavering too. 

Tony stepped back from the door a little, making room for Loki to walk past. “You’d better watch out Thor,” Tony said. “If Loki helps you score brownie points with Jane, you’re going to owe him.” Thor laughed politely. 

“I’ll go,” Loki said, rolling his eyes. He walked out the door just a little too eagerly to be casual. Tony sighed as he waved them off. There went his afternoon plans. 

Dicking around in the lab hadn’t been on the top of his list. Tony ruffled his hair, sighing again. Damn him and his being nice. He should’ve just kept Loki here for himself. 

But they had clearly both wanted to go together. Tony shook his head, making a mental list of things he could work on in the lab. He groaned when he realized he’d be spending some time in the foreseeable future pretending to ohh and ahh as Loki flipped through photos of a swimming baby. Baby swim lessons and Thor. And Loki with his badass edge happily going to said baby swim lessons. Tony shook his head, amused. He had no idea when the hell his life had turned into this. 

 

Tony got lost in lab projects until his stomach seized his attention. He glanced at the clock, then realized that it was late enough that Loki would probably be back. Setting down his work, Tony started for the door. 

The smell of cooking in the air told him that Loki was home way before he set foot in the kitchen. Tony wasn’t prepared to see a hoard of groceries spread out all over the countertops. Loki didn’t hear him walk in. 

There were a lot of pots and pans set out already. Loki had taken Tony’s tablet and propped it up with some sort of recipe on the screen. Tony stuck his thumbs through his belt loops, turning his head towards the table. Half of the space there was taken up by bags of groceries. There were leeks and strawberries and bags of flour beside three cartons of eggs. Two bags of sugar were leaning over on their sides, tipping out of a canvas bag that was filled with more food. It was way too fucking much for just the two of them. “What’re you making?” Tony asked. 

To his credit, Loki didn’t startle. “Boeuf Bourguignon.” Something sizzled loudly on the stovetop. 

“Do we have dinner plans that I forgot about?” 

Loki checked the recipe. “No,” he said. “I just wanted to try my hand at making this.” 

“Think you’ll be done in the next thirty minutes?” Tony asked, faking casualness like a pro. 

“Not even close,” Loki answered, grabbing a knife at his cutting board. 

“Fuck.” 

“What?” Loki looked up, startled. 

Tony leaned against the countertop and spoke to the garlic cloves. “Something happen with Thor?” 

“No,” Loki said, almost suspiciously. His knife hovered beside the garlic cloves. “Why?” 

Tony gave the countertop a dubious look before tilting his head with a meaningful glance towards Loki. “Why don’t you just tell me what it is?” Tony asked. He sounded neutral, he’d give himself that, but in his head he was pleading. 

“What _what_ is?” The knife in his hand took off, plowing through the garlic like it was nothing. 

Rubbing his forehead, Tony wavered beside the counter. Then he decided _fuck it_ and took a seat. If they didn’t hash this out now it would drive him crazy. “You’re stress cooking.” 

Loki was still for a moment before he scoffed, grabbing an onion from beside Tony. “Babe,” Tony said. His voice was gentle, despite how he felt.

He sort of wanted to demand that Loki tell him right now, but he knew better. Loki’s defenses would fly up and he’d either lash out or compulsively take everything on himself and start apologizing if Tony came off as aggressive and confrontational. “Just tell me what it’s about,” Tony said, voice soft in comparison to the harsh flurry of Loki’s chopping blade. 

Loki went to the stove without answering him. For a minute or two Tony just sat there, watching Loki’s back and wondering what subtle clues he’d missed in the past couple weeks. Or maybe something had happened with Thor today, though Tony had zero idea of what it could be. Come to think of it, Loki had made creampuffs the other week, but Tony had written that off as work stress with letting the one employee go and quarterly taxes coming up. Tony slumped against the barstool as Loki fiddled with the ingredients in a pan. 

“It’s not something bad,” Loki said. 

“Okay.” Good. It looked like they were going to get somewhere. 

“Well,” Loki deliberated. “I guess it is perhaps slightly, kind of bad.” He spun around a bottle of wine on the counter and read the label as if he had no idea what the contents were. 

“Jesus, Lo.” Tony’s nerves snapped like a dry twig. “What is it?” 

When Loki turned back, his bottom lip was trapped beneath his teeth. He released the bottle and stepped back. His hands set against the oven door handle, holding it awkwardly behind him. “My mum—”

Tony let out a loud groan, rolling his eyes. 

“Stop.” The word was plucked like a bow string. Tony sat up mid dramatic eye roll. He held up his hands in surrender, nodding for Loki to continue. It took a few moments before Loki settled. But Loki did continue, and it didn’t slip past Tony that this wasn’t like the days when he used to hold his breath trying to wriggle the slightest bit of info out from under Loki’s iron defenses. “She asked me—how long we’d be together—” Loki licked his lips, looking slightly like a deer in the headlights. 

“What?” Fuck cautious. Tony’s hackles were up. 

Immediately, Loki’s tone turned defensive. “She was just asking how serious we were.” 

“Oh, right. Because that makes me feel better.” Tony rubbed both hands over his face, pulling at his cheeks so the pinks beneath his eyes showed. Loki crossed his arms just as Tony looked at him. Tony was losing him. Shit. “I’m sorry. Sorry,” he told Loki’s hard glare. “I’m sorry. Go on.” 

Loki turned his head to the side, flexing his jaw. He released his arms to his sides, then rubbed at his nose. “I realized—” Loki glanced away, and the next words he spoke were barely audible over the sizzling on the stovetop. “I don’t know what your answer is.” Loki blinked, then closed his eyes and pinched them tight for a moment before turning towards the stove and fussing with it like nothing was amiss. 

Tony’s world tunneled in. 

Because it was more than a _this is working, right?_ kind of question. 

It was a _where the hell is this going?_ and that scared the shit out of him. 

Suddenly the air was oppressive and thick. With the silence bearing down on his shoulders, Tony pressed his lips together. His brain was firing, but nothing was coming. 

It felt like forever before Loki spoke. “I told her,” Loki said, his voice wavering slightly as he moved a pan aside. “That I wasn’t putting timelines on it. I was going to let it be what it will be and not—overthink it.” Loki set his fingers on the curved handle of the pan, brushing them back and forth along the polished metal. “I was just thinking,” he dismissed it. 

Tony’s mouth floundered open and shut a few times before he found his voice. “You don’t know my answer to what? Is she asking if we’re getting married, or what exactly is the question?”

“No!” Loki suddenly bit his bottom lip, grimacing. “I—actually don’t know,” he admitted. He tugged at the collar of his apron. 

“You think that’s what she was getting at,” Tony said. Loki’s expression said it all. She had asked about marriage. “And you want to give her an answer?” 

“No, I—” Loki started angrily. His hands came down to his sides, fingers curled tightly together. “I’m not asking you to do anything. _You_ asked what I was thinking about. That’s what it is.” He held Tony’s gaze with defiance, daring Tony to correct him. 

Tony didn’t know how they’d gotten so far off track suddenly, but they had. “Can you—” Tony rubbed his temple. “Can you rephrase it? You’re not sure what I—think, about it?” 

Loki’s combative stance drained like air from a balloon. “She was asking—” He pressed his lips together, eyes a tad bit glossy. “What we envision down the line,” Loki said in his usual, familiar tone. “You asked me about having kids the one time and I—I suppose it was a valid question from her, that’s all.” 

“Well I guess—” Tony paused. There was something he didn’t understand. “Why was talking about kids the one time part of it? It’s not like we can have them on our own like Jane and Thor.” 

“It wasn’t,” Loki said. “I mean, I didn’t tell her about that. I just thought that if you had asked, it meant you had thought about the future together.” 

“I thought you didn’t know if you wanted kids,” Tony said. 

“I don’t,” Loki answered. Tony nodded his head. 

“Lo, I—” Tony scratched his beard. “Just haven’t thought about it like that.” His heart was beating faster, but he ignored it. 

“About what like that?” Loki asked, a little too sharply. 

“Where we’re going,” Tony said. “What, if there’s an endgame. I just, like you said—just letting it be what it’ll be.” Loki nodded and turned around back towards the stove as if that was the end of the conversation. Tony took a deep breath. “Do we have to define it?” Tony asked. Loki started to turn back, but Tony kept going. “‘Cause I mean, like, the word _marriage_ kinda freaks me the hell out, but I don’t want you to go, either. I’m happy where we are.” 

Loki’s expression softened by a fraction, but his posture stayed tight and uncertain. “I think we can agree on that.” 

“Good,” Tony said, relieved. By that, at least. He was fucking livid about Loki’s mom, as usual. And the idea of marriage and the pressure from Loki’s mom didn’t do his nervous system any favors. “Great, okay. Good talk.” He smiled, swinging his arms in a stretch and waiting for Loki to grin back at him. 

But Loki didn’t. He stared at the littered countertop, lips still and unmoving. Loki didn’t exactly look happy. He was thinking, and Tony knew that rabbit hole went nowhere good. “Let’s not define it?” Tony suggested. “I don’t know that we have to, y’know, exactly get married and all that? We’re already living together and everything…” Tony trailed off, thinking that his point had been made and Loki would get it. But Loki’s expression didn’t change. 

“What if,” Loki said slowly, avoiding eye contact. “Something were to happen to you and I—couldn’t—make decisions for you?” Tony was probably lucky that Loki wasn’t watching him, because Tony openly balked at that, not following him. “What if you—were hurt and I couldn’t help you at the hospital? What if they didn’t even let me in the room because I’m not—family?” 

Holy fuck. How the hell did Loki have time to think of these things? Loki was unbearably sincere when their eyes met. “Babe. I’m not dying tomorrow.” Tony smiled, shrugging it off, but Loki was dead serious. 

“You don’t have any relatives,” Loki said softly. Loki glanced away, almost like he’d lost his gall. He turned back to the stove. “Forget about it.” 

He fussed with the dials, and it was obvious even to Tony that he wasn’t actually doing it for cooking’s sake. His long fingers clicked the dials a couple times. Tony had never thought about it like that before. If something happened to him, his company, everything, it’d just be donated to science and what not—well, he’d set that shit up with Thor years before when he’d started the business as a formality, but Loki had never been a part of those plans because he hadn’t existed in Tony’s life back then. 

He was way too fucking young to be thinking like this. 

Why the hell was Loki thinking like this? Couldn’t he just think about how nice Tony’s ass was and leave it at that? 

“It’s—” Tony had to say something, he couldn’t just leave things like this. “You got all of that out of a conversation with your mom?” 

Loki’s eyebrows darted up before he quickly schooled his face. “No,” he said. “She simply asked where we were headed and I—” A pan rattled, its dull metal clang ringing in Tony’s ears. “I started thinking of the implications. I didn’t mean to upset you. Forget that I said anything,” Loki said bitterly. 

“I’m not upset,” Tony said quickly. “I just, I don’t know how you got that from a conversation with your mom, that’s all.” 

Loki made a hissy sigh. 

“Babe,” Tony insisted. “I just don’t know how we got from Azalea’s swim lessons to my death bed in one afternoon.” 

Loki smiled like it was as ridiculous as Tony made it sound, but there was no joy in it. “You asked me what I was thinking,” Loki said. “Next time I’ll tell you that I was thinking about how fucking frustrating it is to find strips of toothpaste in the sink from an MIT graduate, but I suppose we all have our flaws.” 

“It’s just fucking toothpaste—” No. Fuck this. He was not going to get wound up about this when it’d all started with Loki’s mom getting Loki like this. This was his fucking weekend, damnit. It was supposed to be good. “No, we’re not, we aren’t doing this, Loki.” Tony set a hand against his hip, trying to relax. It was hard when he wanted to take off in one of his cars or go out drinking. “I’m on the same page as you. We’re just going to see where this thing goes. You don’t need to envision my death bed and worst case scenarios, alright?” 

At least Loki had the decency to look a little guilty. “Okay?” Tony prompted him. 

“Fine,” Loki relented. 

“Alright,” Tony said. He got out of the chair. There. Done. “I’m going to go work down in the lab.” He started to leave, having completely forgotten his hunger. He was so fucking sick of Loki’s mom and the ideas she got into Loki’s head. Fuck, what was Loki’s dad saying, if his mom was asking if they were going to get married?

“Tony!” 

As he turned back, Loki blurted, “Stop.” Loki was kneading his fingers together and standing as though the room were freezing. Loki shoved his arms into an uncomfortable crossed position, failing any semblance of confidence. “Don’t do—something stupid.” 

“What?” Tony said, affronted. 

There was pleading in Loki’s eyes even though his voice had its usual elegant timbre. “Don’t do something self destructive.” 

It hadn’t even occurred to Tony that that could be a possibility. Yet, hearing it out of Loki’s mouth, Tony instantly felt guilty. He—had been going that direction, consciously or not. Frustrated, Tony answered, “I’m not. I’m just going to go down in the lab.” 

Loki toyed with the edge of his apron, saying nothing. A wave of pity swelled up in Tony. He hadn’t meant to make Loki feel bad. “I’m not,” Tony promised. “I’m—” He glanced around the kitchen, trying to come up with the right words. “We’re fine. We’re good.” He cupped the back of his neck. “I’m not dying and we’re on the same page about us. So we’re okay. No worrying. Stop thinking so god damn much. Alright?” 

“Okay,” Loki answered, back at the cutting board. Tony watched him for a moment, following the mechanical motions of the blade, before turning back around. They probably could’ve smoothed things out a little better, but he hadn’t expected to be so shaken up. He needed to decompress a while. 

Tony found a pack of toaster pastries in the lab and made them his dinner. He came up with a colorful assortment of things to call Loki’s parents, all while carefully avoiding the image of him in a hospital bed with Loki locked outside and unable to reach him. That was too fucking heavy. Loki thought too much. It was fine. He should’ve bought more toaster pastries the last time he was at the store.


	29. Chapter 29

Late. Fuck. He was late, and it was a huge fucking deal because he was really supposed to be at the thing already and he wasn’t there. He wanted to be there. He needed to be there. Tony stepped out onto a busy street, looking for Happy to pick him up. Why wasn’t he here? 

Well if that wasn’t going to work, he’d just have to hoof it. Whatever. He couldn’t be late. Cars and buses rushed past him. A sea of people in business attire crowded the streets, passing him as he tried to push forward. 

“Where’ve you been?” Tony heard Loki’s voice before he saw him. And suddenly, he was right there. 

Loki looked like the healthiest, happiest version of him that Tony had ever seen. The light of the atrium they were standing in was practically glowing on him. A crisp tux draped elegantly against his slender frame, synched by a cummerbund at the waist with a mix of modern textured black fabric. His sleek hair curled at the tips of his shoulders. He smiled at Tony, and there was no other way to put it. He looked divine. 

“Not Tony.” Loki’s mother and father spoke from the crowd behind them. While the rest of the guests were indistinguishable from the gray chairs and cloudy, white crepe paper decorations, Loki’s parents had dressed in bizarre, bright, vintage formal clothes. They rose, Loki’s mother going to grab her son while his father started for Tony. 

Tony woke up before Odin’s hands could clamp on and squeeze the life out of him. 

He could just make out the outline of the ceiling in the dim room. Tony rolled over, in a way fully expecting to see the godly Loki from his dream. 

Loki’s mouth was half open, a line of drool staining his pillow. His hair was frizzy from its curly texture, and there was nothing seductive about the inarticulate slant of his sleeping face. Tony rolled over onto his back. He folded his hands over his stomach and stared at the ceiling. It was just the things that Loki had said that were bouncing around in his head to make the dream. Had to be.

Still, it was comforting to wake up and see Loki there, safe and sound. 

Slowly, Tony drifted back to sleep. 

 

“You can’t go in there,” Clint said. Loki was right behind the door. Tony had to get inside. “You’re not allowed in.” 

Clint stepped aside, allowing Loki’s parents to walk past him. The door slammed shut before Tony could shoulder his way in. 

“You can’t go in,” Clint repeated. 

“Why not, Clint?” 

Tony didn’t remember the rest of the dream.

 

When Tony woke up again, it was midmorning and the spot beside him was empty. Tony yawned, stretching his arms out. There was a heavy cowlick on one side of his head. Tony’s eyelids fluttered open and shut as he tried to force himself up. Dragging himself out of the warm sheets, Tony pulled down his shirt as it rode up past his stomach. 

Tony wasn't any more awake when he trudged down the stairs, intent on a cup of coffee. 

It wasn’t until Tony was pouring said coffee that he realized he hadn’t seen Loki, and usually he would’ve run into him at some point along his path here. Curious, Tony went to check the garage. 

Loki’s car was gone.

Now Tony was awake. He stared at the empty spot on the pavement where Loki’s car always left small puddles. 

Well, it wasn’t like Loki couldn’t leave and go do things. He didn’t need to tell Tony where he was every minute of everyday, right? Tony wandered back inside to get his coffee. 

But he couldn’t shake the feeling of being alone. 

The house felt so much bigger and emptier without Loki in it. That was the one thing since Loki had moved in, the house always felt like home. It felt lived in. Not that it hadn’t been home before, but Tony had gotten used to its size and long forgotten when he’d wanted his friends to move in. Tony squeezed his eyes shut, pulling in a deep breath heavy with the scent of coffee. It wasn’t like he couldn’t go thirty minutes without Loki. The house was just a house. It just felt empty this morning because _he_ didn’t feel right. 

What if Loki had freaked out? What if he’d left? 

Tony pressed a hand to his face, running back through last night.

It wasn’t like it’d been great. 

Fuck. Maybe he’d royally fucked it up. Maybe Loki had left. 

He just hadn’t expected all of that. 

He’d been expecting like, Loki’s parents to be giving him a hard time or for him to be stressed out at something at work.

No, he was being stupid. Loki wouldn’t just up and leave him without a word. Loki wouldn’t do that to him. 

But what if he’d needed a break or something? Tony scratched his stubble. What Loki had said last night wasn’t exactly unreasonable. Tony did…have a history of getting himself into bad situations. It wasn’t unreasonable for Loki to worry like that. 

It wasn’t even, really, honestly, that big of a deal. Of course he wanted Loki to. Of course Loki should be let in the room. Duh.

Tony let out a loud sigh. Fuck. They needed to talk. 

He glanced towards the garage, uncertain of what was going on again. Loki usually was home on the weekends. 

He would just feel a hell of a lot better if he knew where Loki was. Tony grabbed his phone. Loki picked up on the second ring. “Babe? Where are you?” 

Loki’s voice was muffled and thick. “I went to the pharmacy to get decongestant. I’ll be home in like ten minutes.”

Tony’s chest seized with guilt. “Why didn’t you wake me up? I could’ve gotten it for you if you’re sick.” 

“I’m not that sick,” Loki insisted. “It’s just a head cold. I’ll be over it in a day.” Tony wasn’t sure about that. Loki sounded sick. “I’m driving. I’ll see you when I get home, okay?” 

“Okay,” Tony said reluctantly. Loki had hung up before he could say anything else. Tony slumped down into one of the barstools. He rubbed his eyes. 

He was still jarred from the dreams last night too. 

For some reason, he felt like dream-Loki was going to be the one that walked into the house. It was strange. Nothing felt right this morning. 

Maybe he’d needed more sleep. 

Tony was pouring his second cup of coffee when Loki came in. Heavy bags sat under his eyes and his nose was flushed red. Loki’s hair was pulled back in a half-assed ponytail that was loose on one side, and he was wearing a hoodie that had cooking stains down one of the arms. Tony felt ill just looking at him. “Loki,” Tony said. “I would’ve run out and gotten it.” 

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Loki said, walking past him and taking a glass from one of the cabinets. He peeled open the medicine box and popped out a pill, swallowing it down with a gulp of water. “I feel fine.” Tony was sure that Loki believed that, whether it was true or not. “It’s just a stuffy nose.” 

Instead of arguing with him, Tony grabbed the creamer. A guilty feeling sunk into his stomach and stayed there. 

By the time that Tony had toasted a bagel and spread cream cheese on it, Loki had disappeared from the kitchen. Tony heard the TV switch on. He wandered towards the sound. 

“You didn’t bring one for me?” Loki asked as Tony sat down. Tony started to get up. “I’m kidding,” Loki said. Tony stood up anyway, meaning to go and get another. “Tony. I won’t eat it,” Loki said. “Sit down.” 

Believing him, Tony sank back down. “Fine. But if you try and steal mine, I’m going to bite your hand off,” Tony said. 

Loki managed a smile in acknowledgement. 

Tony ate, barely following along with the television. Loki had already curled up under a blanket before Tony had sat down, but Tony didn’t give him a hard time about it. Instead, he abandoned his mug on the coffee table and tried to sneak in beside Loki. “Tony,” Loki grumbled. “If I’m sick, you don’t need to try and get it too.” 

“There’s no way I’m not getting whatever you have anyway,” Tony said, snuggling up against Loki and pulling the blanket over his shoulders. “I don’t see how this is any different from sharing the same bed.” 

“Tony,” Loki said half-heartedly. 

“I thought you felt fine,” Tony challenged him. Loki sighed. He didn’t say anything else. For nearly an hour they sat there without talking, watching the TV. Loki seemed like he might nod off at any minute, but Tony’s mind kept wandering back to the night before. “Hey Lo,” Tony said a bit nervously. “I love you.” He needed Loki to know that. 

“You’re not having my half of the blanket,” Loki said without missing a beat. 

Tony half-smiled. “I know we didn’t really finish talking last night,” he said. He let his voice carry all the guilt and uncertainty he felt. “Are you okay?” He should’ve asked last night. 

Maybe it was because Loki was tired and sick, but he didn’t even try to put up a front. “No.” He didn’t lean off of Tony or stiffen up. The warm weight was reassuring to Tony, even if the answer wasn’t. 

Tony let it sink in for a moment. He wasn’t exactly surprised. “Is there anything I can do?” 

Loki rubbed his cheek with the palm of his hand, his eyes set on the TV. After a moment, he let out a soft, nearly silent sigh. “I thought when we started living together that my parents would put up more of a fight.” It wasn’t what Tony had been expecting him to say. Loki combed his fingers at the front of his hair, knocking a few strands loose from his ponytail. “But—maybe it’s because I’ve been distant with them, but—it’s been less of an ordeal than I imagined.” 

Tony was holding very still, painfully aware of how tense his arm was where it was wedged against Loki. He waited for the other shoe to drop. 

“They disapprove, of course, but—there hasn’t been anything big like I expected.” Loki slipped a little further down under the blanket, seeming older. “But that’s not to say that something couldn’t happen.” He sneezed, the sound thick and wet. Loki tore a tissue from a box that Tony hadn’t noticed was there. “And the last few months—I realized that we’ve little recourse if something were to happen to one of us.” Loki set his hands in his lap, turning the tissue over and twisting the ends. “When I was afraid of you relapsing, I thought about what that might look like and I realized I wouldn’t really have a say in it at all.” 

Tony didn’t know why there were suddenly tears at his eyes, but it took him a moment to blink them back and speak in a normal voice. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to take care of me.” 

“I know,” Loki said a bit harshly. “But that doesn’t change that I would.” 

Tony pressed a hand against his forehead. “I don’t want to put that on you,” Tony said quietly. 

“I know. But inevitably, Tony—” Loki paused. “Would you want me to make decisions?” He asked, trying a question instead. 

Tony couldn’t think of anyone he’d trust more. Slowly, he nodded his head. “Yes.” Loki’s knee shifted to the side, rubbing against Tony’s leg. “I mean, I guess with my past,” fuck, it hurt to say. “It’s not strange that you’d think of those scenarios.” Tony set his arms across his chest. “And if I’m being honest,” he said quietly, “it’s not like that couldn’t happen.” Loki’s hand set on his thigh, holding just a bit too tightly, almost like a reflex. 

Tony took in a long breath. 

He’d put a lot on Loki, especially the last few months. He understood that from a logical sense, but he knew that he didn’t get it on the emotional level that Loki was experiencing it. “But I would **want** _you_ to make those decisions,” Tony said. He knew that Loki was trying to make eye contact, but he felt like he was going to lose his composure if they did. He forced a smile, his lips unbearably heavy and stiff in the motion. “I love you, and there’s no one I’d want to more. I don’t ever, ever want to burden you with that. But if I had to, I’d want to allow you that too.” Loki’s hand found his, warm and firm. “I’ll have legal draw up some things on Monday so that you don’t ever have to worry about it again,” he promised. 

Tony turned to steal a glance of Loki. He’d been watching Tony, eyes tired but bright. There was a tiny bit of snot under his nose. Oddly, that made his punk ass somewhat adorable. Tony thought about grabbing a tissue for him. “Would you want to—make those decisions for me?” Loki quietly asked. 

Fuck. Here he was so used to being the fuck up everyone had to fix that it hadn’t even dawned on him that the reverse could occur. Suddenly the dream with Clint made sense. “Lo, if I couldn’t be there, I’d tear myself apart.” Tony squeezed his hand. “I’d want to, if you’d want me to.” Loki softly nodded.

“I’d stopped thinking about it for a while,” Loki told him. “But—” He started to cough and Tony had to let go of his hand so that he could grab more tissues. “You are definitely getting sick after this,” Loki said. 

“I think I can handle it,” Tony said warmly. Loki blew his nose, hiding a small smirk. The tissue disappeared into a pile of them while a bottle of half-used hand sanitizer reappeared. “Seriously, Lo. It’s fine.” Loki waved him off. 

Loki seemed to have forgotten where he was going with his thought. He pulled out another tissue. “I guess I just didn’t realize,” Tony said, “how serious things have gotten.” 

Loki smiled at him like he was an idiot. An idiot he loved, but still. “I mean,” Tony corrected himself. “I guess I did, I just didn’t realize we were ready for the heavy stuff like this.” 

“We’ve been there for a long time,” Loki tiredly said, his stuffiness warping his voice. That was true, of course. Tony had known that, he had. Loki had helped him confront some of his worst traumas. It was just weird saying it. “The last few months have been _hard_ ,” Loki confided. 

“Babe, I’m sorry—”

“—Steve being an asshole and your parents’ investigation aren’t your fault,” Loki said. “But they’ve been hard.” He rubbed the heel of his hand against an eyebrow. 

Loki slumped against him a little more, eyes set on the TV again. “Loki, I—” Tony bit down on his lip. “I know I can be selfish, and I know there have been times that I’ve made things hard on you,” Tony admitted. “I know I have my issues.” He pressed a kiss to Loki’s temple. 

“Lo,” Tony said quietly. “I’m trying to fuck up less. And I—I don’t want you to think I don’t see and appreciate what you do for me, Lo.” 

Loki tried to hide a small, soft smile. “By the same token,” Loki said quietly. “I have my issues as well. I’m trying to fuck up less too. And if you hadn’t believed in me and given me the means to start my business, I’d still be scraping by in that apartment.” He grinned at Tony, his cold giving it a loopy effect, like maybe Loki was a little out of it. “You’re not as much of a pain in the ass as you think.” In reply, Tony linked their hands together again. 

“What were you saying earlier, when you said that you’d been thinking about it for a while, but—?” Tony asked. 

“Oh.” Loki rubbed his eye. “I’d thought about it, but I’d let it go until my mother asked about us, and then—I’d realized how serious we were, but I didn't know if—you’d realized that.” 

“I—” Tony tried not to blush. He kind of felt like he was admitting that he was dumb. “Don’t think I thought things through as well as you have.” 

Tony glanced away. “I’m just happy to be where we are, Lo. So I didn’t—consider where, what that meant.” He let the tension drain from his shoulders. “But you bringing it up, I get it.” Maybe it was because Loki was so sluggish and nonreactive that Tony felt the same, finding himself spilling it all out, to his surprise. “I mean we fought like hell to get here, and I think that, maybe, we’ll keep doing that, you know? Even when it’s not easy. I trust us to do that. Like, I think we’re going to make us work, and I know, I get it. Things have been hard. But I, I’m not a fortune teller, but I think things will get better from here.” 

Loki let out a soft hum beside him. 

He quirked his head at Loki a little. “Are you _sure_ you want to be with me?” 

“Tony,” Loki said, amused for some reason. “If I figured anything out in the past few months, it’s that I want to be with you, Tony.” He rubbed his eye again, sniffling. “I’m a hell of a lot happier with you in my life.” He was so matter of fact about it that Tony couldn’t figure out if he wanted to laugh. 

Tony crawled into Loki’s lap, wrapping his arms around Loki’s shoulders and holding him. “I am a hell of a lot happier with you too.” He kissed Loki, even though he was snotty and gross, and Loki only melted into it for a moment before he started to smile and shove Tony away. 

“You want to get sick, don’t you.” 

“Loki,” Tony said. “Before I lose the nerve to say this,” he couldn’t actually believe it was coming out of his mouth, but here it was. “I, look, I know I, I freaked out the last time this got serious, but I’m, I really truly, I know now.” Loki was giving him an amused, incredulous stare, like Tony was about to say something particularly entertaining. “I can’t imagine my life without you in it now, and I—” This was really hard to do when Loki was so damn amused. “I know this is crazy, maybe, but, you’re right.” 

Loki stared at him, waiting. When that seemed to be all that Tony was going to say, he smiled dismissively and acted facetious. “I’m always right.”

“I know, but—” He was teasing, but Loki preened anyway. “I want you in my life, Loki. And yeah, we’ve been serious about this for a long time. I mean hell, I never tried therapy with anybody else, never wanted to, but with you I wanted this to work and I was willing to work for it, you know?” Loki nodded. “And I, well, I think the making things harder is probably mostly on me,” Loki shifted like he was going to say something or argue, but Tony plunged on, “but I think we can make this work, and I love you, and I don’t want to lose you, and I mean, if heavy shit went down I’d want you to be there for me and I’d want to be there for you, and like, we don’t have to do it today, but I guess what I’m saying is, why don’t we make it official?” He took a breath. “I mean, if you want to. I’m open to it. And like, whenever. But I—I’d like to marry you.” 

The amusement dropped off for disbelief, then slow, dawning excitement. 

Loki surged forward and kissed him, all wet tongue and fingers digging into his hair. Tony rolled with it, light headed with what he’d just proposed, but not trigger shy. He—something had changed, when he hadn’t been paying attention. Loki was—Loki was already the one he wanted to be with. He’d just matured enough to handle it, now. “Lo,” Tony said, when Loki pulled back with a coughing fit. “What happened to not getting me sick?” 

“You started it,” Loki said. It was impossible to miss how much lighter he looked. 

Tony laughed to himself, a little dizzy. 

“Tony,” Loki said, a shade serious. His hands curled around Tony’s waist. “I didn’t bring all this up because we _have_ to get married. I’m okay not, too.” His fingers brushed along Tony’s waist. “I’m just not okay with having no say if something happened to you.” 

“I know, Lo.” Tony closed his eyes, wondering why they hadn’t saved this conversation for when one of them wasn’t sick and the other wasn’t sporting a massive cowlick and still wearing his pajamas. “But I—I’d like to. You know?”

Loki’s smile lit his eyes. “I’d like that too,” he said, voice just above a whisper. 

Tony could feel the dumb smile on his face, but he couldn’t bring himself to fight it down. 

Tony went for a kiss again, because hell, he loved Loki with a face full of snot too. 

When the moment quieted, Tony was sitting in Loki’s lap, watching him rub his nose. “I hate to bring this up,” Tony said, “but your parents aren’t going to like it.” 

“No,” Loki agreed, letting all of the melancholy he felt shine through. “They aren’t.” His eyes flicked up to Tony. “But like you said, we don’t have to figure this out today.” He brushed the falling side of his ponytail back behind his ear. “Just knowing you’d like to—wow, Tony.” 

Tony kissed the side of Loki’s face, marveling at how affectionate that soft utterance made him feel. 

Tony moved to get up. “Where’re you going?” 

Tony pulled the blanket back up around Loki. “I’m going to make you something to eat.” 

“I’m fine,” Loki said. “It really is just a cold, I can get up and do it—”

A bit tiredly Tony said, “Let me dote on you, Lo.” He kissed the top of Loki’s head, squeezing his shoulders briefly. 

The _holy shit_ s at what had just happened didn’t hit him until he reached the kitchen. And even then, they felt good, like the adrenaline rush before skydiving out of a plane, knowing that in all likelihood, he’d land just fine.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited to share this chapter with you all and posting it before I over edit it. I'm not going to give anything away about where we're headed, but as always am curious to hear your thoughts! :)


	30. Chapter 30

His alarm brought Tony out of sleep the next morning. He reached out to silence it, noticing Loki on the edge of the bed in the same motion. Loki was sitting on the corner, lethargically struggling to get a shirt over his head. Tony reached for the light. 

Loki’s nose was flushed red, worse than yesterday. He squinted in the light, slumped and weakly tugging at the bottom of his shirt.

“You are not going to work,” Tony said. 

“I’m—” Loki started coughing. He sounded more congested than yesterday too. “Fine.” 

Tony sat up. “Lo,” he said. “You’re gross. You can't be around food all day.” It wasn’t often that he pulled his voice boss on Loki, but he was going for it this morning.

Loki blinked a couple times, then sniffled. “But,” he said, coughing. His hands fell into his lap and curled inward. “I’ve never not been there.” He pushed a rather sweaty lock of hair away from his face. “They won’t know what to do.” 

Tony crawled over to Loki and kneeled down on the bed beside him. “It’s easy. You send them a list and tell them what to do. You don’t need to go in.” 

Loki made an unhappy, frustrated sound. “Loki,” Tony said, amping up his boss voice. “You’re sick. Stay here. You can’t cook. What’re you going to do, work alone in the office for eight hours?” 

“That’s what you do,” Loki said. He sounded like a small, petulant child. Tony had to hold his breath not to laugh.

“I spend half of it walking around and talking to my employees, Loki. I don’t just sit in my office and play mini golf.” He set his hand on Loki’s shoulder. “Do you want to get all of your employees sick?” Loki drooped, pouting a little. “That’s what I thought.” Tony got out of bed. 

“Why aren’t you sick?” Loki complained. 

“I don’t know,” Tony said honestly. It wasn’t like he’d had any lack of opportunity to catch it. He’d spent the whole day before curled up with Loki on the couch. “I’ll bring up breakfast for you, but you should probably go back to bed. Call one of your employees and tell them what to do today.” 

Loki glared at him, but it was sort of hilarious with his puffy eyes and frumpiness. “You’re probably a carrier,” Loki said. “You probably got me sick.” 

Tony ruffled his hand in Loki’s hair. “Lucky you,” he teased. He set both hands on Loki’s shoulders. “Now quit arguing.” Loki pushed up his bottom lip in a pout, and Tony didn’t think he even knew he was doing it. Tony gave him a light shove. “Bed,” he said. 

“That’s the worst way you’ve ever said that word,” Loki grumbled. He gave up though, crawling over the mattress to his nightstand and retrieving his phone. As Tony left the room, he heard Loki talking to someone on the other end.

When Tony came back in, Loki was curled up on his half of the bed, eyes closed. He looked up when Tony set some food and a drink on his nightstand. “Maybe I should stay home with you today.” Tony frowned, trying to decide. 

“I’m just going to sleep,” Loki said. “I have my phone. I’ll call you if I need something,” he said, starting to yawn. Tony sighed, staring at him. He felt sorry for Loki. Loki had to feel miserable. 

He really did need to go into work today, but he’d make sure that he got everything crucial done in the morning. “I’ll have my phone on me,” Tony said. He pulled the blankets up a little higher on Loki. “Please sleep. I don’t want to come home and find you working.” 

“Okay,” Loki told the food that Tony had brought him. He rolled more onto his side, taking the blankets in the motion. 

It felt a little strange to be heavy handed bossing Loki around, but he was responding to it so Tony was grateful. Loki really had to not be feeling well. Tony thought again about staying home, but he did think that Loki was well enough to be on his own and it wasn’t worth sending Loki into a fit over. 

Tony finished getting ready. Loki was asleep when Tony checked back in on him. He turned out the light, making sure his phone wasn’t on silent. 

 

All morning, Tony was hyper focused on taking care of everything that was crucial for the day. There were no messages from Loki, and Tony felt certain that Loki would sleep through most of the morning anyway. About a half hour before lunchtime, Tony decided to give him a call. 

“Hello?” Loki started coughing.

“How’re you doing?” Tony asked. 

Loki’s cough dominated the line for a few seconds. “Okay,” he tried. “I woke up half an hour ago.” 

Tony leaned back against his desk, careful not to knock off the awards and photos set on the end. “Do you need me to grab anything from the store?” 

“No.” 

“I’m coming home for lunch,” Tony said. 

“Tony,” Loki complained. 

“What?” 

Loki was quiet. Tony sighed, glancing towards the clock. “Can you—” Loki said quietly, hesitantly. A harsh, winded cough seized him for a moment. “Get mac and cheese?” 

Tony blinked, surprised. “Does it have to be a certain one?” He had no idea where the hell to find fancy ass mac and cheese. Knowing Loki, it was probably something that had crab meat and was stewed on the seven month under a waning moon above a microbrewery. 

“Just the instant kind you stick in the microwave. We had some,” He started to cough. 

“The kind with the cheese powder that comes in an envelope? That kind?” Tony asked, not sure he’d heard right. 

Loki caught his breath. “Yes,” he wheezed out. Tony needed to get home. 

“I’ll pick some up. Anything else?” 

“No.” 

Tony was going to pick up some extra shit anyway. “I’ll be there in a little while, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

“And seriously, Lo. Stay in bed.” 

“I will,” Loki whined. 

If Tony hadn’t been stressed, he would’ve found it funny. “Bye,” Tony said, a slight reprimand in his voice. Loki mumbled out a goodbye and hung up. 

 

When Tony got home, Loki was watching a sitcom on his six year old laptop. He’d curled his arms around one of his pillows and was lying in a fetal position, neck craned towards the sticker covered thing. He didn’t move when Tony came into the bedroom. “How’re you feeling?” Tony asked. 

“Worse.” 

Tony frowned, sitting down on the bed and combing Loki’s sweaty hair back from his face. “If you don’t feel better tomorrow, I’m making you see a doctor.” Loki scowled, digging his fingers into his pillow like a cat unsheathing its claws. “Do you feel like you can eat lunch?” Tony distracted him. 

Loki considered it for a moment before slowly pushing himself up onto his elbows. “Yeah.” When Tony realized that he was trying to get up to get out of bed, he set his hand between Loki’s shoulder blades. 

“Stay here. I’ll make the mac and cheese you wanted.” Tony gave him a slight push. Loki dropped himself back down onto the pillow. “You’re a terrible patient,” Tony said, standing. 

“I’m not dying,” Loki answered. 

It was meant to be a joke, but after their recent conversation, it only produced a nervous pang in Tony’s stomach. “I’ll be right back up.” 

When Tony got downstairs, he called in and said he’d be working from home. While the mac and cheese was in the microwave, he took groceries out of their plastic bags. He’d bought some flavored water bottles and cough drops for Loki, along with cans of chicken soup and a bunch of junk he wasn’t sure they’d need but figured it’d be better to have just in case. Tony went ahead and made Loki some tea too. 

Loki picked at the mac and cheese when Tony brought a tray upstairs for lunch. “No good?” Tony asked, watching him tease his fork’s tines in and out of a noodle. 

“No,” Loki said, spearing a pile of them onto his fork. “It’s good.” He took a huge bite to prove the point, eyes a bit hazy as he watched the sitcom. 

Tony sighed, sitting back against the headboard. He wasn’t even going to try and pretend that he was watching the show. Mostly he was up here to make sure that Loki ate. 

The plastic cup rattled as Loki blindly set it on the nightstand behind him, dropping the fork with a clatter. Loki ignored it, curling back around the pillow. He was in the center of the bed like he owned the whole damn thing. Tony watched him with a critical eye, worrying. 

“Hey Tony,” Loki said suddenly. He didn’t lift his head, but turned his face on the pillow towards Tony, eyes super bright. 

“Hmm?” 

“I was thinking,” Loki said. He held very still, his sudden happiness confusing Tony. “I want a silver band for a ring.” Woah. Yeah. That was something they were doing, wasn’t it? Tony still couldn’t believe it. “I’d have to take it off when I’m working with dough and some other things.” Loki stretched languidly, then settled back down against the pillow. “And I’ve been wanting a new tattoo for a while now.” 

Tony waited a moment to see if Loki would elaborate. “Can it be a tramp stamp with my name on a heart that’s on fire?” 

Loki smiled, which only brought attention to the snot on his flushed face and his blood shot eyes. “No.” 

“Pleeease?” Tony nudged Loki with his foot. “Please? And maybe some barbed wire with it?” 

Loki’s hand curled around Tony’s foot and squeezed. Tony yanked it back. That was a no. Loki dropped his head down against the pillow, rolling onto his side a little more. A slow smile tugged at his lips. “And I was thinking since I’d be removing my band a lot, maybe I could just—tattoo a few lines there. Maybe an abstract pattern or something.” Loki’s eyes darted to him. “Is that,” he asked, brow furrowing, “too cheesy?” 

Tony realized his eyebrows were way up, but it was just because he hadn’t expected Loki to say that. Loki frowned, obviously about to take it back. “What? Are you kidding? Lo, my dick’s half hard just at the thought of it.” 

Loki smiled, closed lipped, but the skin around his eyes creased with the motion. “This whole time I’ve been thinking that I’ve been missing out on some of the best sex of my life.” Loki truly looked put out. “I really want to suck your dick right now.” He sniffled, the sound thick and wet. Tony unconsciously crossed his legs.

“Yeah. I’m going to have to pass on that.” 

Loki pouted, twisting his head back towards the laptop. A wheezing cough rattled him a moment later. 

Tony shook, holding in a laugh. Just the way Loki was being so blunt about it, coupled with the way he was sulking so openly, was amusing. He should probably check what was in Loki’s cough syrup, though. 

Loki watched the show for a minute more before turning back towards Tony. “What kind of ring do you want?” 

“Oh,” Tony said. He hadn’t thought about it yet. “I want something gold, but if you want silver…” Tony twisted his lips to the side, thinking. 

“They don’t have to match,” Loki said. “I want something I can wear. You should get something you like.” He squeezed the pillow tighter as he angled his body more towards Tony. “Besides, I really can’t see you being happy with a plain silver band.” 

“Yeah. Uhh—well gold, but maybe with a stone in the middle. A square ruby or something. And maybe the metal could be indented, like a line in the middle.” It was kind of exciting to think about actually. “I want it to be classy, but I want it to be kinda flashy too, you know? I want it to have some bulk to it.” 

Fuck. It’d be weird for all of his employees to see his band. There’d probably be a little bit of something about it in the press. Tony didn’t really want to have to expose Loki to that. He’d kept himself out of the press mostly this time around too, scarred by the years when Obadiah had been in the background of his life and he hadn’t thought much of the consequences of sleeping with a reporter or two. 

Loki smiled at him. “That sounds very you.” 

Tony felt kind of warm at the thought of seeing that band on his fingers everyday. “Let’s go pick them out when you’re feeling better.” Loki rolled back towards his laptop, seeming content. “Hey, uh, so—how soon do you want to—get this thing going?” 

The pillow dipped beneath Loki’s fingertips. “I don’t want to tell my parents for a while. Eventually I do, but the only person I want to know right now is Thor. And Jane,” Loki quickly added. “And I—want to get rings. But—what about you? How soon do you—?” 

“I want to tell my friends,” Tony said. “And with the press it’s kind of going to be a shit show, so I don’t exactly, like all I care is that my friends know.” 

“A shit show?”

“Like—” Tony sighed. “I don’t know. I guess I could throw out a press release and be done with it.” 

“We don’t have to rush,” Loki decided. 

“No,” Tony said. “We don’t.” 

For a moment they laid there, Loki watching his show again while Tony sat unaware of the smile curling up on the corner of his lips. 

“Hey,” Tony said. “Could I come with you? When you get your tattoo?” 

The answering grin from Loki was absolutely divine. “I’d be insulted if you didn’t.” 

Tony was going to have a hard time waiting for that. Loki started coughing, then had to sit up with a hacking fit. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He grabbed one of the water bottles that Tony had placed on the nightstand.

“Why don’t you go take a shower?” Tony suggested as Loki chugged the bottle down. “It might make you feel better.” 

Loki set the bottle in his lap. “Yeah,” he decided, putting the water on the nightstand and crawling out of bed. When he stood, a bit hunched, he looked worse than when he’d been in bed. Loki didn’t say anything as he grabbed a pair of boxers and disappeared to the shower. 

Tony dropped his head against the headboard. 

The room had that sick smell. Tony pulled himself out of bed. He changed the sheets because they seriously needed to go. He set Loki’s laptop on his nightstand, wondering how he could possibly convince Loki to update to some Stark tech that was at least from the past year. He was pretty used to the laptop at this point, but moving it reminded him. Then Tony threw the pillows back up against the headboard with new covers and went down the hall to find some extra throw blankets. 

The shower was still running. Tony decided that he had time to go downstairs and make another cup of tea for Loki and eat something himself. 

 

When Tony came back upstairs, Loki was under the covers with his laptop balanced against his thighs. “Better?” Tony asked. 

Loki patted the spot beside him. “Watch something with me.” 

Tony got into bed, pulling back the covers. He hadn’t expected for Loki to drop his laptop in the middle of the bed and plaster himself against Tony’s chest. One hand curled into Tony’s shirt, clenching the fabric so it sunk and pulled taut against his chest, while Loki rested his head beneath Tony’s chin. “Lo?” 

Tony combed Loki’s wet hair to the side. “You okay?” 

“I just want to make sure that your immune system has the opportunity to build up a tolerance.” Loki started to laugh, but it was broken by a cough. Tony wrapped an arm around Loki and firmly held him to his chest. He was starting to worry about this cold. 

“Brat.” 

A cough interrupted Loki’s answering laugh. He reached out and hit a key to start the show again. 

It wasn’t long until Tony realized that he’d nodded off against Tony’s chest. He sighed, resting his chin against Loki’s head and closing his eyes. 

He didn’t know how he’d gotten to be this god damn lucky for the rest of his life. 

After a few minutes, Tony carefully eased Loki down into the bed and pulled the covers back up over him. He set the laptop on his side of the bed within reach. Then he turned out the lights, taking a moment to appreciate Loki’s sleeping face against the pillow like the sap he was turning out to be. Tony grinned, imagining how his would react when they shared the news. 

 

Tony went downstairs where he could take phone calls until four, when he caught Loki trying to go downstairs. “Are you kidding me?” Tony asked, blocking Loki from the bottom of the stairs. Loki was clutching the handrail like he might fall off. “What do you need? Get back up there.” 

Loki closed his eyes, eyebrows pinching downward. “I can get my own dinner, Tony.” 

“You can’t even adjust your eyes to the light down here! Get back up there, Loki.” Loki blinked his eyes open, but apparently didn’t think the fight was worth it. He turned around and took one heavy step back up. “What do you want for dinner?” Tony called after him. 

“Mac and cheese!” Loki wheezed out. 

Tony waited until the stubborn pain in the ass made it back up the stairs and he could hear him pass the creaking bedroom door before he started for the kitchen. 

 

Loki picked at the cup Tony brought him like before. Tony told him about his day until Loki dropped the cup on the nightstand. He slumped down, rubbing his face against the pillow. “We’re already setting dates for how we’re going to reveal the new model.” 

“Mhmm.” Loki’s eyes were closed, but at least he was pretending to listen. 

“Maybe I’ll do a dramatic on stage reveal,” Tony said. 

Loki grinned. “You’d like that,” he mumbled. 

“I’m going to let marketing figure it out though,” Tony said. “I let them plan the events and I just show up.” Tony waited a moment to see if Loki would prod him to say more. Loki didn’t move. He looked passed out, one hand limply holding the pillow beneath his face. Quietly, Tony stood, careful not to let his weight jostle the bed. This time he went to work in Loki’s room, sitting on that ratty old couch with the door propped open so he could catch Loki’s next escape attempt.

 

The following morning, Loki was awake when Tony’s alarm went off again. He was fully dressed this time though, and was buttoning his shirt as Tony turned the light on. 

There was still a flush along his face, but he was moving at lightning speed compared to yesterday. “You feeling better?” Tony asked. 

“Much.” Loki pulled his hair back with a ponytail holder that had been clasped between his teeth. “I need to make sure no one pulled any shit while I was out.” He sniffed, his nose still making a raspy, wet sound.

“If you need to stay home, I’m sure it’s fine—”

“I feel better,” Loki said. 

“But you still sound sick,” Tony argued. 

“You do not understand the nature of a kitchen. No one calls in sick, ever. Were I to be in a regular kitchen, I’d already be given shit about taking the day off for the next six months.”

“That is a terrible business practice,” Tony said dryly. 

Loki straightened his collar, listening. He turned back to Tony with more compassion. “I’ll just stay in the office today. I won’t handle any food.” He looked off to the side, thinking. “And if I need to, I’ll come home early,” he said reluctantly. 

“And call me,” Tony added. 

“I do not need you fluttering about, spoon feeding me mac and cheese,” Loki lectured him. “You’re worse than Thor!” 

“Looks like somebody isn’t getting their mac and cheese cup,” Tony said, getting out of bed. Loki was fine. Clean bill of health right there. Loki scowled at him. Tony smacked Loki’s ass as he walked by. 

Loki went to grab him but stopped as a cough caught him. “Call me,” Tony said again. 

“Fine,” Loki said loudly. “I’ll call you.” His voice did sound a lot better than yesterday. 

When Tony came downstairs after his shower, there were some scrambled eggs and a bagel set out for him. Loki had scrawled on a sticky note beside them about leaving for work early and saying goodbye. 

Tony appreciated the gesture, but all the same, he was having toaster waffles this morning.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy/relieved with the feedback on the last chapter, so please enjoy these two nerds working out a common cold and being happy. <3


	31. Chapter 31

It took a few days, but by Friday Loki had pretty well recovered. Tony had yet to be sick. Every morning Loki would suspiciously eye him as he got out of bed, sometimes waiting even though he was dressed and ready to go downstairs for the chance to observe how Tony was feeling. Nothing. He was completely fine. 

On Saturday morning, Tony found himself sitting at the kitchen counter in a barstool, watching Loki take a mug out of the cabinet. Loki rubbed the sleep from his eyes, walking over to the pantry. He’d woken up a while after Tony. “Why are there so many cans of soup up here?” Loki asked, pushing them aside to dig in the back for a new bag of coffee. 

“I didn’t know how long you were going to be sick,” Tony answered. He took a sip of his coffee, scrolling through a news page on his tablet. 

“I wasn’t _that_ sick,” Loki said skeptically. He peeled open the brightly colored bag. The coffee machine chimed as Loki flipped through the settings. Tony read through a few more pages before glancing up. Loki was leaning back against the counter with his arms crossed, waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. 

“Hey. When do we want to start telling people?” Tony asked. Loki didn’t even have to ask what he was asking about. Loki tilted his head to the side, thinking. 

“I want to tell Thor and Jane first.” The coffee maker beeped. Loki leaned off the counter, the waistband on his pajamas bottoms slouching down on his hip. “Is it alright if we tell them first?” He turned to grab his coffee. “I figure once we tell one person it’ll get around, and I want us to tell them.” 

Loki had a point. Tony didn’t have a problem with making sure that Thor found out from Loki first. “Yeah, that’s fine.” Loki took a new carton of creamer from the refrigerator. “But when? I want to tell Bruce.” 

“Well I,” Loki pushed his hair behind his ear. “Was hoping to get the rings first. Then tell everybody.” 

Suddenly, Tony’s chest felt lighter. Loki had talked about the design, but Tony had been afraid that Loki would balk or drag his feet at spending money on them. He was relieved that Loki really was on board with getting rings. That he was looking forward to it and talking about it.

“Why don’t we go look today?” 

Loki spilled coffee creamer as he pulled the plastic tab off too forcefully. He blinked at Tony, then went to grab a paper towel. “Today?” 

“Yeah. Why? What do you have planned?” Tony asked. 

“I—” The tiniest blush hit Loki’s cheeks. If he hadn’t been so naturally pale, Tony would’ve missed it completely. Loki smiled to himself, screwing the plastic cap back onto the creamer. “Would like that,” he admitted. “Today I’d planned…” Loki grabbed the carton of creamer and stuck it back in the refrigerator. 

“Planned what?” 

The refrigerator door thudded shut. Loki picked up his mug. “To make up for the fact that I haven’t gotten laid since we decided to do this,” Loki said, trying to be casual and cool about it but failing miserably. He hid his face as much as he could with a sip of coffee. 

“You’re the one that decided to get sick,” Tony teased. 

“Right. I just penciled a cough and feeling like shit into my calendar,” Loki said. 

“Don’t forget the mucus,” Tony added. Loki scowled at him, but it was ruined when Loki broke halfway through, smiling at Tony in amusement. “But really, why don’t we go out and look at rings this morning?” Tony asked. “Then we can have the whole afternoon to ourselves.” 

“Okay,” Loki agreed easily. He sipped his coffee, leaning his hip against the counter. It was nice to see him so happy. 

Tony clicked his tablet off. “Why don’t I go and get ready now so we can go soon?” He sauntered over to where Loki was standing. Tony slid his hands back around Loki’s waist. He slipped his thumbs in past the waistband of Loki’s soft pajama bottoms and used the band to yank him forward an extra couple inches and bring their hips flush together. Loki fumbled to set his coffee down. He caught himself on Tony’s shoulders. 

Tony grinned up at him. “What’re you—” Loki started. He hadn’t bitched about the bit of coffee that had spilled on the counter, so Tony knew he was in the clear. 

“Nothing,” Tony said. “Just appreciating that you won’t be coughing on me in the next five seconds.” 

Loki licked his lips. “We could just go shopping in the afternoon—”

“Then the stores’ll be busy.” Tony wrapped his arms around Loki, swaying them while resting his chin on Loki’s chest. His soft brown eyes were bright, reflecting the contentment he felt. “I’ll get ready now.” 

“Tony,” Loki said, voice low and throaty. He bent down and Tony allowed one kiss, one good fucking kiss that made his toes curl and body flush with heat. 

Loki’s eyes were still shut when Tony pulled away. “I’d better get dressed.” Loki blinked. Tony stepped back, trying not to laugh at how Loki’s gentle, besotted expression turned into an indignant scowl. 

“You’re a fucking tease, Tony Stark,” Loki scolded him as Tony walked away backwards, beaming cheekily at him. Loki sneered at him before picking his coffee back up, a few drops splattering back down onto the counter. “You’ll be lucky if I put my hands on you once the rest of the day,” he preached. 

Tony only laughed, turning around just in time to avoid smacking his face into the doorframe. 

“Fucker,” Loki grumbled as Tony left the room. 

 

When they pulled up outside the jeweler’s, Tony noticed that Loki was wringing his hands together in his lap. “Nervous?” He asked. 

Loki glanced up at him. “No.” He popped his car door open. “Let’s go.” 

Tony followed him in, trying not to read too much into Loki’s quick, anxious steps. 

A bell chimed as they came in. A saleswoman looked up from the case. It was a rather small showroom, but they only catered to the high end and Tony had bought from them before. “Can I help you?” The saleswoman asked, chipper and bright eyed. 

“We want to look at rings,” Tony said. She immediately shot off into a long list of cuts and finishes. “A plain silver band,” Tony stopped her. “And I was thinking something gold, with a ruby in the center?” Her heels clicked as she hurried over to a spot on the far side. She unlocked the glass case, withdrawing a tray of silver rings set in velvet cushioning. 

“They’re all polished sterling silver, and you can see that the designs can include rounded diamonds with scrolls that compliment it, or have a gold accent—” Loki selected the simplest one in the set. “That’s a wonderful choice,” she said immediately, changing tactics. “It comes with a lifetime warranty and an extended service plan.” Tony didn’t hear the rest of her sale. 

His breath caught as he watched Loki’s long finger slip into the ring. Loki tilted his hand from side to side, the mellow lighting catching on the polish. A million emotions hit Tony at once, crashing into his chest like he’d slammed on the brakes. “What do you think?” Loki asked Tony, but it was clear from his voice that he wasn’t impressed with it. 

And now that Tony thought about it, it didn’t look like much. “What about something with a bit of a design on it?” Tony tried. Loki set it back, taking one that had geometric pattern. 

“It doesn’t match what I had in my head,” Loki said, taking it off immediately. 

Tony didn’t like watching him take off the ring to place it back in the set, but he didn’t think much of the rings offered either. 

“Why don’t you try on one of these?” The saleswoman suggested, selecting one with a heavy band of diamonds on it. Loki humored her, but it was obvious that he was unimpressed. He glanced at Tony, and Tony knew from the look in his eyes alone that he’d be making fun of this ring like mad on the car ride home. 

“Do you have anything in gold, with a ruby in the center?” Loki asked, putting the tacky ring back. The saleswoman took out another set of bands, but it was obvious that none of them were going to match what Tony wanted. 

Tony tried one that had several diamonds on it anyway. The same feelings bubbled up in his chest as when he’d watched Loki, but this time he was ready for them. It felt good. He liked the solid weight on his finger. 

Loki smiled at him, reassurance coming across loud and clear. “Do you like it?” 

Tony reluctantly took the ring off. He liked having it on, but it wasn’t his style. “No,” he said. Loki didn’t seem surprised. “It’s not what I had in my head either.” 

“We can also make custom rings,” the saleswoman said, sensing their disinterest. Loki immediately perked up. “We offer a wide variety of bands and materials, and you can set nearly any stone that you’d like. They come with a lifetime warranty and extended service plan as well. Would you like to take a look at our design catalog?” 

“How long does it take to make them?” Loki asked. 

“Six to eight weeks,” she answered. “It’s one week for the initial design phase, and at the end of the week we’ll send you a design to proof. If you approve, we start the process right away.” 

Loki turned to Tony, frowning. 

“I think we’ll just look around for a bit,” Tony told her. She tried to get them to look at something else, but Tony easily sidestepped the offer. Loki walked back out with him to the car. “Well that was disappointing,” Tony said, once they’d gotten inside. 

“Six weeks is too long,” Loki said. 

Tony’s hand hovered over his seatbelt clasp. “Are we going to tell everyone now?” It wasn’t like they’d agreed on a hard deadline for this. He didn’t think six weeks was awful. 

“No,” Loki said. “But—I want them now,” he admitted. 

Tony studied him for a moment, trying to decide what to say. Loki kept his gaze set on the floor. “I don’t know if we’re going to find exactly what we want today,” Tony said. “Even if we do, we’ll probably still have to get them sized.” 

“I guess we need to try somewhere else,” Loki said. He was trying to be lighthearted about it, but it was obvious that he was disappointed that the first place had been a bust. 

Tony had no idea what’d been wrong with the first ring Loki had seen. He couldn’t imagine that something that simple could be that different somewhere else. 

“Babe, if you just want a plain silver band, I could make it for you,” Tony said. He was kind of saying it off the cuff, but he’d been thinking it as he’d looked down in the case. Next to the things he regularly made, a wedding band should be easy, especially if Loki wanted a simple one. He hadn’t expected for Loki to turn to him with the closest to puppy dog eyes that he’d ever seen on Loki. 

“You’d—do that?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, meaning it suddenly. Fuck, he was not going to say no to that face. “I mean, it might take me until the end of the week to get it right, but I could do it.” 

“Can you make it so the shine isn’t so garish?” Loki asked. 

“Yeah,” Tony said. So that had been the reason. 

Loki combed one hand through his loose hair, looking down, probably so Tony wouldn’t notice his smile. “Did you want to go look at another place?” 

Tony drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. It probably was going to be difficult to find the ring he’d kind of gotten his heart set on. “You know what? I’ll make them both,” Tony decided. “If I design them in the lab today, I could get the materials in before the end of the week and get started on them. How soon do you want to have them done?” More than anything, Tony just wanted to get a sense of Loki’s timeline.

“It doesn’t have to be a rush order,” Loki said. “I just—want it to be, you know?” Loki said. “Not—thinking about it.” 

Tony turned to look at him, but Loki was staring down at his hands in his lap and picking at a finger nail. “Loki,” Tony said. “You know I want to get married, rings or no rings, right?” When Loki lifted his head to look at Tony, eyes guarded and uncertain, Tony knew he’d hit the mark. He reached over and grabbed one of Loki’s hands, callouses sliding over Loki’s soft skin to slip between fingers and squeeze tight. “If we get them today or get them ten months from now, I’m not going to change my mind. I meant what I said.” 

Loki’s lips parted a fraction, but then his gaze slid back down to where their hands were linked. Tony felt a faint squeeze back. “I want it for me too, though.” His teeth slid over his bottom lip, draining the soft pink beneath. “I know my parents aren’t going to approve, and I—” He was having a hard time articulating it, although Tony wasn’t certain what it was. “It’s a big step, and I know it’s just a ring, but I—would like to wear it.” 

“Because you want your parents to see?” Tony asked, guessing that it was a big fuck you to them. 

“No,” Loki said. He shook his head slightly. “I’m in no rush to tell them.” He took a breath, eyes darting as though in thought. “I don’t want to be in limbo getting the rings, sizing and resizing and who knows what the fuck else we’d have to do with them. I just—want them.” 

“You’d feel more settled,” Tony guessed. 

“Yeah.” Loki seemed relieved that Tony had been the one to name it. A wrinkle appeared between his brows. “You don’t think we’re rushing into this?” 

“No,” Tony shrugged. “I mean, I guess it doesn’t really feel real yet—” Well it sort of had, when he’d seen the ring on Loki’s finger. But he’d made the decision to jump, and that’d brought its own sense of security. “—But you know what you said about us being in the serious stuff for a long time now?” Loki was watching, listening attentively. “You’re right. I, Lo, I meant it when I said I can’t imagine my life without you in it anymore. You’re a huge part of my life, and if we want to snag some of the legal benefits that go with that, then why the hell not, you know?” 

Loki pressed his lips together.

“Do you think we’re rushing?” Tony asked. 

Loki shook his head, seeming more at ease. “No.” He rubbed his nose. “I think you’re right with what you said about us being committed to making this work, and I already know you’ll stick with me through the shitty parts.” Tony rubbed his fingers in little circles on the hand he was still holding. “And I’ll feel a hell of a lot better knowing we have the legal recourse.”

“What would you say to getting home and getting started in the lab?” Tony asked. 

“Yes,” Loki answered, smiling at him like Tony had lifted a weight off his shoulders. 

Tony let go to put the car in reverse, wrapping his arm around Loki’s seat closer than was needed as he looked back over his shoulder to pull out of the spot. He caught Loki’s eye as they started forward, matching the grin on his face. 

 

When they got home, they went straight down to the lab. Tony felt like a kid again. Loki was helping him with the designs, pointing things out and contributing ideas. It was different than when he was assisting Tony, asking questions but generally following along with Tony’s instructions. This felt like sharing a hobby with his best friend. 

“Hey,” Tony said when the mockup of Loki’s ring was decided on. Loki was standing behind Tony’s computer chair, leaning over against the back with his arms wrapped around Tony’s shoulders. “What if you put something on the inside? I could inscribe something.” Tony’s fingers flew across the keyboard. 

Loki squinted at the date. “Last week? What’s that—?” 

“When we decided,” Tony said. 

“I don’t need the day I got a face full of phlegm immortalized on my ring,” Loki said, sounding amused. Tony couldn’t help smiling, but he was serious. 

“It needs something, Lo. Right now it’s just a textured band of metal.” 

“I don’t see anything wrong with that,” Loki said. 

“Lo, you know if it was my choice, I’d make you wear a big fat ring with a huge ass diamond on it.”

“Well, my mother’s friends would all be jealous,” Loki said. “It would be bigger than theirs.” He gave Tony a sly, knowing look. “And you know you wouldn’t really want me wearing that.” 

He craned his neck up and back to get a better look at Loki. “I want you to wear a diamond that’s so big and heavy you have to drag your arm around behind you.” Loki rolled his eyes. “Seriously though, this one seems too easy.” 

“I don’t want food getting into the crevices,” Loki said. “I want something that I can actually wear.” 

“Well what about our initials?” 

Loki hummed, thinking. “Or what about the pattern you’re getting on your tattoo?” Tony suggested. “Have you figured out what that’s going to look like?” 

“No,” Loki said. “But it’s going to be abstract.” He rested his chin on Tony’s head. “I like it as it is.” 

“You’ve got to do something to it, Lo. How’s it going to be a wedding ring if it’s just plain? I don’t want you to settle for something that’s subpar.” 

“It’s going to be made by you, Tony,” Loki reminded him. “That’s enough.” 

It took Tony a second for that to hit him fully. “Lo,” Tony said, fondly drawing out the name. “I think that’s one of the cutest things you’ve ever said to me.” 

“Well then I hope you have Jarvis running his recording function,” Loki said dryly. Tony frowned. He didn’t. Loki’s hold on him tightened, calling back his attention. “Let’s work on yours.” 

That was easier. Tony’d been imagining it enough that he barely had to think about it. “Do you like it?” He asked Loki, holding his breath. It was a gold band that would perfectly fill the space between knuckle and palm. In the middle, an indented line gave the ring a greater sense of intrigue, and the square cut ruby he’d placed was just the perfect size so that it wasn’t too small or gaudy. 

“I think it’s perfect,” Loki said. Tony let out his breath, sinking back into the chair. 

“I’m going to order the stuff we need right now,” Tony said. Loki watched as he placed his orders, slumped against Tony. He didn’t get worked up at the prices. One hand absently traced little patterns against Tony’s shoulder and collarbone as Loki’s warmth seeped into him. It was nice. 

Tony wanted to ask when they were going to tell Thor and Jane, and suggest that they throw a party at their house to announce it to their friends, and ask about Loki’s parents and what about their honeymoon because he sure as hell was taking Loki somewhere nice, and could they maybe do something small for the ceremony? But he didn’t want to pop the bubble they were in. This was nice. He could wait. 

“Is that everything?” Loki asked. 

“Why?” Tony asked, staring at the search bar. “Were you thinking of something that’d be better suited for our bedroom?” 

“The couch in here smells like oil and grease,” Loki said, standing up to his full height. His hands gripped Tony’s shoulders. “And I don’t want to hear you bitch that one of your experiments got knocked over.” 

“That was one time.” 

“And yet I’ve heard about it five times,” Loki answered, patting Tony’s shoulders. His thumbs kneaded into the tired muscles of Tony’s back. 

“The lab’s not really conducive,” Tony mumbled in his defense. He was touchy about his lab. Loki was the only person besides Bruce that he’d ever let inside. Loki’s hands stilled. 

“Upstairs, then?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, rising from the chair. 

“Tony,” Loki purred. Tony turned around, unsure of what to expect. “If you want,” Loki said, playfully brushing a couple fingers along Tony’s shoulder and towards his neck. Tony already knew he was being mocked. “I’ll wear your little friend.” 

“Stop calling it that,” Tony said, eyes bugging wide. He darted his hand back to swat Loki’s ass. Loki laughed. 

“So that’s a no?” He asked coyly, laughing eyes half hidden by long eyelashes. One hand slid down Tony’s side, toying with him. 

“I didn’t say that,” Tony mumbled. He started for the door, stride long and fast. Loki had to pick up his feet to catch up with him. 

“Tony,” Loki cooed, catching him by the waist and pulling him flush against his chest. His cold nose pressed to Tony’s neck. Loki began to shake, holding in a laugh. 

“We’re starting with that blow job you’ve been promising all week,” Tony said. He couldn’t help it, Loki’s grip holding him made him feel wanted and loved and he was kind of melting into it. “And,” he added, trying to sound in charge despite the way he was letting Loki hold his weight now, “you’re going to leave your hair down.” 

“Fair enough,” Loki said. Tony dropped his head against Loki. He couldn’t see him too well from this angle, but his chest felt warm and content.

“Hey,” Tony said. “What if whoever gets to the bedroom first gets to decide what we do after that?” 

“Deal.” Tony was dropped like a hot soldering iron. 

Naturally, the long legged bastard won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve decided that I want to do the wedding arc from both perspectives, either altering chapters or mixed, but we will get to the drama with Loki’s family. Let them enjoy this fluff bubble. :)


	32. Chapter 32

Tony heard the door click as Loki came into the lab, followed by the steady beat of his steel toe work boots on the hard floor. Tony didn’t look up. Wheels skated across the floor in one swift sound as Loki pulled the spare computer chair up beside him. “Lo,” Tony warned, trained on his work. He angled his shoulder to hide the ring he was working on from Loki’s view. 

“Tony.” The chair groaned as Loki spread out in it. “I know exactly what they are going to look like. I designed them with you, remember?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “But you haven't seen them finished yet.” 

“Are they finished then?” Loki asked, excited. 

“No,” Tony said. “I’m still working on them.” Tony turned back to look at him just as Loki rolled his eyes. “I’m going to make you wear safety equipment,” Tony threatened. 

“You never wear the apron I gave you,” Loki said. 

“Totally different level,” Tony answered. And that apron was a joke anyway. He’d just keep stealing Loki’s aprons or letting his shirt get dirty when he helped in the kitchen. 

Loki craned his neck up, stealing a glance of Tony’s ring. “You’re getting close to being done.” Tony made a noncommittal sound, trying to work again. “I thought you said mine was close to being done. Where is it?” 

Tony pressed his lips together. It was practically done, but he still thought he could get Loki to go with an engraving of some sort. As it was, he’d already made Loki’s ring as nice as he could while fitting the design. “I said close,” Tony said. “Not done. I’m still working on it.” If his hands hadn’t been currently working, Tony was certain that Loki’s hands would’ve been all over him, demanding an answer. 

Instead, Loki drummed his fingers against the chair’s armrest. “You’d better not be thinking of what you’re going to add to mine.” 

“What?!” Tony cleared his throat, mortified at how his voice had cracked. He tried being hyper focused on at what he was doing to cover. 

“You have that look on your face.” 

Tony struggled exceptionally hard to not move. To not give himself away. But he was already caught. A soft breath fell behind him, maybe a laugh or a sigh, Tony couldn’t tell. He needed a distraction. “Hey,” Tony said. “When’re you going to get your tattoo?” 

Loki dropped his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes. “When I know I’ll have some down time and can let it heal well.” His eyelids fell back open as he stared up at the ceiling. He was relaxed, answering Tony’s question with comfortable patience. “I don’t want to get blowout or fading, but that’s fairly likely on a finger. The skin there is thin and trying to keep it still while it heals is a pain.” He tapped a couple fingers against the armrest. “Plus it’s going to hurt like a bitch.” He glanced at Tony with a thin smile. “But it won’t take long to do.” 

Tony hadn’t realized what an inconvenience for Loki it was going to be. It took him a moment to answer. “Yeah, but. Don’t you need to reserve a spot with someone? Doesn’t it take a while to get in?” He assumed that Loki was going to see someone that had a waitlist. It didn’t seem like Loki would be the kind of person to just walk into a shop and try his luck. 

Loki smiled at him, sly and amused. “How do you know that?” 

It definitely wasn’t because he’d been channeling his excitement into researching the process online. Definitely not. Although he’d apparently neglected researching finger tattoos specifically. But he knew there were waitlists and such. “I don’t know,” Tony said, playing dumb. “It just seems like it.” 

If Loki didn’t believe him, he didn’t challenge him. “I know someone that’d slip me on their schedule without a problem. We used to work together.” 

“Oh.” Tony didn’t even know what question to ask first. Was this like a good friend, or…? 

“He left the kitchens to tattoo full time,” Loki said. Maybe Tony’s thoughts were showing on his face because Loki’s grin got slyer. “He’s not an ex.” 

“I didn’t—” Obviously, Loki was allowed to have exes, but Tony was cut off before he could say so. 

“Where’s mine?” 

“Your what?” 

“My ring.” Loki leaned to the side, trying to peer around Tony. 

“It’s not done,” Tony whined. He shoved Loki’s thigh, but that turned into holding it instead. “Stop pestering me.” 

“I didn’t know I was so obtrusive,” Loki said with zero remorse. Tony pouted at him. 

“Go.” 

“I want to watch you make them,” Loki said. 

“You have been,” Tony said. In fact, Loki had been in the lab throughout a lot of the process. Tony had been spending most of his nights in the lab after work with Loki.

Loki crossed his arms, ass firmly planted in the chair. Tony already knew what he was going to say. “Why can’t I stay?” 

“Fine,” Tony relented. “Just, if I tell you that you have to wear safety equipment, you have to.” 

“When have I not,” Loki answered dully. 

Tony squeezed his thigh before letting go. “I think I’m going to engrave I love Tony Stark in all caps on top of yours.” 

“Hence why I need to stay in here,” Loki answered, shaking his head and fighting off an exasperated smile. 

 

It wasn’t until a few days later that Tony decided that he was completely finished with them. He’d been so excited that he’d called Loki in right away, and only realized as he was standing there waiting for Loki that he could’ve come up with some presentation for them other than just having them sitting out on the table. 

The door swung open as Loki walked in, trailing the scent of baking chocolate with him. Tony held his breath as Loki approached the table, feeling slightly like a child about to present his first science project. This was way bigger though, of course. Loki’s eyes lit up the moment he spotted them. He stood right beside Tony, so close Tony could hear the pattern of his breathing. His head was turned towards the table like he couldn’t fully believe what he was seeing. 

“You—” Tony said, hurrying to pick them up since Loki didn’t seem to know if he was allowed to. “Here.” He grabbed Loki’s limp hand, pulling it forward. Tony set the rings in Loki’s palm, heart beating fast. “I made sure that the edges were all smooth, and it’s tough, it won’t break—”

“It’s perfect.” Loki turned them over in his palm, really studying them. 

“Do you like them?” Tony asked. 

“They’re both perfect,” Loki clarified. He smiled at Tony, and it was the kind of proud, adoring smile that filled a place in Tony that had never gotten praised enough. With Loki standing so close, admiring his work like it was the greatest marvel on earth, Tony couldn’t have been happier. He just wanted to bask in it. “Shouldn’t one of us propose?” Loki asked. He spoke softly, but there was a gently teasing edge to it. 

“I, like, down on one knee and all that?” Tony asked, his heart doing somersaults. “Normally I’m used to being down on both knees with you.” 

A low, amused laugh came from Loki. His warm hand grabbed Tony’s, taking Tony by surprise. Loki held Tony’s hand close to his chest, setting his own ring back down on the table so that he could fully clasp Tony’s ring between his fingers. “Do you promise not to leave your shoes where I’ll trip over them and to stop sneaking bites out of things you know I’m bringing to work?” 

Tony hadn’t actually thought that Loki knew he was doing that. Loki laughed at his deer in the headlights look. “It’s fine,” he reassured Tony. The laughter stayed in his eyes, mixed with immense fondness as he watched Tony. If Tony had ever doubted that Loki loved him, it was gone now. “Do you want to get married?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, a little breathlessly and all too aware of how Loki’s hand was holding his. “I made the rings, didn’t I?” He said, trying to ignore the heat on his cheeks. 

“Then let’s do it,” Loki said, sliding the ring onto his finger. It was warm from Loki holding it, and even though Tony had tried it on a thousand times while he’d been making them, this time felt different.

Loki kissed his forehead, cradling Tony’s head as he did. Tony swayed in the motion, eyes glued to the ring on his finger. Loki’s grip in his hair tightened, and Tony felt a weight on his head where Loki’s own was resting. 

Tony stared at his hand, trying to wrap his brain around the realization that this had become a reality in his life. Never, not even once, had he thought this could be a possibility for him. He’d always assumed that Howard would force him into something advantageous for his business, and then later on that he’d be a playboy until his luck ran out and no one wanted him anymore. But he’d picked Loki, and he was so god damn happy with Loki, and it was real. This was real. Not just something that happened to other people. How the hell did he get so lucky? 

He realized that Loki had let go and picked his own ring up. Tony grabbed Loki’s wrist before he could slip the ring on. “Do you,” Tony said, taking Loki’s ring, “promise to stop sticking your cold feet on my back at night and stop hiding snakes and other shit in my shoes when I leave them out for you to trip over?” 

“Yes to the second,” Loki said. “No promises on the first.” 

“I think I can live with that,” Tony decided. He looked to Loki’s fond gaze for reassurance. “Let’s get hitched.” He slid the ring onto Loki’s finger, catching how Loki was smiling at him as he did, elated, and mirroring it. Tony marveled at how right the ring looked. It fit with the styling of Loki’s black shirt sleeve and tattoos, complimenting them in a way that an elaborate ring wouldn’t have. Loki’s hands slid in around his waist, pulling Tony in. It took Tony’s brain a moment to catch up with the kiss greeting his lips. 

Tony broke his rule about no sex in the lab (not for the first time) and Loki didn’t complain once about the motor oil smell of the couch. It was the slow, deliberate kind of sex that was so intimate for Tony that it was on a knife’s edge between painful and mind blowing, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way. Afterwards they laid there, Loki’s weight safely pinning him to the couch and keeping him grounded while Loki’s face was buried in his neck. 

Tony combed his fingers through Loki’s long hair, mind nowhere but the contentment of Loki’s breath drifting against his chest in the same rhythm. 

Then he noticed that somewhere between motor oil and sweat and sex, something seemed a little burnt. He breathed in deeper, Loki’s body rising and falling with him as he did. No…that smelled like something was burning. He didn’t have any open flames in the lab. Tony craned his neck back on the couch to look around anyway. 

Loki jolted up, accidentally knocking Tony’s jaw as he did. “Sorry,” he breathed out, eyes wide and panicked. Tony smiled at him, rubbing the spot. A sharp pain jolted down from it. Loki scrambled off the couch. “I left the fucking cake in the oven!” He rushed towards the door, and if it hadn’t been so abrupt, Tony might’ve found it hilarious to watch Loki’s bare ass book it towards the lab door. 

Instead, he tugged his clothes back on and at least grabbed Loki’s pants before chasing after him. The smoke alarms went off as Tony was on his way to the kitchen. 

Loki had already thrown the windows open and was staring rather miserably at a burnt cake pan. “The one fucking time I forget,” Loki said. 

Tony frowned at the cake, trying to assess how bad the burnt lump really was. He hoped it wasn’t like, for a competition or using the last of some rare extract. “Was it something important?” 

“No, I was just—trying it out,” Loki said, combing his hand back through his hair. It was hard to believe that same face had been beautifully wrecked in orgasm just minutes before. Now it seemed like he might be on the verge of tears. 

Tony couldn’t tell if Loki was going to have a distraught breakdown or not. “Ehh,” he said shrugging his shoulders and extending Loki’s pants towards him. “The sex was worth it.” 

Loki smiled in acknowledgement of the joke, grabbing his pants. “Watch it,” he said. “I’ll make you scrub the burnt shit out of the pan.” Tony watched as he pulled his pants up over his naked hips with a little bit of longing. Deciding that they were past meltdown mode, Tony snuck his arms in around Loki and held him. Loki rested one hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t sink into it. Tony knew Loki was already preoccupied with cleaning up the mess around them. 

“We can go out and grab dessert if you want.” 

“That was my favorite pan,” Loki said. Tony rolled his eyes. Of course it was. 

“I’m sure you can use it again,” Tony said. Loki sighed, but Tony knew it genuinely upset him. “Or I’ll get you a new one as a wedding present.” 

That shut them both up. Weird. It was so new. They were really doing this. 

“It’ll probably be fine,” Loki conceded. 

“I forgot something too,” Tony realized aloud. “Shit. Okay, wait here.” 

“What is it?” 

“Just, not that big of deal, just something little I got. Wait here.” Loki didn’t seem happy about waiting, but Tony didn’t give him a choice. He hurried back down to the lab to grab the two small boxes from his desk drawer. 

The pan had disappeared from the counter and Loki was spraying the countertop down when Tony walked back in. It was weird to see him with a bare chest in the kitchen, but it didn’t seem to be stopping him. He wiped the countertop off with a paper towel, wearily noticing the boxes in Tony’s hands. “Here,” Tony said, extending one box out to him. 

Loki held it, expression guarded before he pulled back the lid. “With the way you work, I thought you might appreciate having something to hold onto it for you,” Tony said.

Loki held up the silver chain, delight cracking past his guard and lighting up his whole face. 

“I got myself one too,” Tony said. His was gold, but the same length and everything. “I figured I’d need one for working in the lab, and they weren’t that big of a deal,” he said, downplaying it so Loki wouldn’t ask about cost. He definitely didn’t add that he’d seen a badass snake ring with emerald scales and diamond eyes that he’d just had to get. He’d save it for Loki’s birthday. “So. Yeah.” 

“Thank you,” Loki said warmly. Tony hadn’t expected for Loki to put it on right then, but he could do nothing but stare in appreciation as Loki pushed back his hair and raised his arms as he did the clasp at the back of his neck. The silver chain was beautiful as it laid against his sternum, settling right in the middle. Tony had the feeling he’d be seeing it like this a lot. Loki left his ring on his finger but played with the end of the chain, smiling to himself. 

A sense of relief set in. With the rings done, and the cake crisis over, and the success of the chain, things were finally falling into place. Loki must’ve felt the same way too, because when he caught Tony’s eye they held one another’s gaze for a moment before breaking into a laugh. 

Tony’s sides hurt when he caught his breath. “I have to say, it’s weird seeing you naked in the kitchen.” 

Loki wiped his fingers under his eyes. Tony still wasn’t over the sight of the ring on his hand in the motion. “We’ve had sex in here before.” 

“Yeah, but usually you’re half dressed,” Tony said. “And nothing’s on fire.” 

“Except you,” Loki said in a mocking voice, snatching the joke before Tony could make it. Tony bit his lip, trying not to grin and slightly pissed that Loki had beaten him to it. “I think I want to wash the burnt smell out of my nose and the lab smell off my skin.” Loki grabbed Tony’s hips, setting his forehead against Tony’s. “And I think I may need assistance.” 

“Look no further,” Tony said, hands reaching down past the waistband Loki hadn’t bothered to button and grabbing that ass like he hadn’t just done so a little while ago. 

Tony went to bed that night the happiest he had been in a very long time. He fell asleep tangled up with Loki, still somewhere in a state of disbelief. They’d really made it here. The last thing he remembered was Loki kissing his forehead and muttering something endearing about keeping his feet to himself.


	33. Chapter 33

Maybe things would’ve gone differently the next day if they’d both just gone to work like usual, but it was Saturday. And somewhere after fantastic, lazy morning sex and a damn good breakfast, they finally got dressed for the day and went to start their less structured weekend routines. And somehow, that was all reality needed to slip in and shake them, the _holy shit_ s setting in again. 

Tony was trying to fix the automatic pool cleaner when his ring struck against the metal of it. Nothing was broken, nothing hurt. But he stared at the band like it was the first time he was seeing it. This was real. They were really doing this. 

And objectively, he was fine with it. He really was.

But holy shit too. 

What a huge fucking commitment. 

And he’d meant everything he’d said to Loki, and he wanted to. But still, holy fucking shit. 

His bachelor days were over.

Loki’s parents were going to kill him. 

He didn’t want the attention at work (really, as much as he’d act like it, he didn’t, not really) and he didn’t want the press to run with it. That was why he had a PR team, he had one, it was fine, wow. He was getting married. What if Loki didn’t like his tux at the wedding?

By lunch, Tony had kind of talked himself down, but not exactly. The kitchen counter was littered with ingredients when he walked in. “I made pizza,” Loki said. He gestured towards one that was missing two slices already. There was a hell of a lot more there than just pizza stuff. Tony chose not to say anything about it. 

“Thanks.” 

Tony ate at the table in silence, playing on his tablet while Loki’s mixer whirled away with batter. When Tony got up to leave, he saw that a tray of cookies was going in the oven. Loki didn’t taunt him with the dough like he normally would have. Tony didn’t try and mooch anything like he normally would have.

All afternoon they sidestepped one another. Tony finished up projects he’d been putting off around the house. He couldn’t work in the lab without remembering last night and starting to think about everything again. 

The one time he went in the kitchen to get a glass of water, there was a cake on a cooling rack and two dozen cookies stacked neatly in boxes that bore Loki’s company logo. Loki fussed with the oven and said nothing when Tony came in. Tony didn’t steal a cookie from any of the boxes. 

Eventually Tony ran out of projects and settled down on the couch, trying to watch TV. Naturally, his brain was honing in on every married couple. 

What if Loki’s parents said no and Loki went along with it? What if Loki picked his mom’s approval over him?

What if everything changed between them? Would things change? Would they still get along and have fun like they did now? Wasn’t it a common joke that old married couples were miserable and stuck together? Was that how it was? 

Loki wouldn’t lose interest in him, right? 

And he wouldn’t lose interest in Loki, right? 

And if they stayed like they were now, not married, then he wouldn’t have to worry about any of those things. 

Except not exactly, and he didn’t want fuck, he didn’t want to ever have that heartbreaking conversation with Loki about the what ifs of something happening to one of them again. He didn’t want that to happen to Loki. 

And he kind of really fucking liked the idea of getting married. 

To know that Loki was always going to be there and loved him enough to want to do it in the first place. And that he loved Loki and wanted the same.

Tony didn’t know what his deal was. 

He threw himself down against the couch in a heavy puff. 

Not five minutes later did Loki walk into the living room, carrying plastic containers that clattered with his steps. 

“I’m trying to watch something,” Tony grumbled from the couch. 

“Then watch it,” Loki answered brusquely. He disappeared to go upstairs before Tony could say something back. Tony rolled onto his stomach, nose peeking out over the top of the armrest. He waited. 

Loki came back empty handed, his apron covered in flour, a smudge of something across his cheek. He moved quickly, focused elsewhere. “You always make noise when I’m trying to watch something,” Tony accused from the couch.

Loki ignored him, disappearing into the kitchen. Tony sat up. He debated for a moment, then decided to follow. 

Loki had cleaned up a good deal of the kitchen. The cookies he’d baked were all neatly boxed on the far counter, along with a few more boxes that Tony was sure were filled with other desserts. There was a layer of chocolate frosting on the cake, and an assortment of tools beside it like Loki was intending to decorate it. Tony glanced at the table where he’d left his tablet. There was a single bag of granulated sugar sitting next to it. 

“You’re going to get shit all over my tablet,” Tony said, snatching it off the table. 

Loki had been at the fridge. He went very still, his hand hovering above the handle of the open door. “Nothing touched your tablet.” 

“There’s sugar right here,” Tony said, wiping the whole thing off on his shirt. Loki popped the handle with the heel of his palm, knocking it shut, his eyes dead set on the door in front of him. “You probably even got some in the ear jack.” 

“Bullshit,” Loki said. He had his hands on his hips, eyes ablaze, like he couldn’t even believe that Tony was accusing him. “Everything I’ve done has been over here. I just set that over there so it’d be out of the way when I was working. You know that.” 

“What I know is that I’m going to have to find a q-tip.” 

Loki scowled at him, but it seemed like he was going to drop it. Loki picked up a piping bag. “Why do you always have to make noise when I’m watching TV?” Tony asked.

“How often do you watch TV?” Loki asked, dismissively returning to work on his cake. 

Tony set his tablet back down. “I shouldn’t have to watch it all the time in order to have the right to watch it without you coming in and making a bunch of noise.” 

Loki abandoned the piping bag. “And how, exactly, was I making too much noise? Did I breathe too loudly for you?” 

“You were knocking those plastic containers around.” 

“You’re being ridiculous.” Loki yanked his apron strings, pulling it over his head and dropping it on the counter. “Why don’t you go watch your precious show if it’s so important to you instead of bitching about it to me?” 

“Because you’re not even sorry!” 

“I’m sorry,” Loki said, as flat and insincere as Tony’d ever heard. Loki took as much space as he could to steer clear of Tony as he moved to leave. “Enjoy your show,” he said as he passed. 

“Hey!” 

Tony followed after him. “Hey!” Loki was heading for the stairs. “I’m talking to you!” 

“Are you?” Loki shot back, jogging up the staircase. Tony thought he was going to go to his room, but he went towards their bedroom instead. 

“Loki!” Tony followed. Something about the pursuit excited him, like the high of getting into trouble, even if he thought he was angry. 

“What the hell do you want?” Loki spun back around in the hallway, holding his ground with a ferocity that made Tony take a step back. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re mad about.” His gaze burrowed into Tony. Tony almost wanted to take it all back, because he didn’t know. Not really. “If anyone should be mad, it’s me. I don’t what the hell I did or what your problem is.” 

“My problem? I just told you!” 

“What? That I was too loud for you?” Loki glared at him before whipping back around and marching through the bedroom door. Tony hurried after him, only to almost crash into him as Loki yanked off a flour splattered shirt and tossed it in a hamper. Tony’s heart skipped a beat as he recognized the chain, the ring placed perfectly against Loki’s bare chest. “And,” Loki said. “If we’re just bitching about things to bitch about them, you couldn’t even be fucking bothered to change the toilet paper roll in the bathroom! I know it was you. Only two of us live here.” 

“Whatever,” Tony answered. “You leave your fucking hair on the shower floor and I’m going to have to do the fucking plumbing at some point with all the hair that must go down there. And I don’t know how many times I’ve found a Loki hairball lying around!” 

“I’m sorry. Maybe if someone didn’t want to rake their fucking fingers through it all the time, I wouldn’t leave it down so much!” 

Tony glared at the tight ponytail Loki was wearing, remembering that Loki already knew how much Tony liked his long hair. He didn’t want Loki to cut it off and go super short. 

His blood pressure was skyrocketing, but Tony had a moment of crystal clarity were he recognized that the fight wasn’t a real fight at all. Tony knew he was being absurd, but he couldn’t really stop. “Yeah. Yeah I do. Is that a problem?” 

Loki’s breathing was heavier, but he didn’t look pissed in the way he did when he was truly upset about something. This was the kind of pissed that was reserved for slow traffic lights and things past their expiration date. “It is when you bitch about finding it everywhere.” 

“Well then don’t leave it everywhere.” 

“Are you saying I deliberately leave my hair lying around?” 

“Yeah! Why else would I find it all the time?” 

“That’s how hair works! It just falls out on its own! I don’t sprinkle it around the house for you to find like some fucking house elf!” 

“Well I wouldn’t know that from how much I find!” 

“How much could you possibly find?” 

“A lot. That long black curly hair isn’t from me.” 

“Do you honestly think I don’t find your hair, Tony? That I’ve never seen it before?” 

“Yeah, but you leave yours around on purpose!” 

“It’s just longer, so you notice it more easily!” 

“No! You leave it lying around!” 

“I’ll leave it wherever the hell I want, Tony Stark, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” 

“Yeah?” Tony had one hand on his hip, trying to be cool. Loki stepped in close. He deliberately looked down at Tony over the bridge of his nose, flaunting his height. Tony took a deep breath, chest broadening. 

Tony was expecting at least a few more quips before Loki grabbed him, but it didn’t go down that way. Loki caught his lips, all dominance and demand, fingers digging into Tony’s waist. Tony groaned in the back of his throat, running his hands up Loki’s ribs. Their mouths broke apart with a wet smack. “Get on the bed, you obstinate fucker.” 

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Tony answered. Loki’s hands braced against his pecs, Loki holding Tony’s stare down. Then Loki shoved him backwards. Tony had barely landed his ass on the bed before Loki crawled over him. With Loki’s weight bearing down on him and a tongue at the pulse in his neck, all Tony could do was let his head lull to the side, baring it for Loki. He wanted him so fucking bad. It took extra effort for Tony think of, then attempt to undo the button on Loki’s jeans. “Get these off. You’re being so fucking slow,” Tony said. 

Loki’s palms pressed Tony’s shoulders flat against the mattress as Loki sat up, rocking his hips in one slow, sinful undulation as he smirked down at Tony. “Today,” Tony choked out, throat dry. It only prompted Loki to repeat the motion, his smirk broadening into an arrogant grin. 

“Or what?” Loki asked. 

“Or I’ll die of boredom, that’s what,” Tony snapped. 

Loki let go of his shoulders to kneel just high enough to get his thumbs down into the waistband that Tony had undone, dragging his pants and boxers off in one tantalizing, slow sweep to his knees. The visual went straight to Tony’s cock. Tony propped himself up on his elbows. “You’re a showoff,” he said.

Loki dropped back down, kicking his pants off the rest of the way as his tongue found its way back past Tony’s parted lips. Tony sunk down against the mattress, digging one hand into Loki’s hair as he did, something clicking in the back of his mind that it was reassuring to know that Loki still wanted him. He yanked Loki’s hair free of the elastic ponytail holder. Then Loki’s fingers were sneaking up his shirt, and suddenly Tony felt it being pulled off of him. “Some warning would’ve been nice,” Tony complained as it passed over his head, just for the sake of complaining. 

“Shut up.” 

Loki went for his jeans without any fanfare, yanking them down Tony’s hips before Tony could catch Loki’s wrists. “Don’t I get to undress myself too?” Tony challenged him. Loki’s hands released the fabric they’d clenched around to ball into tight fists. Loki bit his bottom lip, eyes calculating but wild, playing the game just as much as Tony. Loki tested Tony’s grip on his wrists. Tony’s hands swayed with the motion. Tony was uncomfortably aware of how close to his dick their hands were having this battle. “Well?” 

There was a shift in Loki’s expression, and though Tony couldn’t figure out what it was exactly, his stomach tensed. At least his body knew he was about to lose on this one. Loki’s weight dropped comfortably, his hands going limp. “Yes,” he said calmly. “You do.” 

Tony held his breath in suspicion, slowly releasing Loki’s wrists. Loki didn’t move. One hand cautiously went to his pants to finish the job. 

“Nu-uh,” Loki chided him sweetly. He grabbed Tony’s pants and yanked them back up, not bothering to hide his amusement when Tony winced at the zipper grazing his dick. “You,” he said, tucking Tony’s dick back in his boxers, “are going to make an effort.” He primly zipped Tony’s pants back up and buttoned them, patting the button condescendingly once he was done. “Since you’re such a master of showmanship,” he said, cocking his head to the side a bit as he stared at Tony, lips pressed together in what was undoubtedly him suppressing a laugh. 

Tony pulled his legs free of Loki and sat back on the bed. “Oh. So now you want me to make a show of it?” 

“I don’t think you _can_ ,” Loki said. The corner of his lips twitched up.

Loki folded his arms, knocking his ring in the motion. The chain swayed side to side between peaked pink nipples. Tony tried to ignore the fresh arousal that stirred, instead concentrating on how much he wanted to wipe that smug look off Loki’s face. 

“Bullshit. You’ve seen me do it plenty of times.” 

“Have you?” Loki asked, feigning ignorance. “I can’t remember.” 

Tony scowled. His cock wasn’t exactly happy about being confined, either. “Yeah, and I can do it better, you stuck up bastard.” He unbuttoned his jeans, swaying his hips as he started to pull them down. He flashed the trademark charm that had gotten more than a few people into bed with him. Loki had built an immunity. Tony started to tease his pants off, but it felt fucking absurd when both he and Loki were on a tightrope between cracking up and bursting into another argument. Tony wasn’t winning the upper hand here. Not when Loki was sitting on the bed next to him, entertained.

“Fuck you, I’m not playing this game.” Tony ripped everything off in one motion, flinging them off the bed. 

“You can hardly fuck me when it takes you a year to get your pants off,” Loki muttered. 

Tony yanked off his socks, balling each one up before throwing them at Loki. They smacked him in the chest. “You fucker,” Loki swore, launching forward and pinning Tony to the mattress again. Tony moaned, unable to hold back when his dick was getting the friction it wanted. “I am sick of your shit,” Loki said. “You are a bratty child, you—” Tony caught Loki’s head with both hands as he pressed their lips together. Loki’s mouth stayed open a moment, his soft breath drifting against Tony as he went still and compliant for a moment. 

Then Tony’s tongue was teasing its way inside, one leg swinging over Loki. Tony felt a pleased moan in his mouth more than he heard it, Loki shifting appreciatively against him. Tony tangled his fingers in Loki’s hair, grinding his hips as Loki’s hard cock found his trapped between them. Tony didn’t think he’d last long like this, but he felt like he was in competition with Loki. He writhed against Loki, pulling the hair he’d been bitching about as he moaned like he hadn’t been fucked in years. Suddenly a hand wedged between them, found his nipple, and twisted. 

It was enough of a surprise for Tony’s grip to slacken and actually allow for Loki to pull away. “What the fuck?” Tony demanded. 

Loki’s face was flushed, his breath as harried as Tony’s. “Where—is the lube—?” He glanced behind them, eyes a bit hazy and mouth slack. 

“Let me up, I’ll get it from where I left it—” Loki moved off just enough for Tony to leverage his position, seizing the opportunity to flip them and pin Loki to the bed instead. Loki stared up at him wide eyed, hair haloed around his head. 

“You—you _devious_ —”

“Like you’re the only one with tricks?” Tony gloated, finding Loki’s wrists. He brushed his thumbs against the pulse there, content to see Loki’s eyes flutter shut a moment with the motion, his expression softening. “I’ve learned a thing or two.”Tony ducked his head, grazing his teeth against Loki’s neck before biting him. Loki bucked against him in reply, groaning. 

“I—” He breathed out. “Am doubly sick of your shit now—” 

Tony kissed the side of Loki’s face, pleased at the twitching smile that brought. “Are you?” Tony asked. 

“Yes.” Loki looked so goddamn beautiful beneath him, arms trapped beside his head by Tony, his chest panting beneath him. 

“Well that is just too bad,” Tony said. “Because I’m not done—” He hadn’t been playing close enough attention. Loki broke free of his grip, wrapping his arms around Tony’s back. Tony set his jaw with chagrin for a moment, then decided to use his newly freed up hands to cradle Loki’s head. Loki’s eyelids lowered halfway, watching Tony with unspoken provocation as he pulled Tony in. “Shove it,” Tony said, going for a kiss to silence those clever lips before they could start. He rubbed his thumbs against the soft skin behind Loki’s ears as Loki rose up to greet him. Nails dug into Tony’s back, leaving pink stripes that warped and stretched as Tony moved. 

Loki gasped, tilting his head far back against the pillow and only making his neck that much easier for Tony’s mouth to reach. Just barely, Tony could make out Loki’s hurried breathing over the heartbeat in his ears. Loki groaned as Tony’s tongue found the soft hollow between his collarbones. “Are you—ever—going to—” One of the hands on Tony’s back tightened in a reflex, its grip bordering on painful. “Get the— _Tony_ —” Tony repeated the motion, immensely satisfied when Loki thrashed against him, pulling Tony down harder and crying out. 

“I thought—I told you—to quit telling me what to do.” Tony nipped at the juncture between Loki’s neck and shoulder, avoiding the chain. 

Loki’s eyes were unfocused as they tried settling on Tony’s face. “It seems I—have to, when you’re being—” He moaned, twisting his hips against Tony. “So stupid.” 

“Don’t call me stupid, stupid.” 

Loki managed to roll his eyes, but his entire face was flushed, like Tony’s. Tony stopped for a moment, propping himself up just enough for them to hold eye contact. For a moment they just stared at each other. 

Then, ever so slowly, Loki’s tongue peeked out from between his lips, eyes daring. 

The little shit was sticking his fucking tongue out at Tony. 

Loki’s eyes got brighter, amusement growing as he watched Tony’s expression change to disbelief, and then Tony was holding in a fucking laugh as Loki started to shake, then laugh, and Tony just fucking lost it. 

Tony was laughing so hard that he was crying. He wiped tears from his eyes, shoulders slumping as he looked down at Loki’s contented face relaxing against the pillow. “I don’t know what I’m so fucking mad about,” Tony gasped. “I’m not mad. Your hair isn’t that bad. I don’t really find it everywhere.”

He stared at Loki, fondness rushing back in. 

Loki brushed a sweaty clump of Tony’s hair back from his forehead. “It’s just a lot to take in,” Loki said. 

“Yeah. It is.” Fuck, how did Loki get that? He was awesome. 

Both of Loki’s hands raked through Tony’s hair, cradling his head. The look he gave Tony was reassuring, letting him know the spat was forgiven. “Now are you going to fuck me or am I going to have to get out the laptop and the box from under the bed?” 

“I can’t wait,” Tony admitted. He took them both in his hand, noticing belatedly that it happened to be the one with his ring. Immediately, he looked to Loki, who seemed to have realized it too. Tony started to switch, but Loki’s hand wrapped over his. 

“Just fuck me,” he said, like he was giving instructions on how to set the oven timer. 

His fingertips slid down the tendons in Tony’s hand before the grip tightened, imploring. 

It took nothing more than a couple tugs for them to both come, the tension draining out of Tony, leaving him way more wiped out than usual. He sat there for a moment, catching his breath. 

Loki stared up at him, head rocking a little on the pillow with him catching his breath too, a darker flush set on his cheekbones. “Are we good?” Loki asked. 

“Yeah,” Tony said. He bent down so he could catch Loki’s lips in a kiss, so much gentler and tender than before. “I love you, Lo.” 

“I love you too,” Loki said beside his ear. Suddenly Tony wanted to cry. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and sitting back up. He was fine. Loki’s fingers brushed over his thigh, then began to rub back and forth at his knee. When Tony opened his eyes, Loki was staring at the rumpled bedspread. 

Tony stretched his arms, noting that yeah, he could still feel where Loki’s hands had clung to his shoulders. “Hey,” he said. Loki glanced up. “You want to get get cleaned up and go watch a movie together downstairs?” 

Loki raised an eyebrow. “You’re not going to yell at me if I make noise during it?” 

Tony smiled a bit bashfully as he scratched the back of his head. “No. I—yeah, sorry about that. You don’t really make noise.” 

“It’s okay,” Loki said. “Although I did mean what I said about the toilet paper roll.” 

Tony grabbed the hand on his knee, lacing their fingers together. “Hey,” he said, swinging Loki’s arm a bit with it. “Give me a break.” Finally he got a grin out of Loki. 

“Yeah. Okay.” He started to sit up. “And you’re making popcorn since you started all of this.” 

“Fair enough.” Tony paused, remembering the boxes of cookies downstairs. “What were you making today?” 

Loki rubbed his forehead. “Cookies and cupcakes.” 

“Why?” 

“Probably for the same reason you fixed the sensor on that light after five months.” Loki rolled his shoulders, sitting up straight. “You can grab one of the boxes. They’re not for anything special.” 

Tony squeezed his hand before letting go and getting up. 

It wasn't until they were settled on the couch downstairs, a blanket over them and too much food set out on the coffee table, that Tony fully relaxed. Loki slid in against his side, resting his head on Tony’s shoulder. Tony tugged the blanket up on them a bit further.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew that years from now he’d still want this.

  
  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give a huge, loving shout out to everyone that commented along the way on this fic. You’re entirely the reason this got as long as it did (and is continuing!) and I love sharing with you. This is the end of the story exclusively from Tony's POV. I would love to hear what you thought of it, and I hope you’ll enjoy the next installment! 
> 
> I've decided there'll be some alternating between point of view in the wedding arc. It begins [here.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10397817/chapters/22960311)


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